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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
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Cadryn Tiberius Online
The Essence Of Excellence



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#1
03-22-2018, 03:44 PM

I swear to God, man. These brass ass motherfuckers always put me up against the scrubbiest goddamn people they can think of. Who the fuck is Infamous?! I look at the match listings for Savage and I see big names. Names I could easily beat. But naw, they wanna keep slighting me because I decide I need extra vacations. Maaaaaaan, I'm fuckin tired. Do y'all know how exhausting it is just being the greatest goddamn thing to ever exist?

PRETTY FUCKIN’ EXHAUSTING, YALL.

Oh well, such is life. I've been clawing and fighting for my respect for years. This is nothing different. I'll keep on fighting the good fight until I've got nothing left. Same old song and dance, my friends.

I mean, I go above and beyond the call all the time. Look at what I did to try and help Velocity last week. Granted, apparently he needed a fuckton more help than I could possibly offer, but at least I tried. What about the rest of you? Always in it for yourselves. Me, on the other hand, I'm the sweetheart that gives guys victories just because I think they deserve them. I mean, let's face it, ain't nobody here actually good enough to beat me. Unless I decide to take a vacation, I'm the best there is here in the XWF. Oh hell, I'm the best there is period. Vacation or not. My dearest Infamous, I was going to just let you get your first win over a legend. But, you apparently forgot about me and that saddens me. If you'd have acknowledged me prior to this, I'd have totally given you the win. But now, I gotta smack ya ass like I do everyone else. Cause, I'm the baddest mofugger around, son.


A sudden knocking sound can be heard from behind Cadryn. The room is small, it looks to be an office of sorts. A place to cut promos, assumably from the laptop and webcam positioned in front of Cadryn himself. As the knocking grows louder, Cadryn slowly spins around in his chair and responds.

Quit knocking on the damn door, dude. I've already told you you're in time out.

The knocking subsides to give way to a fragile voice from within.

..It's been almost a week now, please let me out.

Cadryn smiles that big goofy grin before responding.

Hey dude, I told you. This is what happens to people who think it's acceptable to lose to some jackass shit for brains hillbilly like Murky Waters.

But..he's better than I am..

NO. NO. NO. WE DON'T THINK LIKE THAT, BARRY, K? WE THINK LIKE WINNERS. YOU WILL NOW BE PUNISHED FOR THINKING LIKE A LOSER!

Cadryn quickly unzips his pants and plops out his massively misshapen mysteriously mediocre man meat and proceeds to stick it through a pre cut hole in the door. Scribbled above the hole, crudely, in pencil it says “Y YOU DO DIS..”

OH. MY. GOD. STOP!

TOUCH IT. TOUCH IT, GUY. YOU KNOW THE RULES.

Loud banging and frantic movements can be heard inside the closet. It's a very small closet. With the length of that man meat, there isn't much in the way of shelter.

GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

Without warning Velocity VII busts through the wooden door with ease! Why didn't he do that before, damn? He's been in there for damn near a week! Anyways, Velocity busts out with speedster..uh..speed? And levels Cadryn, the door laying directly on top of The Essence Of Excellence!

YES! THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!

Cadryn says from underneath the splintered closet door. Barry looks down at the door with a look of “Fuck you, pal.” though, that looks turns to sheer horror immediately upon focusing his sights.

DUDE. YOUR DICK…

Cadryn begins to shimmy out from beneath the door.

Oh I know, she's beauti...AHHHHHH!

Cadryn begins to scream as he finally sees the destruction Velocity has caused. The head, the tip, the brain of Cadryns penis lay severed on the floor next to the two men. While a large piece of wood hangs out the top and side of his shaft.

OH GOD. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

KISS IT, THAT ALWAYS WORKS RIGHT?!

SERIOUSLY?! I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!!

NO NOT SERIOUSLY YOU FUCKING IDIOT. CALL MY WIFE, CALL 911, AND DEFINITELY CALL JESUS CAUSE I NEED A REPLACEMENT.

Velocity VII bursts out of the room in tears, unsure what to do, he figured he'd just abandon the situation. What a hero..

BENNY, JIMMY, FUCK WHOEVER YOU ARE COME BACK. YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE.

About 2 minutes passes with no response from Velocity, nor has he shown back up to save the day.

LIL HELP. LIL HELP NAO. SOMEBODY. HALP. GETTIN FOGGY. THINGS ARE GETTIN FOGGY.



..halp me please…


And with that sad little sentiment, Cadryn passes out from the amount of blood loss he has sustained. Silence falls upon the Tiberius fortress like snow on a cold winter's day..

Moments later..

Jesus, you're terrible. I mean, you've always been terrible, but this has to be a new low, even for you Jester™.

Says a familiar voice.

THEO! OH MY GOD, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE. HALP. GET ME TO HOSPITAL K?!

Dude, you're practically already dead. And no, I'm not here. You're actually laying in a pool of your own blood, continually bleeding out from your dick. Apparently, I'm your voice of reason when you go into shock or something? I don't know.

CHRIST DON'T ACT LIKE ME DYING IS A BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING. ALL NONCHALANT WITH YOUR SEXINESS AND ASSHOLE TENDENCIES.

Fake Ass Voice Of Reason Theo smiles and laughs aloud.

Man, what happened to you? I knew that The Kings ™ carried you a little, but since our departure you've gone completely off the rails. You're shit. What gives?

Sigh. Of course. I start dying and Theo comes back to haunt me for my inadequacies. We call this Thursday. Anyways, what do you mean? I'm still the shit. The Essence Of Excellence, The Reflec..

Stop. I'm not your opponent and I'm not your fans. You don't have to waste your last few breaths lying to me, idiot.

Cadryn jars himself awake somehow.

HALP..

Cadryn passes back out once more.

Why are you fighting this? Just get it over with, dude. It's obvious you don't care anymore.

Cadryn, annoyed by what Theo is saying, manages to wake himself up once more.

FAK U TEO…

Once again, Cadryn passes out, potentially for the last time.

Fuck that, dude. Okay, so, yeah, he's right. I talk a lot of shit and maybe I have lost a step. It happens. But this Infamous motherfucker ain't got shit on me. They threw him in the ring with a legend before the ink even dried on his contract. Probably figured I'd take my loss and take another vacation and shit. Well fuck y'all, them days are over. I'm back like Crystal Pepsi. And no, it's not a limited a time offer. It's fucking permanent. Even half fucking dead, I could still beat this scrub. In Fact, if I do die, just prop me in the corner of the ring. When he inevitably trips over his inadequacies and falls face first on the mat as he is accustomed to, the sheer vibration will give me enough momentum to fall forward, and pin him. He's on his stomach you say? How would I get a win like that you say? This dude is so accustomed to failure and losing he'll probably assume the pin position immediately after falling, readying himself for me.

Suddenly a blinding white light begins to shine in the face of Cadryn.

GODDAMMIT THIS ISN'T FAIR. I NEVER GOT MY UNIVERSAL TITLE SHOT. I NEVER GOT TO HAVE SEX WITH GRAVES. UH, WAIT. WHAT? DIS SOME BULLSHIT, JESUS. I AIN'T READY TO DIE.

As the light begins to move closer, Cadryn begins to accept his fate.

WELL FUCK ME, RIGHT?! I GUESS THIS IS IT. WAIT I DIDN'T THINK THEY LET FAGS GOTO HEAVEN?!

R E C O R D S C R A T C H

Suddenly the white light turns red, and fire begins to engulf the room.


WHY DID I EVEN THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO SAY THAT. FUCK. MY. LIFE.

Out of nowhere the entire scene fades away like something from a movie montage. The sound of telemetry based medical equipment can be heard in the near distance. As the scene begins to reconstruct we can see Cadryn lying in a bed, hooked up to numerous machines. As things come into focus, Cadryn begins to wake.

HOLY SHIT. I HAD THE CRAZIEST DREAM. MY DICK GOT IMPALED AND PRACTICALLY FELL OFF. AND VELOCITY, THAT , ABANDONED ME. SHIT WAS CRAZY.

Cadryn looks around and becomes a little frantic at the sight. A doctor can be seen checking machines with his back to Cadryn.

Oh fuck. It wasn't a dream. Velocity must have come back for me..

The doctor slowly turns around while beginning to speak.

Wrong again, my friend..

Goddamnit..

TO. BE. CONTINUED.



The Essence Of Excellence -The Reverend - The Messiah - The Reflection Of Pinfection - Jester™

(Updated and Reset: 3/31/23)
Win - Lose - Draw
0 - 1 - 0

Cadryn's Butthole (Backstage Page)

Honorary King™ For The Day!
06-08-17

October 2017 Star Of The Month
May 2017 Star Of The Month
2017 Lethal Lottery IV Finalist
1x XWF Tag Team Champion (Pintner: Michael Graves)
2x XWF Hart Champion
1x XWF Television Champion
2x XWF Federweight Champion
5x XWF Heavy Metalweight Champion
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