The visage of Jackie's mighty flag is seen across your screen. It quickly fades into a star wipe! We see Jackie Peppers, doing all the crazy monkey kung fu at the unforgettable Savage ending where Pestalance did stuff too and paid off the referee. Star wipe! We see Jackie Peppers massaging some boobs. Star wipe! We see Jackie Peppers touching enormous boobs from another angle. Star wipe!

We see Jackie Peppers looking woefully miserable. We zoom out to see jumper cables attached to his nipples. Behind him, standing next to a busted looking 1973 Dodge Challenger, lime green and splotched with rust spots, is Black Angus. He is holding the other ends of the jumper cables.

Tink I'm funny, do ye!

Angus, w-w-wait, why are you doing this?

Yer opponent seems ta tink I'm sum kind of cloon, lad!

Like Ronald McDonald?

Bob Whiskey, Jackie's sparring partner, waddles up carrying three brown McDonald's bags and more cellulite than the dumpster behind a liposuction clinic.

Nae! Ronald McDonald is a' Scottish treesure!

A tear streams from Angus's eye as he thinks of all the heroism shown by Ronald McDonald in Scottish history. Star wipe! We see Ronald McDonald tossing a caber. Star wipe! We see Ronald McDonald discovering haggis. Star wipe! We see footage from the movie Braveheart, specifically a point where we see Mel Gibson's body with Ronald McDonald's head superimposed on top of it.

They may take our lives, but they'll never take our cheeseburgers!

Ronald raises his mighty claymore in the air as Grimace, it's face painted half blue, the Hamburglar, and an army of Fry Guys all roar in approval, ready to face their fate against the English across the battlefield. The camera shows the King. The Burger King. He signals with a single hand and a brigade of bowmen all fire a volley of chicken fries across the battlefield. Ronald McDonald takes cover with Grimace and Hamburglar. As a chicken fry penetrates Ronald's shield, the Hamburglar looks at him.

The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure RABBLE RABBLE!!!

The Hamburglar shrugs as Ronald McDonald rolls his eyes. Star wipe! Jackie has removed the jumper cables from his nips as Angus is catatonic, blending modern fast food icons with what is still a pretty cool movie regardless of Mel Gibson's image now or the fact that Gladiator basically did the same story with another Australian actor. Bob, having set his bags of food on the roof of the Challenger, pulls a burger out and sinks his teeth into it without even removing the wrapper.

Bob, no. Take the cheeseburger out of the paper first.

But I already know what's inside.

Angus reaches up his kilt and pulls out his handle of cheap whiskey and takes a nip off of it. He looks at Jackie.

What are ye dewin', lad!? Ye need ta treen! Engineer sid he wus more dangerous as a challenger den a champion! So we got dis Challenger to electrocute your milkers wit!

That, uh, that literally makes no sense at all.

A'course i'dus, lad!

Angus slugs his whiskey again as another tear streaks down his cheek.

A'course i'dus.

Bob walks over and puts a saggy arm around Angus. Angus buries his face into Bob's tubby man cans. Bob takes another bite out of a still-wrapped hamburger as crumbs, bits of burger, and wet paper cascade out of his mouth onto Angus. Jackie kind of gawks at them awkwardly then walks away. He crosses the gravel lot the houseboat is parked on and enters the houseboat. He kicks aside a few empty cans and bottles on the floor and sits on the love seat. As he does, six women in bikinis step out. They look annoyed, if not rather attractive, their curves hugged by print of the Swedish flag.



Oh, l-look, Swedish Bikini Team, I don't know how you compete or what organization regulates you to make sure you're not cheating, and I love just staring at your bodies and the fun stuff we do with the tarp and the KY jelly, but now is kind of a bad time...

In perfect unison, the six members of the Swedish Bikini Team respond.

We are mad at you. You said you would be fighting for the Swedish flag, and that is why you were practicing taking off our bikinis and hanging them places!

I am, I am! Didn't you see the flag? Angus and Bob...

Jackie stops midway through what he was saying, realizing what was coming out of his mouth in trying to explain that Angus and Bob had in fact selected the Swedish flag.

Oh, okay, okay, so you aren't just wearing IKEA bikinis?

No, these are the noble flags of Sweden! We pay homage to our homeland by making sure whenever a man looks at our ample breasts, luscious hips, sculpted hineys, or even just looking for a lip slip in our crotch, they think of Sweden!

But, that's the IKEA logo!

We know! IKEA, even though it's owned by the Dutch, is very Swedish. Why do you think all the products sold there have Swedish names?

Jackie shrugs.

Swedish? I just thought they were trendy hipsters!

All six Swedish Bikini Team members put their hands on their hips and look at Jackie with disappointment. They mumble something in unison in their native tongue. No subtitles.

Aw, what does that mean? I have a lampshade? The ficus needs mood lighting?

No, Jackie. We just think in order for you to take all our bikinis off again, you need to beat the Engineer and raise the Swedish flag!

Done.

Without hesitation, Jackie glares back at the Swedish Bikini Team and nods his head, determination and steadfastness reassured and reaffirmed by each set of hooters, all of them more than a mouthful and potentially tongue sprain enducing according to Gary from Weird Science.

I will raise the Swedish flag at Warfare after I beat Engineer. I will beat Engineer because, well, boobs!

The Swedish Bikini Team, delighted by the news, laugh giddily and clap.

Yay!

As Jackie says this, Angus steps into the houseboat.

Nae ye' won't! We picked a nice flag out at Michael's and dat's de un yer fightin' fer!

Whatever, I'll do both. Your stupid flag and tits.

What about Madison's boobs?

John Madison?

No, I think Dyson.

I'll giver a purl nickless!

Everybody laughs and laughs at the comedic genius of Angus. Then, suddenly, the whole room breaks out in a chorus of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On". The Swedish Bikini team forms a conga line and they dance out of the room. The remaining trio look confident that they have declared not one but two flags that Jackie will be fighting for while the Engineer hasn't picked one yet. Suddenly, the wall of the house boat is ripped open by an angry bear, and Angus, Jackie, and Bob all start to scream and run in circles.