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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
#StudyMuddy
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The Engineer Offline
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#1
03-07-2018, 05:39 PM

We open on the hustle and bustle of the headquarters of the Dexter Bright campaign. Madison Dyson stands at the forefront, next to a projection of a Powerpoint presentation. Arrayed about the room are a litany of campaign staffers and the candidate himself.

Engy is leaned back in a metal folding chair, two front legs lifted just up off the ground as he absent mindedly dicks around on his cell phone. Madison clears her throat, garnering the attention of the assembly.


Alright people, we got a lot of shit to do and not a lot of time to do it so I'm gonna make this as quick and effectual as I possibly can. Dex, you with me?

Engy holds a hand up indicating he heard her, but never looks up from the screen.

Well folks, this is one of those rare opportunities where Mr. Bright's day job and this campaign seem to perfectly align like some grand cosmic perversion, so I wanted to use this as an illustration and a reminder of just what we're working with here.

Madison clicks the device in her hand, starting the Powerpoint. An image appears on the screen.

[Image: ld99XJD.jpg?dateline=1473732086]


This walking Aristocrats joke you see before you is Muddy Waters. He is Mr. Bright's competition this week on Saturday Night Savage. He is also an exemplar of the kind of person you can expect to make up Mr. Bright's core voting bloc.

Madison hits the button again, and the following words slide in next to Muddy's picture.

......hygiene?
....stage 4 kidney failure?
....unpaid child support?



For Muddy Waters, the darkness of ignorance is a comforting blanket, a soothing platitude partitioning him from a perpetually terrifying outside world full of reason, logic, and people who can tie their shoes properly on the first try. His life is one of endless confusion and misery, perpetuated by a complete lack of insight into the causes of his own self destruction and a persistent itch in his ass crack because he honest to God thinks toilet paper is a homosexual conspiracy designed to get him progressively more and more comfortable with feeling up his own bung hole.

In short, THESE ARE OUR PEOPLE.


She clicks the button again, and this time a map of West Virginia appears, with most of the counties emblazoned in red.

As you can see, the state of West Virginia, as it stands, is already heavily skewed towards the Republican party. BUT WE MUST REMAIN VIGILANT! The lame stream news media is eating our lunch and the president's poll numbers are suffering as a result. This could have a wave effect all the way down the card and we cannot afford that.

So, I encourage you all. Watch Muddy. Study Muddy.


#StudyMuddy is already trending, I guarantee it. Fucking millenials.

See what's important to people like Muddy, like dipping Funyuns in Ranch dressing, or figuring out you can save a few bucks by turning the condom inside out and using it again. Incidentally, that's probably also why they have so many fucking kids.

Muddy Waters is the key to the success of the Dexter Bright campaign for Senate. If we can find and secure the Muddy Waters' of the state, we can shore up a decisive lead in the polls and guarantee a strangle hold in 2018. I know it's detestable. I know it makes your skin crawl. But that's why you all get paid the big bucks.


An aide shuffles up to Madison and whispers something in her ear.

I have just been informed most of you are here on a volunteer basis. Well, this is how shit gets done in the world of American politics, so suck it up butter cup and maybe you can earn a reference letter and one day get a job that DOESN'T require you stock up on cat food. Does anyone have any questions?

A younger female staffer timidly raises her hand and slowly rises up out of her seat.

Yes, you there.

The girl clears her throat and starts to speak.

Thank you Miss Dyson. I've been hearing what you're saying and please don't get me wrong, I know you're SUPER experienced at this! But, well....I just kinda was wondering...isn't it kind of cynical to assume that most of our prime voters are ignorant rubes like this Muddy Waters guy? I mean, isn't that kind of what is causing the deeply bitter and resentful political climate we have in this country today? We keep demonizing people and assuming the worst of them, but maybe if we just trust them to do the right thing and give them the real knowledge and tools to make informed decisions to better their lot in life things will naturally work out for the best.

The girl smiles nervously. Madison blinks once...twice.....three times. A painful hush washes over the room.

Get the fuck out.

The girl's expression melts instantly. Two security guards race up to her, each one taking an arm as they rapidly usher her from the room. Madison glowers at the rest of the staffers imperiously.

Any NON questions?

Everyone looks around nervously. A gun shot echoes from outside and they all jump in their seats.

That was not related. Alright, if there's nothing else, you're all dismissed. Let's hook us some idiots.

The masses break and start to filter out of the room, until just Engy is left. He still hasn't looked up from his phone. Madison walks up to him, looking decidedly annoyed.

Thanks for your help back there.

You had it covered.

She plucks the phone from his hands.

DAMMIT WOMAN!

He makes a mad grab for the phone, but Madison scoots back just out of range, playing back what he was watching.

Oh for the love of....

She tosses the phone back to him. Engy snatches it out of the air.

You need to let this Caedus shit go.

We see now, thanks to an over the shoulder shot, that Engy is replaying his match from Turning Point.

You are the Universal Champion. Full stop. That is all that matters.

It's not all that matters! GAH, it's fucking EATIN' at me! This guy right here, in this match? That's not Jim Caedus.

Oh sweet, so you caught his particular brand of delusional paranoid crazy?

No, no. I mean it's HIM....but not. He wasn't like his usual self.

Yeah, that's because you broke his ass. You know, for as much as I shit on your “killing him with kindness” strategy, I am woman enough to admit that YES, it ended up working. You drove that man insane just by being nice to him. That's....well, kinda fucked up when you think about it. Bravo.

GAAAAAHHHHH! But that's not what I was TRYING to do! I mean, sure, there was a small element of strategy there, but I actually liked the guy. Really! And the worst part? Because of those pig fuckers in.....you know what I'm not even gonna give their stupid ass fucking group any heat by saying their name....I will never ever know if I could have beat Jim in his prime for a second time. Nor will I ever know if Jim could have pulled himself back from the brink and been my ally again.

I guess you could look at it that way. Or you could stop chaining yourself to the memory of an overhyped, sanctimonious lunatic, move on and accept how badass it is that YOU ARE UNIVERSAL GODDAMN CHAMPION.

But this being you, I know you'll pick the more self defeating of those two options so have a good time with that. I got shit to do. Later.


Engy watches her go.

Bitch.

Engy shakes his head and puts his phone away.

Muddy....Muddy.....Muddy....ya caught me at a bad time, brother. Now ordinarily I'd find your lady asphyxiating, dead Grandma in the bathroom having, redneck colloquialisms amusing. But I'm a bit distracted lately by some recent events and I'm afraid I just might not give you the attention you so deserve. Which is a shame. Because, at the risk of sounding awful trite, you and me were the same once. We were both a couple of down on our luck simpletons lettin' life happen to us rather than taking it by the balls.

I say ONCE of course because I'm a few steps ahead of you now. But maybe that's not quite fair. Because my stupid was of more of a psychological nature whereas yours seems to be a healthy combination of bad genes and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I need you to understand Muddy that you are facing some next level shit right now. I'm the Universal Champion. I've walked over guys better than you in my sleep. And I'm about as pissed off right now as you were the first time you found out that your local Piggly Wiggy stopped selling PBR.

Yes, Muddy, I AM THAT FUCKING PISSED. I see Jim Caedus letting me down in my dreams. I see the smug faces of Jenny Myst, Erik Black, and Chris Chaos watching a good but troubled man burn to death in those same dreams. And then I wake up with a raging hate boner, seeing red and wanting to absolutely rip apart any living goddamn thing that so much as breathes in my general direction.

So know this, when I'm breaking down your already broke down body at Savage, calling you Chris or Jenny or Erik as I inflict more nerve shattering agony on you than you have ever experienced in your life....please, please, know that it ain't personal. Because you really ain't all that bad of a dancing monkey lower mid carder and anyone that can drag Jane 's magnificent mammaries back onto my television screen deserves some points. But, just being honest with myself, I ain't about mercy right now.

As for some advice? Before you decide to invoke some of that redneck wit and prod me with some tired accusations of a gay love affair between me and Jim, just don't. Because as it stands, there's still a nonzero chance of you living through this match and seeing your infinitely more successful daughter again. Do you really want to deprive yourself completely of getting the chance to disappoint and embarrass her once more? Take it from me, tracking down offspring that really want nothing to do with you is good times and definitely worth staying alive for.

I guess what I'm trying to say is just keep doing what you've been doing your whole life and don't get smart. Stay dumb. Keep your head down. Or else you're liable to lose it.


With a sigh, Engy eases himself up off the folding chair and walks out of the room. The shot fades to black, and then reopens in a darker room somewhere else. We see the poor young girl from before strapped into a chair, her eyes held open forcibly by metal clips.

[Image: clockwork-orange-eyes.jpg]

She's clearly terrified, sobbing from eyes she cannot even shut. A leering Madison Dyson steps out from behind her.

This'll teach you to have faith in your fellow man!

A recording starts to play in front of the poor girl, one she cannot avert her gaze from.

Quote:"There's nothing disconcerting in your pad is there?"

"Hell naw honey, I aint a played disc golf in years. Plus I'd never do it inside my home- you think Muddy's some sorta animal or something?"

Her screams echo into forever.

[Image: 9QBn3eQ.jpg]





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[-] The following 7 users Like The Engineer's post:
(03-07-2018), Finn Kühn (03-07-2018), Mad Dog Valley (03-07-2018), Muddy Waters (03-07-2018), Pestalance (03-07-2018), Peter Fn Gilmour (03-08-2018), Vincent Lane (03-08-2018)




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