XWF FanBase: The IWC (gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)
(Where is my roster page?)
Joined: Wed Apr 04 2018
Posts: 40
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4 X-Bux: ✘74,992
A'ight so this shit is kinda continued off from my last promo which technically is for another show, Warfare, but I don't give a shit. Basically if you somehow missed that promo you saw me announce myself as my own narrator because my other option was Pestalance and we know he can't talk for shit and I kinda prefer people to know what's goin' down.
Yeah I know, I know, it's always Jenny Myst goin' down she's the fuckin' grande gobbler of the federation and everybody's favorite joke, lookin' like 200 pounds of semen bustin' out of a goddamn 1 ounce baggie n' shit. But fuck her I got nothin' to do with that slag.
Wow I lost track there but the point is you last saw my ass drivin' around in my sweet ass Ford GT and I arrived at some location that was blurred out because yo asses weren't allowed to see where I was.
Here I go walking up to the door of wherever this place is and it seems like it's a hotel. Some dumb bitch is at the front counter asking me about my business so shit gets bleeped out as I tell her.
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Bitch I'm here to [bleep bleeeeeeeep bleep bitch bleep!]
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Ah yes, I'll call him right now is what the bitch says as she picks her phone up and calls the dude I'm here to meet.
She gets the ok to send my ass up to his room and I tell her she rocks and slip her my phone number in case she wants this dick later tonight because she might be a dumb bitch but you didn't hear me describe her as ugly as fuck at any point now did you? Nope.
I take the elevator up and make my way to my awaiting party's room and guess who it is!
OOOOOOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
That's right niggas and niggetes it's on like my name was Ron as soon as you realize just who I'm here to engage in negotiations with.
It's him!
Live and in the flesh!
Richard Wang, Referee of the main event at Saturday Night Savage!
Ambiguously Asian, rumors have circulated that Wang is corrupt and open to bribes. Fuck.
The smile that splats across my face splits my cheeks farther apart than Jenny Myst's ass when every dude in the locker room bukkake bangs her to high hell so you KNOW I'm smiley as fuck right now as I say it.
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I've been waiting for this moment, Mr. Wang. Believe me the pleasure is all mine, sir.
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That's right this playa is polite as FUCK with ol' boy and you know damn well why.
He shakes my hand and invites me in, telling me he was expecting me which of course I knew because I told his ass in advance I was coming to talk business but I just keep it cool.
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Thanks again for agreeing to meet with me. I feel like we can really help each other out.
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I close the hotel room door in your faces to keep the camera out but for some reason I keep narrating what the fuck's going on so it's like why the fuck did I close the door? Bro who gives a fuck.
Richard Wang offers me a drink and I turn it down because my lips and tongue are already wet from when I was licking Mandii Rider's pussy earlier oh wait no the fuck I wasn't because I don't want crabs chewing holes through my face.
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No thanks, I'd rather just get right down to business.
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He tells me he can respect that and yeah it turns out he does have an Asian accent but I'm not about to try and imitate it for you donkeys.
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Ok playa so here's the situation. I'm seein' your name listed as the ref for my match tomorrow night and I'm also seein' a lot of shady ass bitches in the match not only as my opponents but even on my own team.
I know some shits about to go down and I know that these cats all know straight up they can't touch me when it comes to in ring skill or experience. The only guy I should be able to trust is my own stablemate Pestalance but I got a feelin' he's tryn'a gank my shit and take my spot in the title picture so he can go after that queer Engineer himself instead of having the triple threat I want.
So this leaves me wondering just who can I trust? Nobody that's who. So I guess I ain't wonderin' at all.
But here's what I do know.
You're a business man much like myself.
You're a professional who listens to reason and wants to do what's right.
And what's right.
Is quite simple.
And that my friend, is the price.
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Wang's eyes open as wide as you can expect of him considering he's a chink and he begins to nod affirmatively as I go on.
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So bein' that I'm by far the guy with the most accolades and experience in this business out of everyone in the match tomorrow, it also means I've got the most money and I've got the fanciest toys.
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Wang rubs his chin and has that creepy look like he's thinking about raping a child oh wait that's Scully and Pest.
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And by the look on your face it sounds like you're interested in both. Sometimes you need a fancy toy just to keep an ass load of money in, right? 'Course ya do. You're a real playa just like ya boy Ron Cena.
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Wang takes a drink of whatever weirdo zipperhead beverage he's been gettin' ass out buttered off tonight. His glazed over eyes finally make themselves apparent to me because for a while it was hard to even see if he had eyes. I was afraid he watched 1 too many Jeremiah DickSin promos which to be precise would be a total of 1 promo, and gouged his own eyes out.
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Thank god you've got eyes.
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He chokes up some of his drank.
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Oh shit I'm sorry bro I meant to say I'm glad you and I can do business tonighz, which is slang for tonight.
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Good fuckin' save!
He sets his drank down and seems hesitant to actually ask me for any specific numbers or gifts, and I already know how this game goes because I've uh oh shit nevermind that. I'm new to bribing. Yeah. Heh.
Anyway I take him over to the window and have him look outside at the parking lot below.
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You see that car? The one that looks like a badass race car from the future?
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He squints. No wait, he's not squi..wait..uh..hm fuck. Yeah I dunno if he's squinting or not but he's sure lookin' in the direction I'm hookin'!
He nods his head and smiles, asking me if that's my car.
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First of all that's not just any car, homie, it's a Ford Fuckin' GT.
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And second of all my dude, it ain't mine.
Wait for it.
His eyes meet mine as he reads my lips just like Vaginal Greaver seems to be able to read words and letters as they fly out of a person's mouth like some comic book or cartoon.
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It's yours.
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And there it is. The key in the yellow palm of a man who looks like he's about to piss himself.
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All I need from you is your word that tomorrow night, no matter what happens, I cannot be disqualified, counted out, submitted, or pinned.
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Wang expresses some concern to me about how blatantly obvious it could become if let's say I get knocked out and nobody is trying to break up the pin. He's definitely speaking my language as far as where I want this conversation to go but the dude wants his job too.
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Look.
Buddy.
Pal.
By the time you're done counting all the money that's in the suitcases sitting in the passenger seat of that car, you won't even remember how to spell XWF because words and letters won't exist anymore. Everything will be digits. Bank roll, miles per hour, the amount of bitches tryin' to ride yo dick. Homie you're set no matter what happens tomorrow night.
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Wang is definitely thinking about my proposal as he takes another sip of that drank. I can literally see the dollar signs dancing in his eyes and the speed limits breaking in his wake.
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And homie let's remember one more thing.
It's me.
I'm Ron Fuckin' Cena.
The Heel that's on the Real.
The Dude that can't be Screwed.
The Chief beyond Belief.
I mean yeah it's pretty likely that everyone in that ring is gonna be tryin' to take out the guy they're the most jealous of and all that predictable pussy ass bullshit but it's not like I'ma lay my ass down for 'em. That's where the NO DQ'ING ME part of the deal comes in, eh? Eh?
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I wink at him and I'm not sure if he winks back.
Fuck.
He sure looks happy though. Let's break away from this and let me do my best work without anyone knowing what's goin' on.
Let's fast forward past all this shit and stop trying to figure out if eye contact is being made or if he's asleep standing up.
Fast forward.
Forward.
Forward.
And all the way to the point where the camera once again catches me in its sights.
ooc : ic disclaimer The character is not a Cena copycat. The character really is John Cena but because he acts like a total douche bag asswipe here and is a heel, he doesn't want to risk fucking up his sponsorships and WWE contract so the loophole around all that was to call himself Ron Cena while he's in XWF acting like a total dick bag, which is what he insists is him finally letting his true self and hatred out
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