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Chris Chaos · (08-17-2018)

This world is a strange one.

Some of the things that happen on this planet, all around us, every day, we can't even begin to comprehend. As humans, we are naturally narrow minded, and we fail to open our minds to the fact that there may be something else out there in the vast infinity we call space.

Space has always interested people but also frightened them. People tend to be afraid of things they don't understand, its kind of a human race past time. If we can't conqour it, or find a way to trap it, pack it and sell it, we tend to be afraid of it. Human's are such a simple species. But is there a more intelligent race than humans out there?

That is the $64,000 question. Many people claim yes, many people claim no.

Some people claim they've seen UFO's. The government has hidden websites documenting their existence. There have been several movies made about alien takeover of the little blue sphere called Earth.

But as you look up at the endless cluster of stars and planets, there is one thing that sticks out above the rest. Ozuul. A planet made up entirely of the extra-terrestrial version of West Virginia hillbillies. A planet loaded to gills with brother-sister fucking. Ozuul, a planet where the beings on it have inflated egos and brains like western omlets. Ozuul, a bright, vibrant star that stands out the brightest of pinks from the Hubble telescope lens.

We will never understand why Ozuul is the cess pool of the galactic map.

BUT,

There are many things we don't understand. Some people don't need sleep. For anyone out there who enjoys the subtle pleasures of a power nap, this is something people don't understand.

We Still Don’t Know How Many Species There Are on Earth

We don't even know half of them, honestly. Chalk it up to human laziness? We haven't even attempted.

We Know Dreaming is Important, but We Don’t Know Why.

Some say dreams can predict the future. Some say they are memories of a past life. Some are wet. Some say if you die in them, you die for real. After we die, do we live in a giant dream? We will never know, because we will be fucking dead.

Laughing: A Universal Language?

Most people do it when they are happy. Some people do it when they are nervous. It is widely regarded that laughing, no matter what language you speak, communicates comfort and support. It doesn't. Hitler laughed before he pulled the lever. Do we idolize him? Well, Nathaniel does.

Yawning Cools the Brain

It also comes about every time we are forced to watch an Azrael Erebus promo. For all his space-powers, he's pretty fucking bland.

Mosquitoes Like Some More Than Others
Blushing May Have Started as a Social Custom
What’s the Deal With Pubic Hair?
Kissing Isn’t Universal
Consciousness is a Puzzle That’s Ever-Changing

With all of these cool things down here, why would we bother to look into space? Why would we bother to expand our horizons when the alien representatives we do have are bigger tools than Tim Allen (see, see what I did there?)

Why would we care about a planet like Ozuul when there is so much cool shit down here to wrap our little brains around? Why do fat women wear two piece bathing suits?

Just another example that we’re just one small piece in a long fabric of evolution.

Long story short......nobody cares if you are a space man with powers...all anyone cares about is if their order is ready and their fries are super sized.

"Azrael, I am glad you took the time to hash out the rules of a win loss record when it comes to tag matches. I am happy you have the relative consciousness enough to know when a loss is a loss. I would slow clap but you've already embarrassed yourself enough. I also know that what happened last week with Queen Jenny has nothing to do with what is going to happen this week. Thanks for helping me out, I had nooooooooooo idea."

This time he slow claps.

"I think you have it in your mind that Jenny and I are the same person. We couldn't be further apart. They say opposites attract, and this is case and point. Jenny is reckless, she thinks she is above everyone else by natural selection, and everyone should bow to her. Me? I know who I am, and I calculate everything down to a T. Sure, I am a master of chaos, but chaos isn't always panic and disorder. Chaos can be, and should be, carefully planned. The more you talk shows just how little you really know about chaos. You see, Az, you don't want me to make "pussy, cop out, excuses" when it comes to losing when not getting pinned, but then you turn around and make those very same lame ass excuses about your win loss record. Were you deprived of oxygen at birth? Did your space buddies anal probe you too hard and now you're just a drooling figurine with glazed eyes and a pulse?

The Living Macaroni Necklace Said:I do wield more losses than wins currently, with the tally being 5 wins and 6 losses, but I also had a string of incredible fights, that you most assuredly would have lost too.

So, are we going to just ignore basic English Azrael? You don't want me to make excuses, but what the fuck do you call that? That is the equivelant of a team losing and saying "we tried hard but we were missing three players!". You still fucking lost. You say you want me to own it when a partner is pinned, well fucking own it when you suck then, too. You went out there and you fought your ass off, but you LOST. Ever heard the old addage that close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades? You need someone to throw a hand grenade in your general direction because being blown into bite size chunks is the only thing worthwhile for someone of your intelligence level. I thought aliens were supposed to be supreme beings, but you're talking like just another dumb American rambling about their "views' with no real backing besides an arrogant tone and sense of self entitlement that isn't earned.

All you did for an entire promo was demote yourself, bring yourself down, and set low expectations. This is someone we are supposed to take seriously? You didn't come back to accomplish the greatness you once had. So what did you come back for? To be a weapons-grade punching bag for the mid card talent as a quintessential "practice player"? I am confused as to why you set such low goals for yourself. Why would you not want to re capture greatness in a new era? Is it because you know you've lost a step? Maybe you set low goals for yourself because you know that Azrael Erebus is just here for the paychecks now but the skill set has crumbled like ritz crackers in a

hand. For your own entertainment? Jesus Christ, Azrael the charity case. You're the kid in little league who sucks but has to make the team and strikes out every fucking time but tells everyone its okay because you are still having fun. Meanwhile the rest of the team hates you because your a fucking tool and have no business being there. That is pretty much the status quo here, Az. You make the rest of us look bad, but is is okay, right, because you are enjoying yourself.

Fuck you and everyone who looks like you.

Jenny may have some plans for you, who knows, but all I know is that I am going to pin you in the center of that ring on HER show and prove even further that you and big matches aren't good bed fellows. Like I told Joachim, this is a big match because I am in it. Any time Chris Chaos is booked it makes headlines, it drives revenue. Whatever she says, that is on her. I am my own person, and I make my own promises. Nathaniel, a member of MY team, is the guest ref, as well, so what do you honestly feel like your chances are? You can claim until your blue in the face about how well you know him, but when the end of the day comes, he is EMPIRE. That is the beauty of us, we are three moving parts that all go our separate ways and come together when we need to. We all have the same goals in mind....domination. Jenny's is domination of Savage and her show, mine is to dominate the ranks of the XWF and be the most feared member to ever enter a ring. Nathaniel's is world domination. We all have goals. What is yours?

To have fun.

To entertain yourself.

To suck the life out of everyone around you because we break our backs having to carry your rotting carcass on ours.

Your goals are the McDonald's Ball Pit of life.

You're truly pathetic.

No wonder you can't get out of your own way. You talk to highly of our guest ref, but you fail to understand WHY he has stayed successful from back in the day and you've faded away like a suntan. He has that killer instinct. You have about as much of that as Peter Gilmour does testosterone. Virtually zero.

It is going to give me great pleasure to see an old "friend" of yours count you down 1-2-3 and further Empire's reign of dominance in XWF. It will give me great pleasure to see one of the Black Circle's old members count down another one and give Empire all the ammo it needs to finally kill the name Black Circle forever.

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