We open to see the Bourbon Dojo. Desolate, empty save a TV on the wall, a Dunkin Donuts, yadda yadda yadda.

It's all been described a thousand times before. It's getting played to describe again here and now. Go watch another promo with the Dojo sometime if you want the full descriptor.

Inside, a small grouping of youths, probably between 10 and 13, mixed races and sexes, so I guess pick the one you want to make fun of here since they're all here, but a small grouping of youths wait around a table. Robbie Bourbon approaches.

Okay, kids! You wanted it, you got it! We're going to have a good ole' fashioned eating contest!

Cyberjaw, or Tyrone as Robert Main thinks his name is, and Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd, approach. They're wheeling a small stand which is covered with a drop sheet.

The rules are simple. Whomever eats the most in five minutes will win one hundred dollars!

Leroy, a bulletproof lad, is seen among the grouping of kids. Since his race was never established, just assume it's worth mocking.

Robbie, I'm going to win this and impress you!

Robbie rolls his eyes and flashes his trademark charismatic smile.

Nothing impresses me.

Charismatic Smile™.

I will!

Robbie whips the drop cloth off of the rolling stand, revealing a huge bin full of Tide Pods, the wonderful all in one detergent encapsulated in washaway plastic, easy to use when cleaning skidmarks and cum stains from your panties, and a delicacy among the youth of America.

Dig in!

A mad scramble ensues as nearly two dozen youths push, punch, kick, and fight their way to the bin of Tide Pods, making no effort to be civil about any of this, and start to down the supposedly tasty little buggers with aplomb. One kid reaches into his pocket and pulls out a literal plum, and eats his with a plum. Robbie, visibly amused by the pun being visualized in his vision, jiggles like a bowl full of jelly at the sight while giggling like a bowl full of gelly (which, if you've never experienced gelly before, giggles quite succinctly).

Nothing finer.

Whoa, dude, what about...

Shhhhhhhhh.

Robbie shushes Cyberjaw while placing a finger on his lips.

No plot progression out of you, young man. I'm going to go teach these goldfish how to play soccer.

Robbie turns and approaches a massive fish tank, which dominates the otherwise empty Dojo save the Duncin Donuts, which is moderately busy.

Where did you get that?

I built it.

No you didn't.

Robbie takes a deep breath.

I stole it.

Where did you...

Look, someone left the aquarium doors open, I just kinda walked in, and whoops, I guess I forgot to put it back down after I picked it up.

That makes...

That makes this aquarium mine. Finder's keepers. So, let's teach these guys to play soccer.

Robbie walks off camera and returns with a soccer ball. He lobs it into the tank. The fish scatter from the disruption at the surface, then otherwise don't care about the soccer ball.

Ah, shit. They need better motivation.

Robbie turns and leaves the view of the camera. As he does, we see several of the youths are on the ground, writhing in pain due to eating Tide Pods. For the people. Robbie returns with a sledge hammer. He nails the face of the huge tank, which is almost as tall as he is, and it busts wide open. A flood of water and very surprised fish pour onto the floor of the dojo. Robbie approaches a fish on the ground. While you're at it, though, make sure the music selected for this RP promo is still playing at the top of the page. Don't be a dick.

Alright, smartass, you ready to play soccer now?