Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

James Raven · (03-22-2018)

*Silence*

*The sort of silence that can be heard from an XWF audience after Dolly Waters fails to live up to expectations once again.*

*Darkness*

*The sort of darkness that if seen as the skin tone of a new GM would drive Muddy Waters up a fucking wall*

BLIZZARD:
What the fuck are we doing here, James? Can you turn the fucking lights on? Christ.

RAVEN:
Sorry, I didn't really have time to get things set up ahead of time. Shane

put these new time restraints on the studios here, so I was only able to get in for like... three minutes.

BLIZZARD:
You're kidding me.

RAVEN:
Dead ass. Something about less work and going back and forth and potatoes in his asshole, I don't know. I barely pay attention to that second rate Cyren.

BLIZZARD:
Did you say that just because you know he's going to be seeing this?

RAVEN:
... so anyways, I have this match against Muddy Waters this week on Savage, and I was-

BLIZZARD:
Savage? Are you a moist and quivering pussy? Why not fight on Warfare like a man?

RAVEN:
Seriously? Look, Savage just worked better with my schedule, and I have a good contract with the XWF as part of my Legends contract. Sure, Vinny Lane gets a cut of my deal in WWH, but whenever they call on me to headline a show like this they pay me a boatload. A literal boatload. It's a bitch clearing customs, but trust me, well worth it.

BLIZZARD:
Sellout. Can we get some fucking lights please? This is ridiculous. And tell me why the fuck I'm here.

RAVEN:
I was getting to that before you insulted me. I have a match, ON SAVAGE, against Muddy Waters and I figured I'd bring you in to help me do what you do best... quote crush. You know that thing you used to do, where you directly quoted your opponents and then used their own words to shred them before dismantling them in the ring?

BLIZZARD:
Of course. A staple of any lazy over achiever in the XWF.

RAVEN:
Well our boy Muddy got himself into some murky waters doing that exact thing recently against a perfectly nice boy named Erik Black that's never had a bad thing to say about anybody.

BLIZZARD:
That sounds like a perfectly accurate and unbiased opinion of what went down.

RAVEN:
Thank you, Aidan. Anyways, Erik Black quit or got HellBanned or some shit, but that means that he's actually still around in *cough*gay*cough* ghost form.

BLIZZARD:
I'm sorry, did you just say "gay" ghost form?

RAVEN:
Look dude, I'm playing to Shane

here! Just let me tell my story the way I want to tell my story, or come back and cut your own promos OK?!

BLIZZARD:
Whatever. James, nobody in the XWF gives a shit about me featuring in your promos. Straight up. Sure, they'd jizz in their pants if I came back to mop the floor with Lane like you couldn't, or to kick Shane

square in the nuts... but me talking shit about some inbred drunk that I've never heard of won't help you.

RAVEN:
*sigh* I guess, man. You just called him an inbred and a drunk. Those are the two most overused insults against the guy right now. You're bringing nothing to the table.

BLIZZARD:
FUCK YOU! You've got me in a pitch black studio, and somehow expect me to carry this promo for you! Give me a heads up, give me a scouting report... better yet, come up with a better idea! If you're going to feature anyone in a promo, play to the current XWF fans! Parody a recently exiled member in some way that's insensitive to the homosexual community, and have them take innumerable low blows until your opponent is crying and waving a white flag and ready to quit the company and screaming some nonsense about "crossing an O.O.C. line" in their concussed state. HA! "OOC"! Who the fuck ever heard of such a fucking thing? It's the spin off of that stupid Adam Brody Show!

*Blizzard cackles loudly, refusing to settle when he realizes James isn't laughing with him. When he's good and ready, and not a second beforehand, he stops laughing.*

BLIZZARD:
Fuck you, James.

*Shuffling in the darkness. Someone bumps into something, an excited gasp escaping their lips.*

RAVEN:
The lamp! I found the lamp!

BLIZZARD:
Turn it on, you dipshit!

*Light floods the studio, illuminating the three men for the first time. Yes. You know what the fuck was just said. The three men. James Raven, panty wetter and Peoples G.O.A.T., Aidan "Blizzard" Collins... and another man in the corner, with long blonde hair and the one AX3 shirt that was sold in the XWF shop.*

BLIZZARD:
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! Who is that big bastard?

RAVEN:
Well, after I called you to come here, I started thinking about all the things you were just mentioning. Nobody in the XWF gives a shit what you have to say about Muddy Waters or anybody else. They'd much prefer you and I talk to some homo-erotic parody of a "recently exiled member" taking "low blows" and "OOC shots" or whatever the fuck you said. Anyways, I invited someone else...

BLIZZARD:
Cool story. Again. Who is that big bastard?

RAVEN:
Aidan, I'd like to introduce you to Rim Gaydus.

BLIZZARD:
... oh good lord, this is low for you James. This would be low for me. Fuck.

RAVEN:
What can I say Aidan? I'm playing to win this week. I'm the number one contender, and I can pick up another Xtreme belt on my way to the mountain top where I belong. Muddy Waters doesn't stand a chance against me, and he knows it.

RIM GAYDUS:
Did you say Muddy Waters? I came here to do two things, lick assholes and tell you about his alternate identities!

BLIZZARD:
... this should be fun.

TO
... BE
...... CONTINUED

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode What Fourth Wall?
Author	Message