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Hanari Carnes · **02-15-2019, 07:24 PM**

Part of being the TV Champion was being a presence on the air, a face the people see everyday, that they can associate with a title and with a show.

The face of Saturday Nights.

Hanari was just starting to get used to this role, it had been two weeks now. Before this, the only people who WANTED to talk to him were the females at the club. Now, everywhere he went, he had cameras in his face.

Hanari wanted to win this title because his entire life he tried to be a good person, the best person he could be anyway, and he was given nothing. Everything he did he had to earn. With his new found fame and popularity, he also had new found fandom. Everyone was reaching out to try to be Hanari's buddy, his amigo, and the fanmail was getting a bit riduculous.

He did feel, however, that ne needed to learn to be more in touch with the fans in the United States since he was going to represent them as their Television Champion. So Hanari took to the streets, and offered a meet and greet before the Savage Event. A few college aged kids approached him, wearing what he assumed were "cool" clothes in millenial American society. They were all smoking those vape pens, or whatever that is called. They didn't vape in the Dominican.

"Ayyyy Hanari! Champ! Whats good fam!"

Is this how the American youth spoke? No wonder they were 27th in the world in education.

"Amigos!" Hanari said, "¡Cómo estás!"

"We good fam, we good!"

Stop to take a vape puff.

"We sooooo good homie!"

Stop to exhale said vape puff.

"We just wanna say how much we think you kick ass dude! We were so sick of that robotic Mastermind. Walking around like a zombie and shit..."

Kid does his best Mastermind impression...

'I'm going to master your mind!'

His arms were out like a Frankenstein impersonation.

"Shit was drab dude, you are so much cooler!"

Hanari smiled, trying to follow the teenagers lingo and fast paced hand movements.

"Tu tambien" he said, smiling.

Hanari posed with the teenagers and the belt, giving a thumbs up as they blew vape smoke, essentially blurring their faces to, you know, be "cool."

Hanari had went through the line, and met a lot of people. Hanari then noticed a group of people coming up to him wearing red hats that said MAGA. Red was his favorite color. He smiled.

"¡Hola! ¡¿Como estais chicos?!"

These people were not nearly as cool as the previous few people he met in line.

"First of all, this is America 'essay', and you need to learn to speak English."

Essay? Did they not know that Hanari wasn't Mexican? Did they assume everyone of Spanish descent was Mexican?

"Chu guys are funny, I do speak Inglés".

They rolled their eyes.

"What Hanari wants to know es why es chu in Hanari's meet an greet line if ya only gonna be negative! Is chu being forced to meet Hanari?"

Another MAGA had person stepped up. "No, we are here to tell you that we love your energy, we love your skillset, and we love your composure but there are rumors swirling that you aren't an American Citizen....."

Hanari cocked an eyebrow.

"Hanari es not a citizen....chico.....literally stepped off the plane from the Dominican and won my first match."

"Also, stop speaking in the third person. Learn English! Also, its an American belt. We have no problem with you trying to make a life for yourself outside of that shithole country you come from, but you should not be taking a title opportunity away from tax paying American Citizens!"

It was at this point that the security at the event stepped up, but Hanari held up a hand and shooed them back.

"Amigos....Hanari es who Hanari es. That es what make Hanari so great. Not everyone gon' like Hanari, but it es people like you who give Hanari a bad name. Jessalyn Hart try to make Hanari look stupid last week.....and this week Jessalyn gon' pay for it. Jus' like the settlers who founded chur country, mang, Hanari feels his destiny es to get the gold an keep it all for himself. Hanari es a capitalist, just like chu es, but Hanari understand' that chu only have haters when chu have fans! So, Hanari gonna do what Hanari does and beat Jessalyn......and when Hanari does, he gonna throw another fiesta at da hotel. Come by if chu wish. The more the merrier!"

The MAGA people walked away disgusted, saying things to themselves like 'they wouldn't be caught dead doing that' and 'I don't even think I'm going to watch Savage, there is no way Jessalyn of all people is beating him.'

Hanari shake his head, but through it all kept a big white smile on. The only thing white about him was his smile. Maybe that was a bond he could share with people like that.

After a long day, Hanari sat down to sign some autographs. People were still trying to talk to him. He had one college kid tell him he was going to "explode that grenade", which made Hanari uncomfortable. It had to be explained to him that a "grenade" in 'cool' American lingo was a really ugly chick.

It was also unnecessary explained to him that some 'extra cool' people from New Jersey used this term and to 'smush a grenade' meant to fuck said really ugly and or fat chick.

So, Hanari had to make sure he exploded her, not smushed her, because the thought of that second option horrified him worse than Hurricane Irma coming through did a year before. He wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick.

Hanari signed his last autograph of the event, and stood up and waved. He had so much to learn! So many new words to process! Apparently, he had a grenade to explode.

Whatever the fuck that meant.

Ahh, America.

"Hanari no deserve a party? Why not? Hanari jus' beat one of de best TV Champions this company has seen. A man who hold his title for half a year, mang. What have chu done, besides be a pain in Hanari side? Every big win deserve a party, its the Caribbean way. Win battles, wars, hell, even card games, we celebrate. Thas' jus what we do, and Hanari change for noone, mang. I win, I celebrate. Shame on chu for tryin' to look down on a good time. Chu no fun havin' ass.

Chu say this is a workhorse title, and Hanari agree wit chu. It is a title that only tha tough can win, and the even tougher can hold. Thas mos' likely tha smartest thing chu say ever here, Jessalyn. Dumb name by the way. Get a better name, mang. Jessalyn no a sexy name.....chu need a sexier name.

Anyway.....

Chu make a good point. It does prove who the best on Savage be, and anyone can see dat dat person es Hanari. Hanari es proud of the titles chu won, but you no longer have dem titles and if you were good enough chu still would, right? The X-Treme Title es a workhorse title, too, mang, as you can get pinned for dat there title in ya goddamn living room. Or while taking a shit! Or while banging a hot mamacita! What chu point, chica? Chu held a title dat requires chu to be a baaaaaaaaad hijo de puta, and chu lost it....TWICE. Chu mention winning the belts, but you never tell us how long chut held them for, eh?And the tag team title, chu had help, chica. Hanari es not dissing the accomplishments, cuz winnin' a title es hard to do an tha' bes' feelin' in the world, but chu cannot tell Hanari he no deserve it when chu may be the last deserving person on tha active roster. Chu mention winnin' dem titles, but never mention disappearing from anybody memory in between an' after dem, did cha? No. Cuz chu es jealous, chica. Chu see Hanari come in, perfec' hair, perfec' body, perfec' smile, and take the TV title from a hermano wit a strangle hold on Savage. Where was chu? Did chu beat Mastermind? Did chu take hes title?! Did chu do ANYTHING besides interrup' Hanari celebration cuz chu suck too much to have one of ya own? No, chu did not. Stay in ya lane, niña, cuz Hanari not gonna allow chu in his!

After chu lied to everybody within' earshot abou' "winning" to get to where chu es at, chu mention somethin' very interestin' to Hanari. 11 years of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Does chu want a metal? A cookie? Maybe chu should have stayed in Jiu-Jitsu cuz it seem like chu have been a lot more successful der. Am I wrong? An' before chu want to get all tough talkin' on Hanari, jus' realize that every time chu do, you soun' dumb. If chu have experience in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, chu should kno' how to choke someone out. Chu say, and Hanari quotes"

At this point he does air quotes with his hands, the Spanish kind.

" And when you do finally wake up form me choking you unconscious the next words you will here are going to be...

And New Television Champion..."

"Jessalyn, if chu choke me out the right way, Savage will be long over by the time Hanari wake up! Hell, Hanari knows chu can't win a match but apparently chu can't shit talk right either, hermana. At leas' have somethin' to say tha Hanari cannot pick apart with simple logic. Estúpido.

Anyway....Hanari es out to prove that he es dey toughest man on dis roster and dey best on Savage. Hanari has been blessed with the opportunity to win, and now the opportunity to impress. I hope dey all bring they camera's because, Jessalyn, if chu wrestling like chu talk shit, this one es goin' to be over un rápido. Very quick."

Hanari snaps his finger then smiles into the camera with a wink.

"Chu think Hanari care if you are good wit submission? No. Hanari no care. All Hanari care about es that chu mouth gets shut and your place gets taken at de back of da line!"

He winks and points.

"Chu es right, chu ARE en establish' name here.......an establish' loser! And tomorrow night, Hanari gon' prove that!

VIVA LA HANARI CARNES!"

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