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The last thing I can clearly remember was introducing my good buddy, Stone Cold Steve Austin down to the ring to help hype his dark match against 'The Macho Man' Randy Savage. It was one of these promotional tactics you see wrestling federations pull sometimes to help draw in more live audience members- promote a dream match that can't be viewed on live television.

Now I'm not necessarily saying the XWF had been struggling with their Saturday product or anything, but the fact that Vincent Lane would reach out to an overweight Steve Austin and a, who I thought was dead and plugging underage females in heaven, Randy Savage for a dark match on their B show told me that something had to be off...

And then there was Austin. The second I saw him walking down to that ring I knew something was wrong. He looked rather mystified.



Like the lights were on, but no one was home. Lost at sea. I honestly believe that Austin for whatever reason thought that it was still 1997 and that he was out to show everyone that he really was the baddest S.O.B alive.

And that's when it happened...



I ate a stunner for my efforts and wound up here in the hospital with a severe neck strain. Needless to say, this is going to be my exit- for good- from professional wrestling of any sort. I'm getting too old for this shit.

"VINCE! VINCE!"

"By god that's Austin."

I can hear Austin's voice ringing out like a damn hydrant from down the hallway of the hospital. The sounds of his boots frantically echoing down the corridor are giving me the heebie-jeebies, because make no mistake, Stone Cold Steve Austin is a deranged man, even worse then when he screwed over The Rock at Wrestlemania 17 and joined forces with that sick son-uva-bitch, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

"VINCE YOU CHICKEN SHIT! YOU AINT GUNNA' TAKE STONE COLD'S TITLE AND ATS THE BOTTOM LINE!"

"Hole-lee-hell"

It started coming back to me. The memories of what Austin did to Vince inside of a hospital after he was stripped of his championship.



I had to get out of here, and fast!

"JR!"

But it was too late. Austin had spotted me and I was as ripe for the pickin' as an Easter Lilly in May.

The look on Austin's face was puzzling to say the least. He seemed concerned, but also volatile.

"Who did this to you? Was it Vince?"

He said while sitting beside my bed, staring sharply into my eyes.

"Well, Austin it was-"

"I bet that chicken shit had someone else tune you up. His dumbass son-in-law, with his goofy Pinocchio nose and bad eye sight, Triple EH EH EH-"

"Austin?"

"You just wait JR. When the Texas Rattlesnake gets a hold of that piece of trash I'm gunna' take him to the dump like he deserves cause ain't no sum'bitch gunna' mess with Stone Cold or Stone Cold's friends- and that's the bottom line."

Austin clearly had no recollection of what he had done to me just a few weeks ago, the man has completely lost his mind... but maybe I should play along. Anything to keep him from wigging out and attacking me again.

"Damn right it was Steve! Vince has teamed up with Psycho Sid and Mark Henry, they're the ones who did this to me- and guess what? You're Booked to fight them in a triple threat this Saturday in Hollywood."

Due to some bizarre rationale of Steve's, he had decided to throw his name in the booking pool for Saturday Savage again. Why? I ain't got the slightest idea. Austin doesn't need the money like he had claimed. And now he was set to face off against perennial suckass Ghost Tank, not Psycho Sid, and newcomer Boogie Williams, not Mark Henry- both of the XWF and NOT the WWE.

But you know what?

If I can have Austin believe that these guys actually are Mark Henry and Sid working for Vince McMahon and that they caused my neck injury, he might just roll into his match like Texas Rattlesnake of old and not be totally humiliated. Because even though Austin did this to me, I can't be mad at him. Hell I love the kid. I just think thirty years or so of chair shots finally caught up to him.

"JR hold the phone for damn minuet! Do you mean to tell Stone Cold that Ghost Taint and that other sumbitch that Stone Cold is gunna' stomp the shit out of on Saturday are actually Sid Vicious and Mark Henry?!"

"Yes Austin-"

"EH EH EH!"

Austin turns towards to the conveniently waiting XWF camera crew and begins to, as the millennials would say: 'go the fuck in'

"Sid Vicious and Mark Henry! You two sumbitches better clear the Vince's cum outta your ears and listen to Stone Cold. Those stupid little disguises that your wearing aint foolin anyone, especially Stone Cold! You bastards wanna' attack Stone Cold's good buddy JR and leave him for dead, like some damned roadkill- well guess what? There aint gunna' be no way in hell that the Texas Rattlesnake is gunna' let that slide. I'mma' drop ya both with a stunner and then your daddy Vince is next!

Come Saturday Savage, Stone Cold has got em' a case of whoop ass that he's gunna' open up and share with you worthless sumbitches- and that's the bottom line son!"