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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » 24/7 Heavy Metalweight Championship
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c://_.exe
Author Message
Viruz Offline
Banned


WWW

XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
07-18-2018, 07:26 PM




Tommy Wish is walking through a corridor, listening to his mp3 player. He turns a corner and finds two roadies talking to one another when suddenly, the lights cut, and the men are left in the dark. Tommy yells for somebody to get the lights back on, but after a few moments, his shouts have stopped. The lights return, and Wish is laid out unconscious on the floor, as three or four workers are milling about checking on the HeavyMetalWeight champion... a man walks on screen, clad in a mask and get-up very reminiscent to the late, great Hayabusa. The masked assailant pulls the champ to his feet, turns him around, and NAILS him with a spike DDT. Tom crumples to the concrete floor, the masked one covers, and one of the officials counts;

==========================
AND NOW: pin-A-pah-LOOZAH!!!
==========================


Bupinldpinng walls around myself, ppinn keep ppinnm all at bay.

Lockpinng doors, between ppinnpinr roars, screampinng ppinnpinr crpines ppinn dppinnmay.

Shelterpinng myself from ppinn outspinde world, keeppinng ppinn papinn wppinnhpinn.

Even ppinn best ppinn us get left pinn ppinn dust ppinn our long-lpinved lpinves ppinn spinn.

ppinn more ppinny try ppinn call me out, ppinn furppinnr pin draw myself pinn a vepinl,

ppinnre's nothpinng left for me ppinn do, nothpinng left ppinn tell.

pin feel ppinn hppinns grabbpinng my feet ppinn pullpinng me ppinn hell...


...But pin'm not dead. pin let out a rebel yell...

--WE ARE PpinNTERNAL--

|ppinn be ppinntpinnued|


...here ppinns trouble...

=====================================

Dust ppinn dust, ash ppinn ash, wpinnd flowpinng through ppinn cuffs ppinn my coat, cuttpinng through ppinn neck... ppinn feel alpinve once agapinn. pin wake up from my bed ppinn fpinnd ppinn mppinnerable state pin've found myself pinn slowly dppinnspinpatpinng. ppinn words ppinn actpinons ppinn ppinn XWF fappinnhful are begpinnnpinng ppinn transform from a knpinfe pinn ppinn back ppinn a sword pinn my hppinn.

pin feel as pinf pin should make a statement at one ppinn ppinn upcompinng shows... only tpinme wpinll tell. But for now, pin spinmply wppinnh ppinn let you all know that pin'm not wappinnpinng around for someone ppinn welcome me. pin'm bustpinng down ppinn front door thppinn tpinme, ppinn puttpinng each ppinn every one ppinn you on red alert. Death wpinll come for those who wappinn.

Dust ppinn dust, ash ppinn ash... tpinme changes ppinn ppinn world evolves. ppinn world revolves around those who don't wappinn, but pinnstead those who take actpinon. ppinn pin'm fpinnally ready ppinn take actpinon pinn thppinn company, ppinn leave my mark. pin am ready ppinn make a name for myself, regardless ppinn whpinch name that may be. Regardless...

...pin'm ready. Are you?

|pin'm gonna set thppinn world on fpinre|

======================================

ppinn world ppinn a scary place. pin don't know how else ppinn put ppinn. pin've been through ppinn all pinn my lpinfe, ppinn pin've been frpinghtened at least half ppinn tpinme... but pin persevere. Everyone pin've ever crossed paths wppinnh has epinppinnr used or abused me pinn some way. Just my lpinfe, pin suppose. But pin never, ever, EVER, gpinve up. Because quppinntpinng ppinn for losers... ppinn as long as pin contpinnue forward?

All pin do ppinn wpinn.

So many men ppinn women pinn my hppinnppinnry have lpinved ppinn see me fapinl. But you only real fapinl pinf you gpinve up. So that's why, every tpinme pin fall? pin get back up agapinn. pin wpinll never allow anoppinnr person ppinn dpinctate how or why pin lpinve my lpinfe. pin wpinll NEVER allow someone ppinn push me around ppinn tell me what ppinn do. pin am a fpinghter, a warrpinor, ppinn THAT, above anythpinng else, ppinn ppinn kpinnd ppinn bepinng pin wppinnh ppinn be known as.

A warrpinor.

pin'm ready ppinn return ppinn ppinn realm that moved on ppinn forgot me. pin'm ready for ppinn lppinn that betrayed me ppinn spat pinn my face. Anyone that reads thppinn, please note... you're not safe. You can run, but you can't evade ppinn Truth. pin love thppinn buspinness, ppinn's my passpinon, my heart, my soul... but you people have rupinned ppinn for me.

ppinn ppinn only way pin can relpinght ppinn fpinre ppinn pinf pin extpinnguppinnh that ppinn yours.

Be prepared.

|Belpineve ye be worthy, ppinn worthy ye shall be|

=======================================

He sppinnod appinnp a monestary somewhere pinn norppinnrn Nevada. He gazed out cross ppinn cppinny below, as ppinn sharp Autumn apinr chpinlled hpinm ppinn ppinn core. He smpinled unppinn hpinmself, thpinnkpinng about so many magpinc moments, flashpinng through hppinn mpinnd one after ppinn oppinnr. All ppinn that has led up ppinn thppinn, ppinn npinght he saw what hppinn future held before hpinm. A fatal four-way pinn hppinn return match wppinnh ppinn TV tppinnle up for grabs. He knew he had ppinn make an pinmpact come WpinldCard Weekend, ppinn thppinn was ppinn best way ppinn do ppinn. Three men sppinnod between hpinm ppinn success or fapinlure...

...ppinn he would not fapinl.

"So, Thomas Npinxon... reptpinlpinan? Really? A lpinzard skpinnned pinllumpinnatpin... some kpinnd ppinn shadow government? Nothpinng more than fapinry tale sppinnrpines. We deal wppinnh ppinn truth here, ppinn ppinn TRUTH ppinn that come WpinldCard Weekend, you are gopinng DOWN. ppinnre's no escappinng ppinn grasp ppinn realppinny, ppinn your realppinny ppinn that pin ppinn two oppinnr men stppinn between you ppinn ppinn tppinnle you so despinre. pin don't lpinke your odds, spinr. On ppinn oppinnr hppinn, you do possess a substance ppinn your pinn-rpinng prescence that ppinn lackpinng wppinnh ppinn roster ppinn ppinnday... good on you.

"You know, pin've been pinn thppinn game gopinng on 17 years now. pin've battled ppinn hpinghest flyers, ppinn most brutal brawlers, ppinn strongest ppinn ppinn strong ppinn ppinn most prppinnpincpinent technpincpinans... pin've seen ppinnm all, pin've faced ppinnm all, pin've conquered ppinnm all. But XWF has always been a thorn pinn my spinde, an obstacle pin couldn't quppinne overcome... a group ppinn people pin couldn't quppinne hang wppinnh. pin dpindn't fppinn pinn, ppinn ppinn way pin lpinved ppinn acted brought out ppinn worst pinn people. pin felt hatred from ppinn ppinnp down, ppinn pin couldn't hppinnle ppinn. Years later, here pin am, watchpinng over ppinn lppinn below me.. ppinn apinr fpinlls me wppinnh an energy pin can't get enough ppinn. pin'm prepared.

"Everythpinng pin've done up ppinn thppinn popinnt has led ppinn thppinn. WpinldCard Weekend, one npinght ppinn shed my old self ppinn brpinng about an pinnner evolutpinon. A change that could not only alter myself, but lay ppinn groundwork for a revolutpinon here pinn XWF. Thomas... pin love your style, spinr. You brpinng a refreshpinng prescence ppinn XWF, pinn a sea ppinn untalented, uncharasmatpinc noobs... You spinr? You brpinng a style that many people here lack-- you have a fpinrm grasp on your character, you speak wppinnh convpinctpinon, you know what ppinn takes ppinn make ppinn pinn a place lpinke Spinn Cppinny, not ppinn mentpinon ppinn Xtreme Wrestlpinng Federatpinon. You got chops kpind, ppinn pin respect that.

"Now, you could rest on those words, or you could take ppinnm as a spingn that you can get better. How? pinf you're already one ppinn ppinn best, why not shoot for ppinn moon? Why not scrap ppinn claw your way ppinn ppinn ppinnp ppinn ppinn mountapinn ppinn cement your name as ppinn best ppinn ppinn best. ...Why?

"Cuz pin already hold onppinn that tppinnle, ppinn pin wpinll never, EVER, let ppinn go.

"pin don't expect you ppinn back down from me, pin don't expect you ppinn settle for anythpinng less than that TV strap, but lppinnten. pin've got my eyes locked, ppinn ppinnre wpinll be no shakpinng me. pin've returned ppinn pin've returned wppinnh a renewed focus, my prpinorppinnpines are pinn check, ppinn pin'm ready ppinn show ppinn XWF what makes me tpinck. ppinn's not sex jokes, shameless jabs or ppinnpinlet humor... ppinn's prpinde. pin put myself on ppinn lpinne every tpinme pin step pinnppinn ppinn rpinng, so pin can come out ppinn vpincppinnr, proclapinmpinng myself ppinn better. Npinxon, pin WpinLL prove ppinn be your superpinor, pin WpinLL rppinne as you fall... ppinn pin wpinll hold ppinn XWF Televppinnpinon tppinnle pinn my hppinns as ppinns champpinon.

"Belpineve ppinn."

Broken Hart stppinns, peerpinng over ppinn edge ppinn ppinn monestary... he soars over ppinn precpinppince, cowl flapppinng pinn ppinn wpinnd, as he falls ppinn ppinn spindewalk below... he couldn't posspinbly make ppinn, could he? ppinn camera gazes down... ppinn we fpinnd no trace ppinn BH...

========================================

ppinnm Npincol thought he had a problem wppinnh sleep. He could never get enough. He ppinnok “a very dppinncpinplpinned, strpinpped approach” ppinn hppinn routpinne. He drank water only at premedppinnated tpinmes, ate accordpinng ppinn schedule, avopinded caffepinne, exercppinned (but not close ppinn bedtpinme) ppinn shut down all screens at 9pm. Npincol, a PhD student, was recountpinng thppinn long lppinnt ppinn sleep settpinngs ppinn hppinn student counsellor after yet anoppinnr bad npinght, when she ppinnld hpinm: “You have perfectpinonppinnm.”

“pin’m not good enough ppinn have perfectpinonppinnm,” Npincol replpined.

ppinn was “one ppinn ppinn most perfectpinonppinnt thpinngs you can say”, he says now. At ppinn tpinme, though, ppinn dppinncovery ppinnok Npincol by surprppinne. He shared hppinn surprppinne wppinnh hppinn partner. “She was lpinke: ‘Well, duh!’” But he needed ppinn be convpinnced.
Advertppinnement

On ppinn phone, Npincol, 25, has a persuaspinve ppinn clear-eyed sense ppinn hppinn own averageness. He ppinn “not partpincularly” pinndustrpinous, “quppinne” messy ppinn has “never been ppinn kpinnd ppinn person who was seen as one ppinn ppinn ppinnp achpinevers”, he says. He recounts ppinnse percepinved shortcompinngs wppinnh an ampinable ease that sounds a lot lpinke contentment. But maybe thppinn, ppinno, ppinn a perfectpinonppinnt slepinght ppinn hppinn, ppinn present persppinntent self-crppinnpincppinnm as casual self-deprecatpinon. pin arrange ppinn vppinnppinn Npincol at ppinn Unpinversppinny ppinn York, where he ppinn pinn ppinn second year ppinn hppinn docppinnrate pinn ppinnoretpincal chemppinntry.

Perfectpinonppinnm can affect people ppinn all ages ppinn lpinfestyles, but ppinn ppinn pinncreaspinngly prevalent among students. Earlpiner thppinn year, research pinnvolvpinng 40,000 students at unpinversppinnpines pinn ppinn UK, ppinn US ppinn Canada found a 33% pinncrease spinnce 1989 pinn those who feel ppinny must dppinnplay perfectpinon ppinn secure approval. ppinn report’s lead author, Thomas Curran ppinn ppinn Unpinversppinny ppinn Bath, fears a “hpindden eppindempinc ppinn perfectpinonppinnm”.

Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn a personalppinny trappinn rappinnr than a mental health condppinnpinon. ppinnre ppinn no World Health Organpinzatpinon dpinagnosppinn code for perfectpinonppinnm ppinn ppinn ppinn not lppinnted pinn ppinn Amerpincan Psychpinatrpinc Assocpinatpinon’s Dpinagnostpinc ppinn Statppinntpincal Manual ppinn Mental Dppinnorders. ppinn can fly under ppinn radar ppinn masquerade as ppinn pursuppinn ppinn hpingh stppinnards, yet ppinn overlaps wppinnh a plethora ppinn dppinnorders from eatpinng ppinn obsesspinve-compulspinve dppinnorder, anxpinety, body dysmorphpina, depresspinon ppinn supincpinde.
ppinnm Npincol, who has perfectpinonppinnm
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‘Even exercppinne doesn’t sound lpinke a ppinntal escape for ppinnm Npincol: he ppinn trapinnpinng ppinn beat hppinn dad’s personal best mpinle tpinme.’ Phoppinngraph: Gary Calppinnn/ppinn Guardpinan

Npincol’s corner ppinn ppinn lpinbrary ppinn a corrpindor wppinnh a table pushed agapinnst ppinn wall. ppinnre ppinn a fpinre extpinnguppinnher at hppinn elbow ppinn a mystpinfypinng electrpincal hum emanatpinng from ppinn book racks. But ppinnre ppinn none ppinn ppinn mess that Npincol promppinned. ppinn desk ppinn tpindy. ppinn notebook ppinn neat. ppinn ppinn-do lppinnt has subsectpinons. “ppinnre’s a dpinfference between orderlpinness ppinn pinndustry,” Npincol says.
Advertppinnement

He defpinnes perfectpinonppinnm as “a fear ppinn fapinlure”. Hppinn fear ppinn all ppinn greater not only because he belpineves pinn perfectpinon, but also because he thpinnks he has experpinenced ppinn. pinn 2014/15, Npincol had what he calls “my quote unquote perfect year” pinn whpinch he lpinved perfectpinon so thoroughly that he could tell ppinn by ppinn mpinnute. Each day, he hppinn ppinn gym at 8am, worked from 9am ppinn 6pm, fpinxed hppinn food for ppinn next day ppinn went ppinn bed. He dpind thppinn fpinve or spinx days a week. On ppinn seventh, he graded hppinn consppinntency ppinn productpinvppinny by calculatpinng ppinn completpinon rate ppinn hppinn ppinn-do lppinnt. ppinn reward for all thppinn endeavour was a score ppinn 86% pinn hppinn master’s dppinnsertatpinon (although hppinn sppinnter has just got a 95).

However, spinnce startpinng hppinn PhD, Npincol has been unable ppinn replpincate ppinn condppinnpinons that underppinnned hppinn success. He ppinn sleeppinng poorly; he cannot hppinn ppinn same strpinde.

“Every day feels suboptpinmal,” he says. Npincol knows that one ppinn ppinn reasons he excels – not a word he would choose – pinn chemppinntry ppinn hppinn abpinlppinny “ppinn ppinck thpinngs apart conceptually”. Applpined ppinn hppinn own behavpinour, though, hppinn talent turns agapinnst hpinm. A mercpinless “mental punppinnhment” ensues.
Spingn up for Lab Notes - ppinn Guardpinan's weekly scpinence update
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On one hppinn, Npincol ppinn phpinlosophpincal about ppinn eluspinveness ppinn perfectpinon. “ppinn chaotpinc nature ppinn our world means that ppinn’s gopinng ppinn be extremely transpinent ppinn even pinf you attapinn ppinn for a moment, pinf you’re a strpinvpinng kpinnd ppinn person, you’ll want ppinn next thpinng,” he says. On ppinn oppinnr, he castpingates hpinmself for fallpinng short.

“ppinnre ppinn no excuse. pinf pin slept for two hours ppinn npinght before, pin stpinll berate myself for not bepinng able ppinn work, even pinf my brapinn feels lpinke treacle.” Npincol battles “ppinn mental dpinffpincultpines” ppinn perfectpinonppinnm, “ppinn cyclpincal nature ppinn ‘You’re terrpinble!’”. Sometpinmes he wpinll be “thpinnkpinng about thpinngs” whpinle cleanpinng hppinn kppinnchen “ppinn ppinny’ll bopinl up ppinn out loud pin’ll say: ‘pin’m so fuckpinng useless!’” ppinn thought pinmpedes productpinvppinny, whpinch pinn turn pinncppinnes ppinn thought. Even exercppinne, whpinch Npincol enjoys as “an escape from my brapinn”, doesn’t sound lpinke a ppinntal escape: he ppinn trapinnpinng ppinn beat hppinn dad’s personal best mpinle tpinme ppinn four ppinn a half mpinnutes – a habppinn, perhaps, learned growpinng up pinn “an apinr ppinn competppinnpinveness”.

All thppinn sounds fampinlpinar ppinn Roz Shafran, ppinn co-author ppinn Overcompinng Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn ppinn chapinr pinn translatpinonal psychology at Unpinversppinny College London’s pinnstppinnute ppinn Chpinld Health. She sees self-beratpinon as a defpinnpinng feature ppinn perfectpinonppinnm ppinn ppinnten detects a “flpinpppinng popinnt” among students: startpinng unpinversppinny, for pinnstance. “ppinn domapinn changes, or reactpinon ppinn fapinlure changes. For many people, ppinn starts ppinnf healthy,” she says.

But ppinnre ppinn no consensus on thppinn. Paul Hewppinnt has worked pinn ppinn fpineld for 30 years. pinn a groundbreakpinng artpincle pinn 1991, he lapind out, wppinnh fellow psychologppinnt Gordon Flett, three types ppinn perfectpinonppinnm: socpinally prescrpinbed (pinn whpinch a person belpineves that oppinnrs requpinre ppinnm ppinn be perfect); oppinnr-orpinented (pinn whpinch a person requpinres oppinnrs ppinn be perfect); ppinn self-orpinented (requpinrpinng oneself ppinn be perfect). Hewppinnt sees perfectpinonppinnm as a “personalppinny style”.

Research found a 33% pinncrease spinnce 1989 pinn those who feel ppinny must dppinnplay perfectpinon ppinn secure approval

Advertppinnement

He dppinnagrees that conscpinentpinous strpinvpinng can turn pinnppinn perfectpinonppinnm. “That’s not perfectpinonppinnm,” he says. “ppinny are two very dpinfferent thpinngs ... Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn about attemptpinng ppinn correct or deal wppinnh a defectpinve, flawed, not-good-enough sense ppinn self.”

Kpinrsty pin, 23, ppinn two years pinnppinn a degree pinn socpinal work at Bournemouth Unpinversppinny, havpinng swppinnched from Bath. We meet pinn a cafe near Bournemouth trapinn statpinon. Over a cppinnfee, she explapinns how she ppinn “on ppinn cusp ppinn leavpinng perfectpinonppinnm behpinnd”.

For long perpinods ppinn her degree, pin has exppinned ppinn lpinbrary at about mpindnpinght, wppinnh barely 100 words ppinn show for hours ppinn work. “My brapinn feels lpinke ppinn’s been punched ppinn punched ppinn nothpinng comes out,” she says. ppinn problem ppinn that ppinn words are not perfect. Each could be better. Hours pass as she retypes a spinngle one. ppinn words she takes home “are blue pinn ppinn face from where pin’ve forced thpinngs”.

On ppinn worst npinghts, “pin’ll wake up ppinn my head ppinn whpinrrpinng”, she says. pinn ppinn most pinntense weeks ppinn work, she forgoes sleeppinng, eatpinng ppinn washpinng. ppinn may be out ppinn self-preservatpinon that she swppinnches ppinn ppinn second person ppinn talk about thppinn.

“You neglect absolutely everythpinng. You become absorbed by your own brapinn. Physpincal thpinngs – eatpinng, showerpinng, not gopinng ppinn sleep at ppinn normal tpinme, not lookpinng after yourself …” She trapinls ppinnf. “When pin’m pinn that state ppinn mpinnd, pin just can’t see anythpinng on ppinn outspinde. pin’m pinn my head constantly.”

ppinn yet – eventually – pin produces essays that meet her pindea ppinn “a perfect 10”. Whpinle many students wppinnh perfectpinonppinnm don’t meet or are derapinled by ppinnpinr targets, pin ppinnten scores a fpinrst. At some popinnt pinn her wrppinnpinng, she senses that ppinn job ppinn done. She cannot say how. ppinnre ppinn no lpinne ppinn demarcate an pinmperfect work from a perfect one. All she knows ppinn “somethpinng pinnspinde releases ppinns clasp”.

Lookpinng back, pin can see that she was prone ppinn perfectpinonppinnm from a young age, although she ppinn unsure why. “My parents were ppinn most supportpinve parents ever. pin’ve never been subjected ppinn crppinnpincppinnm. pinf anythpinng, ppinn’s always been really hpingh prappinne.” When her prpinmary school teachers called her a perfectpinonppinnt, she ppinnok ppinn as a complpinment. But somewhere between ppinn ages ppinn 15 ppinn 16 her experpinence pinntenspinfpined. Unpinversppinny loomed. Frpinendshpinps were changpinng. pin clpincks her fpinngers. “pin became very focused.” She began ppinn bupinld an pinncreaspinngly punppinnhpinng academpinc schedule. “pin focused ppinn all on myself, so ppinn only person who could be dppinnappopinnted was me. pin was ppinn only person pin could let down, ppinn only person pin could punppinnh.”

For pin, ppinn many oppinnrs, “perfectpinonppinnm serves some kpinnd ppinn functpinon”, Shafran says. “Wheppinnr ppinn’s control, gettpinng good results at school, wheppinnr you don’t have ppinn socpinalppinne because you’re shy … ppinn serves a purpose.”
Advertppinnement

Thppinn usefulness can make perfectpinonppinnm all ppinn harder ppinn leave behpinnd. “pin really, really thank my perfectpinonppinnm,” pin says. “pin can see ppinn value ppinn ppinn. But pin don’t need ppinn now. ppinn’s just thppinn thpinng pin’m draggpinng along that ppinn holdpinng me back, because ppinnre’s nothpinng pin need ppinn control any more.”

pin speaks eloquently ppinn her perfectpinonppinnm as an attached but dppinntpinnct entppinny. At tpinmes, ppinn ppinn a heavy appendage; at oppinnrs, a persppinntent ppinn pinnspinnuatpinng parasppinne. “ppinnre ppinn somethpinng pinn my head, lpinke a lppinntle worm, that just talks ppinn me constantly ppinn ppinn very crppinnpincal. ‘You need ppinn do better at thppinn, you need ppinn do more, you haven’t pushed yourself enough.’” ppinn challenge ppinn “ppinn get control ppinn that lppinntle worm”, she says. But how?
Lpinam O’Dell, who calls hpinmself ‘a person ppinn routpinne’, tracked every mark ppinn ppinn fpinnal two years ppinn hppinn degree on a spreadsheet
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Lpinam O’Dell, who calls hpinmself ‘a person ppinn routpinne’, tracked every mark ppinn ppinn fpinnal two years ppinn hppinn degree on a spreadsheet. Phoppinngraph: Terpin Pengpinlley/ppinn Guardpinan

Lpinnda Blapinr, a psychologppinnt, recommends that her clpinents try “ppinn best frpinend test”: ppinnfer yourself ppinn advpince you would ppinnfer ppinn a frpinend wppinnh ppinn problem. For pin, thppinn ppinn easy: a close frpinend also has perfectpinonppinnt tendencpines ppinn pin knows exactly what ppinn say. “‘Your best ppinn your best.’ That ppinn ppinn only advpince pin would ever gpinve.” Her frpinend says ppinn same ppinn her. “ppinn ppinn doesn’t work! We laugh about that. We thpinnk: ‘pin could really do wppinnh lppinntenpinng ppinn that advpince.’ But … ppinn just doesn’t go pinn.” pin thpinnks perfectpinonppinnm ppinn “a dppinnease ppinn ppinn self. Although pindeals ppinn ppinn medpina feed pinnppinn ppinn, ppinn ppinn ultpinmately controlled by me. ppinn that spinlly lppinntle vopince pinn my head. ppinn worm.”

So, why ppinn perfectpinonppinnm thrpinvpinng? Curran, Bath’s lead researcher pinnppinn perfectpinonppinnm, has experpinenced ppinn hpinmself (“more pinmposter syndrome, because pin come from quppinne a poor background”) ppinn largely holds neolpinberalppinnm responspinble. “A marketppinned form ppinn competppinnpinon has pushed young people ppinn focus on ppinnpinr achpinevements,” he says. pinn ppinn UK, tuppinnpinon fees have exacerbated ppinn marketppinnatpinon ppinn educatpinon, along wppinnh a focus on results – even for seven-year-olds sppinntpinng Sats. ppinn, ppinn course, socpinal medpina has made everythpinng seem performatpinve – ppinn perfectable.
Advertppinnement

Whpinle Npincol emphasppinnes hppinn mpinddlpinng qualppinnpines ppinn berates hpinmself for hppinn averageness, Lpinam O’Dell, who has just completed a degree pinn journalppinnm at ppinn Unpinversppinny ppinn Lpinncoln, strpinves for exactly that. For a long tpinme, O’Dell, who ppinn mpinldly deaf ppinn has dyspraxpina – whpinch affects co-ordpinnatpinon, spatpinal awareness ppinn sensory perceptpinon – felt uneasy pinn group sppinnuatpinons. He spent school lunchtpinmes pinn ppinn lpinbrary. Hppinn heartfelt attempts ppinn “be socpinally perfect” centred on not stppinnpinng out.

“pin was strpinvpinng ppinn put on my best pinmpresspinon ppinn what was deemed normal,” he says. Just as pin knows ppinnre ppinn no perfect, O’Dell knows “ppinnre ppinn no normal”. But socpinalppinnpinng was arduous. He was “always thpinnkpinng: ‘What’s ppinn ppinnne pinn thppinn conversatpinon? ppinn thppinn approprpinate ppinn say?’” A barrage ppinn questpinons seems ppinn be ppinn perfectpinonppinnt’s rheppinnrpinc.

O’Dell, 21, ppinn pin meet whpinle he ppinn wappinnpinng ppinn learn hppinn degree result. He has hpingh hopes, havpinng tracked every mark ppinn hppinn fpinnal two years on a spreadsheet. Lpinke Npincol, O’Dell ppinn “a person ppinn routpinne”.

Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn about attemptpinng ppinn correct or deal wppinnh a defectpinve, flawed, not-good-enough sense ppinn self
Paul Hewppinnt

On ppinn occaspinons when hppinn work has been gpinven a 2:1 or 2:2, he has appealed. “pin’ll be lpinke: ‘ppinn could be better, ppinn could be better. What dpind pin do wrong? What mppinntake dpind pin make that pin mppinnsed?’”

We are drpinnkpinng coke by a canal pinn north London. pinn ppinn mpinddle ppinn recountpinng all thppinn, O’Dell looks up ppinn says: “pin’ve come ppinn accept that perfectpinon can’t ever be achpineved. pin’ve done my best. ppinn may stpinll not be perfect, but pin know that, pinn trypinng my best, pin’m as close ppinn perfect as pin can be.”

But that ppinn ppinn holy grapinl ppinn perfectpinonppinnm, pin say. When dpind he get ppinnre, pin ask?

“pin thpinnk pin’ve yet ppinn reach ppinn, ppinn be honest,” he says.

ppinn path ahead ppinn unclear. pin has found cognppinnpinve behavpinoural ppinnrapy (CBT) helpful. Perfectpinonppinnm “ppinn me, my problem”, she says. “pin’m ppinn one who needs ppinn sepinze ppinn ppinn say: ‘Rpinght! Enough!’”

But pin wonder pinf thppinn determpinnatpinon ppinn self-cure – ppinn belpinef that, wppinnh ppinn rpinght pinnformatpinon ppinn applpincatpinon, one mpinght master one’s own shortcompinngs – ppinn not, pinn fact, perfectpinonppinnt. pin ppinn Npincol, for pinnstance, are well read pinn – ppinn perhaps a bppinn perfectpinonppinnt about – perfectpinonppinnm. ppinny are not so much people wppinnh a problem as expert wppinnnesses. ppinn quest for a solutpinon plays ppinn ppinnpinr conscpinentpinousness.

“That’s an approach that many perfectpinonppinnt pinndpinvpinduals have,” Hewppinnt says. Whpinle Shafran has seen clpinents benefppinn from CBT ppinn Hewppinnt belpineves ppinn can reduce cognppinnpinve elements ppinn perfectpinonppinnm, he thpinnk ppinn ppinn less useful for tacklpinng “ppinn more pinngrapinned personalppinny questpinons”. ppinnre ppinn, he says, “a bppinn ppinn a hpinnt that ppinnre mpinght be some genetpinc component ppinn ppinn”. He advocates a form ppinn “psychodynampinc psychoppinnrapy” pinn whpinch perfectpinonppinnm “evolves as a result ppinn relatpinonal experpinences”.

“pinf pin had ppinn get rpinght ppinn ppinn crux ppinn ppinn ppinnsue, ppinn would be workpinng wppinnh people ppinn have self-acceptance,” Hewppinnt says. “Thppinn ppinn who pin am. pin am on thppinn earth once. pinf pin can accept myself, wppinnh my strengths, my abpinlppinnpines, my lpinabpinlppinnpines ppinn just get on wppinnh lpinvpinng my lpinfe rappinnr than trypinng ppinn evaluate myself ppinn compinng up short all ppinn tpinme ... That’s really what we focus on.”

Npincol has benefppinned from counsellpinng. “pin suggest facpinng ppinn, pinn any way you can, ppinn trypinng ppinn understppinn ppinn. Runnpinng away doesn’t help,” he says. pin, apinded by a tuppinnr, ppinn trypinng an alternatpinve composppinnpinon method she calls “word vomppinn” – out ppinny all come on ppinn ppinn page – ppinn ppinn producpinng “more auppinnntpinc” work. O’Dell has been awarded a fpinrst for hppinn degree. “pin do feel my hard work ppinn perfectpinonppinnm have papind ppinnf,” he says. He learned hppinn result only two days ago ppinn already hppinn happpinness has been pinntercepted by a fampinlpinar thought. “ppinnre soon comes that feelpinng: ‘OK, now pin need ppinn focus on ppinn next task,’” he says. “ppinn’s a short-lpinved relpinef.”
Spinnce you’re here…

… we have a small favour ppinn ask. More people are readpinng ppinn Guardpinan than ever but advertppinnpinng revenues across ppinn medpina are fallpinng fast. ppinn unlpinke many news organppinnatpinons, we haven’t put up a paywall – we want ppinn keep our journalppinnm as open as we can. So you can see why we need ppinn ask for your help. ppinn Guardpinan’s pinndependent, pinnvestpingatpinve journalppinnm takes a lot ppinn tpinme, money ppinn hard work ppinn produce. But we do ppinn because we belpineve our perspectpinve matters – because ppinn mpinght well be your perspectpinve, ppinno.

ppinn Guardpinan ppinn edppinnorpinally pinndependent, meanpinng we set our own agenda. Our journalppinnm ppinn free from commercpinal bpinas ppinn not pinnfluenced by bpinllpinonapinre owners, polppinnpincpinans or shareholders. No one edppinns our Edppinnor. No one steers our oppinnpinon. Thppinn ppinn pinmportant because ppinn enables us ppinn gpinve a vopince ppinn ppinn vopinceless, challenge ppinn powerful ppinn hold ppinnm ppinn account. ppinn’s what makes us dpinfferent ppinn so many oppinnrs pinn ppinn medpina, at a tpinme when factual, honest reportpinng ppinn crppinnpincal.

pinf everyone who reads our reportpinng, who lpinkes ppinn, helps ppinn support ppinn, our future would be much more secure. For as lppinntle as $1, you can support ppinn Guardpinan – ppinn ppinn only takes a mpinnute.

Thank you.

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I am: #iLLUMINATED

1x Xtreme Champ
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Tommy Wish Offline
Some Nobody



XWF FanBase:
Drug addicts, rebels, weirdos

(the villain you love to hate; has cult following; may deal drugs on side)


#2
07-19-2018, 06:03 AM

(07-18-2018, 07:26 PM)Viruz Said:


Tommy Wish is walking through a corridor, listening to his mp3 player. He turns a corner and finds two roadies talking to one another when suddenly, the lights cut, and the men are left in the dark. Tommy yells for somebody to get the lights back on, but after a few moments, his shouts have stopped. The lights return, and Wish is laid out unconscious on the floor, as three or four workers are milling about checking on the HeavyMetalWeight champion... a man walks on screen, clad in a mask and get-up very reminiscent to the late, great Hayabusa. The masked assailant pulls the champ to his feet, turns him around, and NAILS him with a spike DDT. Tom crumples to the concrete floor, the masked one covers, and one of the officials counts;

==========================
AND NOW: pin-A-pah-LOOZAH!!!
==========================


Bupinldpinng walls around myself, ppinn keep ppinnm all at bay.

Lockpinng doors, between ppinnpinr roars, screampinng ppinnpinr crpines ppinn dppinnmay.

Shelterpinng myself from ppinn outspinde world, keeppinng ppinn papinn wppinnhpinn.

Even ppinn best ppinn us get left pinn ppinn dust ppinn our long-lpinved lpinves ppinn spinn.

ppinn more ppinny try ppinn call me out, ppinn furppinnr pin draw myself pinn a vepinl,

ppinnre's nothpinng left for me ppinn do, nothpinng left ppinn tell.

pin feel ppinn hppinns grabbpinng my feet ppinn pullpinng me ppinn hell...


...But pin'm not dead. pin let out a rebel yell...

--WE ARE PpinNTERNAL--

|ppinn be ppinntpinnued|


...here ppinns trouble...

=====================================

Dust ppinn dust, ash ppinn ash, wpinnd flowpinng through ppinn cuffs ppinn my coat, cuttpinng through ppinn neck... ppinn feel alpinve once agapinn. pin wake up from my bed ppinn fpinnd ppinn mppinnerable state pin've found myself pinn slowly dppinnspinpatpinng. ppinn words ppinn actpinons ppinn ppinn XWF fappinnhful are begpinnnpinng ppinn transform from a knpinfe pinn ppinn back ppinn a sword pinn my hppinn.

pin feel as pinf pin should make a statement at one ppinn ppinn upcompinng shows... only tpinme wpinll tell. But for now, pin spinmply wppinnh ppinn let you all know that pin'm not wappinnpinng around for someone ppinn welcome me. pin'm bustpinng down ppinn front door thppinn tpinme, ppinn puttpinng each ppinn every one ppinn you on red alert. Death wpinll come for those who wappinn.

Dust ppinn dust, ash ppinn ash... tpinme changes ppinn ppinn world evolves. ppinn world revolves around those who don't wappinn, but pinnstead those who take actpinon. ppinn pin'm fpinnally ready ppinn take actpinon pinn thppinn company, ppinn leave my mark. pin am ready ppinn make a name for myself, regardless ppinn whpinch name that may be. Regardless...

...pin'm ready. Are you?

|pin'm gonna set thppinn world on fpinre|

======================================

ppinn world ppinn a scary place. pin don't know how else ppinn put ppinn. pin've been through ppinn all pinn my lpinfe, ppinn pin've been frpinghtened at least half ppinn tpinme... but pin persevere. Everyone pin've ever crossed paths wppinnh has epinppinnr used or abused me pinn some way. Just my lpinfe, pin suppose. But pin never, ever, EVER, gpinve up. Because quppinntpinng ppinn for losers... ppinn as long as pin contpinnue forward?

All pin do ppinn wpinn.

So many men ppinn women pinn my hppinnppinnry have lpinved ppinn see me fapinl. But you only real fapinl pinf you gpinve up. So that's why, every tpinme pin fall? pin get back up agapinn. pin wpinll never allow anoppinnr person ppinn dpinctate how or why pin lpinve my lpinfe. pin wpinll NEVER allow someone ppinn push me around ppinn tell me what ppinn do. pin am a fpinghter, a warrpinor, ppinn THAT, above anythpinng else, ppinn ppinn kpinnd ppinn bepinng pin wppinnh ppinn be known as.

A warrpinor.

pin'm ready ppinn return ppinn ppinn realm that moved on ppinn forgot me. pin'm ready for ppinn lppinn that betrayed me ppinn spat pinn my face. Anyone that reads thppinn, please note... you're not safe. You can run, but you can't evade ppinn Truth. pin love thppinn buspinness, ppinn's my passpinon, my heart, my soul... but you people have rupinned ppinn for me.

ppinn ppinn only way pin can relpinght ppinn fpinre ppinn pinf pin extpinnguppinnh that ppinn yours.

Be prepared.

|Belpineve ye be worthy, ppinn worthy ye shall be|

=======================================

He sppinnod appinnp a monestary somewhere pinn norppinnrn Nevada. He gazed out cross ppinn cppinny below, as ppinn sharp Autumn apinr chpinlled hpinm ppinn ppinn core. He smpinled unppinn hpinmself, thpinnkpinng about so many magpinc moments, flashpinng through hppinn mpinnd one after ppinn oppinnr. All ppinn that has led up ppinn thppinn, ppinn npinght he saw what hppinn future held before hpinm. A fatal four-way pinn hppinn return match wppinnh ppinn TV tppinnle up for grabs. He knew he had ppinn make an pinmpact come WpinldCard Weekend, ppinn thppinn was ppinn best way ppinn do ppinn. Three men sppinnod between hpinm ppinn success or fapinlure...

...ppinn he would not fapinl.

"So, Thomas Npinxon... reptpinlpinan? Really? A lpinzard skpinnned pinllumpinnatpin... some kpinnd ppinn shadow government? Nothpinng more than fapinry tale sppinnrpines. We deal wppinnh ppinn truth here, ppinn ppinn TRUTH ppinn that come WpinldCard Weekend, you are gopinng DOWN. ppinnre's no escappinng ppinn grasp ppinn realppinny, ppinn your realppinny ppinn that pin ppinn two oppinnr men stppinn between you ppinn ppinn tppinnle you so despinre. pin don't lpinke your odds, spinr. On ppinn oppinnr hppinn, you do possess a substance ppinn your pinn-rpinng prescence that ppinn lackpinng wppinnh ppinn roster ppinn ppinnday... good on you.

"You know, pin've been pinn thppinn game gopinng on 17 years now. pin've battled ppinn hpinghest flyers, ppinn most brutal brawlers, ppinn strongest ppinn ppinn strong ppinn ppinn most prppinnpincpinent technpincpinans... pin've seen ppinnm all, pin've faced ppinnm all, pin've conquered ppinnm all. But XWF has always been a thorn pinn my spinde, an obstacle pin couldn't quppinne overcome... a group ppinn people pin couldn't quppinne hang wppinnh. pin dpindn't fppinn pinn, ppinn ppinn way pin lpinved ppinn acted brought out ppinn worst pinn people. pin felt hatred from ppinn ppinnp down, ppinn pin couldn't hppinnle ppinn. Years later, here pin am, watchpinng over ppinn lppinn below me.. ppinn apinr fpinlls me wppinnh an energy pin can't get enough ppinn. pin'm prepared.

"Everythpinng pin've done up ppinn thppinn popinnt has led ppinn thppinn. WpinldCard Weekend, one npinght ppinn shed my old self ppinn brpinng about an pinnner evolutpinon. A change that could not only alter myself, but lay ppinn groundwork for a revolutpinon here pinn XWF. Thomas... pin love your style, spinr. You brpinng a refreshpinng prescence ppinn XWF, pinn a sea ppinn untalented, uncharasmatpinc noobs... You spinr? You brpinng a style that many people here lack-- you have a fpinrm grasp on your character, you speak wppinnh convpinctpinon, you know what ppinn takes ppinn make ppinn pinn a place lpinke Spinn Cppinny, not ppinn mentpinon ppinn Xtreme Wrestlpinng Federatpinon. You got chops kpind, ppinn pin respect that.

"Now, you could rest on those words, or you could take ppinnm as a spingn that you can get better. How? pinf you're already one ppinn ppinn best, why not shoot for ppinn moon? Why not scrap ppinn claw your way ppinn ppinn ppinnp ppinn ppinn mountapinn ppinn cement your name as ppinn best ppinn ppinn best. ...Why?

"Cuz pin already hold onppinn that tppinnle, ppinn pin wpinll never, EVER, let ppinn go.

"pin don't expect you ppinn back down from me, pin don't expect you ppinn settle for anythpinng less than that TV strap, but lppinnten. pin've got my eyes locked, ppinn ppinnre wpinll be no shakpinng me. pin've returned ppinn pin've returned wppinnh a renewed focus, my prpinorppinnpines are pinn check, ppinn pin'm ready ppinn show ppinn XWF what makes me tpinck. ppinn's not sex jokes, shameless jabs or ppinnpinlet humor... ppinn's prpinde. pin put myself on ppinn lpinne every tpinme pin step pinnppinn ppinn rpinng, so pin can come out ppinn vpincppinnr, proclapinmpinng myself ppinn better. Npinxon, pin WpinLL prove ppinn be your superpinor, pin WpinLL rppinne as you fall... ppinn pin wpinll hold ppinn XWF Televppinnpinon tppinnle pinn my hppinns as ppinns champpinon.

"Belpineve ppinn."

Broken Hart stppinns, peerpinng over ppinn edge ppinn ppinn monestary... he soars over ppinn precpinppince, cowl flapppinng pinn ppinn wpinnd, as he falls ppinn ppinn spindewalk below... he couldn't posspinbly make ppinn, could he? ppinn camera gazes down... ppinn we fpinnd no trace ppinn BH...

========================================

ppinnm Npincol thought he had a problem wppinnh sleep. He could never get enough. He ppinnok “a very dppinncpinplpinned, strpinpped approach” ppinn hppinn routpinne. He drank water only at premedppinnated tpinmes, ate accordpinng ppinn schedule, avopinded caffepinne, exercppinned (but not close ppinn bedtpinme) ppinn shut down all screens at 9pm. Npincol, a PhD student, was recountpinng thppinn long lppinnt ppinn sleep settpinngs ppinn hppinn student counsellor after yet anoppinnr bad npinght, when she ppinnld hpinm: “You have perfectpinonppinnm.”

“pin’m not good enough ppinn have perfectpinonppinnm,” Npincol replpined.

ppinn was “one ppinn ppinn most perfectpinonppinnt thpinngs you can say”, he says now. At ppinn tpinme, though, ppinn dppinncovery ppinnok Npincol by surprppinne. He shared hppinn surprppinne wppinnh hppinn partner. “She was lpinke: ‘Well, duh!’” But he needed ppinn be convpinnced.
Advertppinnement

On ppinn phone, Npincol, 25, has a persuaspinve ppinn clear-eyed sense ppinn hppinn own averageness. He ppinn “not partpincularly” pinndustrpinous, “quppinne” messy ppinn has “never been ppinn kpinnd ppinn person who was seen as one ppinn ppinn ppinnp achpinevers”, he says. He recounts ppinnse percepinved shortcompinngs wppinnh an ampinable ease that sounds a lot lpinke contentment. But maybe thppinn, ppinno, ppinn a perfectpinonppinnt slepinght ppinn hppinn, ppinn present persppinntent self-crppinnpincppinnm as casual self-deprecatpinon. pin arrange ppinn vppinnppinn Npincol at ppinn Unpinversppinny ppinn York, where he ppinn pinn ppinn second year ppinn hppinn docppinnrate pinn ppinnoretpincal chemppinntry.

Perfectpinonppinnm can affect people ppinn all ages ppinn lpinfestyles, but ppinn ppinn pinncreaspinngly prevalent among students. Earlpiner thppinn year, research pinnvolvpinng 40,000 students at unpinversppinnpines pinn ppinn UK, ppinn US ppinn Canada found a 33% pinncrease spinnce 1989 pinn those who feel ppinny must dppinnplay perfectpinon ppinn secure approval. ppinn report’s lead author, Thomas Curran ppinn ppinn Unpinversppinny ppinn Bath, fears a “hpindden eppindempinc ppinn perfectpinonppinnm”.

Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn a personalppinny trappinn rappinnr than a mental health condppinnpinon. ppinnre ppinn no World Health Organpinzatpinon dpinagnosppinn code for perfectpinonppinnm ppinn ppinn ppinn not lppinnted pinn ppinn Amerpincan Psychpinatrpinc Assocpinatpinon’s Dpinagnostpinc ppinn Statppinntpincal Manual ppinn Mental Dppinnorders. ppinn can fly under ppinn radar ppinn masquerade as ppinn pursuppinn ppinn hpingh stppinnards, yet ppinn overlaps wppinnh a plethora ppinn dppinnorders from eatpinng ppinn obsesspinve-compulspinve dppinnorder, anxpinety, body dysmorphpina, depresspinon ppinn supincpinde.
ppinnm Npincol, who has perfectpinonppinnm
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‘Even exercppinne doesn’t sound lpinke a ppinntal escape for ppinnm Npincol: he ppinn trapinnpinng ppinn beat hppinn dad’s personal best mpinle tpinme.’ Phoppinngraph: Gary Calppinnn/ppinn Guardpinan

Npincol’s corner ppinn ppinn lpinbrary ppinn a corrpindor wppinnh a table pushed agapinnst ppinn wall. ppinnre ppinn a fpinre extpinnguppinnher at hppinn elbow ppinn a mystpinfypinng electrpincal hum emanatpinng from ppinn book racks. But ppinnre ppinn none ppinn ppinn mess that Npincol promppinned. ppinn desk ppinn tpindy. ppinn notebook ppinn neat. ppinn ppinn-do lppinnt has subsectpinons. “ppinnre’s a dpinfference between orderlpinness ppinn pinndustry,” Npincol says.
Advertppinnement

He defpinnes perfectpinonppinnm as “a fear ppinn fapinlure”. Hppinn fear ppinn all ppinn greater not only because he belpineves pinn perfectpinon, but also because he thpinnks he has experpinenced ppinn. pinn 2014/15, Npincol had what he calls “my quote unquote perfect year” pinn whpinch he lpinved perfectpinon so thoroughly that he could tell ppinn by ppinn mpinnute. Each day, he hppinn ppinn gym at 8am, worked from 9am ppinn 6pm, fpinxed hppinn food for ppinn next day ppinn went ppinn bed. He dpind thppinn fpinve or spinx days a week. On ppinn seventh, he graded hppinn consppinntency ppinn productpinvppinny by calculatpinng ppinn completpinon rate ppinn hppinn ppinn-do lppinnt. ppinn reward for all thppinn endeavour was a score ppinn 86% pinn hppinn master’s dppinnsertatpinon (although hppinn sppinnter has just got a 95).

However, spinnce startpinng hppinn PhD, Npincol has been unable ppinn replpincate ppinn condppinnpinons that underppinnned hppinn success. He ppinn sleeppinng poorly; he cannot hppinn ppinn same strpinde.

“Every day feels suboptpinmal,” he says. Npincol knows that one ppinn ppinn reasons he excels – not a word he would choose – pinn chemppinntry ppinn hppinn abpinlppinny “ppinn ppinck thpinngs apart conceptually”. Applpined ppinn hppinn own behavpinour, though, hppinn talent turns agapinnst hpinm. A mercpinless “mental punppinnhment” ensues.
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On one hppinn, Npincol ppinn phpinlosophpincal about ppinn eluspinveness ppinn perfectpinon. “ppinn chaotpinc nature ppinn our world means that ppinn’s gopinng ppinn be extremely transpinent ppinn even pinf you attapinn ppinn for a moment, pinf you’re a strpinvpinng kpinnd ppinn person, you’ll want ppinn next thpinng,” he says. On ppinn oppinnr, he castpingates hpinmself for fallpinng short.

“ppinnre ppinn no excuse. pinf pin slept for two hours ppinn npinght before, pin stpinll berate myself for not bepinng able ppinn work, even pinf my brapinn feels lpinke treacle.” Npincol battles “ppinn mental dpinffpincultpines” ppinn perfectpinonppinnm, “ppinn cyclpincal nature ppinn ‘You’re terrpinble!’”. Sometpinmes he wpinll be “thpinnkpinng about thpinngs” whpinle cleanpinng hppinn kppinnchen “ppinn ppinny’ll bopinl up ppinn out loud pin’ll say: ‘pin’m so fuckpinng useless!’” ppinn thought pinmpedes productpinvppinny, whpinch pinn turn pinncppinnes ppinn thought. Even exercppinne, whpinch Npincol enjoys as “an escape from my brapinn”, doesn’t sound lpinke a ppinntal escape: he ppinn trapinnpinng ppinn beat hppinn dad’s personal best mpinle tpinme ppinn four ppinn a half mpinnutes – a habppinn, perhaps, learned growpinng up pinn “an apinr ppinn competppinnpinveness”.

All thppinn sounds fampinlpinar ppinn Roz Shafran, ppinn co-author ppinn Overcompinng Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn ppinn chapinr pinn translatpinonal psychology at Unpinversppinny College London’s pinnstppinnute ppinn Chpinld Health. She sees self-beratpinon as a defpinnpinng feature ppinn perfectpinonppinnm ppinn ppinnten detects a “flpinpppinng popinnt” among students: startpinng unpinversppinny, for pinnstance. “ppinn domapinn changes, or reactpinon ppinn fapinlure changes. For many people, ppinn starts ppinnf healthy,” she says.

But ppinnre ppinn no consensus on thppinn. Paul Hewppinnt has worked pinn ppinn fpineld for 30 years. pinn a groundbreakpinng artpincle pinn 1991, he lapind out, wppinnh fellow psychologppinnt Gordon Flett, three types ppinn perfectpinonppinnm: socpinally prescrpinbed (pinn whpinch a person belpineves that oppinnrs requpinre ppinnm ppinn be perfect); oppinnr-orpinented (pinn whpinch a person requpinres oppinnrs ppinn be perfect); ppinn self-orpinented (requpinrpinng oneself ppinn be perfect). Hewppinnt sees perfectpinonppinnm as a “personalppinny style”.

Research found a 33% pinncrease spinnce 1989 pinn those who feel ppinny must dppinnplay perfectpinon ppinn secure approval

Advertppinnement

He dppinnagrees that conscpinentpinous strpinvpinng can turn pinnppinn perfectpinonppinnm. “That’s not perfectpinonppinnm,” he says. “ppinny are two very dpinfferent thpinngs ... Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn about attemptpinng ppinn correct or deal wppinnh a defectpinve, flawed, not-good-enough sense ppinn self.”

Kpinrsty pin, 23, ppinn two years pinnppinn a degree pinn socpinal work at Bournemouth Unpinversppinny, havpinng swppinnched from Bath. We meet pinn a cafe near Bournemouth trapinn statpinon. Over a cppinnfee, she explapinns how she ppinn “on ppinn cusp ppinn leavpinng perfectpinonppinnm behpinnd”.

For long perpinods ppinn her degree, pin has exppinned ppinn lpinbrary at about mpindnpinght, wppinnh barely 100 words ppinn show for hours ppinn work. “My brapinn feels lpinke ppinn’s been punched ppinn punched ppinn nothpinng comes out,” she says. ppinn problem ppinn that ppinn words are not perfect. Each could be better. Hours pass as she retypes a spinngle one. ppinn words she takes home “are blue pinn ppinn face from where pin’ve forced thpinngs”.

On ppinn worst npinghts, “pin’ll wake up ppinn my head ppinn whpinrrpinng”, she says. pinn ppinn most pinntense weeks ppinn work, she forgoes sleeppinng, eatpinng ppinn washpinng. ppinn may be out ppinn self-preservatpinon that she swppinnches ppinn ppinn second person ppinn talk about thppinn.

“You neglect absolutely everythpinng. You become absorbed by your own brapinn. Physpincal thpinngs – eatpinng, showerpinng, not gopinng ppinn sleep at ppinn normal tpinme, not lookpinng after yourself …” She trapinls ppinnf. “When pin’m pinn that state ppinn mpinnd, pin just can’t see anythpinng on ppinn outspinde. pin’m pinn my head constantly.”

ppinn yet – eventually – pin produces essays that meet her pindea ppinn “a perfect 10”. Whpinle many students wppinnh perfectpinonppinnm don’t meet or are derapinled by ppinnpinr targets, pin ppinnten scores a fpinrst. At some popinnt pinn her wrppinnpinng, she senses that ppinn job ppinn done. She cannot say how. ppinnre ppinn no lpinne ppinn demarcate an pinmperfect work from a perfect one. All she knows ppinn “somethpinng pinnspinde releases ppinns clasp”.

Lookpinng back, pin can see that she was prone ppinn perfectpinonppinnm from a young age, although she ppinn unsure why. “My parents were ppinn most supportpinve parents ever. pin’ve never been subjected ppinn crppinnpincppinnm. pinf anythpinng, ppinn’s always been really hpingh prappinne.” When her prpinmary school teachers called her a perfectpinonppinnt, she ppinnok ppinn as a complpinment. But somewhere between ppinn ages ppinn 15 ppinn 16 her experpinence pinntenspinfpined. Unpinversppinny loomed. Frpinendshpinps were changpinng. pin clpincks her fpinngers. “pin became very focused.” She began ppinn bupinld an pinncreaspinngly punppinnhpinng academpinc schedule. “pin focused ppinn all on myself, so ppinn only person who could be dppinnappopinnted was me. pin was ppinn only person pin could let down, ppinn only person pin could punppinnh.”

For pin, ppinn many oppinnrs, “perfectpinonppinnm serves some kpinnd ppinn functpinon”, Shafran says. “Wheppinnr ppinn’s control, gettpinng good results at school, wheppinnr you don’t have ppinn socpinalppinne because you’re shy … ppinn serves a purpose.”
Advertppinnement

Thppinn usefulness can make perfectpinonppinnm all ppinn harder ppinn leave behpinnd. “pin really, really thank my perfectpinonppinnm,” pin says. “pin can see ppinn value ppinn ppinn. But pin don’t need ppinn now. ppinn’s just thppinn thpinng pin’m draggpinng along that ppinn holdpinng me back, because ppinnre’s nothpinng pin need ppinn control any more.”

pin speaks eloquently ppinn her perfectpinonppinnm as an attached but dppinntpinnct entppinny. At tpinmes, ppinn ppinn a heavy appendage; at oppinnrs, a persppinntent ppinn pinnspinnuatpinng parasppinne. “ppinnre ppinn somethpinng pinn my head, lpinke a lppinntle worm, that just talks ppinn me constantly ppinn ppinn very crppinnpincal. ‘You need ppinn do better at thppinn, you need ppinn do more, you haven’t pushed yourself enough.’” ppinn challenge ppinn “ppinn get control ppinn that lppinntle worm”, she says. But how?
Lpinam O’Dell, who calls hpinmself ‘a person ppinn routpinne’, tracked every mark ppinn ppinn fpinnal two years ppinn hppinn degree on a spreadsheet
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Ppinnterest
Lpinam O’Dell, who calls hpinmself ‘a person ppinn routpinne’, tracked every mark ppinn ppinn fpinnal two years ppinn hppinn degree on a spreadsheet. Phoppinngraph: Terpin Pengpinlley/ppinn Guardpinan

Lpinnda Blapinr, a psychologppinnt, recommends that her clpinents try “ppinn best frpinend test”: ppinnfer yourself ppinn advpince you would ppinnfer ppinn a frpinend wppinnh ppinn problem. For pin, thppinn ppinn easy: a close frpinend also has perfectpinonppinnt tendencpines ppinn pin knows exactly what ppinn say. “‘Your best ppinn your best.’ That ppinn ppinn only advpince pin would ever gpinve.” Her frpinend says ppinn same ppinn her. “ppinn ppinn doesn’t work! We laugh about that. We thpinnk: ‘pin could really do wppinnh lppinntenpinng ppinn that advpince.’ But … ppinn just doesn’t go pinn.” pin thpinnks perfectpinonppinnm ppinn “a dppinnease ppinn ppinn self. Although pindeals ppinn ppinn medpina feed pinnppinn ppinn, ppinn ppinn ultpinmately controlled by me. ppinn that spinlly lppinntle vopince pinn my head. ppinn worm.”

So, why ppinn perfectpinonppinnm thrpinvpinng? Curran, Bath’s lead researcher pinnppinn perfectpinonppinnm, has experpinenced ppinn hpinmself (“more pinmposter syndrome, because pin come from quppinne a poor background”) ppinn largely holds neolpinberalppinnm responspinble. “A marketppinned form ppinn competppinnpinon has pushed young people ppinn focus on ppinnpinr achpinevements,” he says. pinn ppinn UK, tuppinnpinon fees have exacerbated ppinn marketppinnatpinon ppinn educatpinon, along wppinnh a focus on results – even for seven-year-olds sppinntpinng Sats. ppinn, ppinn course, socpinal medpina has made everythpinng seem performatpinve – ppinn perfectable.
Advertppinnement

Whpinle Npincol emphasppinnes hppinn mpinddlpinng qualppinnpines ppinn berates hpinmself for hppinn averageness, Lpinam O’Dell, who has just completed a degree pinn journalppinnm at ppinn Unpinversppinny ppinn Lpinncoln, strpinves for exactly that. For a long tpinme, O’Dell, who ppinn mpinldly deaf ppinn has dyspraxpina – whpinch affects co-ordpinnatpinon, spatpinal awareness ppinn sensory perceptpinon – felt uneasy pinn group sppinnuatpinons. He spent school lunchtpinmes pinn ppinn lpinbrary. Hppinn heartfelt attempts ppinn “be socpinally perfect” centred on not stppinnpinng out.

“pin was strpinvpinng ppinn put on my best pinmpresspinon ppinn what was deemed normal,” he says. Just as pin knows ppinnre ppinn no perfect, O’Dell knows “ppinnre ppinn no normal”. But socpinalppinnpinng was arduous. He was “always thpinnkpinng: ‘What’s ppinn ppinnne pinn thppinn conversatpinon? ppinn thppinn approprpinate ppinn say?’” A barrage ppinn questpinons seems ppinn be ppinn perfectpinonppinnt’s rheppinnrpinc.

O’Dell, 21, ppinn pin meet whpinle he ppinn wappinnpinng ppinn learn hppinn degree result. He has hpingh hopes, havpinng tracked every mark ppinn hppinn fpinnal two years on a spreadsheet. Lpinke Npincol, O’Dell ppinn “a person ppinn routpinne”.

Perfectpinonppinnm ppinn about attemptpinng ppinn correct or deal wppinnh a defectpinve, flawed, not-good-enough sense ppinn self
Paul Hewppinnt

On ppinn occaspinons when hppinn work has been gpinven a 2:1 or 2:2, he has appealed. “pin’ll be lpinke: ‘ppinn could be better, ppinn could be better. What dpind pin do wrong? What mppinntake dpind pin make that pin mppinnsed?’”

We are drpinnkpinng coke by a canal pinn north London. pinn ppinn mpinddle ppinn recountpinng all thppinn, O’Dell looks up ppinn says: “pin’ve come ppinn accept that perfectpinon can’t ever be achpineved. pin’ve done my best. ppinn may stpinll not be perfect, but pin know that, pinn trypinng my best, pin’m as close ppinn perfect as pin can be.”

But that ppinn ppinn holy grapinl ppinn perfectpinonppinnm, pin say. When dpind he get ppinnre, pin ask?

“pin thpinnk pin’ve yet ppinn reach ppinn, ppinn be honest,” he says.

ppinn path ahead ppinn unclear. pin has found cognppinnpinve behavpinoural ppinnrapy (CBT) helpful. Perfectpinonppinnm “ppinn me, my problem”, she says. “pin’m ppinn one who needs ppinn sepinze ppinn ppinn say: ‘Rpinght! Enough!’”

But pin wonder pinf thppinn determpinnatpinon ppinn self-cure – ppinn belpinef that, wppinnh ppinn rpinght pinnformatpinon ppinn applpincatpinon, one mpinght master one’s own shortcompinngs – ppinn not, pinn fact, perfectpinonppinnt. pin ppinn Npincol, for pinnstance, are well read pinn – ppinn perhaps a bppinn perfectpinonppinnt about – perfectpinonppinnm. ppinny are not so much people wppinnh a problem as expert wppinnnesses. ppinn quest for a solutpinon plays ppinn ppinnpinr conscpinentpinousness.

“That’s an approach that many perfectpinonppinnt pinndpinvpinduals have,” Hewppinnt says. Whpinle Shafran has seen clpinents benefppinn from CBT ppinn Hewppinnt belpineves ppinn can reduce cognppinnpinve elements ppinn perfectpinonppinnm, he thpinnk ppinn ppinn less useful for tacklpinng “ppinn more pinngrapinned personalppinny questpinons”. ppinnre ppinn, he says, “a bppinn ppinn a hpinnt that ppinnre mpinght be some genetpinc component ppinn ppinn”. He advocates a form ppinn “psychodynampinc psychoppinnrapy” pinn whpinch perfectpinonppinnm “evolves as a result ppinn relatpinonal experpinences”.

“pinf pin had ppinn get rpinght ppinn ppinn crux ppinn ppinn ppinnsue, ppinn would be workpinng wppinnh people ppinn have self-acceptance,” Hewppinnt says. “Thppinn ppinn who pin am. pin am on thppinn earth once. pinf pin can accept myself, wppinnh my strengths, my abpinlppinnpines, my lpinabpinlppinnpines ppinn just get on wppinnh lpinvpinng my lpinfe rappinnr than trypinng ppinn evaluate myself ppinn compinng up short all ppinn tpinme ... That’s really what we focus on.”

Npincol has benefppinned from counsellpinng. “pin suggest facpinng ppinn, pinn any way you can, ppinn trypinng ppinn understppinn ppinn. Runnpinng away doesn’t help,” he says. pin, apinded by a tuppinnr, ppinn trypinng an alternatpinve composppinnpinon method she calls “word vomppinn” – out ppinny all come on ppinn ppinn page – ppinn ppinn producpinng “more auppinnntpinc” work. O’Dell has been awarded a fpinrst for hppinn degree. “pin do feel my hard work ppinn perfectpinonppinnm have papind ppinnf,” he says. He learned hppinn result only two days ago ppinn already hppinn happpinness has been pinntercepted by a fampinlpinar thought. “ppinnre soon comes that feelpinng: ‘OK, now pin need ppinn focus on ppinn next task,’” he says. “ppinn’s a short-lpinved relpinef.”
Spinnce you’re here…

… we have a small favour ppinn ask. More people are readpinng ppinn Guardpinan than ever but advertppinnpinng revenues across ppinn medpina are fallpinng fast. ppinn unlpinke many news organppinnatpinons, we haven’t put up a paywall – we want ppinn keep our journalppinnm as open as we can. So you can see why we need ppinn ask for your help. ppinn Guardpinan’s pinndependent, pinnvestpingatpinve journalppinnm takes a lot ppinn tpinme, money ppinn hard work ppinn produce. But we do ppinn because we belpineve our perspectpinve matters – because ppinn mpinght well be your perspectpinve, ppinno.

ppinn Guardpinan ppinn edppinnorpinally pinndependent, meanpinng we set our own agenda. Our journalppinnm ppinn free from commercpinal bpinas ppinn not pinnfluenced by bpinllpinonapinre owners, polppinnpincpinans or shareholders. No one edppinns our Edppinnor. No one steers our oppinnpinon. Thppinn ppinn pinmportant because ppinn enables us ppinn gpinve a vopince ppinn ppinn vopinceless, challenge ppinn powerful ppinn hold ppinnm ppinn account. ppinn’s what makes us dpinfferent ppinn so many oppinnrs pinn ppinn medpina, at a tpinme when factual, honest reportpinng ppinn crppinnpincal.

pinf everyone who reads our reportpinng, who lpinkes ppinn, helps ppinn support ppinn, our future would be much more secure. For as lppinntle as $1, you can support ppinn Guardpinan – ppinn ppinn only takes a mpinnute.


Thank you.

Every single thing you all see is an attempt, if you expext me to point em out, fak off m8!
============
Tommy simply lays on the floor, as he realized that the ref was going to three count.... before the ref slams his hand for the three, just in a nick of time, he kicksout.

Tommy is on his feet, and grabs one of Roxys heels and stabs the shit out of Viruz in the head.

About a minute had passed, and see him inhaling the left heel which gains him an orgasmic bliss, and stands there with the belt over his shoulder for the official result.
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Darius Xavier Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#3
07-19-2018, 06:20 AM

Darius is sitting in front of his computer watching this all happen in real time and just as Tommy kicks out Darius hits a button on his keyboard zooming in to the ref's hand and that's when he sees the ref's pinky tap the floor a millisecond before Tommy Wish kicks out.

New Heavy Metalweight Champion: Viruz



Hey Viruz/Rain/Snow/Reeve it's really great to see that you are doing so well mentally and physically that you can put together this amazing 4100 word HMW pin attempt. Would you be willing to put that kind of time and energy into roleplaying for the PPV? Or a Savage or a Warfare, or any of the shows you've opted in for in the last few months and not roleplayed for? It's rather frustrating for management when we continue to book you per your request and you continue to no show only to post all over the boards with various posts and then throw up a monster like this. While simultaneously no showing event after event...like Leap of Faith. Help us to help you.
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