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Author Message
Madison Dyson Offline
Fair and Balanced (and Evil)

XWF FanBase:

(the perfect heel; hated even by the fans who usually cheer heels; pisses off internet fans too)

Post: #1
03-31-2018 06:14 PM

[Image: red-white-blue-fireworks.jpg]

A massive red white and blue fireworks display kicks things off from the Capital One Arena, in Washington DC!

The shot cuts to a lit booth just outside the arena where Alex Jones, Shepard Smith, and Wayne LaPierre are standing by.

Shep: Welcome to the Capital One Center in Washington DC for the first ever GREAT AMERICAN SHOVE IT: Make XWF Great Again 2018 God Bless. It is my honor to be with you here tonight. To my left are Alex Jones, who will be joining me on commentary tonight, and the NRA's Wayne LaPierre, who is the security consultant for tonight's events. Now Wayne, with the president being in attendance I'm sure a lot of thought was put into keeping the building and it's occupants secure.

Alex:Yeah, and I for one would like to know how you kept all those human flesh wearing Reptoids out.

Wait, Alex, what exactly is a Reptoid?

Whaddya mean? I've been blowing up their spots on InfoWars for YEARS! The Deep State, Shep! They're a race of reptillian humanoids disguising themselves as liberal politicians in an effort to advance a Communist Socialist agenda to undermine our democracy and make us easier to control so they can start forcing us to get gay married and give away our money to the poors. Jesus Shep, you really have been sitting at the uncool kid's table over at Fox.

Kinda sorry I asked. Anyway Wayne, what can we expect tonight?

Wayne: Well first off, no Reptoids, that's for sure! For tonight's events, the NRA has coordinated with presidential secret service agents to ensure maximum security. Every fan in attendance here tonight is an active member of the NRA or, at the very least, a member of the Republican party. Tonight's proceedings are also OPEN CARRY as God intended, so it's nothing but “good guys with gun's” throughout the arena.

Shep makes an uncomprehending expression.

Hold on, so does that mean....?

Every person in attendance here tonight is LOCKED AND LOADED! The Capital One Center is the safest building in America right now!

Shep just looks downright shocked now.

Whoa! But don't you think allowing EVERYONE to have a gun here is a risky move? I mean, the President of the United States is here!

*sniff* *sniff* It's starting to smell pretty REPTILLIAN over here!

Oh PoppyCOCK! Tonight is all about Americans who are proud of their country and proud of their second amendment rights! What kind of fascist police state would we be if we didn't allow drunken rowdy wrestling fans the chance to brandish military grade firearms within feet of the leader of the free world! I'll hear no more of it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go pad my crotch.

Wayne walks away, and we see that he has a significant artificial looking bulge in his pants. Shep shakes his head, already looking stressed out.

I've just gotten word that the president is almost here. Mr. Trump has opted to arrive in style here tonight, seated on a massive golden throne carried to the arena on the backs of 300 ICE detainees.

The shot cuts to an angle overheard from a helicopter showing the ponderous throne moving down multiple closed lanes of traffic.

[Image: throne.jpg]

Now that's how you do it! I've also just gotten word that the XWF superstars participating in tonight's tournament are arriving now!


We see tournament participant Finn Kuhn, duffel bag in hand, walking down a hall.

Oh Finny baby!

He turns in response to the summons, to see Madison Dyson scampering up to him.

[shadow=purple]"Ah, Madison... or you'd prefer liebchen, wouldn't you?"[/shadow]

Madison claps and giggles with delight.

Mmmmm, that's the stuff mama likes.

Madison pulls up closer to Finn, playfully running her fingernails up and down his toned chest.

You know, you don't need to hang out back here with the rest of these scrubs tonight. I talked it over with The Donald and he is A-Ok with you sharing the Skybox with us.

Finn thinks on it for a moment; he very clearly has plans tonight with his crew and his feelings on Donald Trump himself could be described as iffy at best. Almost sensing his hesitance on the matter, Madison looks at Finn with puppy-dog eyes as Finn sighs loudly. [shadow=purple]"Fine, I'll do it. I look forward to sharing me winning this tournament with you, liebchen."[/shadow]

Madison claps her hands again, giddy with delight.

Great! Come with mama now, I'll get you all set up there...

Madison is grinning from ear to ear as she grabs Finn by the wrist and walks off with him as a small smile can be seen on the Kaiser's face.

Back outside

I'm sure there will be no hint of favoritism there at all.

Of course not, stop being such a Nancy! You should try some of my protein powder, it'll put some hair on your chest.

Alex does a Hoganesque flex down.

I'm good. Well, it looks like we're ready to kick this off. Alex and I will be headed inside, meanwhile please stand by for a performance of The Star Spangled Banner by....oh God, seriously...?

Uhhh, we'll see you inside in a bit folks. Sorry about what happens next.

Inside the arena

The lights dim and Fergie is standing in the center of the ring. Oh Jesus wept....

At the conclusion of the “performance” the lights come back on. The crowd mostly looks perplexed by what just happened. It should also be noted that the crowd is made up of more Camo-wearers than you can shake a stick at, along with people wearing tacky red white and blue shirts, hats with tea bags hanging from them, NRA caps and logos, wannabe Nazi's with white polo's and close cropped hair cuts, conservatively dressed college republican types and, oh yeah....A FUCK TON OF GUNS! Assault rifles are being waved and bandied about casually. Impotent old men wave around massive pistols that would probably give them a wrist fracture the moment they fired them. Some of the people dressed in camo are sporting bandoliers of ammunition. The arena is also dotted by dark garbed members of Trump's Secret Service, some of whom are looking about nervously at the sheer amount of fire power on display.

In the Skybox...

Madison opens the door to the Skybox, ushering Finn inside. He takes a look about, impressed by the digs, before having a seat. However, no sooner has he sat down does a horrific figure rise about behind his chair. Flesh rotted and sagging, with wisps of blonde hair dangling limply from a bruised and decaying scalp. The morbid creature draws it's cracked and blistered lips close to Finn's ear.


It hisses. Finn jumps up out of his chair and recoils in disgust.

[shadow=purple]Jesus Madison, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?![/shadow]

Madison rolls her eyes and scowls.

Don't mind that, it's just KellyAnne Conway. She's a lich or something. KellyAnne don't you have some animal sacrifices to do?

KellyAnne rises to full height, drawing a number of strained snaps and creaks from her decrepit bones. She cants her ghastly head.

Yes, yes indeed it is KellyAnne-KellyAnne! But I bring you a portent of woe, Madison Dyson! Oh yesssss.....oh yessssss.....

Yeah sure whatever....

Madison gestures for Finn to sit, and he does so but not before casting one last disgusted look back at KellyAnne. Madison snaps her fingers at the private wait staff in the box.

Get us both a bottle of your finest wine, please. Money is no object.

The server bows and leaves. KellyAnne watches him go before moving closer to Madison.

Madison does not pay heed to KellyAnne's tides of weal....oh unfortunate....unfortunate....! **HSSSSSSSS**

Madison brushes something off her forearm, making a pinched face betraying annoyance.'re getting your skin rot fakes on me. Could you, like, be anywhere else right now? Thanks.

KellyAnne cants her head at an even more unnatural angle, eliciting another chilling crack.

No, KellyAnne remains with her president, her dear, dear president!

Fine! Then go fall apart in the corner with your Ides of March bullshit. I got things to do. Finn, just chill here for a minute. Feel free to start on the wine, I'll be back in a jiffy!

Finn shoots a cautionary look at KellyAnne, with maybe a bit of regret on his face, as Madison takes her leave from the SkyBox and heads downstairs.


We see Shep Smith and Alex Jones settle into their commentary position.

And we're back! Welcome once again to The Great American Shove-It! We'll now go back to the ring, where Chair Woman Madison Dyson will kick things off with a few words, followed by a special address from the president!

Madison's music hits, drawing a sizable pop from this very conservative crowd!

Madison appears at the top of the ramp, wearing a huge smile as she soaks up all the adoration! Making her way to the ring, she immediately gets handed a mic by Milo Yiannopoulous.

Thanks Milo. America....ARE YOU READY?!!

The fans pop with a “HELL YEAH!”

That's the spirit! Now, I know you're all dying to get to the action and find out just who is facing who, but first I've got a few things to share. I just wanted to thank you all for being here. Ya know, a lot of people are trying to make it seem “wrong” or “backwards” to have pride in America these days. And that's BULLSHIT. America is still the greatest country in the world!


All of you represent the best America has to offer. It's true patriots. So, if anything, tonight's show is a love letter to all of you for your bravery, your temerity, your refusal to bow to a lefty progressive agenda that....


...the fuck?

A man in the crowd stumbles stumbles into the aisle, bleeding from a sizable gun shot to the hand. He's screaming in confusion and pain as a couple nearby Secret Service agents rush to his aid.

Whoops, somebody might want to call an ambulance for that guy...heh...heh. Side bar folks, please make sure the safety's on your firearms are ON. Anyhow, it's always been my dream to run my own pro wrestling show, and it fills me with an immense pride and joy to know that tonight, not only do I make that dream a reality, but that I do so in honor of the greatest nation in the history of the world.



The POTUS hits the ramp, white boy dancin' to “Boss” by Little Pump as DOLLAH DOLLAH BILLZ start dropping from the top of the arena! The fans start scrambling for the cash as The Donald confidently power walks to the ring. Madison scrambles to hold the ropes open for him and passes her mic to him.

The Donald stands in the middle of the ring for a moment, drinking in the adoration of his plebian multitudes with his trademark self satisfied smirk. Finally,he deigns to speak.

America is the greatest country of all time.

More huge pops! Madison is looking like she's gonna break her wrists from clapping so hard.

And this will be the greatest wrestling show of all time. All time! Believe it! We've got a packed card of guys...and Jenny Myst....

He grins lecherously at the mention of Jenny.

....all looking to grab that brass ring and capture the American dream. But it won't be easy. Whoever earns that Universal Championship shot tonight will have to win THREE matches in one night. Not easy. Very hard. Trust me, I know wrestling.

Trump takes a walk up to the ropes and leans on them.

Now all that's good, right? But you know what's even better? Me railing Jenny Myst's poon.

Another huge pop. Madison laughs.

Jenny Myst is here tonight. And while she is going to wrestle, she is also here to pleasure the POTUS. In fact, I have it on very good authority....that she is backstage right now shaving her pubic hair in my preferred style and getting her box ready to be filled harder than that cuck Chris Chaos ever could! I.....

Jenny Myst is here! Madison starts screaming in rage as Jenny, not looking all that happy herself starts making her way up the ramp. Trump's Secret Service closes in around the ring, forming a barrier and preventing Jenny from entering. She calls for a mic and gets one, stopping in the aisle as she casts a bitter look at Trump's goons.

Madison: You stank ho you have NO RIGHT.....

But The Donald cuts her off with a wave.

Jenny, I'm glad you're here. Because I think I forgot to add something to those instructions I left you. You MUST shower before we have sex, there is nothing worse than the smell of sweaty whisker biscuit....

I am more concerned with what you smell like, honestly. I bet its a bit 'Stormy' down there, if ya feel me? You realize I am going along with this for entertainment purposes, but there is no way I am fucking you, right?

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! I hear you. Really, I do! But I'm afraid you don't have a choice. You see, your job at the XWF really is on the line here! Big time! Because I had a talk with Taylor Mayde, and she is in complete agreement that if you do not have sex with me here tonight....YOU ARE FIRED! From the XWF. FOREVER!

Figures Taylor had something to do with this. She will get hers, too. Mr. Trump, I am going to win Shove It, win the Universal Title and when we are done here, YOU will be the one who feels honored to have fucked ME! BANK on that.

Jenny mic drops and turns her back on the president as her music hits again. Trump stands in the ring looking...well....honestly looking a little turned on! With that, Madison gestures for the POTUS to follow her to their luxury Skybox so the tournament can begin!

inFamous versus Drezdin

Shep: We are ready to kick things off with our opening first round match up. Now remember, the competitors did not know prior to the show who they would be facing. They are only finding out....RIGHT NOW! Let's go to Milo, who I am sure will be a consummate professional.

Milo: This match is for one fall. Introducing first...I dunno, some new guy they really didn't give me any information on. But I saw him backstage and he looked kinda greasy and it made me uncomfortable.....inFAMOUS!

The arena goes black as the music starts. As the song picks up, inFamous makes his way out from the back bee-bopping around to the beat of the song. He slowly makes his way to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope.

And his opponent, who is once again “in like a giant retard”....DREZDIN!

The arena goes completely black for a moment, then the lights start to pulsate as the music starts to blare through the PA system. As soon as the pyro goes off the lights turn on, the people in the arena turn silent, the people are at awe and shock on how massive he is. He starts walking down the ramp, he yells out...IT'S GO TIME!, then he stops at the end of the ramp to take a deep breath. He approaches the ring, then he grabs the rope ring rope gets unto the ring aparon goes over the top rope then walks towards the middle of the ring. He raises his left hand as the pyro goes off.

The match gets underway, but inFamous jumps the bell and lands a double axe handle to the big man's back, but Drezdin doesn't seem all that phased! He wheels around on inFamous and points a finger at him challengingly. InFamous runs to the ropes to pick up some momentum, but Drezdin surprises him with a big boot to the face on the rebound!

Drezdin then hefts inFamous to his feet and tosses him bale style across the ring. InFamous briefly looks like his bell has been rung, and he pulls himself up in the corner as Drezdin approaches. He lashes out at Drezdin with a stiff kick to his knee, followed by another, and then a big standing drop kick that finally sends the big man to the canvas. InFamous hops up to the top rope and hits a big leg drop across Drezdin's face! He pins him!


InFamous backs off from Drezdin, waiting for him to rise before rushing him, but Drezdin counters by picking inFamous up into his arms and dumping him with a big time fall away slam that carries inFamous right out of the ring, he rolls out to the floor where a bunch of jeering Neo-Nazi's start shit talking him. The ref starts counting inFamous out....




inFamous is too busy jaw jacking with the Nazi's to notice that Drezdin as rolled out of the ring as well. Drezdin grabs a big handful of inFamous' hair and bounces his skull off the ring apron before rolling him back inside. Drezdin stays in control of the match, irish whipping inFamous into the corner so hard he bounces right back out and collapses to the canvas. Drez picks inFamous up into a full nelson before dropping him down hard with a full nelson slam! Drezdin goes for the cover now.


2....inFamous rolls a shoulder up! Drezdin looks pissed! He hauls inFamous up to his feet and puts him in a powerbomb position! Drez lifts him all 7 feet in the air and drills him down on the back of his head! But Drezdin's still not done! He maintains the hold, picks him up and powerbombs him again! And again! And again! HE'S GONNA KILL ANOTHER ONE! InFamous vomits all over himself as Drezdin hits a final razor's edge style powerbomb on him, sending him flying across the ring! Drezdin drops down for a over!





Trump stands up in the Skybox. He brings a mic up to his mouth as Drezdin steps over inFamous to celebrate in the ring. InFamous looks like he's unconscious.

inFamous......more like UN-Famous! Thanks for coming and stinking up the show with your shitty performance. Hey Drezdin, if you take this pencil neck backstage and give him a swirly, I'll let you fuck Melania. PUT HIM WHERE THE DOODY'S GO!

Drezdin shrugs and shakes his head “yeah!” He picks inFamous up with ease and walks with him up the ramp.

The shot cuts from the ring back to the announce team.

Throughout the night, we are going to highlight Profiles in American Courage. That is, people who have shown the utmost bravery in the face of the politically correct, socialist, cucked, reptoid agenda. It is my honor to present the first profile....Dylan Roof!

Inspirational music starts playing in the background as a picture of Dylan appears on screen. Shep looks mortified.


Alex hits a button somewhere on the desk and the music increases in volume to drown out Shep's negativity.

[Image: 150618183449-dylann-roof-custody-large-169.jpg]

Contrary to what the Reptoid controlled lame stream news media reported, Dylan Roof was a sweet gentle angel who was possibly missing a chromosome. I mean, look, he's kinda Downsy, right? All Dylan wanted to do was attend a predominantly black church with numerous firearms in tow for his own personal protection. Unfortunately, Dylan was immediately confronted and threatened by a gaggle of angry militant Blacks, who said he did not “belong” at their church. They attacked Dylan, first verbally by calling him horrific names like “pit sniffing retard” and “sister humping yokel” and then physically. Dylan invoked his constitutional right to defend himself from the assault. And for that, he has been smeared by liberal fascists.

Dylan Roof. Truly a profile in American Courage. Shep?

Well, that's a creative read on things. Anyway, our next first round match is upon us!

Jackie Peppers versus Finn Kuhn

The following match is set I really have to say this every time? Up first is Jackie Peppers who eats peppers and his manager is a vulgar Scotsman, I guess....

The opening drum beat of Arrows in the Dark erupts throughout the arena as spews of flames shoot from the sides of the ramp. As the flames subside Jackie Peppers steps out through the entrance way and heads towards the ring, his gaze set on it. Jackie climbs onto the apron and onto the turnbuckle, raising his fist in the air and grinning, showing his deep red mouthguard.

And his opponent....oh, wait, hold on....

Milo is listening to someone speaking to him through his earpiece. The camera glances up to look at the SkyBox. It's Madison. Madison is speaking to him.


Finn Kuhn explodes out of the Skybox and starts heading down the ramp. On his way down, some Neo-Nazi's start “seig heiling” him. He looks at them with annoyance and yells [shadow=purple] I'm not a Nazi, you idiots![/shadow] They don't seem to notice.

As the lyrics began playing, Finn removes his hood, looking ready, determined, and walks to the ring with purpose. Once in the ring, he poses on the turnbuckles as fans continue to boo the Kaiser. After a few seconds, he hops down, and waits for the match to begin.

With both fighters ready, the ref signals for the bell. Jackie Peppers and Finn circle each other for a minute, before Finn goes low trying to get Jackie's leg. Jackie responds by kicking Finn in the face, followed by grappling him with a surprise swinging neckbreaker. Finn recovers quickly and goes for a punch on Jackie. Jackie blocks and Finn follows up by darting behind him with a rear waist lock into a release german suplex. Jackie hits hard but manages to roll to his feet.

Finn presses Jackie against the ropes, kicking and punching him furiously before irish whiping him. Jackie hits the ropes and stalls his momentum by grabbing onto the top, but Finn is right there to rush him and clothesline him over the top and to the floor. Finn then hits an impressive springboard plancha off the top rope, crashing into Jackie on the outside!

The ref starts to count them both out.




Finn picks Jackie up bodily and rams his spine into the ring post! Finn then dumps him back into the ring! Finn rolls in and leaps up to the top rope. He's calling for his To The Skies Frog Splash! Finn takes flight....AND JACKIE ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Finn crashes and burns!!

Jackie dives for the cover on Finn!



3...NO! Finn kicks out!

Jackie mounts Finn and starts punching him in the head, before the ref makes him get off. Jackie grabs Finn and forces him up before dropping him again with a picture perfect standing drop kick! Jackie covers again!



Jackie grapples Finn up into a DDT position, but Finn reverses it into a bridging suplex! He pins Jackie now!


2....Jackie gets a boot on the bottom rope!

Finn slaps the mat in frustration, and Jackie shoves Finn away to give himself some distance. Jackie runs at Finn, but Finn springboards off the middle rope with a back elbow that clips Jackie's jaw. Jackie hits the mat but recovers fast. Finn goes for a roundhouse as Jackie gets up, but Jackie ducks just in time and roars up with a big time uppercut. Finn falters into the corner and Jackie rushes him with a shoulder block, followed by him wrapping his arm around Finn's head and bull dogging him back into the center of the ring! Jackie covers!



3....NO! Finn kicks out, and also jabs a thumb in Jackie's eye! Jackie cries out and gets off of Finn. Finn powers Jackie up and scoop slams him, then runs to the ropes again and moonsaults him off the middle! And then he flies to his feet again and lands a high angle leaping elbow drop on Jackie! Finn grabs a helping of Jackie's tights and rolls him up!



3...NO! Jackie kicks out again!

Finn lays into Jackie with some punches before grabbing him by the head and ramming him face first into the turnbuckle. He tries to do it again but Jackie gets a foot up into the turnbuckle to block and he elbows Finn on the chin, spins around to see Finn staggering back and chains it into a snap superkick! Finn is daed on his feet for a moment before dropping to his knees and Jackie nails him upside the head with his trademark Decapitator kick! THIS HAS TO BE IT! Jackie covers!




The crowd is really into this match now! Jackie begs the ref to reconsider the count, but the ref holds firm! Jackie gets up, looking frustrated and waits for Finn to move. Jackie scouts Finn and goes to attack him again, but Finn wisely rolls out of the ring for a breather! The ref starts to count Finn out but he doesn't seem to pay it much mind, but Jackie does! Jackie takes a running start and launches himself over the top rope, splashing Finn on the outside! Both men collapse in a heap!





Finn and Jackie take a moment to collect themselves, with Jackie recovering faster. Jackie grabs hold of Finn's hair and pulls him back towards the ring. Finn counters with a closed fist blow to Jackie's midsection, followed by a drop toe hold that bounces Jackie's face off the ring apron!




The ref is warning both men to get back in the ring. Finn picks Jackie up and rolls him in,and he climbs to the top rope! Finn gestures for a high flying move and takes flight, but Jackie rolls out of the way. But Finn also expected this and he tucks into a somersault at the last minute. Finn rolls to his feet as Jackie clambers up! Finn goes for a forearm shot on Jackie but Jackie ducks, responding with a chop, another chop and then a dropkick to Finn's chest. Finn stumbles and Jackie leaps at him and locks him into a double underhook DDT, dropping him! Jackie covers again!




The crowd lets out a whoosh of exceitement. Jackie rolls off Finn, holding his head and wondering what the hell he has to do here! Jackie drags Finn up again, knees him in the stomach and tries to get around Finn to lock him in to a sleeper, but Finn drops down and out to the mat, rolling behind Jackie. Jackie wheels around just in time to catch a punch to the face that rocks Jackie so hard it spins him around. Finn sees an opening and takes it with the BACKSTABBER! He pins Jackie!



3...NOOOO! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDNG, JACKIE KICKS OUT! Finn forces his forearm down on Jackie's face and pins again, but Jackie immediately fights out, clearly getting angry! He sits up, punching Finn numerous times in the head before getting vertical. Finn is also up. Jackie tags Finn in the jaw, followed by a kick to his midsection. Jackie drops to his knees and uppercuts Finn! Finn is shocked. Jackie kips back up and makes a gagging sound. Oh no....oh NO! JACKIE SPITS THE PEPPER SPRAY AT FINN!! THIS IS....

…..FINN DODGES AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND! But he grabs hold of Jackie by the hair as the brutal mist lingers in the air and FORCES JACKIE'S FACE INTO IT! The mist infiltrates Jackie's eyes, and he screams in pain having caught a dose of his own medicine! Finn locks with Jackie's arm and flips himself up and over, delivering his finisher THE KAISER'S DOMAIN!!!!



3!!!! By God, Finn finally wins it!!!


An ecstatic Madison Dyson can be seen celebrating in the Skybox! Finn pumps his fist in the air triumphantly and mounts the corner turnbuckle, arms raised in victory!

A hard fought victory for Madison's golden boy against a very capable Jackie Peppers here tonight!

Jackie, his eyes still watering, uses the ropes for leverage as he struggles to get up. Up in the Skybox, Trump gets on the mic.

Jackie, this is your president speaking. Helllooooo, can you see me? You know Jackie, you had some not nice things to say about me and some of my friends in your promos. Getting some stand-ins to make fun of us. Is that ringing a bell?

Jackie grimaces, seeing where this is going.

I got just one thing to say about that Jackie....FUNNY AS SHIT!

Trump starts laughing, and even Madison looks a bit surprised.

And yeah, Betsy DeVos' legs really are that gross. I know that because I plowed her once too out of desperation after Melania was on the rag for like two months. Is that even a thing? I dunno. Jackie, you lost but you're a funny loser so I'm not gonna embarrass you. You and that weird Scotsman can swing by the White House for some beers and bitches anytime. Trump out!

Jackie, despite the pain in his eyes and losing a hard fought victory, manages to smile a bit. He asks the ref which way to go to exit the ring and the ref helps him out and up the ramp.

Our glorious leader proving that he can also be a man of mercy and benevolence as well. Can't say I would have done the same!

Reeve Gordon versus Jenny Myst

Whoa everybody, get your dicks's a CHICK match!

The fans pop.

Introducing first, hailing from the liner notes of a Panic at The Disco CD from the early 2000's....REEVE GORDON!

The fans boo!

Reeve Gordon comes out onto the ramp, not paying the jeering fans any mind as his androgyny makes them all very, very uncomfortable. Reeve makes his way into the ring, glowering up the ramp.

And his opponent....the woman who got her ass kicked by Madison Dyson who will also be serving as Donald Trump's dick sleeve later tonight....JENNY MYST!

Jenny looks plenty pissed as she comes marching down the ramp! She doesn't even acknowledge the fans, instead giving the Skybox a single finger salute. From inside, we can see Donald Trump standing and applauding her. When she gets in the ring, she gets in like this.

[Image: RUlZaSV.gif]

Jenny also takes a moment to flip off Milo too as she gets to her corner and the bell rings! Reeve charges at Jenny and bitch slaps her! Jenny, enraged, punches Reeve right in the mouth before opening up on him with a series of vicious chops! Reeve backs off, trying to cover up but Jenny is relentless! Jenny rabbit kicks him into the ropes, and then grabs onto his long hair and tosses him in the center of the ring by it. Jenny waits for Reeve to get up before pulling him into a short arm clothesline, or three.

Reeve wobbling now, tries once again to back off from Jenny but she still won't have it! He manages to snap off a quick kick to Jenny's midsection, followed by a chop to her chest, but all this does is seem to enrage the former Bombshell Champion, who again grabs Reeve by the air and pulls him into an elbow shot, followed by a snapmare takedown, and then a dropkick to the back of Reeve's head. Jenny wastes no time going to the top rope then, she launches herself into a huge splash on Reeve and goes for the cover!




Jenny laughs derisively at how easy that was!


Oh you know The Donald has got something to say about this!

Well done, Jenny! Well done!

Jenny looks up at the Skybox, muttering curses under her breath.

You know what Jenny, you remind me of my daughter. Tiffany. Not Ivanka. Ivanka's successful.

Jenny starts demanding a mic at ringside.

Yeah, don't give her a mic. We're done here for now, Jenny. Take a hike so I can talk to this genderqueer you just beat up.

Jenny takes her leave, but not without shouting a few more choice words up at the president. Reeve is slowly rousing from the beating he got.

Hey Reeve. Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. But you don't need either to be my make-up artist! Because that's what you're gonna be later tonight! You look like you got a handle on it anyway, right? LOSER!

Reeve leaves the ring, looking miserable.

No sooner has that ended do we hear the crack of a firearm going off! Alex and Shep crank their heads around, looking for the source of the gunfire, and we see Trump's Secret Service rushing into the crowd. Shortly thereafter they are pulling a very drunk man in head to toe camouflage into the aisle as another man bleeds out from a mortal looking gun shot wound to the neck. The surrounding fans back off in disgust mostly, but a couple of them draw their own firearms! The Secret Service draw their guns and a tense standoff ensues!

Whoa, looks like we got a situation here! Uhhhhh, watch this for a minute while we get this crap sorted.

Shep jumps as another firearm discharges!

Sounds like freedom to me!

I get teary eyed every time, Shep. How are we doing with our little situation?

Everyone's dead.

Jeremiah Dixon versus Richard Dweck

Alright, we got another one of these matches. First off, we got Jeremiah Dixon who can definitely sit on my face anytime he wants! God damn, you could bounce a wooden nickel off those abdominals!

The arena lights dim, then they strobe as the hook from Seeing Red pierces the speakers of the PA system. Jeremiah appears atop the entrance stage. His eyes scan across the thousands of screaming fans before he begins his focused walk to the ring. He high fives a few lucky ringside fans and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. Impact climbs the corner turnbuckle and claps for the fans, then drops back to the mat and pulls the ropes to loosen up. As he does so, Milo tries to give him a piece of paper with his phone number on it, but Jermiah wads it up into a ball and tosses it back in his face.

Your loss, bitch. There's a reason they called me Miss Hoover my sophomore year in college. Anyhow, this ingrate's opponent is Richard Dweck. He is a Jew.

Massive heat from the anti-Semites in the crowd, which is basically all of them.

A member of arena security needs to stop a Tiki-torch wielding Neo-Nazi from leaping the crowd control barricade to get at Richard as he makes his way down to the ring. Richard, looking a bit nervous at the hostile crowd, slides under the bottom rope and tries to get his game face on.

The bell rings and Dixon is on Dweck immediately! He lashes out with a series of Judo-inspired strikes, backing Dweck into the corner, where he tries to cover up. Impact is forced to back off, but as soon as Dweck escapes the corner Dixon grabs and drops him with a fireman's carry slam! Dixon then parlays that into a fancy standing moonsault into a pin!



Dixon stays on the attack, picking Dweck up by his arm and pulling him into a tilt a whirl backbreaker! Dweck cries out in pain as Dixon drops him. Dixon quickly continues the assault by driving a knee into the spine of his downed opponent, before picking his legs up and cinching in a high angle boston crab, sitting down deep on it. Dweck tries to crawl his way to the ropes and after some struggle he is finally successful! Dixon breaks the hold, picks Dweck up and irish whips him. Dixon also runs to the ropes himself and both men, having the same idea, go for a mid-air cross body block! Their heads collide with a thunderous smack and they both spin out to the canvas, completely knocked the fuck out!

It takes a moment for the ref to realize what happened, but he finally starts counting both men down!


The bell rings and the crowd boos at the double KO finish!


What are the chances of that?!

It's not surprising though! The Jew, a natural ally of the reptoid, is unsuited to the rigors of combat and often relies on other stronger alpha males to do their dirty work. As for Dixon, some guys are meant for more “show” than “go”, unlike yours truly!

It looks like the president has something to say!

Trump approaches the open window of his Skybox, and makes a thumbs down motion!

Very disappointing guys! Not good, not a good look for America either! Maybe wrestling isn't your calling after all! So I tell you what, my boom mic operator for my HUGE sex celebration with Jenny Myst called in sick. So guess what, you BOTH get to be my new boom mic operators. It'll be an honor really. And don't try to leave the building, or I'll have your asses thrown in Guantanamo. I'm sure your fellow prisoners will just LOVE you guys, you especially Dweck!

Trump gives a self satisfied chuckle as the fans cheer! Both Dixon and Dweck, who were slowly returning to consciousness turning Trump's speech, are ordered to leave the ring by the ref.

Mezian versus Muddy Waters

Introducing first, and I honestly don't have any smart ass remarks for this guy because I don't understand his gimmick....MEZIAN?

A dim blue smoke starts to billow up from the ramp as the eccentric Mezian starts walking to the ring. He leaps up to the ring apron and gets in the ring, running the ropes a bit to get settled.

And his opponent is Muddy Waters, who I saw sleeping in his own vomit earlier. Plus also Madison says thanks for losing the Xtreme championship before the show, ass.

Muddy stumbles out from the back, just finishing up one last pre-match beer. This redneck crowd pops HUGE for Muddy! Some of them raise their assault rifles in the air and open fire, showering plaster and debris down upon their heads. Muddy gets in the ring and chases Milo out, hurling a slew of homophobic invectives at him as he does so.

The bell rings and Mezian locks up with Muddy, skirting behind him into a rear waist lock and trying to pull Muddy up into a fisherman's suplex, Muddy blocks by tagging Mezian with a couple elbows before running the ropes and clotheslining Mezian on the return. Mezian snaps back up to his feet almost immediatey and ducks under a haymaker from Muddy before surprising him with a dropkick to Muddy's face. Muddy also recovers fast, going to sweep Mezian's legs. Mezian avoids it and instead pulls Muddy into an irish whip into the corner. Mezian ries for a big splash but Muddy avoids it just in time, causing Mezian to eat turnbuckle! Muddy rolls Mezian up with a school boy!


2....Mezian kicks out!

Muddy grapples Mezian, trying to set him up early for a Pike County Plunge piledriver, but Mezian back body drops his way out of it. With Muddy on the mat, Mezian races to lock in an MMA style arm bar, ripping at Muddy's shoulder that was already injured at Warfare. Muddy fights with Mezian for a good ten seconds before finally pulling his way to the bottom rope, which he takes hold of to break the arm bar. Meian risks disqualification before releasing Muddy. Both men get to their feet and Mezian nails a deep arm drag on Muddy, followed by a sleeper hold on the mat, but again Muddy is able to get close enough to the ropes to break the hold.

Mezian, frustrated by his opponent's escapability, starts laying into him with some truly nasty mounted elbow strikes before forcing his shoulders to the mat for a cover!


2....Muddy kicks out, and hits Mezian with an elbow strike of his own in doing so! But Mezian is undaunted, no selling the elbow and ripping Muddy up to his feet. Muddy throws a couple wild punches but Mezian blocks twice and counters with a spinning backfist that stuns Muddy! Mezian muscles Muddy up and drops him down with a sick END IS NIGH! Mezian covers again!





Mezian bails from the ring, walking up the ramp triumphantly with his hands in the air. It takes Muddy a few moments to rouse, and he awakens to the disappointed catcalls of his fellow rednecks.

Up in the Skybox Trump is getting up to issue his official decree, when Madison stands up and speaks.

Mr. Trump, if it's ok with you I'd like to field this one.

Trump extends his hand, granting Madison the floor.

Muddy....Muddy.....Muddy. The failboat just keeps chugging along for you, doesn't it? You know, I'm getting pretty damn sick and tired of this. I offered you lowly shits the chance of a lifetime, and we've had decent match so far? So I'm going to make an example out of you in particular Muddy. I'm going to HUMILIATE you with what you hate the most! Security, grab hold of him, do not let him escape!!

The arena security swarms the ring. Muddy tries fighting them off, kicking punching and headbutting, but eventually the numbers are just too much! Security dogpiles him and wrestles him to the mat.

Now Muddy, we all know just how much you looooooove HOMOSEXUALS! So tonight, you're going to get the chance to express those affections live on national television. MILO, GET IN THERE AND GIVE MUDDY SOME TONGUE!

Milo Yiannopoulous, who up until now was chatting up some cute guy at ringside, looks wide eyed up at Madison, and then looks in horror at Muddy. He starts shaking his head emphatically “no”.

Bitch, did I give you options? Get in there!

Milo looks around, crestfallen, but nobody's gonna help him. He gulps and sucks it up, rolling in the ring. He walks over to Muddy and makes a dry heaving sound before getting down on his hands and knees over Muddy. Muddy is still fighting fist tooth and nail to get away, but it's to no avail! Milo leans over and LOCKS LIPS WITH MUDDY WATERS!

The crowd jeers and cat calls this blatant display of homosexuality! But, it quickly becomes clear that something is wrong! Milo starts to try to pull away from Muddy, but can't! A muffled scream can be heard, and finally, when Milo is able to break from Muddy, blood is pouring out of his mouth! Milo falls to the mat, squalling and screaming because he HAS NO TONGUE!

Security, repulsed, lets go of Muddy and they all bail out of the ring! Muddy gets up, and spits Milo's tongue back at him before rolling out of the ring and heading towards the back!

Madison looks down at poor Milo in shock.


The medical team rushes to Milo's aid as we go once again to the announce position. Shep looks ashen.

Just when I thought this show couldn't shock me any more. Ugh! Now seems like a good time to take a break from the action to recognize another Profile in American Courage. I'm told that.......hmmmm.....KellyAnne Conway will be fielding this one.


Trump's ghoulish assistant pops up behind Shepard Smith, causing him to damn near shit his pants.


KellyAnne rubs her gnarled hands together. Her skin sounds like sandpaper as she does so.

KellyAnne would like to talk about a great hero, a man of art....of vaguely racist horrifying literature...oh yes, oh darling H.P. Lovecraft!

[Image: 220px-H._P._Lovecraft%2C_June_1934.jpg]

Yesssss....speaking truth to the horrors that hide behind the thin partition of sanity and reason, reaching into the terrifying cosmic ether to bring forth the kind of awful alien impossibilities that could never have been born of human ken. Yessss.....Lovecraft, dear sweet Lovecraft. Also he was not fond of the blacks.

I bet he knew what a reptoid was!

Alex shoots a sidelong glance at Shepard. Kellyanne goes to speak some more, but suddenly all her teeth fall out and spill into Shep's lap like bloody Chiclets. Shep recoils in his seat in disgust. KellyAnne scoops them up and dumps them into her purse.

Not to worry! That just means my sharper set will be growing in soon! Oh happy day!

Please leave.

Chris Valley versus Shino Ganbo

Madison takes over the ring announcing duties from the Skybox for the fallen Milo.

Thank God this first round is almost over. Introducing first, A MAN WHO HATES AMERICA, CHRIS VALLEY!

The crowd boos and we hear numerous firearms being readied.

As the hustling and bustling of breaths hit the PA Speaker, this signals the entrance of the most deprived and nastiest men too step up too the plate today. Out from the back comes Chris Valley, too the old familar sound of hate towards him. No smile on his face, no swagger too his step, just a crack of the knuckles and the neck as he walks down the entrance ramp. In his hand is a bag of his signature thumbtacks, and as he makes his way down the apron of the ring, he sets them into the corner, hops up and into the ring, and spreads his arms too shout: "MAD, DOG, VALLEY." The fans boo even louder, and he only brushes his arms off and backs into the corner, brushing his hair out of his face as he waits.

And his opponent, a white man with an ambiguously Asian name....Shino Ganbo. And no, I don't know how to put the little hat above the last “O”, I just can't be arsed....

A soft rock beat begins to play as the lights all cut out and we hear "You don't fool me, while the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows, no stranger to you and me" the rock beat picks up to heavy temp as the chorus to "In the air tonight" by In This Moment hits. A single spotlight finally hits the ring as we see man known as Shino Ganbo sitting in the corner of the ring cross legged. With the spotlight on him he grabs the top rope and pulls himself up into a staring position with his opponent as the music cuts and the lights raise. 

Once the bell rings Shino goes for a stiff roundhouse kick on Valley, but Valley had him scouted, catching his leg and hitting a quick leg drag that drops his opponent. Shino cries out in pain, holding his knee like it was torqued pretty bad. Valley refuses to show mercy, stomping on Shino until he is forced to crawl under the ropes to get the ref to break up the assault. Valley does so reluctantly, but does grab Shino by his wounded leg into the center of the ring, where he proceeds to lock in a figure four leg lock, putting further pressure on the knee! Shino calls out in pain again, and the ref asks him if he wants to quit! Shino shakes his head “no” and tries to crawl towards the ropes, finally touching his fingers to the bottom rope to break the hold.

Valley lets go, but grabs hold of Shino by his copious hair, taking a moment to slug him in the face a couple times before throwing him into the corner. Shino stumbles on that inured knee and face plants into the corner, which Valley quickly follows up with a Cannonball Senton, further crushing Shino's face into the buckle!

Valley, still relentless, drags Shino out of the corner and up to his feet. Shino looks to be out on his feet though. Valley sets him up for and nails him with the Death in the Valley! He covers!





Another one sided match! What a BITCH! Get him Mr. President!

The Donald already has a mic in hand as he prepares to dress down the match loser.

Shino Ganbo, BIG LOSER! SUPER BIG LOSER! Didn't really like Chris Valley much either, but at least he can win a match. So that name, what is that, KOREAN? You a spy for the little fat man?! HUH? KellyAnne, show this huge mountain of SUCK what we do to spies!

KellyAnne approaches the glass of the Skybox. She has a small pouch in her hands, from which she draws out some kind of dust. She blows the dust in the air and her eyes roll back in her head.

In the ring, Shino's expression turns from discomfort, to shock, to outright TERROR as he loses control of his own body! He brings his fingers up to his eyes and pulls them into slits, before starting to dance around the ring and sing the following in a high pitched mockery of an Asian accent.



Shino is crying tears of shame through his slanted eyes, as Trump and Madison bust a gut at his humiliation.


Trump and Madison looks like they're gonna piss themselves. The crowd is eating it up too. Once Trump gets it under control, he breathlessly turns to KellyAnne.

Alright, alright. I think we've seen enough. Get him out of my sight.

Trump turns to Madison.

I gotta go get myself ready to hollow out Jenny's poon. Hold the fort down while I'm gone.

Madison smiles and salutes.

Yes sir, Mr. President.

Trump takes his leave, with KellyAnne Conway skittering behind him in tow. Madison watches him go before standing up in the Skybox to address the multitudes.

Hey guys, we got one more match in the first round, but I have some disappointing news about it. Turns out Drezdin killed Tank Hammet at Warfare. Now, Tank signed a contract to be here, so don't get me wrong....his ass is here!

A meathook slowly descends from the top of the arena, and from it hangs the bloating rancid corpse of Tank Hammet, with his head hastily reattached to his body with duct tape! Tank gets lowered all the way to the ring, where some members of the ring crew wearing hazmat suits unhook him and dump him unceremoniously in the ring.

Oh my God I can smell it from here! It's like if a sewer full of bacon and diarrhea overflowed into a Fat Camp!

Alright Danny, come down here and get your free win!

Danny Imperial versus Tank Hammet ('s corpse)

"Hail To The King" Blares through the speakers as laser multi-colored lights move haphazardly through the stadium. As the heavy guitar drops, two opposite flares shoot out from the base of the entrance. A crazed, grinning Danny Imperial walks out from behind the curtain. He runs a hand across his face, pulling back his hair.

He strolls down the ramp towards the ring, smugly glancing from side to side, giving Betsys in the crowd a wink as he passes them. He slides smoothly into the ring, but stops short at the sight of the dead body in the middle of the rng. He looks at it curiously for a moment before dead lifting it and hitting an Imperial Insanity on him! Tank's head comes unmoored from the rest of his body and rolls out of the ring. Danny covers!





Danny kicks the body out of the ring before hitting all the turnbuckles, arms raised and laughing as the hazmat crew scoops Tank's head up with a dustpan and dumps it into a garbage bag.

Ya know, as much as I may be getting paid to shill this thing....most of those first round matches sucked!

There were quite a few who certainly didn't bring their A-game, but with Drezdin, Finn Kuhn, Jenny Myst, Mezian, Chris Valley, and Danny Imperial headed to the semi-final round, business is sure to pick up quite a bit! Back in a jiffy folks!

[Image: intermission.jpg]

[Image: 36c58025d5ba4e37e5df22ee9af443f9--sherri...-girls.jpg]

[Image: 00145839.0001.gif]

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Jackie Peppers

XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)

Post: #2
03-31-2018 06:49 PM

Backstage, Jackie Peppers is holding his shoulder, beset by Black Angus and Bob Whiskey. The crowd goes bananas.

Well laddy, ye did gud out there, ye did gud. Lits go to git ye a milksheek, nae reason ta fell doon wit dat effert.

Jackie scrunches his nose and looks at Angus.

W-Wait, what about a-all that stuff we did this week, that wasn't the real Donald Trump?

Nae, a' course not!

Angus looks around, pulls out a flask, and knocks it back.

For a little while.

He drains the flask.

No fuckin' wee we would git de actual President!

S-So what the heck was all that stuff about?

Ta toughen ye up, git ye ready fer the match, plus, me and Bob were bored!

Bob looks at Jackie and nods. Jackie's lip starts to tremble.

B-But, that horse, all the damage to the houseboat that you made me fix...


Bob nods.

Oh God, that lady peed on a man! There were all those body fluids!

Yip. Ye think the President actually does that? O'course. He's a filthy Scotsman, just like mesell.

Angus sticks his tongue out at the camera and hikes his kilt, showing the world his penis on Webcast, PPV, and enough outlets that the billions of XWF fans universewide can catch a glimpse of his weary, depleted phallus. He then belches, his eyes go wide, and he puts both hands to his gut, still gripping his kilt.

I needs mure booze!

Angus wanders off. Bob pats Jackie on the back.

He needs more booze.

Jackie looks at Bob.

I hate my life, Bob.

Bob smiles and nods. He then leans in, opens his mouth, sticks out his tongue, and slurps Jackie's face. The camera zooms out as Bob then spins and quickly sits on Jackie's feet.

What? Bob, get off of my feet.

The report of a supercollossal fart resounds. Bob grins as his flattus exits him and brings an uncomfortable hot feeling to Jackie's booted feet. Jackie looks completely shocked and dismayed.


Jackie yelps as he scootches his feet out from under Bob, who hops up and chases down the hall after Black Angus. Jackie looks in the direction, his mouth wide open, lower lip protruding.

Hey, hey! Guys! You're my ride, I haven't changed yet!

Hurry laddy, we need to find a liquor store!
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Finn Kühn

XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)

Post: #3
03-31-2018 07:00 PM

Finn Kühn could be seen walking up to the Skybox, beset on all sides by fans trying to show the Kaiser their new shiny guns, or trying to beg for an autograph. Or even worse, Sieg Heiling him.

[shadow=purple]"How many times do I have to tell you?!"[/shadow] Finn yelled. [shadow=purple]"I'm not a fucking Nazi!"[/shadow]

Of course, the fans didn't listen. Groaning, Finn continued onto the Skybox, as his mind drifted back to the match that just transpired.

He had underestimated Jackie Peppers. That much was clear. He had brought the fight to Finn, and even the Kaiser had to admit there were times he was about to lose, hell, should have lost. His body felt exhausted already, and he had two more matches before him if he wanted to win this damned tournament.

But he was ready. He had to be. Starting tonight, he WAS going to set himself on the path towards winning the Universal Championship.

That much was certain.
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XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)

Post: #4
03-31-2018 09:23 PM

Occ: Great show so far Engy keep this up. It's fucking amazing.
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Rain Offline
The Enigmatic Anomaly


XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)

Post: #5
04-02-2018 09:08 AM

Reeve is outside the arena, leaning against his hot pink hummer, texting.

Reeve: Yo, Snow, I'm back in the XWF!!! ... you saw it? Well dammitt... one loss isn't going to stop THE STORM!!! ... I'm returning to my old 'raYne' moniker, only without the b.s. spelling. Next week, I'd love to have you and the boys watching me, best seats in the house. Front row and center... it's gonna be HARDKORE!!! .... stop laughing about the match! I've been out of my zone for the past five years or so. I just... ok, I got my ass kicked by a little gurl! F.U.! XD ... Anywayz, I'm heading out to pick you guys up. I'm thinking about throwing out a challenge to Myst, a rematch. I'm not gonna let her go THAT easy!! >:^O ...

Snow, I have an idea...
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