Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Drew Archyle · (02-15-2018)

The following takes place immediately after the conclusion of the February 10th edition of Saturday Night Savage.

Drew you ok bro? Former and soon to be again XWF Universal Champ asks as Drew lay on the ground of the Apex locker-room, hugging a black duffel bag like a pillow.

You alright man!?! Main says as he looks down at Drew who also happens to be sucking his thumb with such gusto that you'd think he were Bilbo Blumpkinz going to town on Sebasstian Dyke's twig and berries.

Suddenly Drew shots up from his fetal position like he were shot out of a canon all bright eyed and bushy tailed, startling both Jim and Robert.

Am I ok? Of course I am. I just had the best power nap ever. EVER! Drew says as he starts frantically looking around the room for God knows what.

Power nap? Drew you were unconscious. Erik Black had you in a Coquina Clutch for like a minute and a half. You passed out.

Tomato potato.

It's tomato, tomato bro.

I know it is Jim but I don't like tomatoes so out of principle I refuse to say it twice. Besides you got the point anyway didn't you?

Sure did Drewski.

Speaking of where's my belt? Did I win? Did I outlast Black? I remember that we were cutting it close but then at some point I decided that enough was enough and it's time for a nap.

You're belt is over there with the rest of em! Main responds as he points over to a small table where resting upon it is the XWF Hart, Television and one half of the tag team titles.

Splendid. I guess Mr. Technical Wrestler Extraordinaire, the biggest and baddest man who ever taped up his hands and stepped into the squared circle lost to lil ole me. An out matched and under classed loser from Loserville. That was his go to talking point wasn't it? That he had all the training? That he was literally trained to kill people and I was a no one. A guy who had never stepped into a ring with a guy like him before was going to get squashed out like an aborted fetus.

Bro that's kinda fucked up!

I know right? Who does he think he is calling me a loser?

That's not the part I was referring to. You know what, forget it.

Not only did you walk away from your match the winner... Main says until he is interrupted.

Carried away. Remember I was asleep. I assume someone carried me back here. That or I started sleep walking again.

You're a sleep walker? Jim asks as he walks over towards the table that is holding the various titles and grabs a bottle of water.

Yes Jim. I thought that was kinda clear when I said "again." Drew says as he looks over at Robert Main as if to say "Is this guy serious?" Anyway you were saying?

Well after the match Black went postal! Took out the ref and the ring announcer. Destroyed the whole announcers area. Poor guy didn't know what to do with himself he was so pissed.

Really? I wonder why? The match ended exactly the way I said it would. That all his chest pounding and false bravado meant dick when that bell sounded. I may not be the biggest or the best or the fastest or the strongest, I'm certainly not the most technically sound but what I am is the toughest son of a bitch and I mean that literally, moms was a bitch, you know what I'm talking about Robert...

Actually... Robert tries to interject.

Don't interrupt Robert. It's unbecoming. The point is Erik Black has no one to blame for not being the Television Champ but himself. I practically gave him the blue print on how to win the match. I told him flat out, the match is 15 minutes long, he wants to beat me he has 15 minutes to do it. All I had to do was survive and that's what I did. All week Erik talked about how the match would end when he was ready to end it. That he could take me out in 3 seconds if he wanted. Well his hubris is why he isn't the Champion. Simple as that. I'd say better luck next time because I'm a nice guy and I have no ill will towards the guy but his next match is against you Rob and if he couldn't beat me then he sure as shit isn't beating you.

Obviously!

Alright so I got a few weeks off until the Pay Per View so what do we do then? Take a trip? I hear Pakistan is nice this time of year.

Uhhhh bro couple a things. First, Pakistan isn't nice anytime of year. Unless you're a muslim extremist then I guess it's cool. Secondly, you don't have a few weeks off. You have a match in a week.

What the crapsnacks? What are you talking about? I told that transgender Barbie Doll Vinnie Lane that I wanted the week off. I even sent him the required Xbux to make it happen. Why the hell am I booked?

I don't know man you'll have to talk to the boss about that.

Man I can't catch a break I really can't. Who the hell am I facing anyway?

Random.

What? Random? Like it could be anyone? Could be you or Chris Chaos or Joe Blow? Drew asks.

No. Just Random.

What in the actual fuck? Are you saying his name is Random. Like, Random. His name is actually Random?

Yes.

Well that's...Random.

Cool pun bro. Jim says sarcastically.

Don't mock me Jim. That pun was better than any pun you've ever come up with you bulbus balding bitch boy. See I can do it too.

Damn Drew. You took it from 0 to fuck you in record time.

And don't you forget it. So what do we know about this Random cat?

He's an alien and he's friends with Gary Busey!

Wait...aliens? We have aliens? Here on Earth? Look I know I was locked up for a couple of years but damn aliens? Really? Are they friendly? We talking short and brown with oddly long fingers that light up like E.T. or tall and greenish gray like from Signs?

The latter.

Jesus Christ, aliens? I just accepted that we now have an orange President that replaced the black one but aliens? And Gary Busey...is he an alien too?

It would make some sense if he were!

Ain't that the truth?

So to sum up...three weeks ago I faced a vampire hunter, last week an MMA fighter and this week an alien...by chance does the XWF have any wrestlers, regular wrestlers on the roster? Or is this place just a circus with a wrestling ring in the middle? I'm honestly asking because when I hear that I'm facing an alien my first thought is why? Don't aliens have better things to do than wrestle? If I were an alien I'd show up to kids parties the world over and ruin parent's lives. I saw the movie "It" when I was like 8 years old and I hate clowns to this day. Imagine what would happen if while I was trying to blow out my birthday candles a 7 foot gray alien shows up with a party hat on blowing up balloon animals?

What kinda animal would he make?

Really Jim? Really? That's what's important to you? Really? A sperm whale by the way but that's not the point. How the hell do I train to face an alien? Do I need to make sure I have a few gallons of contaminated water near the ring to throw on the guy? Or maybe he's allergic to germs and I can just sneeze on him until he convulses and dies? Is that what this place has turned into? I just can't even right now. Let's get out of here. I'm hungry. How do you guys feel about IHOP?

Excuse me is this the APEX locker room? Asks some random choad like man as he stands in the doorway of the room.

It is. Who are you?

Oh my God! You aren't here to Mark David Chapman us are you? I can't die yet. I still haven't banged Kayla.

THAWK!!! - the sound of Robert Main's Hart Title smacking Drew across the back of the head with a moderate amount of anger behind it.

I'm just saying, if you gotta take one of us make it Jim.

Bro what the fuck?

Gentlemen my name is William Randolph Reddinger.

Three names bro. Three names. Drew mumbles to Main.

What?

Mark David Chapman, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wilkes Booth, James Earl Ray. Need I go on?

And I'm from Bear Republic Brewing based out of Cloverdale California. Not sure if you have ever heard of us.

We haven't!

That's to be expected. We're pretty small. The man says as he hands out a business card to each member of Apex verifying that he is who he says he is. Anyway the reason for my visit, our CEO is a big wrestling fan, especially the XWF and well, we have a beer that we make seasonally and have for about 12 years called Apex. It's an IPA.[/color]

So you are here to deliver a cease and desist is that it?

Heavens no. Our CEO was wondering if you guys would come up to our microbrewery in Cloverdale and take a tour, maybe take some photos. Who knows, maybe we could even get you guys to do some promotional stuff with the beer. Our CEO felt like this was a great opportunity for some cross marketing.

The beer any good?

As far as seasonal's go it's pretty good. Truth is i'm not really much of a beer drinker.

And yet you work for a brewery?

Why does that sound so surprising Roberto? XWF is a wrestling company and as we just discussed very few of the people on the roster are actually wrestlers.

Fair point!

Well tell ya what fella, we got some things we need to handle over the next few days but how about we stop by end of next week? Say Friday? That work for you?

That would be most excellent. Our address is on my card and if you have any questions or a change in plans just give me a call.

Will do.

The man with three names smiles and nods politely to all three members of Apex before exiting the room as quickly and quietly as he entered.

Thank Heavens, I thought that guy would never leave.

He was here for like two minutes, tops.

I know Robert but I am starving and you know what they say, never stand in between a hungry man and his next meal. Anyway, let's go. Shotgun not driving!

The previous recording was brought to you by Bear Republic Brewing. Makers of Apex Special IPA.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The randomly random randomness of Random
Author	Message