McDonalds, midday. There is a crowd in the restaurant, people from cheap walks of life all taking in a bite to eat while the news plays on TV screens. The story about a massive sixteen car pile-up that left seven dead, caused by a prankster dropping a mannequin from an overpass, is on the screen, as the reporters explain the perpetrator was shot dead by the police after fleeing the scene. They show the picture of some random guy you have literally never seen before. Jackie Peppers looks absolutely mortified as he watches, his box of Chicken McNuggets just dangling open with half a nugget in hand, the other half chewed up and visible from his open mouth. Black Angus, the Scottish Attorney, is with him, calmly enjoying his Big Mac.

Aye, 'tis one uff da finist peeses of Scottish kwizzeen arund, fra' un uff da finist Scotch restruns in da worl'.

It was, in fact, not Scottish cuisine, nor is McDonalds a Scottish restaurant.

Wuz' rung wit yer nuggets?

Jackie doesn't stop looking from TV to TV, with different news stations all reporting the same story of how some random guy you have never seen before is somehow responsible for something absolutely grotesque that Jackie actually perpetrated.

They, they think this other guy...

Ya, dey think dis other fella is da one what killed dem poor fecks on the highwee this mornin.

But, Angus...

But nuttin, lad, you gut a match dis Wensdee at Warfare. Ye cunt be feckin around, ye gotta fight. As yer new manager, I will make sure of it.

Angus, those people died!

Jackie turns and looks at Angus, most of the the patrons at McDonalds ignoring their conversation and production crew entirely, focused on their food.

Aye, they did.

Angus puts his Big Mac down. He looks at Jackie.

I would say...

Angus smirks.

Ye gut uff "Scott" free!

Angus slaps his bare knee, shortly after delivering the air quotes around "Scott", thoroughly enjoying his own sense of humor, then wipes the grease on his fingers from his food on his kilt. Jackie puts the half-a-nugget pinched between his pointer and thumb back into the box it came from and sips from a cup. He winces after.

What the fuck is in that!

Angus laughs heartily again, reaches under his skirt, and pulls out a half empty bottle of Johnny Walker.

I keep mesell entertenned!

In keeping himself entertained, Angus takes the cap off of the bottle and gives himself a hearty swig. Jackie sips from his cup again.

I don't want to go to Warfare, Angus. I don't want to be a part of this. I want to go home.

Why?

Because I don't want to be around all of this crazy nonsense! Those people died, earlier, Angus. They're dead. All because of...

Ull because yer a rookie.

No! I want to go home, talk to my mom and dad about what happened, tell them the truth at least, find out what I need to do!

Nae, do' na be doin dat, lad. Dey don' need to know shite.

But...

Listen, Jackie, ye kin gew und till yer folks what ya dun, and they'll be rightly horrified, nye a way they would e'er lookit ye de same. Dey will make a big fuss, tink yer nuts, and haf ye lock'd awee somewheres you'd eat a dose of Xanax twice daily. Da police already have daer man, da news has daer story, ye got a match dis Wendsdee. Conshider it, lad, ye are a bright, new, shinin' star in de XWF, an unbridled mauler what can hurt people an' win big. Ye got dis bright, new, shinin' contract in place, and de fellas I work fer wanna return on investment.

So I gotta...

Ye kin do as ye please, Jackie, yeev gut it made. There are regular folk, and den ders ye, and yer ilk.

B-b-but I don't want to kill anybody!

Den don' kill nobody!

Angus tilts the bottle of Johnny Walker back again. As he does, a young woman in a McDonald's uniform approaches. She's not really hot. Kinda cute.

Sir, you can't drink that in here.

Angus parts the bottle from his lips and looks up at the girl.

I jus' did. Suppose you can gimme a blowjob?

Angus pulls his kilt back, revealing his odd, bushy gray haired testicles. He looks at the girl and winks, blows her a kiss, then sticks his tongue out at her. The girl looks mortified, along with Jackie.

Woah! Angus, I really don't think you're supposed to drink Scotch and flash people here!

Hush, boy, I'm a dirty ol' bastar', an this bird looks like she wants a worm!

The girl runs off as three other McDonald's employees, male, teen aged, feeling as though they have some duty to protecting the honor, dignity, and good name of their establishment, their coworker, and their hamburgers, all step around the counter and head towards where Jackie and Angus are sitting.

H-h-hey, guys, we'll just leave, I promise!

Jackie gets up and walks out the door, grabbing Black Angus and pulling him along. Angus slurps from his sippy, a two-hundred dollar bottle of Scotch, as he gives the three boys the middle finger, followed by a hoist of the kilt to show everybody his dangly, rustic old man balls. The teens keep walking after Jackie and Angus.

Ooooooh! Stop it, will you! You're making them mad!

Feck 'em, you kin whoop their arses.

No Angus, I just, oooh, I just wanted to wrestle and do a cool promo, and now people are dead and we're kicked out of McDonald's!

Angus turns around and marches alongside Jackie towards the parking lot. The McDonald's workers stop on the curb and watch as Angus gets into the driver's seat of a large black Escalade. Jackie enters the passenger seat and looks down at his McDonald's cup with disgust.

Do I really have to drink this whole cup of Scotch?

Put on yer safety belt, boy.

Angus takes a slug of his whiskey and starts the engine. Looking in the rear-view, with a precise calm, and directly to the left of the perplexed, frustrated, and unhappy Jackie, who is woefully slugging back expensive Scotch out of a McDonald's cup, Angus puts the vehicle into gear. From inside the car, we hear tires squeal and a loud crash. Jackie looks up, absolutely terrified, spitting Scotch everywhere.

What the fuck was that!?!

Angus hops out of the truck. Jackie steps out and sees that Angus had run the truck into the three McDonald's employees. Angus approaches the wreckage and lifts his kilt.

Ye lady maccarky macarkney makarkmakarkark...

Angus warbles drunkenly as he begins to piss on the destroyed doorway, laden with broken and dying McDonald's employees.

Angus, what are you doing!?

Pissin'.

But, that's not a toilet!

Shut up and drink yer whiskey!

Jackie frowns, and sobs in terror as he gulps down the fine Scotch through a straw.