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Call of Duty: Lucky Charms
02-11-2018, 05:59 PM
Post: #1





This is a Danny Imperial Production.

A voice piques over the speakers, narrating the images on the screen.

The frame shakes wildly as dirt covers the screen. A loud boom echoes through the speakers, a dark wet spot exploding over the bottom right hand side of the image in your screens. Small bursts of light can be seen through the dust clouds, the shuffling feet of men as they sprint for their lives.

"Artillery! Artillery! Artillery!"

Bodies drop to the ground, arms swinging over rifles as their hands go to cover the back of their necks. Helmets popping up through the battleground, like bloody turtles running to the sea. Artillery shells, or so you assume, drop from the heavens and into the ground around the men, somehow missing all of them. You can almost hear their sighs of relief. Then a grunt.

And then as the audio stabilises, a cackle. Loud and clear as day... Perhaps that wasn't the best analogy seeing as this day wasn't too clear, but you catch my drift.

"Ha.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The camera pans quickly towards the sound, zooming in on a pair of crazed eyes in the distance. The man has a formidable stature, standing firmly on two feet, with a rifle in one hand and a pin-less grenade in the other. His thumb shakes a little as it holds the fuse from setting the thing off, whilst his head rocks back an forth in mad laughter, snorting, grunting.

"COME GET ME, YOU SON'S OF BITCHES!"

"GET THE FUCK DOWN IMPERIAL, I WON'T TELL YOU TWICE!"

"Damn the fuck right, you won't"

Danny twists his torso, spraying a shower of bullets towards the sound, but angling the weapon enough that his target is the air above his superior officer's head.

"Lie the fuck down and take it like a whore."

Blood drips from a cut above his left eye, his helmet hands lopsided on top of his head. His hair peaks out from underneath the hard helmet, covering his non-bloody eye... Rendering the fool quite blind. His uniform is ripped at various points, his right pant leg off altogether and tied around a wound on his palm.

"Where are you fuckers, I know you're hiding here somewhere!"

He takes off, his thumb still firmly on the grenade, with a slight limp on his left leg. Ducking and leaping from cover to cover, bullets fly past him, some grazing his flesh but none going through him. Every few feet, he stops, spraying some bullets ahead of him into the cloud of smoke and dust.

"IMPERIAL, WHERE ARE YOU, PRIVATE, SOUND OFF!"

"Eat dick, Cap'n, I'm going in this alone!"

"I AM YOUR DIRE-!"

A rain of bullets flies over the man's head, forcing him to drop back onto his belly and crawl through blood and guts to keep moving forward.

[Image: tumblr_opq03vq6GO1r9khx4o1_500.gif]

"I told you to lie down, you're cranky. You... Need a nap."

Danny makes his way up a hill, towards a villa that boasts Spanish architecture, with spiralling pillars, beautiful arches and the odd saint every now and then. That was the source of most of his discomfort, some bloody camping whore with a sniper trying to pick him off all day. But fret not, no man could scope Danny, no bullet could kill him, not our hero, not our Danny.

Still, he jumped and ducks, avoiding the bullets whizzing through the air past him. With a feral growl, he kicks open the door of the old Villa, taking it clean off it's rusted hinges. Immediately, he brings his weapon down to his hip and sprays a flurry of deadly metal shells at the occupants, covering them in smoke. Muffled screams and the squelching sound that metal makes as it drives it's way through brains and less important organs.

The rain of bullets come to a stop, leaving a dust cloud of blood and dirt to fill up the small room. You could hear a pindrop, even over the… Somewhat muffled sounds from outside. The shuffling of boots is heard, and light reflects off the medals on a man’s uniform as he makes his way towards Imperial. He beings to clap his hands slowly.

"Just seemed like you Nazi bastards needed a little wake up call, y'here?"

"Where have you been? You're usually all wild and about... You been quiet, Imperial."

"Some might say I was preoccupied, life can be awfully distracting... What with mothers to impregnate and spouses to pillage..."

"What?!"

"Who'm I kidding, we both know I was sitting in front of the tele with a bowl of Lucky Charms and milk on my tits."

"Ahm..."

"I love me some Lucky Charms, now show yourself, INFIDEL!"

The dust clears and a man dressed neatly in a Nazi uniform, head dress under his left armpit, right hand wrapped around a revolver. He had no hair, an evening shadow, face sprinkled with light bruises and cuts that went all over his bald head too.

"You know you'll never win when you let me take the first shot, why haven’t you learned?"

"Like I said, Lucky Charms, my dear friend. Men need to have priorities."

"AND YOUR PRIORITY SHOULD BE THIS."

The man holds up a chalice, which he could've pulled out of his ass for all we know. On it is inscribed, in German, 'Der Champion von Extrem'. He waves it wildly, before widening his gaze.

"You know, you might not believe me... But you're just holding a damn cup. At least I can drink from that, that much is true... Imagine if it was something stupid like a hat or worse, a belt. HAH! Imagine that."

Danny clutches at his stomach comically, throwing his head back and bursting out in laughter. The Nazi just looks back at him with confusion etched across his face.

"Do you know what this is? This contains everything your people are fighting for! THIS CHALICE IS YOUR OBJECTIVE! Do you even know why you fight?”

“It feels good bud’, it feels great, all the motivation I need really. I can feel myself get stronger with every thrust of my dagger, I can feel my mind get sharper with every bullet I dodge. And yourself? Why do you fight, Nazi scum?”

“We have a grand plan! RULE THE WORLD, ENACT CHAOS, FEED THE MASSES WHAT THEY SO DESPERATELY CRAVE… MADNESS IS THE NEW NORMAL, AND WE WILL PROVIDE!”

“Riiight. You’re telling me, you’re going to give the people the freedom they so desperately want? That is your… What’s a good phrase for it… That’s your lot?”

“Yes, MADNESS IS THE NEW NORMAL AND WE WILL PROVIDE!”

“That’s all peachy and stuff… But why the fuck do you think you should be allowed to give me anything at all? Why the fuck do I need someone to give me madness?”

“You see, fool, most people want it… But are too afraid to get it. They need a little nudge, a man pulling the strings… The bigger picture, see?”

“If you’re too much of a pussy to take what you want…. You don’t deserve it. If I’m going to need you to help me see something, fuck, I don’t deserve to see it. That’s weakness, needing someone to hand hold you along the way.”

“Unfortunately, people are weak, some… Like me, are leaders! Others… Like you, are followers.”

“Wait, are you not fucking listening to me? I’m not going following shit. Not you, not the 99 other voices in my head, I’m doing what feels good. What makes me stronger is that singular philosophy. I ain’t taking no shit from you… Aryan fuck.”

“No! I put thought into this! I am making a better life for me, and all who decide to follow me! You see the lands I have conquered, the other artefacts I have acquired! People are weak, and they need me to show them the way.”

“And I’ll put my fist into you, and show you that you’re nothing but a snivelling, pretentious, Hitler-cum-filled-cunt. There is no big picture, there’s the flames of combat, and the unrefined mess we’re born into… Pick your side.”

“I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE DEALING WITH, ENGAGE WITH MY SERIOUSNESS!!”

“Oh, I think I do, I know a pretender when I see one. Yet, I don’t think you recognise what just walked into your home.”

Danny leaps into the air, his right leg shooting forward and his left left bent as he zoom’s through the air. His foot is aimed right at the chest of the Nazi soldier, in classic Kung Fu movie style. What a man.

[Image: yHYIKa.gif]

The screen cuts to black.

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