ENGY RECAP The Engineer has been speaking with the phantom form of his deceased best friend and rival Jim Caedus for weeks now, but the exact nature of this spectre hasn't been entirely known....

We open inside the opulent hotel room of Madison Dyson, the Philadelphia sky line out the window disclosing that she and (presumably) The Engineer have arrived for Warfare. However, Madison is looking concerned. She's talking into her smart phone, but because it's Madison she's doing it obnoxiously holding it out away from her mouth as she shouts into it because you know she does that.

Yeah Dr. Topaz, I am getting pretty concerned about Engy errrr Dexter. He should be on top of the world but lately he's just in this weird malaise where he just, like, doesn't give a fuck. Like the other night I caught him in my bathroom with his browser window open to Porn Hub and before I could bitch him out he just turns to me with this defeated look on his face and he's all like “Why do I feel like nothing matters anymore?” I mean, if I didn't have my tear ducts surgically removed I would be BAWLING. The poor guy just sounded so sad, how bad does it have to be for a guy that he can't even spank it in his manager's bathroom?

The man on the other end of the line, noted celebrity psychiatrist Dr. Topaz Wexler, is being paid a lot of money to sound concerned.

Hmmmm, yes, this is very concerning. When did the symptoms start?

Oh, I don't know, right around the time his competition starting totally blowing ass. I think he just feels really unfulfilled, you know?

Mmmmm....yesssss..... Dr. Topaz muses as a desperate young starlet unzips his pants under his desk. I recommend a full round of my patented “brain cleanse” treatment. And you're in luck because my Happy Juice supplement is on sale this week for $99.99 per 3 ounce tube.

Oh, is that like a gel or one of those powders you mix in....

It's rectal, it goes up your ass. The starlet's mouth closes around his dick.

Well I'll buy all of that!

Mmmmmm...yessss....I'm seeing the order go through right now. He prematurely ejaculates in the girl's mouth, just as his cell phone makes a cash register sound indicating Madison's order has already cleared.

In the adjacent room....

The Engineer stands in his own hotel room, hands clutching the edge of the vanity in the bathroom, body posture stiff and back slightly hunched. He's glowering in the mirror, his lip ticcing ever so slightly as his eyes bore into the glass. The ghost of Jim Caedus appears next to him, the burnt flesh side of his face towards the mirror, highlighting its disgusting countenance in the glow of the energy efficient bulbs above the mirror. You know Jackie's not the answer, 'Eng. He'll never be the opponent you need him to be.

Engy doesn't answer. He just chews on the side of his tongue, worrying a sore into it.

Jim looks over Engy's shoulder, the side of his face that still actually has muscle tone conveying concern. Hell man, I wasn't even the opponent you needed, and I tried twice. I'm your friend Dex, and you know I wouldn't steer you wrong. So I'm gonna give it to ya straight....you're too good for this place. Too good for the XWF. But instead of that fact making you get meaner, it's made you soft like you're taking PITY on these mother fuckers.

Dex, this place drove me to the brink of madness and KILLED ME. Jim's voice is plaintive, even as the force behind his words causes black flakes of burnt skin to shed like dandruff and land on Engy's shoulder. And let's not forget how they treated you, man. How they humiliated you after you won that crown, shoved your face in shit and tried to tear down all that you earned. And where are those King motherfuckers now, huh? Drifted right the fuck on outta here with million dollar golden parachutes. Except that creep Deville of course, who's still lurkin' around but keeping his distance from you like some punk bitch. Caedus shuffles around to Engy's opposite side now, revealing the unblemished good looking side of his face. And then you got all these rookies, the Jackie Pepper's, the Finn Kuhn's, the Pestalance's. They'll never be good enough for you either. Not like I tried to be anyway. God damn it, I lost EVERYTHING warring with you! These knobs sit around cracking jokes and collecting losses like it ain't no thang, like they don't want to have to FIGHT for the glory your championship entails. Like it doesn't even MATTER!

Jim grabs Engy's hand in a strangely intimate gesture, turning the champ away from the mirror. Jim goes down on one knee, Engy's hand kept between one normal hand and one composed of sickly blackened sinew. Even Engy looks surprised by it, but he says nothing.

This place, and the people in it, don't deserve you. And you don't need any of them. You say this isn't fun for you anymore, 'Eng? What does a kid do with a toy that's outlived it's entertainment value? Jim looks up at him expectantly.

Engy looks to the side, then refocuses on Jim. I guess they toss it aside.

Jim chuckles. Oh sure, but let's do one better. Remember all those little army guys we had as kids? The green ones? You could pick up a whole bag of them for a dollar. We had fun with them for a while, but what did we do when we were done with them? Eh? I don't know about you but I grabbed the old magnifying glass and I melted the shit out of them. Imagined I could hear their screams as they dissolved into a formless puddle of themselves.

It's Engy's turn to chuckle now. Heh. Yeah, I did that too....

Of course you did. When they outlived their usefulness. When you were feelin' a little bit mean and low down, right? But here's what I'm suggesting.... Jim's single good eye blazes with an unseemly and perhaps vicious passion. Let's burn 'em. Jackie. Empire. Management. The rookies. The broke down old veterans who don't know when to call it quits. Let's melt them down. Destroy them. He rises back to his feet, but still doesn't let go of Engy's hand. Let's make this fun again.

Engy let's go of Jim's hands, but a dreamy crooked smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. ....have some fun.... He roll the words around in his mouth, like tasting a fine wine. He looks to the door just as....

A short time later....

Okay buddy, I think I got the solution to your woes but you'll have to be a tad open minded.... Madison speaks aloud as she throws open the door to Engy's bathroom, only to find that he's gone. The bathroom mirror is hanging lose from the wall, swaying gently back and forth in its final tenuous mooring as Madison considers it quizzically. Something draws her attention then to the bathroom window. She takes a few steps towards it, looking out of it and squinting her eyes at the bizarre sight that hangs in the night sky, far far in the distance.