“Remember no man is really defeated unless he is discouraged.”
― Bruce Lee

Hollywood, California
Saturday, March 17, 2018
11:00pm Pacific Standard Time

Pestalance walks out of the back entrance of Universal Studios towards the talent parking lot. Although the night didn’t go as planned, Pest seems to be un-phased; it’s almost as if he’s at peace. For someone who just failed at accomplishing a life’s goal, he seems very relaxed. As he walks he adjust the NY Giants hat on his head giving us a glimpse of his bandaged forehead. Suddenly Steve Sayors walks into the shot, microphone in hand and addressed Pest.

Excuse me, Pestalance. Can I please get a word with you?

Pest slightly raises the brim of his hat and looks over at Steve.

Steve, right?

Steve nods his head with almost a twinkle in his eye bases off the fact that Pest remembered him.

Yeah, Sup?

Tonight, despite a great showing you came up short and suffered your first loss. What are your thoughts?

Pest chuckles.

Thoughts? Well I think that Yoshihiro is gonna fuck me up next time I’m in Japan. Aside from that, tonight was dope!

Steve seems confused by these words.

So you aren’t disappointed in the outcome of your title match tonight?

Pest quickly shakes his head as he responds.

Disappointed…naw. I mean…I’m not happy with the fact that I lost. That sucks. Chaos caught me slippin and he capitalized on it. At the end of the day it is what it is. But it was cool as shit fighting for that title. And the fact that I was so close to winning it makes me want it even more. Believe me when I say this, that wasn’t the last time I’ll be fighting for a championship round here…straight up.

Pest points at Steve as he continues.

You got anything else dog? Cause I’m tryin to go holla at some shorties.

Ummmm…no. Thank you very much for your time?

Pest flashes the peace sign and walks out of the shot.


Miami, Florida
Saturday, July 18, 2015
10:37pm Eastern Standard Time

We find ourselves inside of the American Airlines Arena in what appears to be a sectioned off backstage area. Various people stand around engaged in conversation as alcohol and drugs seem plentiful. Seated behind a table in the corner we find Redman and Method Man surrounded by members of their entourage. Two large men stand on either side of the group; one being Pest (Who’s standing next to Redman) and the other being the man we’ve come to know as Beasely (Who’s standing next to Method Man). Redman takes a hit from a huge blunt before holding it out in front of Pest.

Yo Pest, you tryin to hit this shit nigga?

Pest tilts his head back and hold his hand up.

Red, If I smoke anymore weed tonight it’s gonna have to be YOU protecting ME.

Redman laughs as he passes the blunt over to Method Man. Suddenly we hear a loud commotion coming from the other side of the room.

BITCH YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!! I’LL FUCK YO STUPID ASS UP!!!

The camera quickly pans over just in time to see one female shove another female causing her to fall and tip over a table, sending cups and alcohol flying everywhere. The camera pans back over to the main group as we Pest shaking his head. He puts his hand up and talks as he walks away.

I got dis.

Redman and Method Man laugh and Redman takes the blunt back.

See dis is the shit I be talkin bout yo! Dez bitches be wildin!

We follow Pest as he makes his way over to the aggressor. The female that was shoved is being helped up by her friends and Pest gets there.

Yo, shorty you got to get the fuck out of here. You can’t be up in here causing problems an shit.

The female angrily glares at Pest.

FUCK YOU NIGGA!! YOU DON’T KNOW ME EITHER!!

She wildly throws a slap toward Pest who leans his head back and grabs her by the wrist.

Now you know you done fucked up right?

Pest quickly contorts her arm putting her in a wrist lock. She instantly screams in pain.

AHHHH!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!!! I’M A FEMALE. AHHHH!!!! LET GO OF ME!!!

Pest applies more pressure to her wrist causing her to lean over.

I’m all about equal opportunity so anybody can get it. Now listen very carefully…I’m gonna let go of you and you are gonna leave. If you don’t, a sprained wrist is gonna be the least of your worries. Do you understand me?

YES….YEEEESSSSSSSS!

Pest lets go allowing the female to quiclky back up while clutching at her wrist.

Great…have a good night.

Pest turns walks back to the main group returning to his position next to Redman.

You know what Red…maybe I will hit that blunt again.



Plainfield, New Jersey
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
3:48pm Eastern Standard Time

Pestalance sits in his living room looking as causal as we have seen him as he is dressed in a pair of basketball shorts, a black tank top, black shell toed Adidas, and a black wave cap on his head. He puts his hands behind his head and lets out a big yawn while stretching his torso. He leans back on his couch keeping his hands behind his head as he speaks.

So I took a couple of days off so to speak. Needed to get away from the cameras and all the hustle and bustle from this professional wrestling thing. Been a rough couple of weeks, ya know?

Pest removes his hands from behind his head and stretches once more.

It’s been fun and all, but the travel, and the jetlag and the lack of sleep can be a bitch. So I just took a little bit of time to recharge. Sorry if I’ve kept ya waiting for a Pestalance sighting, but it beez like dat sometimes.

Pest shrugs as he continues.

Now, I’m sure that people are expecting me to be sad, angry, or some other dumb shit cause I didn’t win that championship. People probably expect me to flip a table, stomp my feet and pout over the fact that Chaos beat me.

Well I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that aint goin down. It’s not the first time I’ve gotten my ass beat and it damn sure won’t be the last. I’m gonna take my ass kickin like a man and keep it moving. Cause that’s what I have to do. It’d be stupid as fuck to think that I was gonna go on some Goldberg like run and beat everyone that I faced. I mean…come on. Let’s be real here.

And so on to the next one.

Pest leans forward putting his forearms on his thighs as he continues.

And the next one is a doozy, Mandii Rider! XWF’s resident witch, or monster hunter, or…

Pest thinks for a moment.

Shit, I don’t know what the fuck she is. Another weirdo I suppose. I mean…am I the only fucking normal person around here? Cause I swear to god, everyone in this company seems to be into some weird freaky shit. Is it a prerequisite to be a “Stranger Things” cast off up in dis bitch…Cause I didn’t get the memo on that one.

Pest shakes his head as he continues.

And so once again XWF puts me in a position to wrestle in a match that I’m totally uncomfortable with.

Pest holds a finger up to the camera.

And just for the record Mandii I’m not uncomfortable because you’re a woman. I don’t give a shit about that. I said before that I’m an equal opportunity ass-kicker, so I’ll rock with you in the ring…it’s whatever.

What makes me uncomfortable is this weird “Witcher 3” thing you got going on. Like, every time I see you on screen or watch one of your weird ass promos I feel like I’m playing some kind of fucked up Skyrm mod. It’s just some weird ass White People shit that I just don’t get. It kind of throws me off a bit, if I can be completely honest.

Pest puts both hands up palm forward.

Now not so much that it would prevent me from kicking your ass…just enough that it’s…un-nerving.

Pest pulls the corners of his lips back and shakes his head in disgust.

All this wicked witch of the west shit is makin my penis soft.

Pest leans forward again and continues.

Here’s the deal Mandii; I don’t care how bad ass you think you are. Doesn’t matter to me that you are the number chick in a division that has three chicks in it (And honestly it’s sad that you would tout that as if it’s some great accomplishment). I don’t care how many men you’ve face and how many you’ve beaten. All of that shit is irrelevant to me. Because all that matters to me is beating you. Plain and simple.

Understand that when we step into that ring, I’m not looking at you as a woman. I’m looking at you like a competitor and I will not hold back. I’ll give you everything I have just like I’ve done against my other opponents in this company. So be ready for a fight…cause I’m bring one to you. So instead of this live action dungeons and dragons thing you’ve got going on, start focusing on me.

Otherwise you’re gonna get fucked up.

Holla at cha later, homegirl.