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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
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JimCaedus Offline
Trash Talker Skywalker



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
01-01-2018, 05:27 PM

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::A montage video package plays out before our eyes, a collection of Bearded War Pig entrances and match footage from live events seen via a bird's eye vantage point. We hear the fans erupting


BEARDED!


WAR!


PIG!



and listen to them play along with Pig's ridiculously lengthy Simon Swineman Says games and inexplicably popular in-match 10-punch-countdowns and 10 minute long executions of his 10-part finisher, the Wargasm, because fuck efficiency, credibility and suspension of disbelief.

FADE TO BLACK.


Jim's voice suddenly sounds from the darkness::


"Anyone familiar with the phrase "your eyes are bigger than your stomach"? How about, "biting off more than you can chew"? Yeah, that's happening right now, aptly in context with former TV Champ, current Motherfucker and future FUBARd fuck-up Bearded War Pig.

For those of you who missed it, and shame on you if you did, me and my boys in Apex engaged in a hardcore hype back and forth with The Motherfuckers leadin' into XWF War Games 2017. Shots were fired, low blows taken, it got harsh. Now APPARENTLY, during this two week long linguistic donnybrook, I hit BDub so hard, specifically with that solely Pig-targetted Gay Pale movie trailer, he lost his shit during our match on the pay per view and embarked on a fool's errand to put me outta commission with his commie comrade Lil Engy, not with his fists because he's a pussy who NEEDS a weapon to dominate Jim Caedus. However, for all his butthurt barbarian behavior, I still wound up eliminating his team from War Games by pinning Robbie Bourbon anyway, so, what does Pig do in the wake of this failure? Attacks me from behind in the halls after Apex wins it all. Oh...but that still ain't it...

Next thing you know, lil' piglet summons the bacon bits to go on record in promo and call me his arch rival, promising he's gonna make my life Hell by hounding me at every turn and was vindicated by the fact he and I were booked in a triple threat match for Anarchy after War Games against some Mystery Competitor who, for the record, couldn't even be bothered to hype the match. The outcome of _that_ contest aside, here we are now booked against eachother for the _third_ time in less than 30 days, 4th time overall, scheduled for an Xtreme Rules bout on Savage January the 6th.

Xtreme. Rules.

......And this time, unlike at War Games, I'll be taking every advantage that type o' match affords me with the intention to teach BWP a valuable lesson. What lesson you ask?

Well, I never had a personal problem with Pig. I respect the men and women who have the cajones to serve our country via enlistment and I respectED Joshua Hatred the performer both for and beyond his status as a former Marine...until War Games that is, when he chose to make that whole match all about him beatin' me bloody with his Boom Stick. His following that up by attacking me backstage, pushing the brass to book us repeatedly and label me his nemesis quite effectively dropped that waning respect to nil and NOW the question is, Bearded War Pig...is this truly what you want? You WANT to be on the same shit-end of the stick that men like Chris Chaos and Cadryn Tiberius, who ALSO saw fit to kick off feuds with me, wound up on? Is that what you REALLY want?

Are.

You.

Sure?"



::War Games playback hits once more, focusing on wide-shot footage of BWP taking it to Jim Caedus with Lil Engy while the fans ovate in support, again marking out for Pig as if he's the most popular name on the roster and his Motherfuckers crew are the XWF fan favorites.

END MONTAGE::


"Alright then Pig, have it your way. Herein lieth the valuable lesson: make me hafta continuously suffer you, make it personal with me, I'll fucking crush you...and it begins by demystifying your image and utterly destroying your reputation and "good name"."



"Headshot"



"Let's begin shall we? First off...

Why you actin' so cheap-heat, beer-hat, Yankee Stanky-doodle-douchebag all the time when your name War Pig contradicts your patriotism, ya July 4 jag-off?

"War Pig": genesis Vietnam era term made popular by the Black Sabbath track "War Pigs", slang for a piece o' shit politician startin' wars to line the wrong pockets with cash. Thoroughly un-American, especially if it's a Bearded War Sheep we're talkin' proudly usin' the label after his buddies died around him just to make some other assholes rich. "War Pig" also defines those who support warfare as the solution to "society's ills", most notably in context with financial status and political and theological practice. In short, a fascist Nazi scumbag, like how the Germans had soldiers they called "etappenschweine" or..."Rear Swine"...in WW2. Go figure. Then of course there's the cruel _contemporary_ urban slang defining a thick chick you find beat af in the aesthetics department.

So which is it, Joshua? Which of those inspired you to tattoo the War Pig handle on that cover and pale pink porcine pooper o' yours? Was it the 1-percenter greed aspect, the hilariously "you idiot" irony in believing starting war over money, philosophy or religion is in line with the word freedom or the part about bein' a big boned bearded bitch? Don't tell me it's 'cause of the Black Sabbath song. Ozzy pissed on the fuckin' Alamo and that's as un-American as it gets; Davey Crockett _died_ defending that shit. Davey. Crockett.

_And Jim Bowie_!

Didn't you ever pay attention in history class read about that in a book watch the movie, dipshit?

Oh wait...I know...you simply "heard it somewhere"...didn't you. Whether it was a superior officer, Big Poppa Pig, a fellow jarhead, a political cartoon you didn't really understand but damn sure enjoyed the illustrations and the word "Warpig", or in some OTHER form of media...that's what it was, wasn't it? And you were too stupid to pay attention to the context or ever check into the definition 'cause your dumbass thought it sounded cool. Not surprising, jarheads are known for being the most unquestioning of pawns and you ARE a doofus who says _Las_ Angeles and _Almer_ Fudd so clearly your fondness of correctly hearing, comprehending and using what you call "buh?" and the rest of us call "words" is about as great as your interest in say brushing your teeth, learning from your mistakes and as usual, not dropping your pants to bum-rush and rape-tackle chicks within 500 yards of a playground."



::A third montage hits the screen, once again dominated by clips of crowd supported BWP entrances and his ruthless attacks on opponents. THIS time, however, the footage reveals CLOSE-UP shots of pockets of fans either sitting or standing silently while the raucous audible marking out for War Pig sounds around them.

END MONTAGE::


"If the story behind your name ain't enough to paint you as an honestly Anti-American asshat, your carryin' around a well-known Russian-made firearm utilized by every foreign war American adversary since 'Nam, callin' it your Boom Stick (and now "Lil Engy"), usin' it to assault clowns and Caedae, the latter being representative of Americans other Americans CAN be proud of, further illustrates my point. If you were a real patriot, Lil' Engy would be barbwired and beanied out in the black finish of an M-16 but, unfortunately, you're also a racist on top of bein' a traitor and a poser-patriot, so that's out the window.

Are you starting to realize now the mistake you've made in choosin' me, Pig? ...NO!? You say you want some more!? No sweat..."



::A fourth montage plays out before our eyes, this time the cameras drawing back to reveal whole SECTIONS of fans ignoring the arena-shaking reactions to BWP's entrances and in-ring shenanigans.

END MONTAGE::


"It occurs to me alotta people, some on the roster and among the brass included, may dismiss my presented evidence that you not only rep the enemies of America but that you also stole your name and I believe they'd do so more than likely by citing your oh-so-popular gimmicky catch phrase "Oink Oink Mother Fucker" as creatively and cleverly original in the process, thereby opening up the plausibility o' you comin' up with that name and persona all on your own. So, I set out to preemptively challenge that notion and guess what I discovered? That shit you spew at nigh every opportunity on "And that's the bottom line...", "Know Your Role" and "Hey yo" status, those words that, as a consequence through your consistent and monotonous hype, you've allowed to not only DEFINE you but OWN you, those oh so very cool words which, again due to your rabid frantic usage, are now so ingrained in who you are and how you're perceived to the point their assassination would assassinate your credibility, that kickass catch phrase...yeah, you stole THAT too.

At first, given the whole "pig" detail, I thought perhaps you'd swiped it from the short run mid-90s Dark Horse title "Oink: Heaven's Butcher", recently re-released in 2015 in trade paperback form and it wasn't a reach to theorize that; you DID afterall upload those horribly stagnant Motherfucker comic book vignettes, so one can safely assume you're a fan of the medium. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to locate my copies of the original material in storage (or for free viewing online) so that avenue remains unresolved for now...lucky for you. No, the first bit of evidence came when I discovered "oink oink motherfucker" has been a popular gamer's victorious retort in context with games like Minecraft for the past few years...but that didn't fit your profile, not a gung-ho AK-47 totin' shell-shocked jarhead who slams men around in a ring for a living and more than likely would, if he DID game, stick to the more realistic flashback-sating military FPS titles, so I dug a little deeper...and I finally found the, via Occam's Razor, most likely source."






"Defendor", comic book film released prior to and true origin OF both the gamer geek pwn cry and BWP's catch phrase "oink oink motherfucker".

Joshua Hatred can deny this if he wants and he just might unless he "strategically" feels the need to own up rather than lie...but the fact that he's:

A. A 28 year old living in AMERICA where the possibility of NOT seeing the name Los Angeles in text is right around zero percent chance yet the words _Las Angeles_ are what he said out-loud not once but _multiple_ times on camera (effectively rendering any claims of a simple mistake to be BULLSHIT), showing he has difficulty reading and would therefore prefer (despite ALSO showing he can't hear so well either) film over print

-and he's:

B. A guy who obviously likes comic books anyway

-as WELL as being:

C. A thief who stole the name War Pig from one o' the sources I presented earlier

-make a solid enough case I could drag his ass into court and land a victory off a civil lawsuit's specific "claimant must prove the defendant _more than likely_ did it" burden of proof in hand, just as I've made a rock solid case that Bearded War Pig is NO kind of American patriot in any sense of the word.

In effect, nothing about you, Pig, is genuine save for you genuinely being a lying, thieving, uncreative poser hack who has to use a traitor's weapon against the much tougher Jim Caedus. You're 220 plus pounds of FAÇADE wrapped around alotta hot air and a stubborn idiot's inability to back off when you're clearly consistently gettin' out-matched. You're a fraud. A fraud who inexplicably seems to be THE most popular performer in the XWF as "evidenced" by the way you spend half the televised broadcast sucking your own dick with your hour long entrance, finisher and playing to- I'm sorry, COMMANDING the fan's support as they chant your name along with you.

...Or are they?"



::Once more a BWP montage rolls out on screen and this time...we see NEARLY every man, woman and child in the arenas NOT chanting while those that are can't POSSIBLY be providing the high volume of voices we hear...

CUT TO WCW footage of Goldberg amidst the overwhelmingly thunderous chants of "Gooooooldberg" while virtually 3/4 of the people in the stands AREN'T chanting...

CUT TO various taken-secretly shots of the XWF sound guy at gorilla position receiving cues from BWP and PIPING IN CHANTS where appropriate.

END MONTAGE::


"Joshua Hatred...you ain't popular, you ain't original, you ain't a patriot and you damn sure ain't tougher than I am. You think I don't know one showing up another in promo don't necessarily mean that man or woman will deliver in combat? Don't get it twisted, I KNOW I can deliver in combat. Long before I ever slammed you with some shit like this I still whipped your ass to retain my Universal title...like I took your pussyfied Lil Engy beat down and still eliminated your pathetic stable from War Games...like I'm also gonna take every last ounce of whatever mayhem you can muster on Savage before I Brawl For It All Butterbean the Bart Gunn outta you, knock you the fuck out and humiliate you for the fourth time.

Then...when you wake up dizzy, hungry, emasculated, ocular sockets fractured and eyes slowly seceeding from proper symmetrical placement, you should go ahead and ask yourself,

"Was Jimbo the right guy to choose to fuck with?"

And I hope to God the answer is yes...'cause I can do this all damn year if that's the way you want it."



::STATIC::


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~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
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~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
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~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


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