My cape flapped in the wind as I stood atop an old brick building looking to the street below. It's night, of course, and from the shadows... Blue Tango emerged, as he promised, to take back the city from the evil that has stricken it.

We're on the outskirts a bit, where the lighting isn't so fabulous and the thugs hang out. That was where I was going to start. The drugs. It only makes sense. I get through the drugs, it'll lead me to the hoes, which will lead me to the pimps, which will eventually lead me to the pedophiles that are ruining Hollywood. I had it all figured out.

I didn't come ill equipped. Along with my normal get up I bought a bullet-proof vest and this sweet ass rape taser. .... To stop rape, duh. It has a range of fifteen feet and contact stun for close encounters. Calypso ain't no dummy, bay-bay! And, mask and cape or not, I never leave the house without my trusty pepper spray. I also have a purple belt in Brazilian jiu-jistsu, so if worse comes to worst.... I'm rolling with somebody.

I've had my eye on this silver.... Long Car... I don't know cars. But it's been parked with some scabby looking guy for a while. He's just sitting in the drivers seat, car shut off, smoking cigarette after cigarette and flicking them on the beautiful ground. Nothing burns my ass more than a cigarette, man. Those things aren't biodegradable! They just pile up until they're sticking to the bottom of your brand spanking new LeBron's and have to go home and scrub the bejesus out of them. It's lame.

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a few shimmering lights. Three motorcycles cross the intersection without even stopping and all park across the road from the car. The man inside had watched them the entire time and pulled something from his glovebox when he had first noticed them and shoved it into his pocket. They each step off of their bikes as the man steps out of the vehicle and begins to approach them. They group together and begin walking across the road, as well, never removing their helmets, which fully concealed their head and face. The guy throws another cigarette down on the ground... Ugh. If there's no action, I'm going down there when this crap is all over and picking all of those up. Bullshit.

And I totally spoke too soon. The guy started saying something to the three and the one reached out with a stun gun and fried his ass! I wonder if that's the same model I have? The guy dropped right down to his knees and yelled out in agony. Once it stopped he held out his arms while the other two approached him with what looks like batons and just start beating the snot out of him!

"Ohhh, fuck.. What do I do, what do I do?"

I pull out my phone and... Shit. No signal. How is that even possible?! With the amount I pay I should have signal in the sewer...

The three bikers go to town on him for a bit, hop on their bikes, and leave. I should really go check on the dude. Or should I? Whatever the hell was going on here, it was definitely dirty.

Sigh.

But it's my job now. It's my job to dive right down into the dirty, disgusting pits of evil and swim with the bastards and bitches that bump in the night.

Sigh.

I wait until the three bikers are completely out of sight and scale down the building via the fire escape. I reach the street and carefully cross the road. Watching and waiting for any sudden movements or sounds. I approach the body and turn him over. He's out cold.

"Hey! Hey buddy!"

I snap my fingers a few times in front of his face. Nothing. I search around for what he stuffed in his pocket. This dude wore really tight jeans for his figure. And I don't mean that in a good way. I reach in one pocket and find his cigarettes and lighter. I pull them out and step on them and throw them into a garbage can a few feet away. I duck back down and search his other pocket and pull out a small envelope.

"Hmm?"

I think to myself as I open it and a small golden key falls out. It tings off the ground and bounces away from me. I quickly chase after it and pick it up when I notice a pair of headlights now, heading my way. I quickly replace the key in the envelope and the envelope in the guy's pocket before sprinting and pretty much diving into his car's backseat. Maybe not the smartest move, but quicky thinking and smart are still super-hero qualities that I'm working on. The car stops beside the dude out on the street and two men step out from the back and passenger side. They pick him up and drag him to the back where the trunk pops open and they toss him in. Jesus, guys, he's not dead. He looked like shit... but... At least I don't think he is?

"We'll take care of this. You take care of that."

The guy from the front seat says to the other pointing to the car. SHIT.

"What should I do with it?"

"Fuck do I care. The boss didn't specify. He just said get rid of that, too."

I can hear the dude grumbling as he walks towards the car. I'm totally screwed. I'm dead. Game over. And I have a title defend this weekend.... Man.. What to do? What to do!! The driver's side opens as the other car zooms away. The guy drops down in the seat and tries moving the seat back and squishes me. I make a murff noise and he looks back and sees me.

"What the?!"

He tries reaching back and misses me, but rips my cape! The scoundral! I open the back door and fall out from the backseat. He's up and out of the car as well and speed walking around it to get to me.

"Who are you?! What are you doing here?!"

He's a lot bigger than he looked in the car. I don't waste any time and pull my taser from off my belt and point it at him.

"WHERE WERE THOSE OTHER THUGS GOING?!"

I squeaked when I said thugs. The intimidating voice didn't stop him. The taser was going to have to. You had your chance, buddy. I pull the trigger and.... I miss. He grabs the cables and pulls the taser right out of my hands and it lands on the ground and shatters.

That thing was $400 dollars! What a piece of crap!

I scream like a girl as the stun gun is snatched from my grasp and I'm now being thrown through the air. I land, ribs first, on the car and roll off the hood and onto the ground.

"I said, who are you?! You cape wearing fairy! Why are you here?"

I take a second to catch my breath. The guy is right on top of me, but I manage to reach for my pepper spray. He lifts me off the ground with some incredibly amazing strength and holds me up in the air. I ask again...

"WHERE WERE THOSE OTHER.. THUGS.... GOING?!?!?"

I scream in his face with my raspy, Tango voice, while spraying and trying to breathe. I blast him in the face and he drops me to the ground and I slightly twist my ankle on the way down. He backs away, screaming in pain, while rubbing his eyes... I grab the taser of the ground and stun him in the ass! He jumps two feet in the air and hits the ground! I stand over him and place it on the side of his cheek.

"I'm not going to ask a third time."

He tries to look at me through the tears and puss boiling out of his eyes.

"Who--- Who are you?!"

I get down real close to his face....

"Blue Tango, fool. I'm here to wreck that ass."

I press the taser further into his cheek and scowl at him with my meanest look.

"Now, just wait a minute here. I can help."

"I DON'T NEED HELP! I NEED ANSWERS! WHERE WERE THEY TAKING THAT MAN?!"

The guy just looks at me blankly.

"DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

He shutters at the spit I must have spattered all over his face.

"That man? You mean Charlie Sheen?!"

That was Charlie Sheen?

"That was Charlie Sheen?! I mean, that was Charlie Sheen?!"

"Yeah, that was Charlie Sheen."

Don't look at me like that. I had no idea that was him. I mean, the guy looked like a zombie with a hangover... Well, okay, yeah.. I'm not sure how I missed that.

"WHERE WERE THEY TAKING HIM?!"

"The desert."

"Why did you kill Charlie Sheen?"

The thug laughs. The gull of this guy. 50,000 volts, well around 1,000 after contact, pressed into the side of his cheek... And he's laughing.

"ANSWER ME!"

"He ain't dead. Listen, you don't know what you're getting yourself into here. You'd better just back off before you get too deep."

I pull the trigger and zap the ever living crap out of him. I don't kill him, it's not our way, but I make him wish he was dead. The burn on the side of his face will probably scar up a tiny bit, but mostly fade away in a couple of months. He's spend the worst couple of months of his life living as some hideous monster that no one could even bare to look at.... It's less than what these bastards deserve. I search his pockets before I leave. I leaf through his wallet and find a business card sticking out of it.

"Henchmen Incorporated."

I read it outloud. WTF? Henchmen? Like, hired goons? Who the hell would hire goons, er, henchmen to come take out Charlie Sheen and drag him to the desert? And were those dudes on the bikes part of this Henchmen Inc., too?

Things are really heating up.

Later that evening, back at HQ, I wrap bandages around my middle and hobble around on a possibly broken ankle. I went and had MRIs done, but they said I hardly even have a sprain and send me home. Quacks. All they want is money and never want to help. I got the information I wanted from the goon and left him for the birds to clean up. Not really. I'm sure he'll recover fine. My cape on the other hand... I couldn't stand to look at it. I'm not sure if it's going to be salvagable or not... I should've taken money from the dude's wallet to get it fixed... But that would be fixing injustice WITH injustice. Again, that is not our way.

I lied back on the bed and stared up to the ceiling. Man, my ankle hurt, and what shitty timing? If I'm going to be defending my Television TItle every week, I can't be out getting thrown around by henchmen. Something is going to give eventually, and as I've said, I can't afford to lose this title. Years in the Federweight Division cannot even compare just a couple of days as the XWF Television Champion. My name is popping up everywhere now. ESPN. TMZ. Podcasts. It's amazing how one single night. One accomplishment can turn your life around like it did.

As I lie there, I can only think about what's next for Calypso. Will I hold the title awhile? Will I hold it long enough to earn a shot at the Universal Champion? Or, will I lose it the second someone less random is sitting at my doorstep? I can't be thinking about that crap. Any of it. Too negative. Too uncertain. Can't control it. The only thing I'm controlling is my effort going into this week. My attitude as I walk into my very first title defense. The results should take care of themselves beyond that. All of the naysayers will be shooshed as I do more than just win, but win in fashion.

There's a different aura about me now that some people have yet to see. Something driving me and something behind me pushing me towards a greater purpose. I've spent my life always looking back and always looking forward... When all that needs to be done is thinking about RIGHT NOW. AT THIS MOMENT. Forget the past, can't change it. Seven-time Federweight Champ? Yeah. I was. Am I now? No. Future Universal Champion? Maybe. That would shoot my head to the moon if it ever happened, but hey, who knows, right? I am the CURRENT XWF Television Heavyweight Champion of the World. That's right now. I did that. That's who is waltzing into Saturday Night Savage; the Tele-damn-vision Champion, bay-bay. The opposite corner? Random. Some guy who doesn't even know who HE is besides the fact that he's really gay. And really likes talking about it.

See, even if Random is completely random... It's still the same chump showing up to a match just to lose horribly once again. THAT... is not so random. That's the same old thang. There's no different chump coming, there's no change in this guy's 'tude pushing him to new heights. Just the same old guy, telling the same old jokes, expecting a different result, but wearing a different hat. Isn't that some rendition of the definition of insanity? Minus the hat, of course.

I think more about what kind of ridiculous get-up I'm going to have to put up with come Saturday. What random-stupid-ass thing my opponent is going to bring to the ring with him. This has to be one of the lamest first title defenses in history. Here I showed up to Hollywood expecting a challenge, and all I get is turned into one. One that this random guy is failing, for sure. My thoughts eventually transform into little random faced sheep jumping over a fence and into a cloud and I eventually catch some shut-eye. There's a pretty big day tomorrow according to my agent... It'll be good to rest and heal up. I need to, even if Random isn't any good.