The scene is set over the gentle, warm ambiance of a romantic candlelit dinner. Twinkling in the distance is some music played on a grand piano. Two candles flicker over the empty places set out before us, one for the Universal champion, and one in front of the camera.



The Engineer's features are a lit by the glow of the candle. It's asshole puckeringly creepy. Engy gestures towards the wine glasses next to the empty places.

Hey Gravy. Went ahead and ordered some wine for you. Pinot Noir. Figured you would be a Napa Valley kinda guy. So, got your message. You make it so hard to stay mad at you. The muppets? Swoon.

He clasps his hands over his chest. Just then, the waiter steps up next to Engy, but before he can even speak Engy says, Two steaks. Rare. And I mean it, that shit better still be “mooing”. With a look that screams he will suffer nothing but, the waiter beats a retreat and Engy looks back at the camera.

However, despite playing to my love of puppetry, my ego, and my desire for talented competition I STILL cannot help but notice that you have decided to tether yourself to that lump of abject mediocrity known as Cadryn Tiberius. Now granted, you guys DID beat Paragon, true. But that's like...like....doing a really easy thing. (Confession: I'm already five glasses of Pinot in). Finn sucks. Scully sucks. You were on point and Cadryn managed to forget he sucks for one night so bully for you. But how long is THAT going to last? That little hick pustule is gonna bail again, sooner rather than later. But it seems there's no convincing you on that point so onto the next.

Engy drops the glass of wine that's in front of him down his gullet like a shot.

I thought long and hard (shut up Cadryn) about your rewrite there, but I can't say I'm feeling all the edits, man. I mean, when you said you didn't want to be on ANY lists with Gilmour....hey, that's a given. And I TRIED to get Petey off that Top 50 but a certain member of management wouldn't budge.

Quick cut to a signed picture of Shane that reads “No Engy, you can't have Number 32. Suck my balls. Love,Shane. XOXOXO”

And yes, you are correct that I have been bitching endlessly about not having the best competition. And yes, we both have something each other wants, you can have that point too. But when it comes to you possibly being THE GUY, one of the few who has a legit chance of stopping me....? Engy makes a pained expression. Let me preface this by saying that I once read in an Ann Landers column that a good friend will tell you nice things but that a BEST FRIEND will tell you the TRUTH. Even when it hurts. ESPECIALLY when it hurts. Soooooo....

Engy takes a deep breath.

You're not the guy Gravy.

Engy winces like he's expecting something bad. But then he peeks one eye open, and then both, before continuing. I know, I know! I will admit that while it is quite possible that we will have a great match that'll tear the arena down, there is woefully insufficient evidence that you are the one who's gonna stop me. Let's look at the facts. You're fresh off a big injury. You yourself admitted you haven't been an exemplar of your own Top 50 status for quite some time. And lastly, I'm Engy. I'm not unbeatable. But it's really, really, fucking hard to get one over on me. Can you honestly say, with complete certainty in the deepest darkest recesses of the soul you may or may not have, that NOW is your time? That the Michael Graves of TODAY...of THIS MOMENT....has what it takes? Especially when so many guys who have had so much more recent success couldn't get the job done against me? Jim Caedus. Robert Main. Trax. All dragons I've slain over the last year.

I'm gonna take it a step further, and it's gonna hurt so you may wanna find something to bite down on. Ready? I have been very public about the fact that I want to face the very best. I have run from NO challenge. I volunteer for card after card to fight whoever management books me against when I could just rest on a title defense every month or two. But I need to establish credibility. I came into the XWF as a literal gibbering and plenty of people are loathe to let me forget it. So I bust my ass to overcome that stigma.

The reason I wanted to team with you and not face you is because, despite your Top 50 status, despite the fact that you're pretty much a household name here, I don't think you can provide me that credibility as an opponent yet. I just don't. Now, I DO think we could make a bitchin' unit, that's no lie. And I think, given some time regaining your skills and confidence, you could one day be a legit contender. But, not until you regain that fire. And I think I could actually help you rekindle that. And then maybe, one day in the future, our team could implode spectacularly and we'll give the world a REAL nail biter of a match.

Engy mimes dropping a poker hand down on the table.

It's all out in the open now. How I really feel about you. Now I won't begrudge you a Universal Championship match with me. I won't block ya, Gravy. But you're blowin' your load early. You're not ready. I'm sorry.

Two bleeding steaks get dropped on the plates. Engy points to Gravy's.

You gonna eat that?