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The Impossible One Has Arrived
12-28-2017, 10:43 PM
Post: #1
-$- The scene opens with Geico dressed as a Mexican gangster of sorts. He is standing on a corner in front of a graffiti-covered wall somewhere in Jacksonville Florida. -$-

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-$- Geico stands there awkwardly as if he is waiting for a queue. Then you hear the sound of someone walking on gravel just off-screen. The camera pans out revealing The Impossible Chris Clemens walking towards Geico wearing green basketball shorts, a black tank top and holding a baseball bat in his right hand. He speaks but not in a normal voice. It's more of a bad acting shitty B movie voice.-$-

Chris Clemens - What... have... we... got here?!? Another scumbag pushing drugs on my corner. What say you, evildoer?

-$- Geico stands there with a blank look on his face. Chris whispers out of one side of his mouth. -$-

Chris Clemens - Say your line dipshit!!

-$- Geico looks dumbfounded before saying. -$-

Geico - Si Senor..

-$- Chris Clemens rolls his eyes before yelling. -$-

Chris Clemens - CUT!!! CUT!! God damn it Geico!! (throws down baseball bat) All you had to say was "Who you trying to get crazy with ese". That's it. One fucking sentence. I know you can understand me damn it!! Now, one more time, try it.....

-$- Chris looks at Geico waiting for the words....-$-

Geico - Si senor...

-$- Chris throws his hands in the air. -$-

Chris Clemens - I give up! How are we suppose to compete with the high-quality promos these other guys are putting out?!? I mean their diving around shooting people like god damn John Wick and you can't even remember one line. Fuck it Geico. We don't need fake Hollywood action and horror skits. Those guys use more corn syrup then Mrs. Butterworth in a food fetish whore house. I've never seen so much fake blood in my life.I say it's time to put an end to this mockery of our fine sport. Geico my giant Mexican friend we are bringing the original style back to the XWF!! Back when men were men and promo's consisted of a camera and lots of cocaine! .R.I.P. Macho Man.. (Chris crosses his chest and looks up then back down) Ok maybe not so much on the cocaine unless you're into that sort of thing. I haven't been here for more than two weeks and already Impo$$ible INC is changing the face of XWF!! We are taking generic entrance videos and turning them into works of art. Already wrestlers of the XWF are receiving more hits on their social networks than ever before. I told you I would turn this place around and we started with those two turd burgers at the PPV. Just like that Impossible INC. can strike at a moments notice.

-$- Chris Clemens is cut off by the sound of a horn honking. The camera spins around to see a pink stretch hummer pulling up in the street. -$-

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-$- Chris Clemens walks into the shot with his hands out and a mad look on his face. The back window rolls down revealing Gloria Gold. -$-

Gloria Gold - Hey guys how's the shoot going?

Chris Clemens - Wha.. What the hell is that?

Gloria Gold - It's the stretch hummer you asked for.

Chris Clemens - Gloria I said green!! Not, not pink!! I don't wanna ride around in a giant pink dildo!

Gloria Gold - Come on! Get in!

-$- Chris looks over at Geico who just shrugs his shoulders and walks over and opens the back door to the limo. -$-

Chris Clemens - Geico come on! You're gonna ride in that thing?!?

Geico - Si...

-$- Geico climbs in as Chris shakes his head in a fit. -$-

Chris Clemens - Mother fucker!!

-$- Chris stomps towards the limo and climbs inside followed by the cameraman. Once inside, the camera positions to reveal the luxurious interior. -$-

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-$- Everyone gets situated in the limo. Geico is huntched over because he is way to big for the car. -$-

Chris Clemens - Wow more pink on the inside too. Just grand! Well that settles it..

Gloria Gold - Settles what?

Chris Clemens - You officially have your own limo. I will be ordering a GREEN one tomorrow! Ya know, with your last name being Gold, one would think the fucking thing would be at least gold.

Gloria Gold - But I like pink. (smiles)

Chris Clemens - Driver takes us to Impo$$ible INC. stat!!

-$- The driver spins around and says in the most flamboyant voice ever. -$-

Driver - All aboard! This train is leaving for funky town!!!

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-$- Chris Clemens spins his head around at Gloria. -$-

Chris Clemens - Funky town? And Is that seriously Richard fucking Simmons? How the hell did you get Richard Simmons to be our limo driver? I know I have a lot of money but what the fuck?!

Gloria Gold - He helps me with exercising and yoga too!! (smiles)

Chris Clemens - You had one job, one fucking job! Now I'm riding around in a pink dildo driven by Richard fucking Simmons!? Anything else you want to tell me? You got Ru Paul hiding in the fucking trunk ready to pop out and put on a fashion show at a moments notice?!?!? God damn it that's it I'm ordering a new limo right now!!

-$- Chris Fumbles around with his phone. -$-

Gloria Gold - Uhh you might want to finish up this promo or whatever it is your doing right now.

Chris Clemens - Yeah, yeah, yeah... (puts his phone away) You know what screw it!! Fuck the phony action hero bullshit. I don't need to put on fake shows to get my point across. My actions speak louder than words. Already, I have made a name for my self without stepping foot in the ring. Already, thousands upon thousands of XWF fans across the world are now saying the name Impossible Chris Clemens. Already, I have single-handedly changed the appearance of XWF by taking it from a shit sandwich to a more of a turd appetizer. Yes, I will admit there is lots of work to do but day by day I replace nightmares with dreams of the impossible! I take every day Joes and turn them into superstars!! I came from the dirt and worked my ass off to become the warrior I am today!! I went from jack shit to a net worth of billions! I went from bending metal to winning medals!! I Chris Clemens have already done the Impossible and now I'm coming to the XWF to do it again!

Seems King Vince finally gave in and signed me a match. I'm officially on the XWF roster. Our actions at the PPV opened a lot of eyes and made a lot of people realize that Impo$$ible INC is a force not to be fucked with. Naturally, Vince's people contacted me immediately following the PPV and put me directly into a match with an Irishman who goes by the name of Michael McBride. I don't know much about him other than rumors and rumors are he's just another thug from the streets looking to commit any petty crime he can to get ahead. Chris Clemens doesn't have time for petty chump change. Chris Clemens is a high roller and what do high rollers do Gloria?

Gloria Gold - Uhhhh, Roll.....high?

-$- Chris Clemens shakes his head -$-

Chris Clemens - Can I ever get a little back up out of you two when it comes to promo's!?!? I don't have time for this right now. I have another limo to order thanks to SOMEBODY!! (Chris looks at Gloria) Michael McBride I don't give a fuck who you are, where you're from or how you got here. The only thing I care about is going through you to get to the top. If I have to drop a couple street thugs to get where I need to be, then so be it. I've got lots of unfinished business to take care of and you my friend are just a stepping stone to the top. Be cautious how you make your next move because dancing with death and winning is......

Gloria Gold - IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Chris Clemens - God damn it Gloria that was my ending line!!

Gloria Gold - You said we never help.. I helped.

-$- Chris Clemens turns beet red as he starts typing on his phone. The limo driver Richard Simmons stops the car and turns around to say... -$-

Richard Simmons - We've arrived at our magnificent destinatiooooon!!!!!

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Chris Clemens - LET MET OUT NOW!!

-$- An angry Chris Clemens struggles to get out of the limo as the camera fades to the logo -$-

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