The shot opens on a pile of rubbish. Actually, to be more specific, it's a pile of crumpled, shredded, or otherwise battered valentines. Sitting atop the pile is your Universal Champion, The Engineer. He picks up one valentine off the mighty pile and reads it.



Yes Gravy, yes I did.

He tosses the valentine over his shoulder disdainfully before looking up and smiling at the camera. Lot to unpack in your last one buddy, so let's hop to it, shall we? First off, as far as me tearing into your recent record that wasn't me buying into “everybody else's crap”, that was me buying into YOUR crap. You gave that one up right out of the gate by bringing your “start-stop” recent history into this. Your record HAS been spotty in the time I've been here, it's just a fact. Pockmarked by inconsistencies in employment and wins. And you know what Gravy, you're right. I SHOULDN'T just take it on credit that your record was bad, so you know what I did? I meticulously reviewed all your performances for the LAST YEAR. And what did I find? An AGGRESSIVELY mediocre record of 4 wins and 6 losses. To be clear that's when you wrestled as, erm, you and not a squat little fat man (apparently). Although if you needed your record as a Nigga to help boost your stats....yikes.

10 matches in a year, and you couldn't break even. There, you made me MATH. I hate math.

Now, I will grant you that some of those losses were against top tier talent. I can't hit you too hard. But, numbers are numbers. And quite frankly, if we take it on merit that roster quality has been shitty, you could have been right there alongside me mopping up scrubs for a big fat streak, but you didn't bother. So I guess that leaves us with another cold, hard barren truth: Do you DESERVE a Universal Title match?

Engy shoots a pointed look at the camera and shrugs.

I would say, on the basis of your recent work, nuh-uh. But then again that hasn't stopped other equally as unimpressive guys from getting their chance to grab the brass ring, so hell, I'm not gonna stop you from making the challenge. Go ahead and step right up. But I still don't think you're ready.

Engy shifts his weight on the mound of valentines, causing a small avalanche of crumpled paper and cheap cardboard in his wake.

As for your argument that the roster sucks? Duh. I've spent more time here picking nits than I have slaying monsters like Main, Caedus, Trax, and John Samuels. And it hasn't been for lack of trying. I've called out and accepted challenges from James Raven twice now and he still hasn't been bothered to sign up for a card. I have said numerous times that I will accept any challenge, so is it really my fault that the only people answering the call are guys in over their heads? If the legends of old have stopped caring, how exactly is it fair to hold me to that standard? It's not. It's a tired bullshit promo tactic that has been used against me countless times. I've walked this road so many times now I could navigate it in my sleep.

See, the big difference of opinion here though is that you seem to think that you're the answer to that whole “lack of competition” problem. But I just don't see it that way. Even with a “golden meniscus” you're just not where you used to be, and your record for the past year is damning. Sorry bae. It's true. I think you could improve and regain that former glory though. Fuck man, I'd like nothing better! We could make enough bank off a credible Michael Graves and Engy Universal Title match to be in “questionably youthful looking” Thai hookers and cocaine for several lifetimes! But the way it stands NOW is that you are 100% underdog status. Smart odds are most def on me.

But it's a moot point though. Unless management sends me in against Pesty (**SIGH**) you'll get your shot. And you'll probably lose. Your record over the last year shows that we can set our collective watches by Graves' inability to handle going toe to toe with main event talent. But I will do you this solid. /

Engy waggles a finger as though he's about to make a grand point.

If/when you lose to me this Saturday, I will let you back out of the challenge you made for the July 4th Warfare. No shit talk, no disrespectful “Graves is a pussy for backing down” claptrap. You just pull back, regroup, and come back at me when you're ready. Because if/when you lose to me this Saturday, even you have to admit that dropping that challenge is just the most prudent choice. I mean, after all, do you REALLY want to lose to me twice in a row? Think of what that will do to your credibility. Plus, the last guy who lost to me twice in a row...?

Engy leans into the camera hissing between his teeth and making a pained expression.

He went a little coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. And not in the fun way like you, but in the “pending forcible psychiatric admission” kinda way. Just lookin' out for ya buddy.

He shoots the camera a double thumbs up.

But seriously though, even though I've drizzled shits on your parade, I still think you could be a worthwhile ally because of the POTENTIAL you have. But as for beating me? Not gonna happen yet. See ya on the sunny side!

Engy playfully slides down the pile as the shot cuts.