"This is it, darling. This is why I was put on this planet."

The swell of nectar in the warm Manhattan sky was more than sufficient for my lavish aspirations. How could I ask for more than this? The crackling camera flashes being overpowered by the rather rare swirl of Van Goghish stars that were littering the skyline- they were lighting the red carpet outside of Carnegie Hall so that the entire world could watch me in my moment.

The canopy read of my hard work and vindication.

'Dolly Waters: The curious life of a combat prodigy' World Premier.

"Oh yes, Brian! You've redeemed the flower my darling."

Her perfectly slender, yet strong hand gripped onto mine where it was resting perfectly on my knee as the door to the limousine perfectly opened in front of this most perfectly pomp venue.

"Come now, Dolly. It's showtime my love."

We floated out into the glow of the clamoring. The camera flashes were bursting my prize into the ultimate illumination.



Her beauty was louder of all the southern belles ringing during the fall of Richmond...

"Brian. The film was fantastic. You've changed the world. Take me to dance, darlin'."

We float to the canopy where the man is waiting to take our drink order,

"Evan Williams twenty-three year"

I promptly tell him while partaking in a fancy h'oderve from his tray. The man chuckled and I was offended,

"What's so funny?'

I demand, while removing my white maestro glove and slapping him like a gentleman with it across his zit covered face.

Oh nothing... you just seem to be more into the fourteen year variety of thirst quenchers.

The man's tone had changed, whatever. And sure, fourteen year old bourbon was a fine spirit- but I was of a more upper echelon now. I was a Da'Vinci. A Mozart. A Hemmingway. A Waters...

"Whole milk fer' me sir."

Oh but of course!

He vanishes from us and we're left with our drinks as we waltz upon the canopy, the world beneath us being just where they belong.

"Oh Brian, hold me closer you fantastically handsome and brilliant man!"

I pull her closer and press my mouth against her soft yet powerful and powdered lips. But her taste... Her smell... it's something of the dogs.

"Dolly? What was it you ordered again?"

"Natty ice baby, the fuck you thinkin'?"

I suddenly startle-to. Face to face with Muddy Waters breathing heavily into my mouth. I turn and gag, and spit and choke up a bit of a hurl-swallowing it back down before I recognize my surroundings. We're in the back of Jane's limo heading for the airport.

"Holy fuck what a dream..."

I say while exhaling, pressing my palm against the side of my forward and sinking back into my seat,

"The fuck was you dreamin', bout Brian? Yer' breathing harder than a wedding dick!"

The dream had taken me for a loop. And for as weird as it was, you know, the whole me courting a teenage girl shit, it was all clearly an analogy for currently content situation I'd found myself.

I mean things had been going fucking swimmingly as of late.

Saturday Savage versus The Engineer Said:Engy is able to back Muddy off with the bite, and the second it takes when he lets go, even briefly, Engy--quick as a cat despite the beating he has taken--is able to land the Heart Punch, which shoves Muddy back, then a kick to the gut.....

Delirium Tremens

ITS OVER!

That it is, sir!

There is static on the airwaves.

Engy covers Muddy.

1



2



3!

Wednesday Warfare versus Jackie Peppers Said:Muddy screams out in pain and immediately starts clawing at his eyes as Jackie levels his opponent with a devastating roundhouse kick that he calls appropriately enough The Devastator.

Red faced Muddy goes spinning in the area in a tornado like motion before crashing down to the ring.

Peppers with the cover.



1


2


3!!!

Maybe these facts were the reasoning for the dream. Everything was falling into place. Muddy Waters- as I had envisioned- was floundering under the bright lights and looking more and more foolish by the day. His fleshy and beaten looking face was alone an indication of that. So perhaps the universe was foreshadowing my success and brilliance- as we're now headed back to Hollywood, where Muddy will once again surely fail this coming Saturday against three other men who are all more focused and harder working than he.

"Muddy, please! Put down the beer and focus for one damn second on what I'm explaining to you!"

Jane barked at our beloved loser from across the limo,

Oh. Right! The last time you heard from us things were looking rather bleak regarding the Jane situation. Well that took a most interesting turn to say the least...

-flashback-

Jane had escaped from Muddy's apartment while we (Matthew -my AV guy- and myself) were admittedly captivated by Muddy screaming into the camera like a lunatic at the Universal Champion, The Engineer. Before we could really even process what had happened, Jane had made it back to her limousine where a bristly and already pissed off bear of a driver had been growing suspicious and waiting on her for hours.

"Louie!"

She cries out, while panting and locking the limo door shut behind her,

"Get us out of here and call the fucking police! Those men tried to kill me!"

Kill her? No. That was an obvious fabrication of the story, but I had contemplated engaging Muddy out the door to battle her driver and possibly, only POSSIBLY killing the driver need be. But thankfully it didn't have to come to that because things suddenly got... well... really weird.

REALLY!? I find it just shocking that YOU, Miss would be intimidated by a handful of such obviously lesser men.

"Louie? You sound strange.... listen, just get us the fuck out of here!"

The window between the front and the back of the limo slowly rolls down,

It's actually Louis. Now what's the rush, Miss ?



Jane scares and jumps back into her seat at the sight of a man I would later come to know as-

"Doctor D'Ville!?!"

Now that's just like an HR wiz! You are so WONDERFUL at remembering names!

"Well who could forget you?"

The Doctor ponders the question rather quizzically for a moment while smiling and rubbing his chin,

"What are you doing here anyway? And what do you want with me?"

While his answer would seem obscure, the Doctor din't struggle to answer this time,

Well! Let's just say that I am here to help see to it that you're serving a proper higher purpose, Miss .

"A higher purpose?"

Need I say it again, Miss ?! Your association with these men, namely the drunkard is of a great importance not only to me, but to the entire fabric of space and time.

"You're kidding..."

About that time Muddy steps out of his apartment shirtless, with Matthew and myself pussying our way out on other side from behind him,

"Jane, you out here hunnay? I sweared I ain't meant what happened in there!"

Jane sighs and looks back toward The Doctor,

"So what's the deal, D'Ville? What needs to happen here?"

She frustratingly asks,

Things will become clearer, dear Miss . But for now- you'll manage the drunk. And after all... what would become of our beloved XWF without it's RIGHTFUL benefactor throwing her tits into the mix?

-back to present time-

"Muddy, if you're serious about rebounding you're going to have to start listening to me!"

"Jane, I wanna' win harder than a wedding dick-

I roll my eyes,

"But these people I'm getting matched up against are tough S.O.Bs! I mean got damn! The Engineer hit me harder than a wedding dick!"

"Why do you keep using that? Did you just hear that or something? I don't think you're using it right-"

"That's what she said-"

"Brian, please shut up- and Muddy? Listen, you went up against The Universal Champion, and actually performed WAY better then I think any of us could have expected. I think the point you're missing though is that these matches are just as much a mental contest as they are a physical one."

"Really?!"

Yes. Muddy has been trying to grasp the mental aspect of everything... for all of his life,

"Yes and in fact you can actually have the mental war won before you ever even enter the ring- and I think the best way of doing that is through your promo. You can psych an opponent out by simply taking really dumb things they've said and using it against them... like take this for instance-"

Jane pulls out a tablet from her hand bag and begins playing an Erik Black promo...

"Wait- wait... did at faggit just say YOLO?"

"MmmmHmmmm"

"But Muddy thought that Erik Black was a thirty somethin' year old Lesnar-like MMA fighter. A bad ass and such. Only skinny jean wearin', mollie poppin' pansies who listen to Post Malone say dumb shit like YOLO."

"Exactly! And see what you just did there? You exposed a hole in this guy's obvious gimmick. Not to mention, he's only regurgitating the same types of things people have said about you your entire career Muddy. Making light of the OBVIOUS facts and trying to make you seem foolish for it- a really bad strategy if you ask me."

Muddy takes the tablet from Jane and begins studying the promos of his opponents,

"Oh, and the beautiful thing about it, Muddy? The other two are only saying the exact same things about you! So how about you finish those up and we'll get to work on cutting your rebuttals?"

Eh. I guess it was decent advice, but I wasn't too worried. While a war of words can lead to some entertaining build up for a match, if it's one thing I've learned for certain about Muddy it's that he's obviously lost a step. These guys he's going against? They're healthy, hungry, actually motivated competitors who take their work seriously.

Muddy Waters can spit off all the shit he wants, but the fact remains that he'll be stepping in the ring in a four way free for all with no rules- and Erik Black? Even though he's obviously a for saying YOLO, he's still a seasoned competitor in the XWF.

Though it's needless to say- I wasn't the least bit concerned with the notion that Muddy might pull off the upset. This guy is going to lose. Again.

"Hold the got'damn tape fer' a second. Now Muddy don't usually listen to steroid pumpin' little boys lisp their way through one long bitch session about bein' booked in a match- but erikblack? You sound like a fuckin' coward to Muddy Waters.

Startin' out yer' little pussy throb promo about Muddy Waters sayin' that you don't make excuses fer' gettin' yer' ass kicked by someone you was so certain you was gunna' beat at Turnin' Point- then turnin' right around and sayin' you had a lapsed judgement? That sounds like a fuckin' excuse to me, dumbass.

You've lost all credibility, especially since the only thing you can dig up on Muddy is that I drink, I'm a bad father and that I lived on the streets? Brav-fuckin-o buddy boy. What a generic piece of shit. Lemme' ask ya' sumthin'? Muddy is beneath erikblack? Aint that what you said?



Nah, nah mutherfucker. HE AINT! Muddys' a top the fuckin card while yer' down there in the shuffle with a couple of fuckin newcomers.

Now sure, maybe at's a formality of some kind- but maybe not.

See Muddy thinks the brass of the XWF knows that the fans are gunna' look at the first name on the card as the headliner- the money drawer of the match. At's just the way it works, boy. Muddy was the first one on their mind. Wonder why? Maybe becuase Muddy aint a generic faggit. Say what you will- seems to me like they losin' confidence in you- and it aint a fuckin wonder way.

After all- you go from losing at Turnin' Point to fightin' Muddy Waters.

Muddy Waters goes from losing at Turnin' Point to fightin' the Universal Champion.

So again- Muddy is beneath you, bubba? I'm such a got'damn drunk and a bum that on the next Warfare I'm gettin' a shot at the Hart Title. Fer' fuck sakes I'm such a lazy bum that I've been traveling all over the fuckin' globe this month- yet, wait? You never leave fuckin' Hollywood fer' Savage unless it's a pay-per-view?

erikblack likes Hollywood so much cuz he aint all that shit he talks about on camera. erikblack is a fuckin' actor. Fuckin' wannabe Johnny Cage... and he's a faggit.

Muddy is beneath erikblack, but Muddy is gettin' the same level, if not more, fuckin opportunities. Well- as someone who actually HAS done some thangs around this here federation, here's a piece of advice. Quit bein' a generic bitch, quit hiding away on the XWF's B show, and quit claimin' to be god- ESPECIALLY after havin' yer' ass kicked by a Jim Ceadus dick rider.

erikblack Said:Cluster fuck matches. I can’t say that I’m a fan. I hate them. I’ve always hated them. I prefer one one one. Or one on two.

"Translation: I- erikblack-one word- is a big ol' baby-dicked bitch."

"How was at Jane?"

But maybe... just maybe... Muddy was working towards painting his own masterpiece.

"Ehhh... probably par for the course. But what about Dixon?"

"See erikblack.

Jeremiahdixon-one word.

Dude is a fuckin' tool who thinks he's got the match won already and cuts boring ass promos from the gym. Like dude- we fucking get it you go to the gym. Yer' a wrestler.

Spats off the typical Muddy Waters insults.

I'm a hillbilly.

I drink.

Yadda yadda.

Generic lookin' wrestlin' douche who jumps on Muddy fer' butcherin' the English language in the same sentence where his dumbass closed captionin' proved he aint knowed the difference between your, you're and yer'.

Thinks he's better than everyone but yet he's gotta' rise his way to the top.

He's a fucking dumbass...

Jeremiahdixon Said:Jeremiah stares deep and intensely into the camera, then turns and walks through the gym doors as the scene fades.

"...who appears to be havin' some bowel issues. Maybe from the roids. Maybe from the gay sex. I dunno."

"Mmmmkay. And what about this other guy?"

"Aw! Tornado or whatever? I like him! He seems cooler than a pickled hog leg."

Annnnnd maybe not.

"Damnit. No. Muddy... you're missing the poi-"

Something catches Jane's eye outside of the window, then I notice as well- we just missed our exit.

"Hey, D'Ville?! You just passed our exit! I'm not really trying to go to your house under any set of circumstances either."

There's no response.

Jane rolls down the divider window and takes a gander into the cockpit.

"THERE'S NO ONE FUCKING DRIVING!"

There's an overpowering sound of blaring car horns that is somehow quieter than the sound of my racing heart and then....




"GOT DAMN!!!!!!"




...darkness.



-to be continued-