“You called, I answered... You know how this works, precious.”
“My word, I didn’t think you’d actually show up. I scream for God regularly, but he doesn’t just show up at my doorstep.”
The Devil winces and takes a step back as the bile rises up his throat.
“Oops, sorry, I’ll stay away from the G-word. Forgot about that.”
“I’d appreciate that, now why don’t you stop wasting my fucking time, invite me in and offer me a beer.”
“Err.. I have to invite you in? What’re you, a vampire?”
“No, you dumbfuck, it’s just polite.”
“I didn’t think the Devil did ‘polite’.”
“The Devil does what the Devil wants. How else do you think I collect souls? By being a rude son of a bitch? Niceties get people what they want, screaming at you won’t make you sell me your soul, jerking you off with one hand and feeding you a carrot with the other, will.”
“Point taken.” Imperial utters as he shudders at the mental image of being jerked off by this... Pretty attractive individual actually. Perfectly tanned skin, the shade of an almond, paired with piercing green eyes akin to a perfectly cut emerald. His features were sharp, pointed nose, chiseled jaw line and a slight cleft to his chin. He was dressed in his Sunday-finest, albeit he’d probably dislike that description. A navy blue jacket over a pressed white shirt. A slightly glossy brown tie hung to his shirt.
Danny turns on his heel, and beckons the being in, asking him to close the door behind himself. Walking into the room, the Devil looks about, frowning at the tiny apartment. “Aren’t you a XWF wrestler? I don’t get this shit when I show up at Main’s doorstep, you know? That motherfucker at least knew how to live in style. You know, actually used some of the money he was being paid on a weekly basis? What in the blue-hell possessed you to live in a dump like this?”
“Well, I’m not Robert Main. I’d appreciate you didn’t bring up such vile names in comparison to me anyways. I know you’ve gotten accustomed to him, but I’d really suggest you focused on me, it’s my soul you want anyways. My soul is much cleaner, more eloquent and probably more fun in bed too.” Imperial ends the sentence with a slight grin, turning over his shoulder to give the Devil a wink. Reaching his fridge, he opens it to pull out two bottles of Blackbeard’s Stout, throwing one under his arm at the Devil, which is caught promptly.
“At least you drink some decent craft beer. Now, before we get carried away and end up cuddling in bed till five in the morning, however might I purchase your soul, Daniel?” The Devil whispers, suddenly standing right behind Danny, his lips inches from Danny’s ears. A chill runs up Danny’s back as he recognises the cold, heartlessness that replaced the joking tone he had previously. Inhaling deeply, Danny straightens his back and turns to face the being.
“Power, isn’t that what everyone wants?” Danny hisses back mockingly at the Devil. With a devilish grin, the Devil responds.
“You really shouldn’t poke the Prince of Lies, the King of this world. Tell me you didn’t call me hear just to fuck with me.”
“Oh, but that IS what my desire is. I want the power to convince anyone, of anything.”
“Ah, specifics. I like it. Will that be all?”
“In the same line, I want nobody to be able to walk away from me unless I allow them to.”
“Yes yes, you want to be the ultimate door-to-door salesman, I get it. What, is your ability to pick a girl up at a bar really that lacking?”
“Fuck up and just tell me you can do it.”
“Well, of course I can. But are you really willing to sell your soul for a hard fuck?”
“Have you ever had a good hard fuck before?”
“Point. Also, you’d be surprised how good a fuck Hitler is.”
“Excuse me, what? Who’s ontop-“
“You can’t possibly think Hitler has ever been a top .”
“What, why not.... Oh.” Danny gestures to his manly bits, bringing his forefinger and thumb very close to each other.
“Only someone with a micropenis could do that shit he did.”
“That makes so much sense.... So he ride you good?”
“Yes, but moving on to you... I’m sure you’ll be a good fuck too. You ready to make this deal?”
“Only if you promise to always use lube.”
“C’mon Danny, it’s hell, we don’t do lube.”
“Ugh, fine. Yes, we have a deal.”
The Devil claps his hand in glee. The two aren’t very far apart, and the Devil closes the distance quickly, and gives Danny a hug. He snaps his finger and a contract appears in one hand, a beautiful fountain pen shaped like a knife in the other. Offering it to Danny, the Devil stands apart from Danny once more. Danny glances through the contract, taking the pen in his hand.
“Looks about right.”
“Well, you’re smart to look through it, like I said, Prince of lies here.”
Danny gives the Devil a smile, bringing the pen to the contract. However, instead of signing it, he crumples the contract and chucks it at the Devil.
“What the fuck are you playing at, monkey boy.”
“Haven’t you been listening to Robbie Bourbon?”
“Fuck are you talking about?”
“Exactly, motherfucker’s been silent for a week. I convinced him to tuck his oversized clitoris between his legs and run off down the street, clutching on to his Motherfucker bedsheet in fear. I already possess what I asked you for.”
“You’ve got a death wish, cunt.”
“And you just stared in your very first Imperial promo, what else is new?”
“I’d kill you right now, your soul will end up before my gates anyways.”
“But then you’d lose out on all the other souls I could deliver to your doorstep.”
“FUCK YOU IMPERIAL, YOU’RE NOTHING.”
“But, we both know I’m more fun when I’m adding chaos to this world than if I was just being tortured. I’d probably like it down there, with you.”
“Oh, I assure you, there’s nothing about Hell you’re going to enjoy.”
“But are my screams really more satisfying than the screams of the thousands I hurt?”
“Right now the thought of having you screaming is giving me a hard on.”
“Tiger, just turn around and leave, I’ll becoming over at some point, that’s for sure. Just do the smart thing and let it play out.”
The Devil spits at Danny’s feet, before vanishing in a cloud of black smoke.
“You hear that, Robbie?
Yup, neither do I.
Because nothing is being said. Where the fuck did you go? Taking some wrestling classes from Engy I hope? Maybe you’re learning about how to survive when you’re being shot at by heavy artillery by BWP. Maybe Engy is explaining what insanity is like and how best you should deal with all this fear and panic coursing through your veins?
I can only pray that you’re using your time not responding to me in a useful manner.
But knowing you, you’re probably sucking on a thumb and jerking off with the other to distract you from the thought of facing me in the ring this Wednesday. That’s really... Disappointing, but not beneath my expectations of you.
I knew I had a sharp tongue. I knew I was terrifying. But hell, you’re the Universal Champion. You’re the big bad of the XWF and you’ve been stricken dumb with fear? Cmon man, you’re really not helping our organisation as a whole. You know how much work all them frootyloopy executives put into marketing us as an Xtreme federation. The home of the very best.
Scully has had bigger balls than you.
Scully.
Let that sink in.
That pigfucker put up the hardest fight of his life against me when I first debuted.
I really expected better.
There’s really not much else to say to you. Anything I say from here on out, will just be repetitive and fall on deaf ears. You’ve lost this fight before even setting a foot in the ring. I know this, the fans know this, and you know this.
You know you can hang yourself with your wrestling boots right?
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