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Special Delivery for ... a Basic Bitch?
01-04-2018, 06:13 AM
Post: #1
Ari whistles while pushing his mail cart down the Federweight Hallway on his daily rounds. He drops letters from fans into each XWF star's mail chute along the way, when he happens to see Joshua Reno with his anus stretches around the end of his own mail chute, seemingly waiting for a gigantic package to ram him in the asshole.

"DANG! Yo wattup Reno? You want that ass gaped out or what? I got some stuff in here that might do the job! Let's see..."

Ari starts digging through the cart, pulling out various packages the wrestlers have had shipped to them.

"Okay... okay... here we go my man! This is a real expensive piece! It's shipped from "Peter Gilmour's House of Self-Peggers." Weighs a TON man! Though... looking down that catacomb of a rectum you've got on display, I don't think even this monster would fill you up. Man... I bet you could fit like two and a half Ghost Tanks into that bung. Maybe three if it's warm out. You know what I don't see though? And this is none of my business, for real, for real, but even though you're standing there butt naked with your cheeks all opened up like a Golden Corral at five am, bent over like McNabb in the Super Bowl... I don't see a dick or even a single ball dangling down. How are you supposed to get that reach around, bro? You need a dick to get reached for! Is is the temperature? I know this place is always like 60 degrees for some dang reason, the AC bill must be frickin' off the CHAIN in this beast. Look... I happen to know for a fact. For a FACT. That someone here gets a brand new cock warming sock every single week from Amazon. That help? I can't impugn upon the integrity of the postal code by telling you who gets what mail - I took an oath, bro - but what I CAN do is hint. And, well, let's just say that that cock warmer always comes with a pair of lacy pre-worn panties from RuPaul's Trans-Emporium. So if you know any guys around here who like to dress as chicks... they've got your warmer!"

Ari's cart's wheel stops on top of Bitchy's foot, which looks like it survived a serious case of foot AIDS.

"Oh, may bad homie! I got you pinned there..."

[Image: mixtape.jpg]

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Sebasstian Dyke (01-04-2018)
01-04-2018, 06:23 AM
Post: #2
Well aren't you just the jewiest jew that ever jewed. Don't tell me, your daddy is a butcher and your family owns a deli on Jew Island, I mean Long Island. Hitler would get hard just looking at you. For real for real though why are you making cracks about my lack of a penis as if it's some kind of shocking revelation? I just went on record very recently in fact and explained that I lost my penis in Nam. That's Vietnam by the way. Figured I'd put that out there for you since I know Jews aren't allowed into the service. As for my asshole, yes it is gaping. That happens when you are an out and proud homosexual such as myself. Here's the thing though Jewy Jewstein, I don't like teases. So if you want to make my asshole look like a giant chasm and I don't mean the douchenozzle on the XWF roster I mean an actual chasm then get over here and show me what you're working with. But I gotta warn you, I'm a size queen so if that schmekel isn't at least 12 inches you better show up with a bag full of toys. Otherwise I'mma have to gas chamber you like it's Nazi Germany up in this bitch ya heard?

Oh and kick out just for funsies.

[Image: AoQnIJt.jpg]

[Image: JlTCiVS.jpg]

Forever Federweight Champ
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01-04-2018, 06:43 AM
Post: #3
Ari looks shocked.

"You're a vet? Well bro-heem, I thank you for your service, but I'm gonna have to take a knee on pumping any lox into your bagel there, friend! For one thing, I definitely do not meet your size requirement. Not at 60 degrees anyway. Catch me on Miami Beach and I'm hung like one of Moses' own camels, just minus the foreskin, but not in this arctic circle. Also, if you wanted me to get lost in your desert for 40 days and 40 nights, that would cost you a few shekels, you feel me? I ain't gay, but money sure is green. Seriously though, my man, what exactly have you been backing that ass up into? I have never seen an asshole with stretch marks before. Did you get passed around the Golden State Warriors' locker room after game seven? Were you on BLACKED? You were on BLACKED weren't you? Well, Mazel Tov for surviving I guess."

Ari adjusts his yarmulke.

"What I am also really impressed by is that the inside of your shitbox seems to have arched cathedral ceilings. That's not cheap, bro. And are those stained glass windows? I bet you've definitely had a few priests in that confessional. You gentiles are always opening your mouths for the body of Christ, but I didn't know he used the back door too! I might have to think about getting baptized if there's really just a steady stream of willing bitch ass quivering at the thought of being filled by the King of the Jews, nah'm sayin? Anyway gimme."

Ari swats Reno over the dome with a huge vibrating package addressed to Scully, then pins him.

[Image: mixtape.jpg]

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01-04-2018, 08:49 AM
Post: #4
Jesus Christ on a Cross...oh my bad, is that offensive bro? Look bro, I don't know why you persist with the gay jokes, they don't bother me. In fact they amuse me. So much so that I am now going to touch myself in the soft spot where my 13 inch penis used to be. That's right. 13 inches. Bigger than yours and your daddy's combined. Without foreskin.

And while I touch myself I'm going to think about how I had a train run on me by the Atlanta Falcons and boy was it rough and wild. Except when it was Matt Ryan's turn. He just threw up in the corner. Apparently I'm not his type. Whatever the fuck that means. I'm everyone's type. There ain't been a beating heart on this Earth that didn't want to rip into my shit box. Man, woman, horse, you name it, I've accepted a deposit of their baby batter.

Now go and pester someone else you mid transition Anne Frank.

Kickout.

[Image: AoQnIJt.jpg]

[Image: JlTCiVS.jpg]

Forever Federweight Champ
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01-04-2018, 11:22 AM
Post: #5
Ari, get back to the mail room.

Winner and STILL Federweight Champion - Joshua Reno, B.D.

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01-04-2018, 03:54 PM
Post: #6
Where ma money bitch?

[Image: AoQnIJt.jpg]

[Image: JlTCiVS.jpg]

Forever Federweight Champ
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