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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » TURNING POINT 2018 RP BOARD
The Chris Chaos Show Ep. 3
Author Message
Chris Chaos Offline
Corporate Chaos



XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)


#1
03-03-2018, 11:32 PM

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The opening avatar came on the screen--dark and bleak, showing a man in a full trench coat walking down an alley, with shots of Chris blending in and out.

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Then the scene cuts to pristine Clearwater Beach, Florida. It shows Pier 60, the cocaine white sand, the greenish hue of the Gulf rolling in. Arial view. It took us over the city of Clearwater and over the Courtney Campbell Bridge, into Tampa.

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The skyline of Tampa is now visible as music plays in the background, light enough to be notice but soft enough not to distract the viewer from what is going on in the picture. It passed by some historic buildings in Ybor City, one of the oldest and most stories districts in the entire city.

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It circled around the city as THE X-TREME WRESTLING FEDERATION PRESENTS: shows up on the screen. Street signs from inner Tampa are shown as it moves away from the city, towards Pasco County.

Finally, it cuts to Chris, taking off his sunglasses and looking into the camera as the scene fades to black.

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THE CHRIS CHAOS SHOW


EPISODE 3

The scene cuts to Chris sitting on his balcony again at his Clearwater Condo. He has a drink in hand, sipping it through a slurpy straw.

John Holliday has become a bigger waste of space than Barney Green ever was. You'd think his pretty boy ass would have at least shown up in front of the camera. Barney couldn't wait to put his ugly mug up there for all of us to feel sick over. Where is John Holliday? It takes a lot to surprise me but I am not going to lie, I am a little shocked. I think it will be Emmy Award worthy if Barney actually ups and drops his ass. How amazing would that be? The biggest loser I have ever had the misfortune of sharing a ring with would be the one to drop the second biggest loser. That is pure television gold right there. Not to mention you held the title for a week after using a technical loop hole to obtain it. God you're trash. I hope you die in your sleep. Oh, and by the way, come up with some new insults. Panda? That was funny for about a week six months ago. That shit is dead and buried, I put Reno and Panda on the shelf for good. Now perhaps it is your turn.

Scully, I think I already showed the world how much of a scam he is. Fuck him with a spiked dildo. When Scully is the first one eliminated, I am going to laugh. He seems to think that Chris Chaos isn't the one on a 5 match winning streak. He seems to think that Chris Chaos has lost a step or two. Really? The first one Scully? Were you deprived of Oxygen at birth? I am big match Chaos. Win or lose, I am always there at the end and it is always a dramatic finish. I am always around at the end. For you to come up with such foolish remarks make you sound dumber than we already thought you were. I always knew you were a douchebag, but I gave you some credit for at least having an IQ above 70. I guess I was wrong. It happens.

So Drew Archyle has been silent. Maybe he is realizing that what I said about him being the pawn on the chessboard of Apex, taking the shots they are too bougie to take, has gotten to him. Maybe he is looking over his shoulder. Maybe he has finally made a good decision in his life. I am coming for that strap. I realize men like Erik Black, some of the toughest motherfuckers I have ever faced, have failed against him. But I am not them. I am a step above. An entire promo wasted and you didn't reference me once. I thought you were going to tear apart my asshole---because, apparently, you know, that's your specialty."


Just then, Jenny walks in with a bag of groceries, interrupting the camera shot. They all focused on her and her skimpy tank top. Chris doesn't look pleased, but smiles anyway. Hey, they are a unit, right? Til death and all that. Jenny's shirt was riding up a bit from the bags, and you could see her belly button ring. She sets the groceries down rather loudly, and Chaos clears his throat. She looks over.

He gets up, cutting the camera interview short. The two of them embrace, and kiss, and Chris grabs her ass with a little squeeze. She smiles.

"Hey, fuck it, leave the groceries here. I want to take you to an event I have been planning."

"Umm, I just spent two hours in Publix picking out all this shit.......the least you could do is let me put it away!"

"No time, lets go."

"Chris....one thing you need to learn is not to fuck with a woman and her groceries. I don't have many other demands, but I do groceries!"

"Fuck you chivalry! I love it!" He pinches her ass again as she begins to put the ice cream away.

"Okay, after that, meet me in the parking garage. This going to be EPIC! I know we have an early flight and you got a battle with Mandii, but you don't wanna miss this!"

"Okay" she smiles.

Chris grabs his keys and his phone, leaving the door wide open as Jenny rolls her eyes and smiles before returning to putting the groceries away.


A promotional ad comes up, showing one of Chris's new companies.

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SCENE CUTS

The scene picks back up with Jenny and Chris riding in his Jeep up highway 75, into horse country north of Tampa. Real back woods shit, the type of shit you hear about in hillbilly horror stories. Banjos and everything. He looks over at Jenny, a face serious as ever.

"Babe, did you know Scully is gay?"

She looks a bit taken aback, and brushes her bangs out of her face. "Umm....I didn't KNOW, but I had my suspicions. Gay AND ? What an unfortunate combo."

He nods with a "mhmm".

"So where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"And how do you know he is gay? Is there something I should know?"

"Oh, I just did a little poll. He was voted most fuckable by Tampa's homo community. Archyle didn't do so well, and Holliday, well, he is too much of a douche to meet the emotional needs to the gays."

"TMI"

"You asked."

"I regret it".

They drove for a little bit as the scene shows far out areal shots of the Jeep on the high way with some music. Finally they pull up to some farm country in Dade City, where all that was around them were pigs, cows, horses and trailers. They pulled up, crunching on the dirt road until they got to a fence. The Jeep rolled to a stop and Chris hopped out the driver door. Jenny got out of the passenger side. She had on her white Lil Miss Myst tank top and a pair of daisy duke cutoffs. Chaos had on gym shorts, black, with his grey tank top. A photo of his face was on it, because that is just how he is.

Standing in the middle of the field was a man with more warts than teeth. A farmer sporting just overalls and an a worn in, dusty, old-logo Devil Rays hat. There were more cars lined up than they expected to see.


"Clarence! My man! I told you we'd make it!"

The man extended out a hand. All around were signs showing "CHAOTIC PROMOTIONS". Apparently, there was an event going on that XWF had been funding and Chaos had been promoting all week.

"Let me show you to the event location! And who is the pretty lady?"

"My girlfriend, the next Bombshell Champion, and the best damn female wrestler you've ever seen".

The man smiled with a gap-toothed, dirty smile. The kind of smile that someone who has been dipping for 50 years has. In fact, he spit out a brown spit wad just after Chris answered him.

"I really appreciate the opportunity!" Chris said, somewhat jubilant. Whatever this event was, he was excited for it.

Clarence turned and the power couple followed. They walked about 50 yards to a mud pit behind the barn, and Jenny immediately grabbed her nose. Her sneakers stuck in the mud.


"Umm....this isn't my scene" she said with a high pitched voice, due to her nose being clasped.

Chris looked at her and rolled his eyes. He loved her, but she was high maitenence as a motherfucker.

The crowd that was around the pit must have been all those cars that were parked on the street. They all looked just as hickish as Clarence did.

He handed Chris the megaphone to greet the crowd. Jenny stood with her arms folded and her nose scrunched.


"Thank you all for coming out to the Chris Chaos Show special event! However, before we begin today's festivities, I want to shout out Chaos Boats....the only boats out there that are just as chaotic as I am!"

For those of you that didn't know Chaos had a boat, he does. Now you know.

A promotional ad for Chaos boats flashes across the screen.


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"And now, ladies and gentlemen, cousins and sisters and whoever else you're fucking, please let me introduce this afternoons festivities! What he have is the midget rodeo! These gifted little people will be riding pigs, and the one who stays on their bucking bacon the longest will win! I have put together an assortment of the best damn ham riders I could find, and I think you will all enjoy!"

The crowd cheered, and Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Introducing first, the Ham Holliday team! That's right, this little person and his pig are the best of buds! Holliday is a a tough-talking little shit who always seems to come up a little short---get it?---in the big situations. The pig he rides reminds him of both his mother and sister, so they have a strong bond! Holliday is an underachieving little twerp who only volunteered for today's event for the cash so he can get out of the dumpster behind the Popeye's! Ladies and Gentlemen, here is the Ham Holliday team!"

The pig trots out with the little Holliday on top. He waves to the crowd.

"Place your bets!"

The crowd grumbles, but throws the money regardless. Half of them could relate to this little fucker.

"Introducing next, this is the team of Drew and Dusty! Yes, that is right, Drew is a tough little son of a gun! He is constantly getting beat on, but he always gets up! This little guy has jumped on more pigs than his step father! And Dusty, well, he takes shits bigger than little Drew! Sometimes, he bucks extra hard to see how long Drew can hang on before dumping him off in the pile of crap he is used to wallowing in! Who likes this team?!"

Some more people throw money and begin to argue about which team is going to win.

"Wait, wait, before you begin to get into your white trash ranting and raving, I have one more team!"

"Let me introduce to you the team known as Ham Wallet! That is right, these money makers really know how to suck people into their dirty little lies. What lies are those? Maybe about, you know, being talented! This is little Scully and his Pig! This gay, little man just wants to be given credit for trying! He sucks royally at everything he does but damnit he wants to be given a shot anyway! His pig is the best thing about this team because..wait for it....the pig is too! They have a combined IQ of 65, this is quite the bacon combination! So let me ask you, who wants potatoes!?"


The crowd roars and throws their money. Jenny can't help but laugh through her plugged nose.

Clarence held up a gun and Chris gave him the ok to shoot. Unfortunently, however, most of the other crowd pulled out their guns too and everyone began shooting in the air. The frightened pigs began to take off willy nilly, it was total Chaos, just as he liked.

Scully had a hard time holding onto his pig. Holliday was firmly holding onto it, and Drew jumped off the pig and kicked it in its pig nuts, flipping it over and elbow dropping it!

"Ohhhh! It looks like on his own accord, Drew and Dusty have been eliminated! Boy, he really knows how to fist a pig!" Drew was currently punching his pig as Chris said this.

Holliday was having a hard time hanging on, because he sucks so much at everything, and his little hands were slipping quicker and faster.

"It looks like Holliday can't hold onto his meat that long! I always knew the big pink hog was too big for him!" Little Holliday slides off and falls face down into the mud.

"OOOOH! It looks like Holliday's meat got the best of him! Too bad! So look who is left....little Scully and his potato pig!"

Meanwhile Scully and his pig are running face first into a fence, not bothering to turn around, just keeping the feet churning and kicking up mud but not going anywhere.

"So it looks like we have a winner!" Clarence yelled out over the chaos.

"Not yet!"

Chris drops the megaphone. He picks up little Drew and punts him like a football. He goes flying.

He then grabs little Holliday and shoves his face in the mud and pig shit. He curb stomps him. He then walks over to Scully. Picking him up he holds him up to his face. The little guy has a dumb look on his face, as usual. He then picks up the little Scully into the Equalizer. Dropping him into the mud he puts his foot onto him for the three count.


Picking up the megaphone he says "And your winner is, as always, Chris Chaos! Thank you for spending your money and have have a safe trip home!"

Clarence stands there gap-jawed as Chaos collects the money.

Scene Cuts.

Chris is sitting on the back bumper of his Jeep. Bruce is standing there smoking a cigarette.

"Bruce.......I need this. You have no idea how awesome it would be to have me as Television Champion. I could revitalize this entire company! I could turn the TV division on its ass.....plus, I just got this show up and running so I kind of need something to show for it."

Bruce took a puff, not saying anything.

"I think Holliday is going to choke, as usual. He has too much Barney in him, in more ways than one. Drew is nothing but a punching bag and Scully....well, here is the thing with Scully....he can sneak up on you. He is so dumb, it works for him. He doesn't even know what he is doing most of the time, but he uses it to his advantage. He is like Austin Powers dumb, ya know?"

Bruce nods.

"But, don't think this is all fun and games. The old Chaos is in here. I can tear someone apart in the blink of an eye. I am a champion, I know it."

Bruce finally speaks.

"Are you ready to defend this belt on a weekly basis?"

"I opt into every show as it is. Having a title around my waist, being the main event, give me a little more incentive, ya know? It gives me motivation to be the best I can be every week because I am facing the top competition."

Bruce nods, taking another puff.

Chris gets off the bumper of the Jeep.

"Today was fun, but it isn't all fun and games. I know I am in for a battle tomorrow night. I know that all four of these men can get lucky at any time. I know that I don't have to be pinned to lose. I know that feeling, how it felt to leave that chamber with the belt, and I know how it will feel to leave Turning Point as the new Television Champion. 2018 is the year of Chaos......and tomorrow night I am going to prove it."

Bruce nods, flicking his cigarette. The two share a glance at a hot woman in a tight racing shirt and spandex booty shorts jogging with her dog before walking back inside as the scene fades to black.

END SHOW
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