The first CIA agent to speak to Luca is resting in the chair that Luca was previously sitting in as the second helps himself to the small amount of food Luca has in his refrigerator. Meanwhile, Luca stares at the card that he was given in a sense of disbelief.

Was he really recruited into the CIA for capitalizing on the stupidity of one of its agents?

Was it really THAT easy? Luca knew it likely didn't take much, being that Toreno's a CIA agent too, but he assumed there was some kind of test or SOMETHING.

Or maybe Toreno was his test, and he passed with flying colors...

...Whatever it was, it was an offer he wasn't going to just refuse. Being a CIA agent would easily get him out of trouble with Heiman, who was scared to death of anything that was beyond the level of New York's Finest. Also, he assumed that none of his former "friends" had the balls to try anything on a member of the government.

Looking up and noticing what happened since he tuned out to the world around him, he sees Agent one taking a nap and Agent two gorging on a clusterfuck sandwich made of random ingredients.

"Woah woah woah, who said either of you could either of what you're doing? Do you think that being part of the super secretive government makes you above common fucking courtesy?"

"Jeez, mom! We asked you, and you just went back to staring at that card. Yes, it's real! Get over it!"

Scratch what Luca thought earlier, he really liked this guy. The other one however, seemed too much like Lenny. Agent two decides to look up and out the window into the hallway, and turns pale upon the mere sight of something.

"Roger, speaking of moms..."

Alas for the two "official" CIA agents, the person the second man was referring to had stepped into the apartment through the unlocked door.

"You were saying, Jackson?"

Luca's head immediately turned back over into the doorway into his apartment, and his eyes meet with the eyes of the woman who he could assume was their director...






The woman stands in the doorway, her eyes almost on fire as she glares at the man named Roger until he finally gets out of the chair. She continues walking through the short hallway into the main room of the apartment. Looking around the room almost condescendingly, she offers her hand to Luca who shakes it hesitantly.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Arzegotti. I've heard quite a few things about you."

Gulp. Luca's heard that phrase enough to draw a bit of suspicion at the meaning.

"Like what, ma'am?"

"Oh you know, the usual. That you're some kind of asset to us that our director wants to be on our side. I don't see what he sees, but then again I never do. Welcome to the team, I hope you're better than Toreno."

"So you aren't the director? Shit, why was I so polite to you then?"

"Don't press your luck, pretty boy."

"So, why don't I get your names? Y'know, since you all know mine."

"Roger Wilson, at your fucking service!"

The second agent finally looks up from his fucking sandwich and with a full mouth chokes out:

"Marcus Jackson, cocksucker."

Yeah, he definitely was exactly like Lenny. Fucking perfect.

Finally, the woman looks Luca in the eye with the same fire she was giving Roger moments prior. She steps forward and slaps Luca across his face before smirking at him.

"Catherine Dravich, call me."

She was a smart ass too? Luca could feel himself falling for the woman who just slapped him in front of his new teammates, his new friends.

So, Lenny 2.0, Mero 2.0, and Renee 1.5? As if having to turn my back on them wasn't bad enough, now I have people who are just like them in my life again? Fuck me. In the ass. With a rusty fucking spoon!

"Now, as new teammates, I'd like to ask all three of you something. Can you please get the fuck out of my apartment?"






A camera turns on, the only thing in its sight is Luca sitting in a recliner, eyes staring into the lens. In the background fun.'s "At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used to Be) is playing. He waits for a moment, letting the shock of Luca actually filming himself as opposed to sending tape recordings into XWF HQ subside. Finally, he opens his mouth, and the words of the self proclaimed King of the Douchebags begin to be heard in a live environment for a change.

"Being a dead weight cunt is bad. A PSA by Luca Arzegotti."

Luca stands up, and pulls something out of his back pocket. He unfolds it and places it in clear view of the lens. A picture of his tag team partner, Scott Charlotte.

"See kids, once you become a dead weight cunt, you're on the same level as Scott Charlotte. Now, as we all know NOBODY wants to be Scott Charlotte. There, PSA done."

He tosses the picture on the ground like a litterer does a piece of trash and looks back at the camera.

"Whoever's keeping score, just mark it down as Luca Arzegotti making his own partner look like a bigger fool than his opponents are capable of, yet again. Seriously, it's as if Soldier and Thraxx aren't even trying! C'mon guys, I could just trash you all day alone with ease, but it's a lot more fun when you trip over yourselves in an attempt at trying to look tough!"

Luca reaches n his pocket yet again and pulls out another picture. He unfolds this one and shows it off to the camera, it's Ann Thraxx!

"Bear with me here, I'm not used to the lack of intelligence that an Ann Thraxx promo brings.

I'm Ann Thraxx, and Luca Arzegotti is nothing but a fucking ! I mean seriously, that hairdo is more like a hairdon't, am I right? I'm going to kill him because I'm simply Deevil! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA get it? It's a play on evil and devil! I'm soooooooooooooooo clever, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Wrong! Honestly, who even gives Thraxx a mic anymore? All she can do is embarrass herself further at this point! No body, absolutely nobody takes her seriously anymore, all she is is Sarah St. James with more makeup than a five dollar whore anyway! Sincere Lee Wild is doing the whole gothic psycho chick thing A LOT better than you, Thraxx. Just stop trying...

Or don't, I always need a good laugh."

Just like with the Charlotte picture, Luca tosses the Ann Thraxx picture on the ground. He decides to pull one more picture out of his pocket. Can you guess who it is?

"Being a cliché is bad. The final PSA in this collection by Luca Arzegotti.

I'm Unknown Soldier!

Wait no, I'm Dante Kyllen!

I beat a whole bunch of people who aren't here anymore, and never have been in the ring as my opponent, so my bringing them up is rather irrelevant but I don't care!

I wanna drink Luca's blood!

BLOOD LUST!

SATAN!

Soldier, Soldier, Soldier. How you get perceived as a threat is laughable. Your record? A testament to how weak the supposed greats really were. You've beaten Sebastian Duke, but recently it was vice versa.

Sebastian Duke was the first man to pin Unknown Soldier, whores and pussies! That punchline writes itself!"

One last time, Luca tosses the picture on the ground. He looks back into the camera's lens.

One cold snicker later, his hand reaches behind the camera and presses the button that stops the recording.