Current XWF board time: 01-20-2018, 04:49 PM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)
Post Reply 
A Billion Reasons to Sing the Blues
12-29-2017, 03:13 PM
Post: #1


We open to see Robbie Bourbon seated at his desk in his office, set apart from the rest of his dojo, the modern marvel of engineering that somehow is seen from the street as large as a Costco yet is nestled neatly under his grandma's house.

From the desk, the buzzing hum of a vibrating phone catches Robbie's attention, set at the camera previously. He glances at the illuminated screen, and the camera looks to see it says PUSA. The President.

I don't have time for your shit.

Robbie rolls his eyes as he swipes the screen. The voice of the President of the United States, the man who took over after Robbie, Donald J. Trump booms loud and clear.

Robbie?

Hello, Donald.

Look, call me Mr. President.

Okay, Mr. President...

That's better. Look, buddy, I'm going to be blunt, this might sting, but it's a moving on point. We're going to have to let you go.

What?

Robbie looks quizzically at the camera.

Yeah, we still want to hire Bearded War Pig, a proud veteran, and the Engineer, who is a refined, strong, well intending man on the path to great places in this country of ours, is still going to be on the roster.

So wait...

Look, the Motherfuckers used to be the best agency in the world, but, well, you aren't. Not anymore. So, sorry pal, we aren't hiring all of the Motherfuckers. Some of your staff.

Not you though.

I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.


Robbie sighs, his head hung low in shame. He looks back up at the camera as we hear the phone chirp, causing him to glance at his phone and see the call was terminated. Robbie looks back at the camera.

Well, so long government cheese spending. Damn. I gotta be careful with what I buy now. Maybe that speaker truck from Mad Max was a bit excessive...

Robbie's phone vibrates briefly and Robbie checks the notification. An e-mail. He pulls the phone up and swipes. His eyes almost buldge from their sockets.

So, the government is taking back the speaker truck. And the Dodge Challenger. Fuck!

Robbie sets the phone down on his desk, turning to his computer, and as soon as he does the device vibrates again, the bright screen saying VINNIE. Robbie's brow furrows as he swipes to accept the call.

Hey, Robbo.

Hello.

Look, we had to do a little restructuring of your contract...

My what?

Look, we can't afford to keep paying you enough to run NASA.

Two NASAs.

Well, exactly. So, we're going to have to give you a bit of a pay cut.

How much is a bit?

Well, instead of nine figures a year, think more like five figures.

Five?

If you do well enough.

What?

Later!

The phone chirps again, the call ended. Robbie takes a deep breath and sighs.

...

Ever have one of those days?


As Robbie says this, Blue, Robbie's girlfriend and handler, rushes into the room. Behind her are secret servicemen, all of which start taking things out of the office. Robbie's TV, his stereo, the rug, and a few chairs all depart in the arms of the secret service. Robbie looks up at Blue.

Well, that's the fastest I've ever seen government in action.

Honey, about that...

About what?

Well, I've been put on assignment.

Seriously? They fire me but then send you out on a mission anyway?

Well, babycakes, you know I'm really good at my job, and they need me to provide the intel on a few missions, do a little recon...

Well, yeah, you're amazing.

I love you, but I gotta go.

How long?

Well, I think about eight months.

Eight fucking months! No way!

Honey, I'm sorry.

Blue walks up to Robbie, frozen and awestruck, his hands up in the air around the level of his face. She kisses him on the forehead, then on the lips, then turns and leaves as Robbie remains absolutely ridged with a bewildered expression on his face. With that, Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, and Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd.

Hey, uh, Robbie...

Robbie finally drops his arms, his hands flopping onto the desk. He turns to Cyberjaw and Diamondback.

Let me guess, you're moving to Colorado off of Bitcoin money.

No! Why would you think...

It's been a rough day.

Dude, check it out!

Robbie is led out of the office by the hurried Cyberjaw and Diamondback, and everyone is stopped looking at one of the plasma screen TV's still on the wall of the dojo, not being repossessed. A reporter is seen in front of a billow of smoke.

Reports indicate the creature is tearing through downtown right now, our camera crews have been blocked off to prevent them from getting injured right now, the police are on scene...

As the reporter speaks those very words, a trio of spandex clad guys run up behind the reporter.

Fear not!

Have hope!

We're here!


The three men all sing in unison.

We are the Tribune! DC doesn't need washed up hacks protecting the city, they need real, capable heroes to save the day!

Robbie slumps. Everybody else continues to watch in shock. The Tribune all run off camera, towards signs of calamity. As this happens, everybody turns and looks at Robbie. Robbie looks around.

You guys think I should...

Go check it out, at least. I mean, you are the Universal Champion, that has to count for something, right?

Robbie takes another deep breath and exhales from his nose. He marches back into his office and steps back out in a flash, now with the Universal Championship belt around his waist.

That counts for something.

With a determined scowl on Robbie's face, he marches straight up to Blue, puts his arms around her, and kisses her, the embrace lasting several seconds. As he pulls away, staring into the eyes of the besmitten Blue, he blinks once, slowly.

I love you. Don't do anything dangerous.

I love you too! You too!

Babe, you know me, Danger is my middle name. Robert Danger Bourbon.

Blue rolls her eyes.

Just go see what that monster is already, you big doofus.

Robbie smirks as he turns and starts to walk out of the dojo. As he gets to the strip of parking spaces in front of it, he stops and looks around.

Uh, can someone give me a ride?

[Image: BNfJAHE.jpg]
Happy Motherfucker, Sad Motherfucker, Angry Motherfucker, Bad Motherfucker.

Hart Champion - January 18, 2017 - April 1, 2017
XWF Universal Champion - September 17,
2017 - January 17, 2018
Edit this post
Hate Post Like Post Quote this message in a reply
The following 4 users Like Robbie Bourbon's post:
Bearded War Pig (12-29-2017), JimCaedus (12-29-2017), King Vincent (01-03-2018), Imperial (01-05-2018)
Post Reply 

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Liquor Smashing Blues Christopher Isles 0 349 08-10-2015 08:17 PM
Last Post: Christopher Isles
  Come Congregation, Let's Sing it Like You Mean it (RP 2) Jessie-ica Diaz 0 294 09-16-2013 04:41 PM
Last Post: Jessie-ica Diaz
  Five reasons why I'm better than Gilmour MrVyper 0 308 06-05-2013 08:02 AM
Last Post: MrVyper



User(s) browsing this thread:
1 Guest(s)