I died, and let me be the first to say, there is no light. There are no gates you wait outside of to see if you will be let in or tossed to the fiery pits of hell. There is nothing for a really long time. When your heart stops beating you can feel it. Your chest tightens up and the lack of hair burns for a moment. You can feel your body stiffen and before you know it, nothing. I was expecting to at the very least be told if I made the right choices or not. I didn't even get that. Still, it was peaceful. When I did see something, after what felt like eternity in darkness, it was what I pictured Heaven to be like.

There was no pain, no sorrow. Everything that held me back was gone. I felt free, I felt alive for the first time. But all great things must come to an end...

Hey Manders.

I turned to see Jason welcoming me with open arms. I walked into his hug with a smile on my face and embraced him. I could feel his chest rise and fall again, his touch was warm. I closed my eyes and took in the smell of his cheap cologne that he wore almost all the time.

I missed you, jerk.

I pulled away from the embrace and opened my eyes. Jason smiled back at me and rubbed the back of his head.

Ya, but you know you can't stay here.

Why not?

You weren't meant to die.

I took a step back and gave a look of confusion to Jason. Did it really matter if I wasn't meant to die? The point was I did die, I felt my death and I went through the pain of it all.

Why does it matter if I was supposed to die? I died, that's the end of it.

Jason rubbed the top of my head while I tried to swat his hand away. I hated when he did that, he did it ever since we were young.

You're still my stupid little punk of a sister. You died but you aren't going to stay dead.

I gave up Jay, this isn't like a video game where you can start over after you die. I made the choice to stop fighting and I don’t regret it and never will.

I guess your life is like a video game.

I don't want to live Jason, I've had enough.

What about Sage? You always forget that little brat.

I’ve never forgotten about her, she’s always on my mind and I always worry about her. She's better off without me. I can’t give her what she needs, I never have.

Bullshit. You made damn sure she wasn’t around when you knew Marcus was going to start a fight. You made sure she had food when she needed and had something to dress in when you weren’t even taking care of yourself. She looks up to you even if you aren’t around right now she loves you Manders. You protected her the best way you knew how.What about your sister?

She's alive that's all that matters.

Crap. You just bled out in her arms and you think she's ok with that shit? She came back from the fucking dead and was used as a body suit for your dad. She fought with you in that stupid fucking war and had your back the whole way through. We had to go through hell as kids but who the fuck knows what she went through?

Doesn't matter, I gave-

You gave up. That doesn't sound like my sister. My sister beat the odds and never gave up. My sister sucked it up and didn’t give a shit if life was hard. You had people shit talk you your whole life, including me. You know what you told me when I said you should quit wrestling and focus on your own fucked life? You sent your fist into my jaw and put me in my place.

I'm just so tired Jason, just let me be rest in peace.

No. What about the Siren's? You stay dead and they are all going to die.

I doubt Serena will like that happen.

Doesn't matter what Serena does, Ashba is going to kill her and everyone else. Those Sirens don’t need a fucking court and some high end know it all bitch. They need a leader who is going to lay her fucking life on the line because she actually gives a shit what happens to all them. They need someone who isn’t going to run and hide when shit gets hard. Then again, I guess that’s what you fucking did isn’t it?

I looked at Jason annoyingly.

Why did you die?

Ashba slit-

No, why did you die not how. Why did you let Ashba get in your head and mind fuck you?

So I wouldn't have to put Nero down. So she had the opportunity to live like she was supposed to without a puppet master using her to kill people.

Exactly, I died making sure you were safe. Ashba used me like a bunny rabbit but I took it for you. Then you go off and save a dead girl? Damn, I see how much my sacrifice meant to you. But that’s how you’ve always been. You never put yourself first.

Jason-

No, you have never EVER fucking said “Fuck this person I care abouts needs because I have my own needs.” That’s what made you such a badass too because you didn’t expect it return. How many times did you pull me out of the drugs, sex, and any other bullcrap I got into? Every fucking time, you never gave up on me and you shouldn’t give up on them just because you are tired. You are better than that and you don’t fucking need me to say it.

I sighed.

You need to let me go and be that badass I know you are. I'm dead, dead as a damn doorknob. I'm not coming back and that's fine. I get all the boos and chicks I ever wanted now. You aren't going to be as happy as you think you will be here though. You are going to sit here and while I’m living it up in death you’ll be worried. You’ll watch Sage as she grows up wondering where the fuck you went and never knowing you died. You’re going to watch Ashba slaughter the Sirens and feel guilty because you could have did something. You’re going to miss Wrestling and watch as you miss out on everything you ever fucking wanted. You know I'm right.

Ya...I know.

I looked up at Jason. He was wearing is signature goofy smile with his arms out.

Time to say goodbye.

Wait.

He lowered his arms and his smile went away.

There’s something I never got to tell you before you died. You were the biggest pain in my ass. Instead of trying to prove dad wrong you proved him right, so did I. The drugs, the girls, the way you abandoned your son. You did just as much damage as anyone else to me. You pushed me away, said things you can’t take back, and you made me feel just as useless.

I’m-

No, don’t you dare tell me you are sorry now because it doesn’t mean as much. You couldn’t say it on your deathbed so you’re saying it on mine and I’m not going to let you. I didn’t bring it up to hear you say sorry, I brought it up because I will never see you again. I have to let you go, I can’t keep missing you like I do because it brings me right back to the drugs and wanting to feel numb. So I need you to know that I did it all because I saw the person you could be. I loved you and I wasn’t going to let you be all alone...Jason-

You don’t have to say anything else I already know you. I’ll miss you Manders but I’m always watching you. Ready to wake up?

Absolutely.

Jason opened his arms and I walked into his embrace. Again, nothing. Darkness surrounded me but something changed. My blood rushed through my veins again and I felt the returning beat of my heart. My body was easily movable now and my lungs took in a breath of air.

I opened my eyes slowly, tears leaking onto my cheek, and looked up at the ceiling. I was still in Teakin's house, I could tell by the shitty paint job. I pushed my hands on the bed on either side of me and sat up. I was covered in dry blood, from head to toe there was blood everywhere. I looked over the side of the bed and sitting on the blood soaked floor was Nero. She had her face dug between her knees and I could hear her whimpers. She too was covered in my blood, from head to toe shaking. I sat on the edge of the bed causing it to let out a squeak. Nero looked up, tears washing away the blood on her cheeks.

You look like you've seen a ghost.

Nero lunged from her spot on the ground and wrapped her arms around me. She gripped tightly as I felt her cheeks move, most likely caused by a smile. She was the one to pull away with a smile stretched ear to ear.

Amaryllis! Teakin! She's awake...

The two walked into the room and looked on from the doorway. Teakin was covered in my blood. She must have been trying to pull me out when my throat was slit. I could only imagine how she felt watching it. Amaryllis had no emotion, at all.

We honestly didn't know if it was going to work.

Are you, you?

I'm me. There's something I need to tell you guys because I'm going to need your help.

The two walked into the middle of the room and I started to speak. I explained first how I purged Ashba from Nero's mind. Since having him purged from my own mind I had been active dreaming. I knew I would be able to control my dreams enough to lace my talons with poison before digging them into his neck. I told them about Ashba needing a vessel and how Blair would now be the one to bring Ashba back to life. Of course, I didn't tell them everything. There are things they don't need to know...Not right now...Hopefully not ever.

So why does he need a vessel?

He did die and he can only live through someone who is living. It's why he has been jumping through minds, it's all so he can stay alive.

Why bring me back though? If he can jump in any random mind like Blairs, Why bring me back to life?

I think it has something to do with blood.

We all looked at Amaryllis, her eyes fixed on the ground.

It explains why he brought Nero back and why he only did it when there was a doubt of getting Mandii to do what he wanted.

But Blair doesn't have his blood in her.

That's the part that I'm stuck on.

Wait, if Ashba is dead, how was he one of the lab coats?

He planted memories in her head, that's why she couldn't remember the past two years. The files Mandii found were bullshit, it's why those lab coats where supernatural. The only doctor was Palmer and that’s why she was the only one who was being protected.

But when I went back for the files the government was there.

Because it was a government facility but the experiments weren't by the government. I did my own research. This was all to get Mandii to bring back Nero and so Ashba could live again. I still can't explain how Ashba is going to use Blair as a vessel, it doesn't make sense.


You are more than welcome to look into the grimoires and any other sources to find your answers.

Serena stepped around the doorway and into the room. Her hands were crossed over her midsection as she looked toward me.

What's she-

I told her...Everything. We were waiting to tell you.

Amaryllis couldn't look me in the eyes. I could see the guilt i her eyes as she looked down at the ground.

She's the one who saved you Mandii...

We have work to do. Mandii, I need you to train the Sirens while Amaryllis does research on Ashba and Blair and how they may be connected. Nero, I need for you to help Mandii if you will. As for you Teakin, we need to discuss some things. Now, if you would please excuse yourselves. I need to have a word with Mandii.

Teakin, Nero, and amaryllis quietly left the room and closed the door was soon as exiting. Serena sat on the blood stained bed with me but never once would look at me. Her arm was healing from a wound and her opposite hand was covered in blood.

I'm assuming I'm being removed from the court for lying.

That is to be decided. The reason I want to talk to you is why lie? Why not inform us, we could have been of assistance when it came to purging Nero's mind.

So you could help her like you helped Helen? You locked her away for god knows how long because you thought she was apart of some bullshit prophecy. What would you have done when you found out someone who wasn’t your blood could be a threat? You would have killed her on the spot and not given it a second thought.

My choices with Helen were for the better of everyone involved. You should have came to us as a court member. Nerobell would not have been harmed and none of this would have had to happen.

Well I couldn't. Truth be told I don't easily trust people, specially when it comes to my family.

I see.

Serena stood on her feet and walked over to the door. Before putting her hand on the doorknob she turned.

We did try to make you feel like you were apart of the family Mandii. You were the one to choose not to be apart of it.

And with that she left the room and me alone with my thoughts. So much had to be done and another battle was on my hands. This time, I couldn’t help but feel part of the reason blood would be spilled would be because of me. I had lied to Serena and the court before and after I promised I would do what was best for the Sirens. I risked Nero’s life again and broke my promise to Amaryllis over and over again. I had to fix things, I had to make them better.

-------


I covered my eyes in black and splashed a bit of water on my eyes causing the black to run. I started to breath heavy and acted like I was trying to hold back tears. For all intents and purposes I looked like a full blow mess.

Oh my god Jenny, I- I can't believe-

I choked on my words for a moment before laughing.

I can't even fake it as well as you, I guess we found something you are better at than me. Pretending.

I'm glad you finally are listening and seeing things. Allow me to try to get something else through your bleach blonde hair, we are and never or will ever be the same. You had pain in the past, haven't we all, and you did what with your pain? Found Chris and gave him worth because he found someone who would actual touch his meat without laughing or throwing up? You were given money and a chance to be an elite with it but didn't do shit with it? Jenny, open your fucking eyes you haven't been through have as much shit as someone who has the background I do. Maybe that is one reason you bring it up. Maybe you think it still hurts me, haunts me. It doesn't because I took all the shit life gave me and turned it into something. Maybe that is why you are so jealous, you still haven't let go of being someone's pocket pussy and you see me, someone who has been through some shit, living it up and doing something with her life. The fact you want to play on my past is cute though but you aren't the first person to do it and won't be the last.

I gave you a pep talk because you really seemed like you needed it. The Jenny that was used as a sex doll was shining through this bitchy exterior. You were cracking and you still are. I was doing what you never could do, I was trying to keep a competitor on her feet so she would stick around and do something with the division. I gave you a pep talk because without it you would have blown your brains out on the hotel room floor and management would have to break it to the roster that it lost another member of the bombshell division because she let her depression take over, not that anyone would care if you were gone. Maybe Chris but he would disappear for a few weeks and be back and ready to find the next mentally fucked girl he could to stick it in.I could have done this whole company a justice by getting rid of you and Chris for awhile but instead I care more about this division than having bragging rights that I ended a career. I already told you I don't want to dictate this division so I tried to help you because I knew you were not as strong to help yourself. See that's another difference, you are selfish and it shows. But me? I might take what I want and put myself first when need be but I'm not selfish. If I was I wouldn't have tried to help you after I took everything from you. I wouldn't be trying to fix everything you broke here in XWF, and would you look at the women's roster now? Already I've brought in more talent because I care, you don't care Jenny and it's another reason you lost.

I give credit where it is due, it's what gives a division power. Instead of trying to make someone look like shit because you beat them I try to make them feel better so they improve and try to beat me. That is how I plan to save this division, I will give you hell and tell you I will win but when I do I will give you what you worked for, recognition for your hard work. I know you don't mind being the ringleader of a "dead" division but I welcome the challenge of it. See, it was a personal challenge to tell you anything good about yourself, but I did it. Instead of tearing something down and being happy like you did, you should have BUILT it back up and held the pride that you were the one who built up the division. I have pride in the fact that I've already brought more vagins into this company, did you? No, no you didn't because you don't know how to really rule over a division Jenny. You don't know what it takes to lead and that is why you are second best to someone who does.

You know what also sets us apart Jenny? You became a statistic. You showed you act like the average person who dealt with trauma in your life. I didn't become a statistic because I refused to. I could have shut the whole world out and not let anyone in but instead of doing that I lived. I got married to a man who I loved and had a baby despite my rape as a child. Although I was used as a punching bag I did love Marcus and I'm damn proud I had because it just proves how different you and I are. Another thing, Jenny, did you know most women go back to their abusers? Did you know they walk right back into a life of being beat and degraded? I didn't, it might have taken me awhile to leave but I never went back. He kidnapped my daughter and I tried to find her but I never let him have me back to only hurt me. I bailed myself out of that situation and it made me stronger in the end.

I'm assuming you mean Jason instead of James. Yes, he left and Jeremy had to "save" me. I was a fucking child Jenny not a grown as woman. I was still innocent and didn't know how to handle the world around me. I took that feeling and those memories and I turned them into something I can be proud of, a career. I left a mark and now I'm going to leave another but it won't be on this company yet, it'll be on your face when my boot breaks your bad nose job. Maybe whoever does it next will do better.

Just because you are so used to everyone lying to your face doesn't mean everyone lies Jen. All that means is no one respects you enough to tell you the truth, aside from me I guess but believe me it isn't because I respect you, I pity you. Megan lies to you so she can keep her job and Chris lies to you so you keep being his sex slave when he needs a pick me up. I pity the fact you can't let go of your past and you have to bring up mine. I pity that you don't even have the self respect to not lie to yourself. It's sad, I never lied to myself Jenny. When I was being stupid I didn't cover it up with saying I was perfection, I fixed the problem and moved on. I pity that the very thing you poured your heart and soul out into was a piece of metal that you no longer have. You are nothing to look up to Jenny, you are the biggest pity party here.

By the way Myst if you are going to dig deep into my past you should probably wear a helmet, I don't want you to hurt yourself. You should always consider getting your facts right, Marcus never saved me from anything. I fell in love with him and for a little while he acted like he loved me. I'll never know if he really did but that's not closure I need six years after the fact. I wasn't alone, I didn't need him in my life, I wanted him there because I saw the good in him at the time. I brought a child into this world with him because she was the proof of my love for him, living breathing proof. I wouldn't expect you to understand why I've done anything I have done because not only have you never loved someone no one has ever loved you. Maybe that is why you are such a statistic. Jeremy loved me enough to see I didn't have another year left before I was going to be dead. Zak, oh boy do you not want to open that can of drama right now Jenny. Zak loved me enough at the time to see I was destroying myself and to HELP me get out of it. If you knew anything about that situation at all you would know I asked Zak to keep an eye on me so I could be better. I made that choice to save myself, I just used Zak's forceful attitude to make sure I stuck to it in the long run. Do you know it's like to lose your daughter, not know where she is, and the police refused to help because it was her dad that took her? No, so when you call me a druggie you see it as a bad thing. I don't. I see it as a point in my life that instead of killing myself I still had some fight left in me to keep going until I could get my shit back together. All of this doesn't make me vulnerable, it doesn't make me stupid. It makes me a fighter and in the end made me stronger. I dealt with my past and it is why I leave it in the past. I assume the people I am put in the ring with have also overcome their past but obviously you haven't. I don't dig into your past because I try to assume you aren't the same person. You, Jenny you are the exception to this. You are still as vulnerable and weak as you were in the past. I don't care about who you used to be Jenny, you could have been the ruler in some far off land after being raped by the king but I don't care enough to dig. The more you act and talk the less I would even need to dig up. So you were raped? Cool, now all you are good for is sex. No one care? Cool, now you don't let anyone in and you are bitter and angry because of it. You have trust issues because of some shit no one cares about? Guess Jenny is just a stone cold rock with a pussy. My past made me something, yours made you useless in this division. Get over it and move on.

Champions get shit on? Jenny, that's only you and Chris hunny and it is because you both talk a lot but don't back it up. The rest of the champions here I see have respect, but I also see they have a target on their back. There is a difference between being hated and being envied. Champions like Engy and myself are envied because we have what other people want. You were shat on because you didn't have to work for what you had. You admit it yourself that the bombshell championship was given to you so you would stop bugging everyone and sit in your corner like a good little girl and because there was no one else. No one cared that you were the top bitch in the women's division because you killed your division. You made yourself useless. You would have been envied if you actually had kept the division alive. Women would want to be where you were if there were women. Of course no one here would envy you when they are all men, MEN DON'T WORK IN THE WOMEN'S DIVISION. Now that I am here and building, you envy me. I have a target on my back because I'm bringing in more competition. You don't shit on me and no one else here has because I've shown I am a champion. You try to shit on me now because you try to make me look bad since you want my place on top but in the process you also shit on yourself. You talk about this dead division, this championship no one wants, how easy it was to make people quit this division, all so you can get back at me for being better than you. Open your eyes Jen, you don't want to go anywhere other than the Bombshell division that you want to act like you hate so much at time but say you love when it suits you.

If I am so useless WHY ARE WOMEN SIGNING?! Claire Lloyd, Erica Rosso, Valkyrie, Isabella Ortega, Ms.Hyde, do any of these names ring a bell or are you not keeping an eye out for more competition because you know I'm the best here? Useless is someone who brings nothing to the table and you Jenny took everything off the women's division table. YOU are USELESS. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING! I'm busting my ass here working from the bottom of this division to make XWF more fun for women to sign onto. I AM making little girls look up to us and not just look up to us but see us as more than pretty faces. Maybe if as a child you saw strong women in the ring you wouldn't be so weak. Maybe if you had me to watch on the TV you would have grown to respect yourself. Maybe if you had a strong woman figure in your life you would be more than three holes and an attitude you can't back up. I'm not backing down, I'm not passing my torch, I'm not giving up on this divsion, and I will never fall to someone like you Jenny. I've worked too long to be where I am and to have everything I hate about the women's division lead it!

So why do I care so much about this division Jenny? I care because it is separated from the rest, this championship is one only a women can hold, well unless your a tranny something I've questioned with Jenny. Maybe that's why they had Madison take the championship for a few hours, they found out Jenny has a penis and instead of being Jenny she was a John. Back to my point, I care about this division because I was apart of it before women could go after any other championship besides the one that fit in their sex bracket. I was in this division busting my ass while bleach blond barbie dolls and sex kittys slept with the boss to get a championship shot! I care about this division because the women's division is a dying division and you are help killing it. I don't want to see woman being the ass end of every joke anymore, I want us to be looked at the same if not better as anyone with a dick. I'm more than willing to hold a championship and fix what you broke, I've done it before in other companies with other women. I'm willing because fixing a division, holding a championship and making it something when the person before you made it nothing, that takes dedication and motivation. That earns respect and I am all about being respected now. It doesn't take much to ruin a division Jenny, I've done that too out of spite before, but it takes a real champion, or hero if you really want to call me your hero, to bring something back from the dead. Rookies bask in anything they can like you Jenny, Veterans see the whole picture and bust their ass to bring greatness out of themselves and their work.

You didn't put any foundation down in this division Jenny, you bulldoze the whole fucking thing because you were scared of enemies taking it from you, you just admitted that. "I have worked hard to beat Michelle, the Sugay's, Mercy.....I have worked hard to make sure I had no enemies." When you hold a championship everyone in that division and possibly in the company becomes your enemy! No wonder you will never amount to more than this division. No wonder you will never hold a uni-sex championship, you would kill the whole company because you are scared someone will take a piece of metal from you! I'm not scared like you Jenny, I'm no afraid of someone coming into my division and dethroning me. I'm more worried about cleaning your mess. I am worried about women never wanting to come into this division because someone like Jenny Myst kills everything she touches. You did make an impact, a bad one, and it makes you unfit to hold a championship. You don't kill something because you are scared it will grow into something bigger than yourself. You don't shoot a dog when it gets fatter and taller than you do you? You mold it, you feed it, you give it baths and make sure that everyone sees the hard work you put into it. Instead of being proud to have killed this division, you should be praising me for having the guts to do what you never could, holding my own without ruining the thing I worked for. You made this division useless and thus made yourself useless don't you see that Jenny?

What bigger prey are you talking about? You? Jenny, you aren't moving away from the bombshell division either. You aren't hunting me from afar you are pissing in my backyard and when I yell at you, you tuck your tail and run and pretend to be the hunter stalking her prey. Jenny, you are waiting on me to leave for vacation so you can dig up my fucking yard! You are scared of me and you should be. The predator has the championship while her prey keeps poking her head in asking "Can I be on top of the food chain yet?" When I pass the torch to another it won't be you. I worked on my backyard to hard already, I won't let some bitch with a bone run in and start fucking it up and chasing away the birds and the squirrels. I enjoy the fact the division is starting to thrive and I would hate for the disease known as Jenny Myst to step foot into my garden and make it barren once again.

Oh a distraction! Oh Jenny poured gas, called an uber, AND distracted! Someone call the XWF website and tell them Jenny should get an award somewhere on the site saying she did something! Jenny, YOU STILL DIDN'T GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY! In fact, not only have you ruined the status of the women's division you are making Empire look worse. If Chaos is so useless then why do you allow yourself to be at his level? You've already had him leave before why not you leave him instead this time? Right, you are a statistic...I forgot. You didn't fight, you stood and looked pretty for everyone LIKE EYE CANDY! YOU AREN'T A WRESTLER YOU ARE EYE CANDY! Empire would be fine without you, this division would thrive without you, this company would have less STDS without you. GET THE CLUE JENNY?!YOU ARE NOTHING!

Yes Jen Jen, I'm fully aware that when I reach the Uni Championship I will have to get rid of this one and pass the torch, but when I do, I will pass it knowing I'm the one who lit the fire on it. You started at the very bottom Myst, my bottom is the Bombshell Championship but I am still going to respect it as though it is the top spot here in XWF. When I do get to the top, when the time comes to choose between the child I have raised known as the Bombshell division and my overall goal, I will set the division free as if it were an adult ready to live it's life but I will make damn sure it doesn't go to a woman willing to feed it to the wolves for her own social gain.

It's time I do some cleaning in my division. Jenny, I will be the reason you quit wrestling I promise you this. The reason? I'm not afraid of you taking my championship and I'm not threatened like you were when you finally amounted to something. I'm not scared that someone will take everything from me again, I'm afraid if you stay around you'll ruin everything I'm building. I'm over my past and I no longer let it be the reason I lose out on the things I want most in this life. I'm done with the scared little girl you are Jenny, grown up and be a fucking woman.