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How The Grinch Stole Christmas
01-07-2018, 07:10 AM
Post: #1

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“The new year is a fantastic time. I love it, everyone’s throwing out new resolutions, people are hitting the gym after months of sitting on their ass and stuffing their faces, most people are still broke after having an excuse to wake up every morning hungover for the last two weeks. Depression is rampant, stress is at an all time high, and conflict is either brewing or already out there.


Danny walks through a bookstore. The Christmas decorations are still hanging across the ceiling, about half of the cliché Christmas gifts like mugs and snow globes that nobody uses are still out on display. Most of the staff are probably clearing their time off after practically living in the store the last two weeks.

“You know I’m this rich little kid right? Born with a golden spoon in my mouth, a butler to wipe up every drop of dribble on my chin, someone to drop their coat on the floor to keep my shoes from getting mud on them.

Naturally, gifts were a definite every Christmas.

We weren’t ones for a natural tree, father never liked the smell in the house, gave him a head ache you know?

But we pulled out all the stops for an artificial one, you could barely tell the difference, at least when you’re five. Tinsel, gold ornaments, even a tiny little train than travelled down in a spiral across the tree. It was a thing of beauty, but it was always Rhiannon that cared about how the tree looked.

I, on the other, was more concerned about whether I had a gift that barked, or a something shaped like figurine. I loved me animals and wrestling. My bedroom in those days were littered with wresters from days past, the attitude era of wrestling, the golden era, the extreme era. I had them all. Hell, I even got a life sized Ultimate Warrior one year. Don’t ask me how nobody though it was weird that a five year old had a life sized man wearing nothing but tights and wrestling boots in his room, watching him sleep, but I loved it."

Danny crosses an aisle, behind him was a glass showcase of hundreds of figures, the wrestling section prominently dominated by XWF superstars.

”You see, you can be sure that today there’s a kid at home playing with his mint-new figurine. Maybe, it’s one of The Engineer ducking Theo’s wife’s head, perhaps one where Jimmy and Main get to take turns bending each other over, or maybe Neville with his tea set.

But one thing’s for sure, it won’t be yours.”

Danny taps the glass behind him, pointing directly of a toy of Robbie Bourbon, paired with a massive vehicle… There was no describing it really.

“Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure your toy sold like wildfire during the Christmas season. I’m sure parents with wrestling-crazy children flocked to the stores and bought your likeness for their wailing children back home. But they don’t watch XWF.

Christmas morning, the excited kid would have ripped through the gift, seeing the familiar XWF packaging and screaming in glee. They’d dig through it with their filthy little hands, still sticky from cookies and eggnog, only to pull out your figurine and have every ounce of joy seeped out of them.


Expecting a brand new Danny Imperial, bloodied and splintered, they’d have gotten a rotund plastic likeness of the XWF self-proclaimed talent-enhancement. Belly bulging with pride he had to swallow after his recent performance. Hopeless, dead gaze matching that of the kid who receives him.


You aren’t anybody’s hero. Not today, not tomorrow, and most definitely not after Warfare.

You might have been able to keep your pudgy fingers around that title longer than I ever could. I lack a certain ability to defend anything… Clearly I’m much better at taking. What’ve you done with it? I took on somebody worth fighting, you crawled through the scum to dance with Finn… The Kaizer?


A clerk comes over to Danny, a little nervous, having noticed Danny tapping at the screen.

“Uh, can I help you, sir? I noticed you look at that wrestling figurine, good choic-"

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“Do you know who I am?”


“Hm, do you know who that figurine is of?”

“Yuh, let me just look at that bo-"


The clerk jumps at the sudden outburst, pressing himself up against the glass, eyes wide like a childs and the slightest quiver can be seen on his lips.

“My dear, my apologies for startling you like that, you’re just doing your job I just hate it when somebody talks out of their ass.”

Danny leans into the man, smiling warmly at him and pats him on both of his shoulders. His massive hands enveloping the skinny little man. Danny pulls him off the wall and gently nudges him away.

“You have yourself a good new year now, you here me?”

The clerk stumbles off, mumbling to himself, a little wet stain on his pants.

“You see, I bring it. No matter the occasion.

I might not always win, but I bring it.

I might not always get the pin, but I bring it.

I might not be champion, but I fucking bring it.

Lone survivor of my war games team? Yum. Had four fuckers to dispose of right there. Gave me a straight ticket to the finals to face two other teams, on my own. Just how I like it. I didn’t need to off to jerk anybody off in the locker room to feel protected in that ring.

I didn’t need to cut no alliances, call no truces to feed off the best of the best.

And some drunk, coked up bitch had to keep me from prolonging that fucking buffet by stopping me from breaking up a pin? Stupid cunt. I didn’t even want to win. I just wanted to feed. I just wanted to destroy. But noooo, she had herself a fit of idiocy and lost herself the match and took away what I wanted most.

Regardless. I got myself some taste of what it feels like to be surrounded by such delicacies.



But you’ve admitted to that much. Yet…

Yet you still pay me such little respect.

If you’ve seen any of my ringwork since I returned, you’d know I was a force to be reckoned with. But it’s sad really. This whole damn federation seems to be full of sycophants that only know how to belittle those around them, instead of giving respect where its due.

Like I gave Caedus and Main. Top dogs.

Like I gave Engy.

Like I give any mother fucker who goes out there very week and fights.

You though, you don’t deserve that respect.

Hell, I hope you will after you face me. I really want to respect you, you’re top dog here in the XWF. You should, in theory, deserve it. But from what I’ve seen, you’re just a disappointment.

But that’s alright. At least I’ll teach you something when I bash those teeth into the back of your skull, right through that excuse for a brain. I’ll slam your fat ass down onto that mat so hard Vinny will have to pay for new ropes, I’ll rattle you so hard you’ll contract Parkinson’s.

Maybe after all of that, if your brain is in any functioning order… You’ll learn it’s only to your benefit to respect me.

You fucked Christmas, for yourself, for your beau who’ll have to nurse you back and for that kid at home balling over having got you as a gift.

You're a monster.

You're brain is full of spiders.

You have garlic in your soul.

I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half-foot pole.

Mr. Grinch.”

As the scene opens up, Danny is lying on his belly, legs bent at the knees and swaying in the air. Sam Cooke’s Wonderful World plays in the background as his index finger flicks across the touchpad on his laptop. He chews a piece of watermelon flavored gum, well, you’d know it was watermelon if you were in the same room, because it smelt like watermelon. But since you’re watching this promo, you can only guess. Danny does seem like a watermelon kind of guy.

The camera rotates to face the laptop screen, revealing a Pinterest grid full of pictures of pie. From blueberry to raspberry, Keylime to apple. Sighs of happiness dripped from between his lips as he scrolled through the images. A search bar on the top of the page reading “Pie Recipes”.


“It’s here! Yes oh yes oh yes!!”

Danny leaps off his bed, hopping into the air and clicking his ankles as he runs towards the door. Swinging it open, he discovers a tired looking teenager, with a head with the words “Dimpy” stitched to the front in the font of SUPREME.

”Delivery for Mr… Dim-?

“That’s me! Hand that right over, thank you SOOO much for your speedy delivery, here’s a thirty buck tip, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Have a grand New Year, toodles!”

Danny thrusts some bills into the boys hand, rips the parcel out of his grasp and slams the door shut. Almost as if it was all done in one fluid motion. The parcel is Christmas wrapped, with little tiny wrestlers all over them. XWF was the biggest promotion there was, of course they had their own wrestling shop, with their own themed wrappers. Danny had opted for the “Champions of Christmas” paper, and it was littered with little caricatures of Robbie Bourbon, Engy, Main, Caedus, Neville, Jenny, and the Heavy Metal Weight and Federweight title belts.

Taking a brief second to appreciate the design, Danny rips through the paper and chucks it towards a rattan bin across the small hallway.

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”Looks to me like Christmas came a little late! But at least it came Danny oh Danny. You got it, you got it, yeah!”

Danny holds up the box, rattling it slightly to reveal that the figuring is inside and thrusts it into the lens of the cameraman. A childish grin stretches across his face, paired with the dark circles under his eyes and his messy long black hair, you wouldn’t want to see him walk down the street towards you, that’s for sure.

”Oh Vinny, thank you so very much for the first gift of this holiday season. I couldn’t be more grateful. I asked, and you gave! Most people wait till the last day, save the biggest gift(both metaphorically and literally) for the end.. But you’ve blessed me with Robbie right off the bat.”

Danny squeezes the toy in his hands, his veins popping and his eyes madly staring at the camera. With a sickening pop, the figurine shatters in his head, the head popping out and ricocheting off the wall and onto the floor.


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