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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Shove-It! Boards » Shove-It! Results
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The GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT! Part Two!
Author Message
Madison Dyson Offline
Not a fascist! :)



XWF FanBase:
Not Over

(the perfect heel; hated even by the fans who usually cheer heels; pisses off internet fans too)


#1
04-04-2018, 10:57 AM

As the show reopens we see....oh God....

Reeeeve! You missed a spot on my underboob!!

Donald Trump is backstage in front of a full length mirror in his VIP dressing room. He's standing there wearing only a silk robe and some tighty whities. Reeve Gordon, looking like he's choking back vomit, walks up to the president with a can of spray tan in hand. Trump lifts up one of his copious manboobs so Reeve can apply the spray to a white pasty spot underneath. Trump takes another look at himself again in the mirror, brushing at his comb over a bit, before settling on a satisfied smile.

That'll be all Reeve. Now get the fuck out of my arena.

Reeve doesn't need to be told twice, and he bolts out the door. Unfortunately, he will carry the horrors of what he's seen today the rest of his life. Maybe next time he should actually cut a promo.

Trump continues to study himself in the mirror. He licks his lips and slowly, a familiar tune starts to play in the background.



Trump starts to sway to the music, running his hands up and down his doughy dad bod, which is still sticky with recently applied spray tan. Swirling the robe around himself, and giving himself up to the music, he puckers his lips at the mirror.

Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard.

He starts to massage his moobs sensually, giving the nipples a playful little pinch as he then lifts his robe out at his sides, resembling wings.

Jenny, you're not ready for this jelly.

Mercifully, the shot cuts to the interior of one of the arena's restrooms just as a toilet can be heard flushing, followed by a scream cut short by a gurgle. A member of the ring crew rushes into the bathroom and the camera's sight follows over his shoulder. He stops at an open stall where Drezdin is still giving inFamous a swirly.

Ring Crew: Drezdin! You're up, man!

Drezdin dunks inFamous into the toilet bowl one last time for good measure before dumping him like a sack of shit. Drezdin rushes out of the bathroom as we quick cut again to the announce position at ringside!

And we're back! This is where the rubber meets the road ladies and gentleman. What follows is three semi-final match ups, and the winners of those matches will square off in the finals in a triple threat for an “anytime, anywhere, with any stipulation” shot at the Universal championship!

That's right, and barring any interference from reptoid infiltrators or Hillary Clinton's Deep State agents, the right man will win here tonight!

”Man”? Well, Jenny Myst is still in contention here tonight.

Hahahahahaha, like a woman's going to win.

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Drezdin versus Finn Kuhn




The arena goes completely black for a moment, then the lights start to pulsate as the music starts to blare through the PA system. As soon as the pyro goes off the lights turn on, the people in the arena turn silent, the people are at awe and shock on how massive he is. He starts walking down the ramp, he yells out...IT'S GO TIME!, then he stops at the end of the ramp to take a deep breath. He approaches the ring, then he grabs the rope ring rope gets unto the ring aparon goes over the top rope then walks towards the middle of the ring. He raises his left hand as the pyro goes off.

As Drezdin's intro finishes up we see Finn Kuhn emerge from the Skybox once more. He makes his way down to the ring!



Finn gets to the ringside area, but as he does so a figure pushes his way to the forefront.....IT'S RICHARD SPENCER! Richard Spencer starts chanting “LONG LIVE THE WHITE RACE! LONG LIVE FINN KUHN! Finn looks at him like he cannot FUCKING BELIEVE IT!

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I'M STILL NOT A NAZI!

FINN SLUGS RICHARD SPENCER RIGHT IN THE FACE! Finn shakes his head with annoyance as he slides into the ring, finishing off his entrance with a pose down on the turnbuckle before hopping to the middle of the ring where Drezdin is waiting.

The bell rings and the match is underway! Drezdin holds his arms up, signalling for a lock-up, but Finn shakes his head “no” and refuses to be baited by the big man, instead rolling behind him and popping up into a high angle dropkick to his face! Drezdin is stunned by Finn's quickness but recovers quickly! He grabs Finn of the head and bounces his skull off the corner turnbuckle, and then proceeds to scoop him up into his arms and dropping him with a Rock Bottom type slam! Drezdin then gets on top of Finn, punching him in the head before heaving him up once more and throwing him into the ropes! Finn ducks under a big boot on the rebound and scoops Drezdin's legs out from under him, chaining that into a back senton slash to Drez's face! Inn then runs the ropes and hits a moonsault off the middle, right into a cover!

1....



2....DREZDIN KICKS OUT! He tosses Finn off of him ad gets to his feet. But the faster Kuhn runs at him with a flying forearm shot that stumbles the big man. Finn rubs the ropes again and launches himself at Drezdin with a picture perfect spinning heel kick that clips his jaw! Drezdin falls into the ropes and Finn hits the top turnbuckle with a leap, landing another big kick to Drezdin's face that drives him into the other turnbuckle.

Finn closes the gap, but Drezdin surprises Finn with a knee lift to his abdomen, followed by a haymaker. Drezdin lifts Finn up and nails him with a Pump Handle Slam, and then he drops for a cover!

1....



2.....


3....NOPE, FINN ROLLS THE SHOULDER UP!

Finn punches Drezdin in the nose and rolls out from under him, rising to his feet. Drezdin does the same, but Finn brings Drezdin back to earth by chop blocking his leg out from under him. Drezdin gives a cry of pain as he collapses and Finn, smelling blood, goes to town on the knee, kicking it viciously before picking it up and trying to roll Drezdin over and apply a single leg Boston Crab to maximize the damage, but Drezdin powers out and shoves Finn away.

Both men are vertical again and Drezdin forces Finn into a lock-up. Drezdin quickly overpowers the Kaiser, pressing him back into the corner where he lays into him with a series of big time knee lifts. Drezdin throws Finn out of the corner and to the mat. Then, Drezdin gets on the middle turnbuckle. The fans pop to see the big guy attempting a move from there! Drezdin takes flight with a leg drop, but Finn skirts out of the way and Drezdin hits nothing, busting his ass! Finn capitalizes by the running the ropes and tagging Drezdin with a Shining Wizard Kick! Dre goes flat and Finn jumps on him for the pin!

1....


2.....

3.....NO, DREZDIN TOSSES FINN OFF!

Finn looks incredulous. He's breathing hard, the effects of his second match of the night catching up. Drezdin gets up and Finn comes at him, but Drezdin palms his face and shoves him back down to the canvas. Finn gets up to take the fight to Drezdin once more but Drezdin is ready with a clothesline. Drezdin then goes for an elbow drop but Finn rolls away again! Finn hits a baseball slide like dropkick to the same knee he was working on before and Drezdin drops down to a kneeling position. Finn runs at Drezdin and catches him with a an RKO style neckbreaker that causes Drezdin's head to smack off the canvas viciously!

Running with this momentum, Finn climbs to the top rope! He calls for the To the Skies Frog Splash! He takes flight and nails it!! He covers!

1.....



2....



3!!!!

Drezdin stays down, Finn wins it!

The winner of the match, via Pinfall....FINN KUHN!


Finn allows himself a brief respite after the hellacious match he just endured. Rolling himself up to his feet, he stretches his neck out and prepares to roll himself out of the Ring and walk back up to the Skybox with Madison.

But Drezdin is right behind him! He spins Finn around and looks to rev up for a punch!

But wait...

CHRIS VALLEY APPEARS FROM OUT OF NOWHERE AND TACKLES THE SHIT OUT OF DREZDIN!

Finn almost looks stunned, but that gets replaced with a deep smile as Chris drops heavy hammerfists onto Drezdin, ground and pound style. And now Finn is joining in on the action too, dropping boots onto Drezdin! 

Wagging a finger at Valley, Chris gets off of the downed form of Drezdin, which allows Finn to lock in the big man's arms and apply VERNICHTUNG! It's locked in tightly as Finn wrenches in the submission further! Drezdin is screaming in pain... as suddenly a loud pop is heard and DRezdin is wailing! Finn finally let's go and looks Chris Valley dead in the eyes.

The tension is palpable as the two stare each other down. Slowly however, Finn extends a hand... in which Chris Valley shakes It! Chris holds up Finn's arm as the Kaiser looks smug! Has Chris Valley joined Paragon?

Finn Kuhn is officially going to the finals, and he appears to be growing his ranks in the process.

Yeah, but that's TWO matches in the bag. How much can he have left in the tank for later tonight?

Well he can take solace in the fact that his opponents have the same hurdle to overcome. Anyway, I've just gotten word that we're ready for our next Profile in American Courage, and it'll be presented by Madison Dyson herself!

Indeed, Madison is already in the ring with a mic in hand and a big smile on her face.

I hope you are all enjoying the action here tonight. Big ups to my bae, Finn Kuhn, for taking out that giant mongoloid! Now, for tonight's third and final Profile in American Courage, I knew it had to be somebody special. Somebody who truly defines what it means to be an AMERICAN. Somebody's whose very essence speaks truth to what this great nation is really all about. So, with that, it is my pleasure to grant that honor to.....ADOLF HITLER!

[Image: 129958-004-C9B8B89D.jpg]

The Fuhrers picture appears on every screen in the arena, and you can hear a pin drop. It's deathly quiet. The fans look around at the screens for some agonizing seconds before.....THEY START TO CHEER FOR ADOLF HITLER! Madison claps jubilantly before speaking again.

I know, I know! A lot of people may not be on board with this pick, but somehow I just KNEW you all would be! Now, while Hitler may not TECHNICALLY be an American, he did represent one of the biggest truisms that the Left in this country remains blissfully ignorant of, and that is that some people are just naturally better than others. Hitler fought valiantly for this belief and was PUNISHED just for wanting to purify his nation and usher in a thousand year reign of military power and ethnic homogeneity. And I ask you all....JUST WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT THAT?

The fans are popping big time! Some of them chant back “NOTHING!” in response.

Yeah, that's right, nothing! And who stood in his way? A proto-LEFTY in the form of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who instituted so many of the parasitic welfare program we're still stuck with today....and fucking COMMUNISTS! Yeah, with enemies like that I think its safe to say Hitler had the right idea.

So, wherever you are right now Adolf, please accept my thanks for being such a trail blazer and for being a PROFILE IN AMERICAN COURAGE! Thanks everybody, enjoy the rest of the action!


The fans are cheering “A-DOLF! A-DOLF! A-DOLF!

The shot cuts back to the announce position, where Shepard Smith is just CRUSHING a flask of scotch!

Whoa, hittin' that a little hard, aren't you buddy?

Shep lowers the flash, with a haunted look on his face.

Alex....do....do you ever feel like...maybe we're on the wrong side of history? Like maybe what we're doing is wrong?

The hell are you talking about? OF COURSE NOT! Jesus man, get it together! UGH!

It's time for our next semi-final match of the evening!


SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Mezian versus Jenny Myst




Jenny's music hits and she appears at the top of the ramp, looking fierce and determined! She completely ignores the fans as she does her trademark ring entrance.

[Image: RUlZaSV.gif]

Jenny goes to her corner, looking up at Madison's Skybox with eyes of fire. Madison is watching her in turn, and gives her a sardonic looking wave in response.



A dim blue smoke starts to billow up from the ramp as the eccentric Mezian starts walking to the ring. He leaps up to the ring apron and gets in the ring, running the ropes a bit to get settled before the ref calls him to the center of the ring. With the ding of the bell this semi-final contest is underway!

Mezian locks up with Jenny, and quickly parlays that into an arm drag. Jenny gets up fast and runs at Mezian, but he arm drags her again, locking in an arm bar on the way down. Mezian synches in the arm bar for a moment but Jenny is able to roll onto her back and kick up at him, causing him to lose the hold! Mezian goes to lock up with Jenny again but Jenny counters by slapping him in the face and then chopping him a few times across the chest.

Jenny skirts behind Mezian to go for a suplex, but Mezian blocks and brings her down to earth with a jawbreaker! He covers!

1...


2....Not good enough! Jenny kicks out! Mezian forces her shoulders back down again but Jenny gets a hand up and rakes his eyes! The ref scolds Jenny but she doesn't even hear him. Myst gets up and rocks Mezian with a couple forearm shots, Mezian fights back with a knee lift and then wraps Jenny up for a belly to belly suplex, which he delivers! Jenny holds her abdomen in pain as she rolls away. Mezian comes at her again, grabbing hold of her hair but Jenny surprises him with a kick!

Shuffling back from Mezian she beckons him forward, only to sucker him into a drop toe hold followed by a camel clutch! For some added meanness she reaches her fingers into the sides of Mezian's mouth and wrenches back! Mezian cries out in pain and grasps for the ropes, but he's too far! Jenny delights in the pain she's causing, but Mezian is finally able to power up and over onto his back, rolling over Jenny and forcing a hold break.

They both get to their feet again and Jenny hits a side kick on Mezian, then goes for another but Mezian traps her leg and tosses her to the mat. As Jenny tries to get up Mezian kicks her in the stomach, picks her up and GORYBOMBS her! Mezian hooks the leg for the cover.

1....


2....


3...NO! Jenny kicks out!

Mezian wrenches Jenny up by the wrist and proceeds to pull her int a series of shoulder blocks, doing some damage to her arm, but Jenny is finally able to escape by raking Mezian's face again! Jenny then hits a quick sit out jawbreaker on Mezian!Jenny rushes Mezian on the mat and locks in a seated sleeper hold! The ref gets down to the canvas to check on Mezian! Mezian slaps the mat to try to keep himself in this, and Jenny wraps her legs around his waist in a body scissors to add insult to injury! Mezian flounders for the bottom rope, but barring that he wrenches his head back, hitting Jenny in the chin with the back of his scalp! But Jenny still doesn't break, so he does it again...and again! Jenny finally breaks, holding her face. Mezian grabs her by the foot and pulls her to the center. Jenny hope up on one foot, and then shocks him by bringing the other foot up to kick him in the back of the head! Jenny drops down for a cover now!


1.....


2....MEZIAN GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPE!

Jenny curses and pulls Mezian away from the rope, and he surprises her by rolling her up in a small package!


1....


2......NO! Jenny breaks up the pining hold!

Both competitors take a breather for a moment, and start to slowly rouse and get up. Jenny goes for Mezian's face again with an eye gouge, but Mezian blocks and lifts Jenny up for a sidewalk slam, but Jenny reverses capturing Mezian's head in her legs for a hurricanrana! Mezian is stunned but gets up, Jenny dives at him for a shoulder block but Mezian dodges and Jenny eats turnbuckle bouncing out after a glancing blow to the shoulder. Mezian scoops her up and plants her with a sambo suplex for another pin!

1....


2....


3....STILL NO, JENNY ROLLS A SHOULDER!

Mezian cannot believe it! He grabs Jenny up by the hair and whips her into the corner, following that up with a big flying shoulder right to her abdomen. Mezian then arm drags her out of the corner. Jenny falls into the ropes and Mezian runs at her, but Jenny dodges and Mezian instead goes flying right through the ropes. He lands hard on the outside! Jenny, breathing heavily and in pain mounts the top turnbuckle! She leaps high and lands on Mezian on the outside for a big splash! The fans pop! The ref counts them both down.

1.....



2.....



3.....


4.....


5.....


6.....


7.....

Jnny stirs first and she rolls Mezian back into the ring. Mezian skitters back on his haunches and kicks out at Jenny when she advances on him. Mezian pulls himself up using the ropes. Jenny runs up to Mezian and tags him with a big kick to the side of the head, she then tries to lock him up for the PINK PERFECTION! BUT Mezian shoves her away! Mezian counters then by turning Jenny inside out with a sick lariat! He then scoops her up onto his shoulders to deliver the APOLCALYPSE NOW! He goes to dump Jenny on her head...IT'S OVER....IT'S OVER.....


WAIT!


Jenny gets out and lands on her feet instead! Mezian is monumentally stunned by this turn events long enough for Jenny to grab his head and bring him crashing down with the PINK PERFECTION! SHE COVERS!


1....


2.....



3!!!!! IT'S OVER!

The winner of the match, via pinfall....JENNY MYST!


Jenny is so exhausted she just lays in the ring as her music hits, but you can't miss the smile on her face!

Wow! Big time turn of events at the end of that match, and Jenny Myst snaps up a win to send herself to the Finals!

Just then, Jenny's music cuts and Donald Trump appears on the main screen. Jenny sits up, the happiness instantly wiped from her features.

Jenny, I got to admit....did NOT see this coming! You? In the finals? Huh. Well, hate to break it to ya sweet cheeks, but I'm gonna wear your ass out after this next match....because our live sex celebration hits the airwaves right before the tournament finals! So get that hot little ass to a shower!

Donald's feed cuts and Jenny closes her eyes and runs her hands through her hair in frustration before slowly picking herself up to go to the back.

You have to admit, like her or not, this is a pretty bum deal for Jenny Myst. Who knows how having sex with the president will impact her performance in the finals.

Once again, I have no idea what you're on about. It's gonna be a huge morale booster for her! Think of the select camp of beautiful women that have gotten the chance to service our president. To be a part of that exclusive club is an honor.

At this point we see a member of the backstage crew pass an envelope to Alex Jones. The envelope bears his name.

What's that?

I dunno. Let me see...

Alex opens the envelope. Inside is a sheet of paper with magazine letters haphazardly cut out and glued on. It simply reads “I KNOW THE TRUTH. MEET ME BACKSTAGE.”

Alex's eyes go wide, he puts the letter down abruptly, casting paranoid glances over his shoulders.

Well, that's weird. Probably just some crank.

Shep, I gotta go!

What?! We're still in the middle of the show, you cant leave!

I CAN'T PASS THIS UP! This could be the key to EVERYTHING! The Reptoids! The Illuminati! The Deep State! My irritable colon! I can't....Shep, I'm sorry!

Alex takes off his gear, leaving an incredulous Shepard Smith behind. The camera follows Alex as he walks up the ramp and past the gorilla position, frantically looking around for some kind of hint as to where he can find this mysterious informant. Thankfully, it doesn't take long as he soon runs into a sign tacked to the wall that says “The Truth is this way!” Alex follows the sign, which takes him to another sign, and then another. Finally he reaches a door backstage with yet another sign, this one reading “The Truth is in here!” Alex throws open the door and rushes in, but is taken aback to find the room completely dark. The door shuts behind him.

Hello? Anybody there?

A light turns on on the far side of the room, revealing the back of a figure seated in a swivel chair. Vision of the person is obscured, but the façade indicates that it’s likely a grown man.

“Mr. Jones…I have waited a long time for this moment…”

“Me too! I’ve been searching for the truth for a long time!”

“Oh, I know you have, Alex.”

“Well, no need to build suspense. Let me have it. Tell me about the Obama Administration and the reptoids.”

“Yes, the reptoids.”

The chair spins around.

“WAIT YOU-“

The man leapt from the chair , and a forearm cuts off Alex Jone’s sentence. A forearm delivered by none other than......THOMAS NIXON??!!

“It’s people like you that give my people a bad name!”

Thomas Nixon shouts as he pummels the Info Warrior.

“You can’t blame my people for the problems in this world! The lizards are innocent! And they are people like you and me!”


Nixon peppers Jones with stomps, but Alex Jones’ eyes went wide. Ignoring the stomps, he rolled on his and forced his way to his feet, shoving Nixon away in the process.

“You’re one of them! You snot nosed, sharp tongued, moon inhabiting, reptoid enabling piece of garbage! You’re pure evil!”

Fury burns in both men’s eyes. Jones and Nixon step forward throwing simultaneous right hands. Nixon’s fists backed with the pride of his people and Jones’ with the anger of a thousand 9/11 truthers. A stiff right causes Nixon to wobble backwards.

“IT’S OVER FOR THE GLOBALISTS! BREAK THE CONDITIONING NOW!”

Jones’ wind his arm back and slings a ferocious punch.

Nixon ducks underneath it!

Jones’ is hunched forward from the momentum of his missed strike!

Nixon drives a jumping knee into Jones’ jaw sending him crashing to the cold floor, completely unconscious. The room is silent except for Nixon’s heavy breathing.

“ By the way, reptoid is an extremely offensive and racist term. Scum.”

Nixon spits on Alex Jones and leaves the room.

SEMI-FINAL ROUND
Danny Imperial versus Chris Valley




As the hustling and bustling of breaths hit the PA Speaker, this signals the entrance of the most deprived and nastiest men too step up too the plate today. Out from the back comes Chris Valley, too the old familar sound of hate towards him. No smile on his face, no swagger too his step, just a crack of the knuckles and the neck as he walks down the entrance ramp. In his hand is a bag of his signature thumbtacks, and as he makes his way down the apron of the ring, he sets them into the corner, hops up and into the ring, and spreads his arms too shout: "MAD, DOG, VALLEY." The fans boo even louder, and he only brushes his arms off and backs into the corner, brushing his hair out of his face as he waits.



"Hail To The King" Blares through the speakers as laser multi-colored lights move haphazardly through the stadium. As the heavy guitar drops, two opposite flares shoot out from the base of the entrance. A crazed, grinning Danny Imperial walks out from behind the curtain. He runs a hand across his face, pulling back his hair.

He strolls down the ramp towards the ring, smugly glancing from side to side, giving Betsys in the crowd a wink as he passes them. He slides smoothly into the ring to await the bell.

Chris Valley and Danny Imperial start off the match by eyeing each other up, both men taking the full measure of each other. They pace around the ring, both men trying to lock up, both men slipping out of each other's grasps in only fractions of a second. It appears that both men are very evenly-matched and are starting the match out in a stalemate. Just as the fans and the wrestlers themselves are getting restless, an understanding appears to occur between the two men. They look at each other, shrug, and... go charging at each other, hitting each other at the same time with elbow strikes! It's an elbow strike standoff! Both men are standing their ground and firing away at each other, elbow after elbow, each strike producing an audible crack, and the fans are loving it! 

Both men are feeling the effects of the rapid-fire strikes, and they both back away from each other at the same time... only to charge right back into each other! Imperial comes flying in with another elbow... but Chris Valley kicks it away! But Imperial counters by using the force and momentum to turn his whole body around, catching Valley on the backend with a spinning back elbow! Dazed and caught off guard, Valley is hit square in the chest with a dropkick and stumbles into the nearby turnbuckles! Imperial leaps up to his feet and dives into the corner with a Stinger Splash... only to nearly get his head knocked off his shoulders! Chris Valley springs out of the corner while Imperial is in mid-air and nearly decapitates him with a Jumping Big Boot! Imperial is hit so hard while in mid-air that he does a backflip and lands hard on his stomach! Valley quickly rolls him over for a pin!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! Danny Imperial kicks out! 

Undeterred, Chris Valley grabs Danny Imperial and brings him to his feet... then sends him crashing right back down to the mat with a Suplex! He quickly brings Imperial up to his feet once again, then tosses him into the corner hard, Imperial's head bouncing off the top turnbuckle from the whiplash. Momentarily dazed, Imperial is nailed hard with a Running Lariat! Imperial falls, now in a seated position with his head resting against the second turnbuckle, and Valley takes aim! Valley runs full-tilt into the corner with a Cannonball Senton... but Imperial dodges! Imperial twists his body and manages to slide out of the ring only seconds before Valley impacts! Valley hits the turnbuckles hard and bounces off, landing awkwardly on his shoulders and neck!

Imperial slides back into the ring and grabs up Valley, hitting him with a German Suplex! And another! And another! It's three German Suplexes and Imperial still has a hold of Valley's waist! It looks like Imperial is going for a fourth German Suplex... but after popping Valley into the air, he releases the hold and catches Valley with an Inverted DDT! Imperial quickly covers for the pin and the win!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! This time it's Chris Valley who kicks out!

Imperial curses and quickly tries to bring Valley to his feet... only to eat several shots to the gut! Imperial counters with some clubbing blows to Valley's back, and then whips him into the ropes. On his return, Imperial grabs Valley up for a Sitout Side Slam... but Valley reverses with a Headscissors takedown! Imperial quickly gets back up to his feet and runs at Valley... but Valley counters by scooping Imperial up for a powerslam! As Valley lifts Imperial up over his head to bring more power to the slam, Imperial counters by twisting his body up and over Valley's head, nailing him with a quick armdrag! Now it's Valley's turn to get up to his feet quickly! Valley runs at Imperial for a Lariat... but Imperial kicks it away! Imperial tries for a Spinning Elbow... but that is kicked away as well! Valley tries to hit Imperial with a sidekick, but it's blocked and Imperial grabs the leg! Valley tries to counter with an Enzugiri... but Imperial ducks! Valley expertly lands back on his one good leg, with Imperial still holding his other leg, and Imperial lifts that leg high, trying to get Valley off-balance! But Valley responds by doing a forward flip, landing it beautifully! Momentarily surprised by Valley's ability to remain standing, Imperial is caught off-guard by a back elbow! Imperial stumbles backward but tries to counter a running Valley with a clothesline, only for Valley to duck and run past Imperial! Valley hits the ropes and Imperial ducks for a backbody drop, but Valley rolls over Imperial and lands behind him! Valley hits Imperial with a Russian Leg Sweep! The lightning-fast action ends with Imperial down on the mat grabbing his head in pain as Valley rises to his feet, measuring his opponent! The fans rise to their feet as well, appreciating the skill and speed of both performers!

Imperial is slow to his feet, and Valley is measuring him every step of the way. Just as Imperial gets to a base, Valley runs to the ropes. Imperial turns around to figure out where his opponent is... and he learns all-too-late that Valley was coming directly for him! Valley nails Imperial with a massive spear, sending him crashing to the mat. Once again Valley measures his opponent, waiting for Imperial to rise. Imperial slowly gets to his knees, and Valley leaps up, looking for the Curbstomp... but it's reversed! The Curbstomp may be one of Chris Valley's signature moves, but it's also Danny Imperial's main finisher! So not only does he know how to do the move, he knows picture-perfectly how to counter it! Danny Imperial counters Chris Valley's Curbstomp into a Sitout Powerbomb! Now it's Imperial's turn to wait for his opponent to rise! Once Chris Valley gets to his feet, he is blasted into the ropes via a devastating running spinning elbow! On his rebound, Imperial leaps towards Valley and catches him with his trademark move, the devastating body scissors DDT he calls On Your Knees! Imperial rolls Valley over and pins him!

1!!

2!!

Kickout! Kickout at two and a half!

Imperial pounds the mat several times in frustration, giving Valley several precious seconds on his belly, where he appears to be moving quickly, searching for something he's hidden on himself. Imperial doesn't catch this and hauls Valley to his feet roughly, then grabs him in a Double Leg Lift, lifting him up and positioning him on the second rope. It looks like Danny Imperial is setting up Chris Valley for his Kingdom Come running Muscle Buster maneuver... but Chris Valley spews a strange, disgusting red liquid from his mouth, temporarily blinding Imperial! It's the Fog in the Valley! Imperial turns around and bends over, instinctively trying to protect his face as he fights to get the liquid out of his eyes, but this puts him into the perfect position! Valley leaps off the second rope and nails Imperial with a Curbstomp! Imperial falls hard face-first onto the mat and Valley rolls him over for the pin and the win!

1!!

2!!

No!!!! It's a kickout! Danny Imperial found the strength to kick out and this match is still going!

Valley curses loudly and tries to conserve his energy, waiting for Imperial to rise rather than hauling him up. When Imperial gets to a standing base behind Valley, Valley whips him around hard... and sets him up for the Death in the Valley! Imperial is hoisted onto Valley's shoulders, but just as Valley begins the spin in order to execute his Fireman's Spinning Cutter finisher, Imperial counters! Imperial lands directly behind Valley... and locks in a finisher of his own! Danny Imperial locks in the Crown of Thorns! The fans come to their feet as Imperial locks in his Rear Naked Choke finisher and Valley attempts to pull himself free! Imperial can't get seem to get Valley down... so he jumps onto his back! Imperial is riding Chris Valley like a backpack with his legs around Valley's waist, and Valley has to support all of Imperial's weight as he's being choked! Just as it looks like Valley is going to stumble and fall, Valley makes a last-second desperation maneuver! Valley charges at the ropes and flings himself over! Both men land awkwardly, tumbling over the ropes in a mess of flailing limbs! Both men are down and nearly out, and both men are fighting to get to their feet outside of the ring!

Valley is the first to get up, with Imperial following soon after. Imperial steps away from Valley, getting some space but Valley runs at him, which turns out to be a bad mood because in an impressive display of strength Imperial uses Valleys own momentum against him to pick him up and drop him hard to the floor with the IMPERIAL INSANITY!!! Danny rolls Valley into the ring and slides in himself. Danny, once inside, then locks in THE CROWN OF THORNS!!!

The ref gets mat level and Valley tries to fight, but that last impact on the outside has taken a lot out of him. The ref asks...and asks again....and FINALLY VALLEY TAPS BEFORE PASSING OUT!

You winner via submission.....DANNY IMPERIAL!


And there we have it, Danny Imperial is joining Jenny Myst and Finn Kuhn in the finals! What a contest and....oh, I have just been informed that Donald Trump is backstage and ready to have sex with Jenny Myst. And yes, those are real words that just came out of my mouth. I'd tell you all to enjoy what's coming next, but will you though?

DONALD TRUMP'S LIVE SEX WITH JENNY MYST!!


The camera goes backstage into a lavish bedroom. Seriously, it looks like something out of Arabian nights, with fine silks and tapestries hanging from the walls, pornographic golden statues featuring women with enormous breasts and thighs...the absolute works! Jenny Myst steps through a side door into the room, and scowls when she sees the massive crew there to film her humiliation. The crew includes Jeremiah Dixon and Richard Dweck, each holding a boom mike.

Donald Trump's voice sounds out from behind a partition near the bed.

Make yourself comfortable Jenny. I hope you were doing those kegels like I instructed, it'll help you to withstand all of my prolific jackhammering.

Let's just get this over with old man. And know that every second of this isn't because I wanted a piece of "The Donald"--corny ass name by the way--but because I will lose my job if I don't. Before you get all high on yourself just know I was forced to do this. It is basically rape, though, for you, I am not sure that is a turnoff.

A fighter till the very end....LOVE IT!

Trump steps out from behind the partition, he's wearing nothing but a thong with his own face on it! He points to the bed.

Tits down ass up, that's the way Trumpy likes to fuck!

I don't have a gag reflex, but I just had a little come up. For someone who hates black people, it isn't becoming of you to quote hip hop lyrics.

Donald licks his lips.

You know what, I'm done, fuck this.

She gets up to leave.

Jenny what part of “if you don't do this you're fucking FIRED” did you not get the first time, huh? I've built an entire career out of firing people, you think I won't fire you too?! Now get on the bed you SLUT!

Jenny winces, and her face sets in a grim fiery countenance, eyes blazing with rage so bright they're starting to tear up. She's literally quivering with rage, her body and heart fighting fist tooth and nail against this degradation, but her mind unable to fully let go of her passion for the sport that has driven her.

You aren't a real man, you know that right, Donny boy? I have played it off all week as an honor to get to fuck you, and in a way I thought maybe it was, but seeing you here in person.......I would rather fuck one of the Sandpeople from Star Wars! I hope this is terrible for you.

Jenny slides onto the bed. Trump smirks maliciously.

Atta girl, I knew you'd comply. They always do. So Jenny, are you ready for this?

Trump starts to dance “sensually” closer to the bed, but instead of being sexy it's just utterly embarrassing. His doughy body undulates and quivers with every movement. He turns around and shakes his nasty, hairy pockmarked ass at Jenny. Jenny gags and turns away.

Dixon! Dweck! Make sure you get those boom mics nice and tight on Jenny's mouth, I want the whole world to hear each and every one of her orgasmic moans!

Dweck and Dixon looks sheepishly at Jenny, and press the fuzzy mics right up to her face, prodding them right up against her mouth. She bats them away furiously.

Trump continues dancing, gyrating his varicose veined hips causing his ancient joints to pop in protest. However, after a moment of this, Trump reaches for the sheet at the end of the bed to mop up the flop sweat that has started cascading down his body.

Damn it, why is it so fucking hot in here?! TURN ON THE AC!

A camera operator looks at the rest of the crew in confusion.

Camera Guy: Sir, it's actually pretty comfortable in here are you sure...?

YES I'M SURE YOU IDIOT! Can't you see I'm sweating buckets....**cough** **cough**

Trump's words plunge into a couple of deep throaty coughs.

Starting to feel a little......hmmmm....must be all that blood rushing to my giant....

Just then, Trump lurches a bit, stumbling against the post on the bed. The crew looks on in concern but Trump waves them off.

It's nothing! It's nothing! My arm's just a little tingly....gotta be....gotta be....Jenny prepare to get.....OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK.....

Donald clutches his chest and falls to the floor! The crew looks on in shock! Secret Service agents rush into the room as The Donald squirms about on the floor, vomit exploding up from between his lips before he suddenly goes still! The secret service agents start frantically radioing for a medic and shortly thereafter EMT's burst int the room.

Jenny rolls over and sits up on the bed. Her face has an initial look of concern on it, but then it twists into a wild grin. She has a fire in her eyes as if she just scored the biggest victory of her life and gets off the bed, sliding her skirt back on in the distance as EMT's and Secret Service continue to work on the president. She stares at him with complete hatred, not able to keep herself from smiling.

The medics bust out a defibrillator and press the panels to Trump's chest, delivering a shock that causes his orange ponderous mass to buck on the floor, his sweat and greasy cheap spray tan leaving a disgusting soaking stain on the carpeting.

Jenny is staring at the scene going on in front of her, mesmerized by it. She has almost a prideful look, as if her naked form was so good that this old man couldn't handle it. She bends down and takes a chunk of his orange hair, ripping it off in the chaos and puts it in her bag as a trophy.

At this point Madison bursts into the room! She covers her mouth in shock.

Oh no! NO NO NO NO NO NO! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

Trump bucks again as another shock goes through him, but he's non responsive! Madison looks up at Jenny.

YOU FUCKING BITCH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Madison lunges at Jenny on the bed!

Jenny was taken by surprise as Madison land on her and begins to reign blows down, the two roll around on the bed, hair pulling, slapping and even biting! Eventually, they roll off the bed. Jenny bounces Madisons head off the wall, and she stumbles back. Jenny kicks her in the gut and goes for Pink Perfection but Madison flips her over. She takes the night stand and pushes it over on top of Jenny. She picks Jenny up by the hair and rams her head through the dry wall, creating a massive hole! Jenny is motionless as Madison goes over to check on the EMT's working on the president. Just then a yell can be heard as Jenny comes back on the scene and smashes a lamp over Madison's head, putting her out cold. She falls next to the limp and sweaty president. Jenny stands there panting for a few moments before she wipes some blood off her lip and tears out of the room!

The shot cuts to the arena, where it is dead silent. The crowd is still looking at the main screen as their president dies right in front of them. The shot then cuts back to the announce position. Shep's mouth hangs open in shock.

Oh my God....folks, it has just been confirmed that the president Donald J. Trump.....IS DEAD!

A sheet is being shown draped over the president just as someone finally realizes the camera was still rolling. A Secret Service Member rushes the camera, hand out to cover the lens, and soon after it goes black. You could hear a pin drop, the entire arena is so quiet.

Wow...I can't believe this....I....I just don't know what to say....

And that's when the first shot is fired. Shep looks up into the stands as a body drops down from the cheap sheets, landing on some rednecks below. The rednecks, still in shock and rage, pull their guns and start firing indiscriminately up into the cheap seats, but they wind up shooting someone else. The family of that person draws their shotguns and start blasting at the seats below them!

Ohhhhhh this isn't good....

The bubble of tension that had been growing and growing with the death of the president bursts....INTO GUNFIRE! Itchy trigger fingers are cut loose and before long the entire arena is awash in the staccato repetition of assault rifle fire, the thunderous blast of shotguns, the pop and recoil of handguns! BULLETS ARE FLYING EVERYWHERE! Shep dives under the announce desk and pulls on a flak jacket and a helmet.

Thank God I brought these! Holy crap, it's a literal warzone out there! People are just shooting randomly and blood is running in the aisles! THIS IS INSANITY!

The shot cuts backstage again, Madison is sitting on the floor outside Trump's room, holding a towel to the back of her head where Jenny Myst decked her with the lamp. Wayne LaPierre comes running down the hall.

Holy shit, is he really dead?!!

Wayne is wearing a shirt that says “Big Dick Playa” on it now, with two arrows pointing down at his bulbous padded crotch. Madison looks up at him, mascara running from tears.

Yes he's dead! Oh God I'm so screwed!

Yeah well we have another problem! The entire crowd has lost their minds, they're shooting each other! What do we do?!

OH FUCK ME! Uhhhh.....uhhhhhhh! Oh Jesus Wayne, WE HAVE TO CONFISCATE THEIR GUNS!

Wayne looks flabbergasted.

We have to WHAT?!

Look, I don't like it either! I can't believe I'm saying this....BUT WE GOTTA TAKE AWAY THEIR GUNS!

Madison, I am WAYNE LAPIERRE! I am “Mister Second Amendment”! There is no way I am going to go out there and demand MY PEOPLE give up their right to bear arms!

Wayne, if you don't do this I swear to God I'll leak the picture.

Wayne stops short.

Wait...wha...what picture?

You know what I'm talking about. Your micropenis.

Wayne chokes and looks around to make sure nobody heard.

SHHHHHH! Jesus....Madison, please....this-this isn't fair! You're putting me in......

Get them to give up their guns.....or MICROPENIS! I am not in the mood for fucking around.

Wayne, looking dejected, starts to pace back and forth. Finally, with an audible curse, he marches back down the hall and to the main entrance to the ring! The camera follows him as he appears on stage and he walks down the ramp. The entire arena is echoing with screams and gunfire now, and Wayne has to stay low on his way to the ring to avoid getting hit. Just outside the ring, a crew member lays dead from a gun shot wound to the chest. Wayne picks up the mic the dead guy was holding and tentatively rolls into the ring.

WAIT everyone please stop shooting! It's me, WAYNE! Please just listen to me!

The crowd, hearing the voice of their trusted NRA vice president, looks up. The gunfire stops, and the only sound is the dull thud of another corpse falling from the cheap seats into the aisle below.

Ok everyone, I know we've all just been dealt a terrible shock. Donald Trump was an inspiration and a good friend to all of us. But we can't eat each other alive as a way of coping with our sadness. It just doesn't make sense. Now....I know this is going to be tough for you to hear. Hell, it's tough for me to SAY. But, I think to protect the safety of everyone left alive in this arena....you all need to turn over your guns to the proper authorities.

Wayne looks like he's gonna puke as those words leave his mouth. He looks up at the crowd, and at first, nothing happens.

Then, in unison, everyone left in the audience starts to train their guns on WAYNE! Wayne gulps and he lets a little urine loose in his pants. The arena crackles with the sound of hundreds of firearms cocking. Wayne closes his eyes.

Oh bitter irony....

The rest of his words are cut off by the impact of hundreds of small caliber rounds hitting his body in unison! Bullets tear through him at such a rate that Wayne's body jerks and spasms but still doesn't fall, causing him to dance a macabre dance of death as it's pasted by the combined assault of every gun left in the building!!

OH HOLY SHIT!!!

Before long, Wayne's body is reduced to a fine gore pate in the center of the ring. The ring itself has faired no better. It's riddled with holes and collapses under it's own weight!

With Wayne dealt with, this sea of idiots once again train their firearms on each other and start shooting !!

Hiding under the announce table, Shep winces as bullets ping off the top of the desk.

I swear to God, if I live through this I better get one hell of a book deal! I can only guess that Shove-It is completely FUBAR at this point. So, this is Shepard Smith, signing off for perhaps the very last time. To my boyfriend Cliff, I love you and don't you dare bury me in MAUVE!

The shot inside the arena suddenly cuts to black. We go once again to the backstage area, where Finn Kuhn and a member of the backstage crew have Madison cornered.

NO! NO! IT'S NOT OVER!

Crew Member: Miss Dyson, the ring is destroyed! The Secret Service is leaving with the president's body. All the referees and staff have fled! WE HAVE TO END THE SHOW!

But what about the Finals?!

No, IT'S NOT OVER! It the arena is fucked....then the Finals will be a STREET FIGHT ON THE STREETS OF WASHINGTON DC!! And I'm.....

Madison pulls a ref's shirt out of her blouse.

...the referee!

Madison grabs the member of the ring crew by his collar.

GO FIND DANNY IMPERIAL AND JENNY MYST AND TELL THEM THE FINALS START OUTSIDE THE ARENA RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

The crewman shakes his head and runs off to do his duty. Madison turns to Finn.

This has been the worst fucking night of my whole life. You need to redeem this for me. YOU NEED TO WIN!

Finn smirks confidently.

That won't be a problem.

Finn jogs off down the hall as Madison starts putting on the referee's shirt!

Great American Shove-It: FINAL MATCH!
A Street Fight on the Streets of Washington D.C.

Jenny Myst versus Danny Imperial versus Finn Kuhn


Madison Dyson and Finn Kuhn come walking out towards the curb in front of the arena. From inside the arena, gun fire and screams can still be heard. Jenny Myst comes walking up soon after, and she scowls when she sees Madison with the referee shirt.

You have got to be shitting me.

Deal with it toots! Where the hell is Danny Imperial?

Almost as if on cue, one of the massive trucks that carries XWF gear comes careening around the corner and barrels right for the three of them!! Finn, Jenny, and Madison all dive out of the way as the massive trucks barely misses them and buries itself into some parked cars before coming to a halt. Danny Imperial kicks the shattered door of the truck off it's hinges laughing uproariously.

What the FUCK, Danny?!

Danny jumps down and heads straight for Finn Kuhn! He picks Finn up double leg style and spinebusters him right into the cement! Madison rushes over, but Jenny shoves her out of the way as she makes a beeline for Danny. Jenny leaps and smashes him with a forearm shot before turning her attention to Finn with malicious glee. She starts stomping the shit out of him while he's down but Danny grabs Jenny by the hair and smashes her face first into the side of another nearby parked car.

Traffic around them is starting to slow as their bodies spill out into the street. The foremost car starts honking and Danny flips the driver off as he picks Jenny up again and scoop slams her into the street. Madison follows the action. Finn rouses and jumps to the top of another nearby car, he leaps off the roof and hurricanrana's Danny into the cement!

Finn then turns to Jenny, but she surprises him with a shot to the stomach, followed by a big slap to his face! Jenny then tries to take a breath, stepping away from both opponents but never taking her eyes off either. Finn, angry from the slap, pursues Jenny and Jenny jogs away from him further down the street and around the corner of a building. As Finn rounds the corner Jenny had tried to sucker him with a kick, but Finn saw it coming and he grabs Jenny's leg and slams her into the side of the brick building! Finn leans against the building, looking exhausted as the night's events have started to catch up.

Just then, Danny Imperial also rounds the corner holding a stop sign that is still attached to the pole! Finns eyes go wide as Danny swings it at him, barely ducking under it. Jenny gets up behind Danny and he lashes out at her with a back kick before returning his attention to Finn. He swings at Finn again, this time clocking him on the side of the head with the stop sign! Danny goes for the cover on Finn! Madison reluctantly drops for the pin!


1.....






2........Finn kicks out after a loooooong two count!

Danny is pissed! He gets up and grabs Madison by the hair! But before he can do any damage Finn tags him with a low blow from behind! Danny sinks to his knees, clutching his balls and Finn finishes him with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head!

Jenny staggers up from behind Finn, turns him around and kicks him in the stomach, followed up by a quick spinning neckbreaker! Jenny warns Madison away when she gets too close, and Jenny grabs a nearby public trash can. She hefts it up and charges at Danny Imperial with it, smashing him in the head as he tries to get up. Then, seeing Finn also struggling to get up she does the same to him! Jenny tosses the can aside. Sensing this won't be enough, Jenny looks around for an even deadlier weapon and finds the stop sign Danny was using earier. She pins the actual sign against a parked car and with some work finally manages to break the sign off leaving her with just a deadly piece of rebar. Jenny gets up behind Finn and smashes him in the back with the pole a few times. Finn crumbles beneath the attack. But just then Danny explodes into Jenny from the side with a big spear that sends both of them plunging further down the street, rolling along the unforgiving cement!

Madison casts a look back at Finn before following his opponents as they slowly get up and stumble down the street.

Come on Finn!

Danny and Jenny arrive at a bus stop, where a few people are already waiting to catch a ride. Danny pulls Jenny up and throws her into the side of the bus shelter, and the people flee in fear!

Danny picks Jenny up again, and she gasps in pain, but is able to stab a thumb into Danny's eye. Danny rears back, holding his face as Jenny painfully pulls herself up. It's Jenny's turn now to smash Danny's head into the side of the bus shelter once....twice...thrice! She then gets up on the bench inside the bus shelter and nails Danny with a big time tornado DDT onto the curb just as the bus is pulling up!

The driver, clearly not paying attention to what is going on, opens the door! A bleeding Danny Imperial crawls up the steps and onto the bus! The driver lets out an “Awwww HEEELLLL NAW!” and tries to close the door but Jenny gets in the way before it can shut and kicks Danny in the gut, causing him to roll up and into the bus! Madison then steps into the bus, but not before shooting a fearful look around for Finn! Madison smiles when she sees Finn running towards the bus and she holds the door open for him so he can get in. The bus driver starts yelling and complaining and Madison screams JUST FUCKING DRIVE! at him.

The other passengers on the bus huddle back in their seats in fear as the bus lurches forward with all four of them within. Jenny goes to grab Danny by the leg, but he kicks her off and right back into Finn Kuhn. Finn locks Jenny up and vertical suplexes her into the aisle! He drops down for a cover and Madison counts....

1....


2....JENNY KICKS OUT!

Danny Imperial jumps over Jenny to tackle Finn Kuhn, causing both men to fall back to the front of the bus where the start throwing wild punches at each other! The bus driver panics and swerves, side swiping a series of parked cars which causes the bus occupants to scream! The driver gets the bus back under control. Finn shoves Danny back and he trips over Jenny Myst. Finn then climbs to the top of the seats and runs along them, launching himself at Danny with a clothesline that takes both of them crashing in the aisle.

All the competitors pause for a moment, exhausted, but Jenny Myst breaks the down time finally by grabbing something from one of the bus occupants. The occupant yells in protest but Jenny raises her fist back and they pipe down. Jenny reveals what she has....a can of MACE!

Oh no, bitch!

Madison leaps at Jenny and tries to pry it out of her hands, and they fight over the mace for a bit before Danny Imperial grabs Jenny by the hair. Jenny turns to mace Danny and he ducks under the spray, responding with an uppercut to Jenny's face! Jenny goes down and Danny picks up the dropped can of mace. He goes to unload it on Jenny, but is disappointed to find that it's now empty. Finn rises up behind Danny and Danny wheels around and decks him in the face with the empty can, followed up by tackling Finn towards the back of the bus towards an emergency door. They both crash into the door, and it pops open damn near sending both of them tumbling into the street!

Finn looks back in terror as he's half hanging out the back, and Danny pushes down on his face, trying to force him to fall off the bus! Finn fights back desperately and is finally able to shove Danny off of him. Finn gets up, closing the emergency door behind him, and he boots Imperial in the skull as he tries to get up.

At that point, the bus comes to a stop and Madison looks out the window to see that they have arrived in front of the U.S. Capitol building.

[Image: 0834513US-Capitol1780x390.JPG]

Bus Driver: Ya'all get the fuck off this bus before I call the cops!

Jenny Myst clambers out of the bus, followed by Madison. Finn then follows suit, but he tries to force the door shut on Danny before he can get out! Danny grabs hold of the door mechanism from inside and forces it back open, and he launches himself off the top of the bus' steps into another spear on Finn Kuhn!

The bus peels it away and down the street as the fight spills out onto the grounds of the US Capitol! A member of the grounds security patrol rolls up on them in a cart, ordering them to stand down but Danny Imperial is having none of it! He rips the security guard out of the cart and gets in himself, and he drives it right at Finn Kuhn! Finn, seeing this, barely gets out of the way and when the cart passes him he hops in the other side and starts struggling with Danny! The cart bumps and jostles over the front lawn of the Capital before finally coming to a stop in front of the building's majestic western staircase. Finn boots Imperial out of the cart just as Madison and Jenny Myst come running up. Jenny runs at Finn and kisses his face with a brutal dropkick to the chin, causing him to go down. Danny gets up and throws a haymaker at Jenny, which Jenny dodges and parlays into a roll-up for the pin!

1....





2.....MADISON STOPS COUNTING! She pulls her hand up with a pained look on her face.

Ow, broke a nail!

Jenny gets off of Danny, her expression pure rage! Madison rises up in front of her.

....what bitch?

JENNY MYST DROPS MADISON WITH THE PINK PERFECTION! MADISON IS OUT COLD!

Jenny turns around right into the waiting arms of Danny Imperial who then drops her with the IMPERIAL INSANITY!! He goes for the cover!! BUT THERE'S NO REF TO MAKE THE COUNT!

Imperial gets up and goes over to Madison, trying to shake her awake but it's not doing the trick. Danny then gets ambushed by Finn Kuhn, who dives at Danny and lifts him up double leg takedown style, forcing up him the steps of the capital! Danny counters by wrapping an arm around Finn's head and DDT'ing him into the steps!

Danny shouts out a series of curses, seeing that now BOTH his opponents are down and there's nobody to make the count! It's about then that he's hit with a blinding light from above....it's a helicopter! What the fuck is it now?!!

AHHHHH SSSSHHIIIIIIT, ya'all ready for this shit right here?! He's come to save the day!

Danny looks up at the helicopter as a figure starts to repel down from it. Another figure is hanging out the side of the helicopter with a mic in hand....it's pop superstar DRAKE!

[Image: Drake-cr-Caitlin-Cronenberg-2016-billboa...650-03.jpg]

It's the one....the only....BARACK “THE KENYAN SHOCK” OBAAAAAAAMMAAAAAAA!



“Energy” by Drake starts pumping from The Helicopter as we see that the man repelling down from the chopper is Barack Obama wearing a referee's shirt!

[Image: obama_drafthouse__full.png]

Barack unclips himself from his tether and removes his badass shades to survey the scene.

Obama: Well it's a damn good thing I'm here! What a mess!

Danny looks on at the former president but Finn takes the opportunity to spin Danny from behind and start lighting him up with punches! Barack starts ascending the steps of the Capitol towards them. Danny shoves Finn away fiercely, causing Finn to stumble up the steps. Danny gives chase until both he and Finn are on level ground in front of the entrance! Both men start grappling with each other, punching and elbowing as they stumble through the door and into the hall. Security rushes up to them, but they stop when they see Barack Obama follow in just behind them!

Obama: Relax gentlemen, they're with me!

Security, perplexed, step aside and allow Danny and Finn to keep fighting through the security checkpoint. Barack sets off the metal detector as he steps through but ignores it.

Finn finally gets the upper hand on Danny and irish whips him into the wall, dislodging a 100 year old painting that clatters to the floor. That's when Jenny Myst reenters the fray, picking up the painting and smashing it over Finn's head, downing him. Danny keeps stumbling down the hall, the wound on his head reopened causing him to bleed all over. Jenny gives chase, picking up a no doubt expensive statute off a nearby pedestal and nailing Danny Imperial in the back of the head with it. Obama is there, checking on all the participants as Jenny goes for a cover on Danny. Obama drops for the count!

1....



2....



3...NOOOOO!! Imperial barely kicks out!!

Jenny lets out a curse and gets off of him, arguing with Obama that the count was a three. He defiantly shakes his head “no”. Jenny then turns back to Danny, kicking him as he tries to crawl away further down the hall. Finn returns then, sneaking up behind Jenny and nailing her with a release German suplex onto the unforgiving marble floor! Finn goes to cover her!


1....



2.....



3....ANOTHER LAST SECOND KICK OUT! Finn pins her again but this time Jenny shoves him off immediately!

Finn grabs Jenny by the leg and starts kicking her in the thigh until Jenny is finally able to escape by twisting out and nailing him upside the back of the head with an enzugiri! Finn rolls with the blow, landing near the wall and slowly making it back to his feet. Jenny picks up the statue from before and Finn bails, knowing some serious pain is coming if it connects! Finn runs down the hall, Jenny Myst hot on his heels! They round one corner, and then another, until they come to a massive pair of double doors! Jenny throws the statue at Finn and he ducks through the doors to avoid it, popping out in the US SENATE CHAMBERS!



But Danny Imperial was already there, waiting for them! With one of the senator's chairs in hand, he breaks it over Finn's back as soon as he enters! Finn goes down! Jenny then enters and, seeing this, grabs a chair or her own! She throws it at Danny, and it smashes him in the torso! Jenny drops down on Finn to take advantage of the damage already done.

1.....


2.....



3...NOOO! IT'S STILL NOT OVER! FINN ROLLS A SHOULDER!


Danny launches himself at both of them, broken chair leg in hand and he starts beating Jenny with it! Danny then drags Jenny by the hair to the front of the chambers, beating her again a couple times for good measure before he climbs to the top of the main podium! Danny, with a sadistic gleam in his eye, launches himself off the podium into a moonsault! BUT JENNY ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND DANNY CATCHES NOTHING BUT FLOOR!

By this point, all the competitors are exhausted, beat down and bedraggled. Obama looks at all of them, shaking his head in disbelief at the sheer amount of trauma the human body can endure!

Finn starts crawling towards his opponents on his hands and knees. He picks up Danny's leg and covers him.

1....


2...



3....IMPERIAL SOMEHOW KICKS OUT! Finn screams in anger!

Jenny craws over now, raking her claws on Finn's face! Finn responds by punching Jenny. Finn staggers to his feet, looking seriously wobbly. He picks up a nearby desk and breaks it over Jenny's head as she tries to get up! Wood shatters everywhere with a sickening crack! Jenny drops amidst the pieces. At this point, Danny is also up. He spins Finn around and kicks him in the guts, picking him up for his trademark musclebuster The Kingdom Come, but before he can hit it Finn slides out! He drops behind Danny and nails him with the KNIFE IN THE BACK!!!

Danny is down and Finn drops on top of him...HE LOCKS IN THE VERNICHTUNG!

DANNY STARTS YELLING AND WAILING AS FINN WRENCHES AND PULLS WITH ALL HIS MIGHT! THERE'S NO ROPES, NOWHERE FOR DANNY TO GO! BARACK IS THERE CHECKING, ASKING IF DANNY WANTS TO QUIT! DANNY SAYS NO....HE SAYS NO AGAIN! FINN'S NOT LETTING GO, DANNY'S NOT GIVING UP! THEY BOTH WANT THIS BAD!! SUDDENLY, DANNY DROPS INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS! BARACK LIFTS DANNY'S ARM....


ONE. IT FALLS!












TWICE! IT FALLS!











THREE TIMES! IT FALLS AGAIN! BY GOD FINN KUHN HAS DONE IT!


THE WINNER OF THE GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT.....FINN KUHN!!!


Finn rolls off of Danny, holding his body in agony but smiling despite the pain. He starts to laugh as he looks over at Jenny, who is skill knocked the fuck out from having that desk broken upside her skull!

Barack Obama gets up, dusting his hands off on his pants before looking directly at the camera.

And Madison's guy STILL won. Ain't that a pisser? Oh well, fair is fair! Congratulations young man! [/color]

Finn, a broken, battered and bloody mess, starts hobbling towards the exit!
Elsewhere

On the other side of Washington D.C. A black Cadillac waits in an alley. We see KellyAne Conway creep up to the back door and slink into the car, right next to the new president MICHAEL PENCE!

There you are. Well done, KellyAnne. The plan worked perfectly.

KellyAnne cackles.

Yessssss.....death! Death for poor, poor Donny. And so easy it was too! KellyAnne told Donny, “you cannot have a limp noodle for all your voters” and handed him the Viagra! “Not one....not two Donny, must take the WHOLE BOTTLE to ensure MAXIMUM erection!”

And he did it, what a dope! Praise the Lord that depraved sex pervert is gone!

KellyAnne and Pence share a laugh, but then their eyes meet. Their faces draw closer....and they KISS! Pence's face smooshes against KellyAnne's brittle corpse like skin as the viewer's disgust settles in and we mercifully go back to....

The U.S. Capitol

Finn Kuhn drags his body across the massive lawn and a car pulls up in front. Madison rolls down the rear window, herself still nursing a gash from Jenny Myst's Pink Perfection.

Get in!

Finn musters up one last bit of energy as Madison opens the door for him. He collapses in the back seat. I did it! I....I WON!! Finn laughs breathlessly!

YOU DID?!!

Finn looks up as the driver turns around. IT'S ENGY!

Oh buddy, we are gonna have the BEST TIME. The absolute best!

Finn looks at Madison, anger leaking onto his features. Madison shrugs.

Sorry bae, he's still my client.

The shot cuts to the exterior of the car as we hear Engy laughing uproariously from within. He punches the gas and the car peels out and away from the Capitol and into the night.



SPECIAL THANKS....

Finn Kuhn: For the segments
Jenny Myst/Chris Chaos: For the segments and for being a good sport
Thomas Nixon: For the segment
Jon Willis: For the writing assist!

[Image: Dyson.png?ex=65a2219d&is=658fac9d&hm=e67...y=lossless]
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Jenny Myst Offline
The Queen of X-Treme



XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)


#2
04-04-2018, 12:22 PM

Jenny picks herself up out of the rubble, wincing with a hand on her head. Immediately, there is an XWF media camera in her face. They want her take on what just transpired.

"I killed the President of the United States, that is enough of a victory. Finn Kuhn is going to go on to lose in embarrassing fashion to Engy, and this win won't look so good after it is all said and done. So good job Finn, live it up while you can, because this is the epitome of your career, isn't it? Do something good, get everyone excited, then fall flat on your face when the brightest lights come on. I want you to prove me wrong, I want you to beat Engy.......but you won't. I will always have the memory of having the crotch that killed the POTUS, while you will be remembered for being just good enough to lose a title match, AGAIN. Good luck."

She limps away, wincing.
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Hate Nation J̶̷o̶̷h̶̷n̶̷ Ron Cena (04-04-2018)
Finn Kühn Offline
Be the best, or be broken.



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#3
04-04-2018, 02:22 PM

(04-04-2018, 12:22 PM)Jenny Myst Said: Jenny picks herself up out of the rubble, wincing with a hand on her head. Immediately, there is an XWF media camera in her face. They want her take on what just transpired.

"I killed the President of the United States, that is enough of a victory. Finn Kuhn is going to go on to lose in embarrassing fashion to Engy, and this win won't look so good after it is all said and done. So good job Finn, live it up while you can, because this is the epitome of your career, isn't it? Do something good, get everyone excited, then fall flat on your face when the brightest lights come on. I want you to prove me wrong, I want you to beat Engy.......but you won't. I will always have the memory of having the crotch that killed the POTUS, while you will be remembered for being just good enough to lose a title match, AGAIN. Good luck."

She limps away, wincing.

"I'll be more worried about you when you can win a match, tuts. In the interim though..."

Finn's thoughts drift back to when he was in the car with Engy and Madison. His manic eyes, irrational behavior... Finn could have easily died. In fact, he was surprised Engy didn't ram the car into a pole and kill all three of them. He took a deep breath, and relaxed his clenching hand.

"So, it's come to this..." Finn barely murmurs. "The Kaiser-- no, Finn Kühn versus the Engineer on the big stage for the one prize I've fought so hard for..."

"This will be unlike any challenge I've faced yet."

[Image: d4Mq0D5.png]

January 2018 Star of the Month
- Win | Loss | Draw  -
- 2 | 2 | 0 -

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Hate Nation J̶̷o̶̷h̶̷n̶̷ Ron Cena Offline
Napping my way right past yall fairies



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#4
04-04-2018, 04:10 PM

Oh boy what a surprise I hated every minute of this show and I hate the idiots talking their shit after the show. Jenny, get on those knees bitch boy! Finn, let's be honest here for just a second and embrace the fact that you gonna straight fuck the shit outta your championship opportunity because you're a piece of shit! You guys wanna team up and join me in HATE NATION or what? Open RegistrHation Is Now!


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Join the Hate Nation today : Hate Nation Open RegistrHation


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Peter Fn Gilmour Offline
the man with the SUPER DICK



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#5
04-04-2018, 05:13 PM

save some of engy for me when I take his tag belts ;)

[Image: yPandTo.png]

SUCK... MY... DICK!

3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
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