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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Whacked On. Whacked Off
Author Message
Robert "The Omega" Main Offline
Active in XWF


WWW

XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
01-08-2019, 09:10 PM

:::::Whacked On. Whacked Off:::::


The two of ya’s got some explaining ta do.



The only thing Robert could detect was a cavernous Italian voice over top of him. Robert opened his eyes but couldn’t see anything. Complete and utter darkness.



Ah….. My head…. The fuck happened? I’m not sure if I have a hangover or if I was hit over the head. Jesus!



Oh look sleeping beauty speaks.



Robert feels a hand on his head suddenly pulling a black pillowcase from his head, without warning there was light. (Like really bright light) Robert immediately tried to shield his eyes by moving his hands but quickly realizing he was bound to a chair. He tried to see what was going on around him, but his eyesight was blurry. Everything was fuzzy as his consciousness continued floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Robert continues blinking trying to focus staring at a pair of leather dress shoes and the wood floor when he hears Drews voice.



Where in the hell am I? Why can’t I see? OH MY GOD I’M BLIND!



Drew you’re not blind!



Explain to me why I can’t see then Bob? I’m blind as a bat. All my other senses are heightened. I’m like Batman now!



Hey dip shit… Batman can see. Daredevil is the blind one.



Oh, excuse me Robert, I’m sorry I’m not some comic book super nerd like you. They both have horns and they’re both dicks! Speaking of dicks my spider sense is tingling!



Stan Lee is rolling over in his grave right now! God rest his soul!



Robert can see clearly letting his eyes roll up to the man entering the room, Robert’s puzzled for a moment wondering how Drew knew someone was coming. He then turns his attention back to a man walking towards them with each step across the word floor his dress shoes clacked while the floor creaked. The man was colossal wearing a dark suit as the two make eye contact Robert started grinding his teeth as he stops at a large oak desk where the Universal Championship has been parked, he looks amused pointing at the twelve pounds of Championship gold.



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This yours?



Robert remains silent as the man chuckles under his voice taking a seat behind the oak desk propping his feet up noticing Robert’s cigars. The giant man leans forward snatching one for himself all Robert could do was watch as the man stuck a cigar between his teeth lighting it with Robert’s silver Zippo beaming a hole through Robert.



I’ll ask again prick this yours?



Bobby? This guy got some balls huh? You know Bob here killed a guy?



Robert’s cigars were one of his true loves, they were his tranquility, his accomplice in crime his consistency. The only thing he could do was watches the man sprinkled ash across the oak desk each floating piece of ash was a moment of Robert’s life sheared away. The man again inhaled deeply, letting the sweet vanilla tobacco smoke seep passionately into his cells.



That belt… Those cigars… Are mine!



Oh, please forgive me for just helping myself! Do the two of you jerk offs know who we are?



A couple of creepy kidnappers? Do you have an ice cream truck with a mattress in the back?



Take that off his head. Jesus Christ it’s like talking to Hellen Keller.



The henchmen leans in ripping the pillow case from Drews head. Drew takes a moment looking around shocked he can see



Holy shit! It’s a miracle I can see!



Hey Ray Charles you were never blind. Now the man was speaking to the two of you, he asked you two miserable pricks a question and you best answer it.



Robert speaks without hesitation



Yeah, I know who you are, hell it’s not hard given the strong Italian accent. La Cosa Nostra!



The devil is in Rob, he’s speaking in tongues! Jesus no pun intended but I thought we took care of this in that temple..



Oh, no your friend is very correct. We are the MOB. Or Mafia. I’m one of the bosses.



I’m confused? Like Scarface? SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!



Da mob you idiot



Got ya! FREEDOM!



Everyone in the room looks at one another confused as the henchmen leans in towards Drew




That’s Brave Heart ass hole.. You say your friend here killed a guy huh? How so? Ice pick, hallow point in the back of the head?



Yeah….That’s how Bob won that twelve pounds of gold sitting on that desk there. He took a steel chair and hit a guy 20 times! Killed um dead!



Drew takes a breath



Speaking of death and killing people got me thinking. I’m about to fake my own death. I’ve been dating a single mom… Ugh… The worst part about dating a single mom isn’t all the low self-esteem and stretch marks. It’s the baby daddy. Now I’ve got no problem with the ones who have 50/ 50 custody, pays their child support and still chips in and buys her a pack of smokes. The ones who take the kids half the time and give us time to bang it out proper. The guy now gets the kids one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer and around Christmas. He’s in like the national guards of craptastic dads. Then this dick has the nerve to scream that’s my boy at the championship football game. Where was this guy when it was so cold my hot chocolate had frost bite in it? That’s my boy? Well if that’s the case why did I have to dig into my wallet and buy the kids mouth guard and his can of dip?



Your dating?



Yeah.. But to be honest Bob she’s not the side piece I’ve been looking for.



Jesus Christ… Let’s stay on track here huh. No one gives a shit about your problems. Keep it up and you might just end up sleeping with the fishes!



The henchmen points at Robert



20 times huh? That shit’s brutal.. That reminds me of the time I put Luigi "Baby Shanks" Manocchio on ice. I beat him to death with a lamp. So uh you’re a Champion or something?



You going to let your lap dog do all the speaking for you? Tell this old mother fucker to bounce while the big boys talk huh..



OHHHHHHHHHHH. You motherless fuck.



An older man is now in Robert’s face one hand on Robert’s throat squeezing with all his might and the other in the air with a fist white knuckle. Robert stays motionless staring across the room as the Mob Boss still behind the desk stared back with a gaze more fearsome than a tiger. In one hand a colt 1911 .45 caliber now laying loosely, his finger gently pressed against the trigger sending a bullet millimeter away from Robert’s face into the wall behind him with a bang that echoed throughout the room. His eyebrow raised in amusement at Robert’s reaction; nothing, not a flinch, not a single damn thing.



Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Let me know when you’re going to do shit like that!



Enough! Let um go!



Are you serious right now? Let um go? Listen no disrespect but these guys fucked up! There's an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth! We’ve got to show some force here. They stole a hundred thousand dollars last night. Not doing anything makes us look weak. Before you know it every prick under the sun will be trying to steal from us!



A hundred thousand dollars? Wait how?



How he asks? How? I’ll tell you how your little dip shit friend here decided to pick up our duffel bag in the restroom. That was for somebody else. So, what did the two of you do? You both got drunk and bet it all on a Rugby game! A game for queers. It’s either football or not and lost I might add.



Hey, here a legitimate question why would you leave a hundred grand in shit house? As far as I’m concerned that’s free money. I’d do the same thing again if I had the chance.



I’m going to whack him right here the disrespect these two are showing.



Suddenly Drew bends down unzipping the zipper of his jeans with his teeth Robert looks stunned as Drew looks up to the older man.



Da fuck you doin?



Your sending mixed singles here. I thought you just said you were going to whack me? So, I unzipped my pants for you! Jeez, make up your mind! Just trying to help!



Tell me you’re not serious? Do I look like I’m gay to you? Do I look like I take it up the ass?



The track suit, a gold chain, sun tan come on man! Slicked back hair. Rocket man ring a bell? I’m not sure if you are the pitcher or catcher.



Attento a come parli.



What did you just say?



Bob I got this one he’s speaking in the native language! Australian. He said he’s about to whack me really good! Make sure it’s nice and slow! I like it that way!


Are you sure? I don’t think he said that!



Positive! What else would George Takei be talking about? He’s warming up Bob!




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Cazzo! I’m going to whack um both right here!



Whoa, whoa, whoa pal. I don’t fish on that side of the boat. Plus you’d have to unzip me!



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The man pulls his pistol placing it in the middle of Drew's head



Drew I know there is a gun in the middle of your head and this is a life and death situation but if we are going to die… I’ve got to know how in the hell did you unzip your pants with your teeth bound to a chair? That’s weird



Drew starts at the pistol replying



Life or death? Gay people can’t kill people! It’s not in their blood! I’m double jointed Bobby. I thought you knew that?



You know some people get two ribs taken out, so they can go down on their self? Would that make that person gay?



No way Bob… Look at it this way. If you did do that…



I would never!



Okay… Hypothetically speaking. The person they would be making love too is their self. And if they love their self then it’s okay by God! The problem is the baby gravy. Hey, chief what do you do spit or swallow?



Drew looks up at the gun still planted firmly in the middle of his forehead. The man smirks pistol whipping Drew once across the face. Drew spits blood on the floor and begins laughing hysterically.



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ENOUGH!!! Let’s go outside and cool your head. These two are getting under your skin. I’ll walk outside with ya.



I’m fine!



No you’re not. Now let’s go. We’ll take five or ten and them come back.



Fine, but when I come back we need to kill these two pricks!



******The door slams******



We’ve got to get out of here. God knows what they are going to want for pay back..


Robert and Drew whispers to one another


If it’s anything to do with getting their money back they can whack me off right here. I’m serious. Finders keepers!



I’ve got the money man.. I’ll offer then $200,000 grand and see if they will let us walk. We don’t need under any freaking circumstance to be in debt to the God damn mob. This shit will never end. Plus, we’ve got a match coming up on Warfare. Were in a tag match for the Tag Team Titles plus The Universal Championship is on the line.. Winner takes all. We win those tag straps we become Triple Slams! We can’t just stay locked up and not show!



Ah, APEX rides again. Don’t feel the same with Jim being dead…. Look Bobby don’t get your panties in a bunch we’ll get out of here. The problem isn’t the mob.. It’s the backlash of having to beat up two women in front of the world. I’ll be dammed if we lose, period!



“The Midnight Dolls" Jessalyn Hart and Vita Valenteen…. These two beat Mc Dick Stick and Fat Boy Gilmour and now they run into this buzz saw. It really sucks to be them. I’m giving them both an opportunity of a life time. Here I’m willing to defend my Universal Championship for the second time in 30 days against two people. Hell, I even threw in if you get pinned by one of them they win The Championship. I’ve got no problem giving anyone a shot! Anyone if they can bring something to the table and if they deserve it. In this case these two have something to bring to the table.. Those tag straps. APEX cannot be a dominate stable without the Tag Team Championships!



Drew interrupts



Except CHRIS CHAOS. He’s got to earn his spot. The guy deserves a pink slip and a spot on the unemployment line. I really hope he watched last Warfare. But let’s be honest he’s most likely got his head shoved so far up his own ass he didn’t see it. If it’s not about CHRIS CHAOS he has no idea. Freaking moron!



Fuck CHRIS CHAOS! We’ve got something else to think about. You know you said something interesting about backlash. We thrash two women how is that going to make us look? Now days you get charged with harassment for hugging a woman and giving her a complement. Me too movement at its finest!



You know how many women we are going to have following us around protesting wearing pink pussy hats?



Oh, I know… Endless waves of bitching. What they don’t seem to understand is they have become so addicted to being hopeless victims, their sickness is their social visions, it makes them scared of choices but pro-decision? Makes tons so sense. It’s CHRIS CHAOS all over! Minus the pink pussy hat. He really doesn’t need a hat when he has one in his pants! He is so quick to march but he’ll never go the distance! The problem is everyone is way too sensitive about everything. People now days are offended to death. It’s all over kill. Everybody is mad about everything that has nothing to do with their life. Nobody wants to be real anymore. Besides us of course. Everyone's scared of how everyone feels. Fuck people’s feelings! Our society has become so ultra-sensitive and hyper-tolerant it’s sickening. If anyone says things that aren’t responsible it’d be you and me.



Bobby, these two want to get into the ring with the two of us it’s their choice. We cannot be responsible for what happens to them out there. You and I are built to do one thing, win and do it by any means. It’s just wrong place wrong time for them. They are going to get stuck in the crossfire and honestly that’s not our fault. There’s going to be collateral damage, there always is with us. What “The Midnight Dolls” need to realize stepping into the ring with us is like holding a grenade, pulling the pin and holding it hoping it doesn’t go off. That shit just don’t happen!



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Listen, those two are good don’t get me wrong. They’ve both accomplished some amazing things stumping Gilmour and Mc Bride…. Not so much! Stepping through the ropes against APEX is a whole different animal altogether. I will admit one thing for women they are showing the world they have balls! They need to up their game and do it quick or they are going to stand no chance in hell against the two of us. It’s going to be a hot knife through butter. They may be good but to beat us they are going to have to be great and I just don’t see it. We are on a whole other level that they have just not acquired yet. It’s no disrespect towards them in anyway. It’s just they are not there yet. Once we become Tag Team Champions we need to take the division off life support. From the darkness to the light. The division has been shit for a while now, it needs new life, a breath of fresh air and were going to be the ones to give it to the world at the expense of “The Midnight Dolls”!



******The Mob Boss Reenters The Room pointing at them******



I’ve got to hand it to the two of you. You’re smart. You took one of my best guys and broke him down under gunpoint. I have two foxes in my hen house. You both knew I would not let him kill you because you both owe me money. Now the question is how will you repay me.



Right…… We knew what was going on the whole time. How about we do this. I give you $200,000 thousand in cash and you let us walk out of here. You double your money.



The Mob Boss looks perplexed crossing his arms thinking it over for a few long moments



I like the offer… And under any other circumstance I would take you up on it….. But…. We need something else from the two of you.



Question big guy? Am I getting whacked off or what?



Is he being serious? Or is he trying to break my balls?



He’s had a lot of thematic brain injuries. What do you need from us?



There was a guy a few months back… He was supposed to do a job for us. This job never got finished and has cause us a lot of problems because it was never accomplished, the guy fell off the face of the Earth. But suddenly reappeared and did so in a big way, he’s meddling in our business all over the world now. Here’s what I want you to do find him, and them bring him to me dead or alive doesn’t matter. Do this your debt is forgiven…









Former:
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Longest Reigning Tag Team Champions in modern history. W- Drew Archyle & James Raven
Longest Reigning Hart Champion in modern history:280 days
2nd longest reigning Universal Champion :269 days
Tag Team Champions W- "Chronic" Chris Page as Cataclysm
Trio's Champion W- AX3
2020 May Superstar Of The Month
Winning Team Wargames 2020
Winning Team War Games 2019 W- APEX PROPHECY
2019 Feud of the year W- "Chronic" Chris Page
2019 Tag Team of the Year W- Drew Archyle & James Raven as APEX
Roleplay of the Month February 2019 "Junkyard Dog"
Leap Of Faith Winner 2018
July 2018 Superstar Of The Month
December 2018 Superstar Of The Month
December 2017 Superstar Of The Month
Winning Team War Games 2017 W- APEX
Mr. 24/7
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