XWF FanBase: The IWC (gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)
(Where is my roster page?)
Joined: Wed Apr 04 2018
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Hate Nation J̶̷o̶̷h̶̷n̶̷ Ron Cena appears in front of a fireplace. The camera zooms in on the flames as they dance like Scully and Pestalance at the gay bar known as Apocalypse, except the flames are white unlike one of the queers this homo hating narrator just referenced.
Cena doesn't even say a word but instead he snaps his fingers and a cut from Jermiah Dixon's latest commentary is played for us all. Most of you kill yourselves as soon as you see Dixon's face appear on screen because you can't handle another second of his mindless gibberish but for the 2 or 3 of you left alive at this point, you see this shit replayed:
Jeremiah Dick Son Said:First of all, Ron, John, Don, Juan, whatever personality you want to watch this as, let me inform you that your promos are terrible. “White as fire”? Seriously? I guess you’ve never seen fire. Oh well, doesn’t matter.
Second of all, by the time I get through all the “fucks” you spew out,
Cena can't seem to believe what he just heard. He's pissed!
Fuck, is this fuck face for fuckin' real right fuckin' now? I thought I was done for the week after I cut these whores to pieces last time but it seems like I'm gettin' called back by my biggest fan on Earth here. Weird how all of a sudden I'm the main focus of his promo when last time he didn't even know the name Cena and had no idea where I came from.
What an inconsistent bitch.
Let me flash something on the screen for your uneducated ass before we talk more about fire.
The Fire Experts and everyone else with a brain Said:The temperature range from Red to White:
Red
Just visible: 525 °C (980 °F)
Dull: 700 °C (1,300 °F)
Cherry, dull: 800 °C (1,500 °F)
Cherry, full: 900 °C (1,700 °F)
Cherry, clear: 1,000 °C (1,800 °F)
Orange
Deep: 1,100 °C (2,000 °F)
Clear: 1,200 °C (2,200 °F)
White
Whitish: 1,300 °C (2,400 °F)
Bright: 1,400 °C (2,600 °F)
Dazzling: 1,500 °C (2,700 °F)
Oh but lemme get this shit straight, I've never seen fire? Let's skip right past the part about how I never even said anything about fire in the first place. But let's not skip right past the fact that it's true I've never seen fire before,
from you,
or from anyone in this piss filled hell hole company. See where I come from “fire” would mean something hot as in you said something of relevance that scorched the mother fucker you said it about, so I guess you're daaaamn right I haven't seen any fire 'round this bitch! Who the hell would be spittin' that shit?
You?
Greaves?
Aurora?
Peppers?
Greaves is too preoccupied with his dysfunctional personal life to even prepare for this match, Aurora is too busy writing blogs on the internet like some fuckin' geek, and Peppers is too busy runnin' from zombies plus he's the biggest pussy on the planet! Good team ya got there, shit lips!
You think Aurora is gonna be stronger than me when he's sending in his diary to fight for him in the match? I bet his ass won't even show up because he knows better than to stand across from the guy whose previous gimmick he ripped off with all his overly positive, kiss ass, never give up bullshit! Bro I wrote the book he's tryin' to sell and then I set it on
white
fire and watched it burn up just like your career here already has done before I even realized you existed!
But anyfuckinway once we got past your flaming talk in your promo, you really heated up didn't you? Of course not!
Instead you get to talking all about me in your promo like I'm your idol or some shit and you memorized every single twist and turn in my career but you forgot to mention how many years I dominated the game and how many championships I've held because you can't even count that high.
Then, you forgot we're in the XWF now and that it doesn't fuckin' matter who may have beat my ass in another company because you're forcing your balls to drop a lot lower than they naturally can go if you think you have the right to reference companies you sure as shit have no chance of getting into. Untie the anvil from your sac before it rips clean off that fragile frame of yours.
Amazing how all of a sudden you're an expert on my shit when one promo prior you didn't even recognize who the fuck I was. You want me to hand you a rag so you can wipe your lips and tongue off? All that lapping at these nuts has you a little sloppy, rookie! How many different people are in that brain? Yet low and behold it was YOU who said
DicksInMyAssHole Said:I dunno which personality I’m talking to
Huhhh??????????????? As if I'm the mother fucker who can't keep shit straight and stay consistent? Bitch what you meant to say was
DicksInMyAssHole Really Shoulda Said:I dunno which personality I am today but I sure do lap at dem balls of Mr. Cena's!
Damn fuckin' right! I just gave you quote of the moment and quite possibly Promo of the Month and you probably won't even thank me like a good boy in your next shitty interview! Pay me bitch! I ain't givin' you this material for free.
Cena gets interrupted by his text ringtone of Nikki Bella having an orgasm and screaming his name. He checks the phone and can't believe his eyes.
The text message Said:
WEDNESDAY NIGHT WARFARE!!!!
LIVE FROM THE BELLERIVE OVAL IN HOBART, TASMANIA!!
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2018
N.A.Z.I.
- vs -
Hate Nation Ron Cena
KKK Robe Match!
Both competitors will face off wearing a full KKK hood and gown. Winner strips his opponent down to whatever those people wear underneath that shit!
Cena stares at the phone for a few hours without blinking. His expression is as cold as fire.
Since I'm a mind reading narrator, I know he's literally shocked to the point he might shit himself. Not out of fright but out of disgust. He wonders how the hell the XWF bookers could be so dense that they'd put him in a KKK match just because he loves to hate.
Ok, so he's really not talking and it's been a long time now so I'm going home. Cena doesn't like the sound of that so he grabs me and tosses me through the window with one hell of an F-U and I land on my head, smacking a large rock full force. I die immediately but Cena revives me just to show me more clips of Jeremiah Dixon and I swallow a live grenade. Boom! Thank god.
A'ight fuck heads it looks like I need a new narrator so who wants a job?
Dickson?
Vagina Grave?
PestaohFuckThat I need my people to know what's bein' said.
NAZI? You wanna come back to the land of reality and work for me, bitch? Might help you make a few bucks before our match at Warfare which I'm sure you gave some very special favors for in the back to get it based on KKK evening gowns that have to be stripped off a nigga's body.
I tell ya this whole federation is filled with so many queers I'm surprised I ain't gone gay yet myself. I mean fuck it right? When in Rome.
I bet my promo work would get more views and better ratings too if I just gave up and started takin' dicks left and right because it seems like the only shit that flies around here is homo trash.
Somehow this Cena Wannabe named Aurora got more positive attention on his goddamn diary entry sounding like a high school girl who hit late puberty, than anyone else has gotten the whole damn week!
That's the kinda shit these fuckboys around here are into?
Then we got my own partner the socalled Nazi apparently possessed by a dog or some dumb shit.
What, did a dog fuck you in the ass hole and implant some kind of mind and body altering host deep inside you?
Fuck it. Looks like I'm on my own come this Saturday because my entire team are a buncha fuckin' from hell's mental ward. Nazi is runnin' around with dog nut in his ass. Pest and Scully are arguing like bitches fighting over the last dick at Pest's gay club. Anybody remember they got a fuckin' match?
Watch me this Saturday, world.
See me.
See me walk into the ring, give out Attitude Adjustments, F-Us and THE BIG FUCK YOUS to everybody in the ring.
And walk out like the boss I am, arms raised in victory, the Heel that runs the Deal.
ooc : ic disclaimer The character is not a Cena copycat. The character really is John Cena but because he acts like a total douche bag asswipe here and is a heel, he doesn't want to risk fucking up his sponsorships and WWE contract so the loophole around all that was to call himself Ron Cena while he's in XWF acting like a total dick bag, which is what he insists is him finally letting his true self and hatred out
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The following 1 user Likes Hate Nation J̶̷o̶̷h̶̷n̶̷ Ron Cena's post:
from hell's mental ward. Nazi is runnin' around with dog nut in his ass. Pest and Scully are arguing like bitches fighting over the last dick at Pest's gay club. Anybody remember they got a fuckin' match?
