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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » WAR GAMES 2017 RP BOARD
Apex vs...Everyone
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JimCaedus Offline
Trash Talker Skywalker



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(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
12-22-2017, 09:19 PM

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"Apex vs...Everyone"







::FADE IN::


Well, you knew he was gonna show up eventually in this shitstorm...Steve Sayors alongside Robert Main, Drew Archyle and Jim Caedus, Apex, stands before a banner with the XWF's War Games 2017 logo emblazoned across the surface.


"Welcome XWF Universe, I am of course Steve Sayors, your one-stop-shop for hype in everything that is Xtreme, here now with the fledgling stable known as The Apex-"

"It's just Apex, Steve, we voted out the The."

"O...kay. Apex it is. Guys, let me get this outta the way...you DO know that should you make it through The Motherfuckers you'll be facing the survivors of the other matches in the main event, right?"

Actually we're looking forward to it.

Damn straight we are!

"Really...because I haven't heard much from you in addressing the other War Games participants beyond The Motherfuckers. I think Doc might have been the only competitor with any words for wrestlers outside his own team's first match."

"You know what Steve, you're absolutely right, let's get some comments from us on the rest of the warriors on the battleground.

Lemme start with Panzer and whoever the fuck that guy is they keep calling Micheal Graves."


"You mean Micheal Graves?"


Jim lays it on thick with the sarcasm.


"I don't know, Steve, do I? Who would know?

According to their Doc Brown aborted promos, we're now being treated to the Graves of 2003. Didn't Graves _start_ in aught-three or roundabouts? Isn't the situation now, according to logic, logic and logic that everything else from then to now that made him a recognizable name and new official entry on the Top 50 of All Time has now been erased? Furthermore, would this not have effectively rendered Micheal Graves now as impossibly MORE SO unappealing and MUCH less talented like he was back before a clown with a flying Delorean up his skirt ripped him away from leading up to all the shit that made him great, HERE, in the current era of the XWF?

The Micheal Graves, my friend and brother, whom I still remember being in Ax3 as does everyone else? The Micheal Graves who's name remains on the Top 50 of All Time? The Micheal Graves still listed in the history books for accolades and titles he apparently never won because from 2003 to December 2017 there now exists a world without Gravy? Oh shit...you hear that? Pretty sure I just heard Robbie faint and drop like a sack o' bowling balls. Aftershock! Damn Blue...

Anyhoo...

Gonna take a lot more than Huey Lewis crowin' Back In Time to top Apex in the main event should we make it. I'm almost positive Panzer's Dragoons will be there.

Of course, we can't forget the Doc himself. Ain't no ignorin' that obstruction in the road. And you know what...in light of the words of respect he blessed me with, NOT in his promo but at the close of his very special Shove-It, I'll admit to something that NOW...having witnessed the very power he holds in HELL ITSELF while Drew, Robert and I were gettin' our asses kicked by Abaddon......yes, Doc. You now inspire fear in Jim Caedus. Wear it proudly...though a badge is all that revelation is good for. My fear has never prevented me from facing it's providence in any form...ever. Doc...your two-bit buttfucking demon butler sicked his black widow succubus on me and I killed the bitch. Hell, I have one of her eggs waiting to hatch back in Castle Caedus RIGHT NOW as a memento of the event. Also because I very much want to ride a domesticated colossal black widow in a future promo. Wait for iiiiiiiit...

"Hey fellows, what's a synonym for elite or best?" Doc, former member of The KINGS, says in reaction to the name Apex. Easy Doc, I don't give a shit if you tried to cover that with a weak justification over the part time dominance your gang part time exhibited and now FULL TIME refuses to live up to in rejecting challenges or not...don't shoot yourself in those lower arthritic digits of yours, that tennis ball bottomed cane can't POSSIBLY hold up under the weight of your enormous head as well as those currently intact creepy clubbed demon feet can. I'm just sayin'...mobility is still important even to a queer devil poofin' around like Scully popping in at the last minute.

HI SCULLS!! Heh...I like Scully. He ain't so bad. Fuck 'im though too, if he comes across Apex he's dead.

By the by...Doc, that hurts. I "don't deserve the label people give" me? I mean, to be honest I'm not really sure what you meant by that, you kinda petered off like an old man or a chronic drunk or a budhead or a mentally disabled person or all of the above and never specified but still, I think the comment was meant to be hurtful and...gosh golly...I AM hurt. Hurt that you'd contradict yourself like that after legit saying the exact opposite on record before I ever became an opponent of yours in any way. Hurt that you forget...I'm on that Top 50 list too, pal...and for a reason. Hurt...that I've LITERALLY challenged every last one o' you in The Kings to singles competition and not ONE of you has EVER risen to the challenge. Simultaneously, sure. How 'bout with James Raven, DOC? Who the SHIT wouldn't, right? That's like sayin', "nah, fuck the shotgun, I'mma use this wadded-up picture of a rock." But alone? None o' you. And don't gimme that shit about it ain't worth your time. When you say things like that it makes you look bad. Almost as bad as you saying you've always been a Bourbon Man. Not half as bad as you talking so much shit on Robert, Drew and I before the old man brain spasm glitch sayin'-

"I can see meeting this team in the final match, to be honest.."

Ain't nobody gotta buy into the meaning o' my words, Doc, they sell themselves. Can't say the same for a man who tries floating two points that invalidate each other and by consequence, everything else you say.

McBride, love him, but he ain't gonna get in our way should we meet up and neither will Scully. James Raven and Chris Chaos? Now that's as intriguing a teaming as Jim CAEDUS and Chris Chaos. The Unknown Soldiers line-up wasn't all that affected by the switch out and neither was the one ALSO with Robbie. Only problem is, James only just now joined up and it ain't outta the realm of possibility to assume he won't be able to prepare to the extent of those like Robert, Drew and I have. We're ready, we've BEEN ready...and unfortunately, that team isn't. Neither is Robbie's other team. It ain't necessarily fair but it's the truth. Just like it wasn't fair when Ax3 had to hastily replace members with Trax and Steve Davids and expect to compete on the level of a team as cohesive as The Kings...or Apex.

As entertaining as I find the Dragon Pals' Big Dick to be, I don't see his team beating out James Raven, Chaos, McBride and Scully. Nor do I, all due respect, Gilly, and you know goddamn well I mean it, expect Team Xtreme to take out Panzer's Dragoons, that team, all jokes aside, is pretty damn impressive...to me anyway. Especially that Finn Kühn, he doesn't receive nearly as much respect as he deserves. Much like Gilly. And Scully. And Chasm, whether he's been replaced or not, for that matter, I heard him talk MAD shit to Robbie Bourbon down at HQ and genuinely laughed my ass off. That counts for somethin'.

And speaking of The Motherfuckers...ain't much left to be said without responding to War Pig's now devolving to themes of animals like Danny Imperial with the lion/tiger liger lunacy and still stinkin' up the place with his stubborn "fire hot but I gonna touch it anyway" attitude towards showing the XWF how insipid and incapable he is at a war of words...and material that don't make you cringe...and quality...and entertainment...and keeping his pants up...and keeping his energy up...and inhaling without an open mouth. Robbie's been handled as much as he's gonna be and Engy, yelling and screaming and quoting and embellishing while he accuses me of yelling and screaming and quoting and embellishing like the hack hypocrite he is, making zero points that ain't fibs or self-descriptive, waxing on and on about what he lied about and how he's lying to cover up those lies and how he steals and lies and lies some more with a side o' lies, a glass o' lies and a candy cane firmly lodged up his puckered pretentious prick suckin' asshole...I have nothing further to say to Engy right now. He debates like a child, why waste my time?"


"I think you've said plenty as it is. Robert? Any words?"

Robbie, Engy, Piggy, do you know why The Omega is hated so? It's actually pretty simple. Most people hate me for one reason and one reason alone. They can't beat me in the ring. They can't slay me in verbal warfare. I'm hated because unlike most of the field I'm not a loser. Sure at times I do take my ball and go home. But what happens when I come back? Look and see for yourself. I come back stronger than ever. More hungry! In a matter of months what have I done? Defeated the number one contender for the Universal Championship! Contended for the X-Treme Championship nearly winning against the unstoppable Engy! Next? I won the Hart Championship! Don't let these fake impersonators fool you. I am as good as I say I am. I am a constant target around here for one reason. I win.

I do things most of you are afraid to even think of. I dump people on their heads and pin them for the one two three. I put asses in seats. This match, this event is no different. This time though I have my band of brothers to share the success with. We will fight as a team, a unit of one. We all share one common goal. Win War Games. Just look at the rest of the field. How many of you have worked together? A few here and there but nothing like us. Nothing like Apex! See boys, whether your Doc all the way down to Chris the cry baby bitch Chaos. Here, on the Apex side of things, we check our enormous egos at the door. We have been called every name in the book over the past few weeks. From weak sauce down to lame!

Well now the time for talk has gone. Now the fight inside those cages begins. And as the bones begin to break up against that unforgiving steel cage, we will find out real quick who has a spine and who has a yellow belly. Once the blood begins to flow and it will flow like wine at the last supper, we will find out who is the phony tough and who is the crazy brave! Over here, we will put our bodies on the line to achieve greatness! Look at what has been said. All of the other teams knows who is going to be in the very last match. US or The Mother Fuckers! There is no doubt about it.

Boys I will put those rumors to bed right here and now telling you all its going to be us. It will be Apex going to the final round of War Games. We might be just walking out of a fire fight, beaten up, bloodied and battered. But we will not lay down. We will push forward as a team unlike the rest of you. We will walk into the finals tired, we will walk out of War Games winners. You are looking at the 2017 War Games winners right here and now. There isn't a team out there that can or will stop us. We are the best team out there and we will win by any means! No more sticks and stones ladies it's time to fight. I hope you all decide to pack a lunch because you are going to need it.


"Nothing from you on any of this, Mr. Archyle?"

Look Steve I've already verbally raw dogged all of The Motherfuckers repeatedly. And those ungrateful bastards didn't even thank me for it. So seeing as how those assholes have absolutely no Christmas cheer I guess I'll turn my attention to some of the other folks involved in this show and I'll do it in rapid fire success like this were the bonus round...

Ready...

Steady...

Go...

Michael McBride...hack.

Scully...Google tells me he's won a lot of titles and I have absolutely no idea how. He won the Universal Title. That's cool. Then he lost it to Peter Gilmour, that's...amazing. And not in a good way.

Doctor D'Ville...he's old as fuck but he still wins a lot of matches. Must be his supernatural powers or something. He's like Jim's friend Trax except white. And with less gold in his teeth.

James Raven...I guess I should say nice things about him...I like his hair. I wonder what product he uses in it.

Anyway...

Peter Gilmour...He's Peter Gilmour. Unless someone is there to hold his hand through the match he'll find a way to blow it. Either for himself or his team. #FACT

Frodo...Grande ...

Danny Imperial...used to be the Hart Champ then my buddy Big Shot Bob took it from him like Roy Moore took some 14 year old girls virginity.

Neville Sinclair...one of, if not the greatest television champion in XWF history. Respect.

Erik Black...he had his fifteen minutes. Good for him. Hopefully he can try and squeeze out a few more in the future. I dug his schtick.

R.L. Edgar...depression case. I hear Doctor D'Ville's door is always open. Maybe you should go speak with him. He might help you through your troubles. If he won't, come and see me. I'll be happy to charge you a couple bills and listen to your problems. I do it with Rob and Jim for free.


"It's true."

Finn Kuhn...yeah....

Phantom Panzer..."IT" sucked. Clowns suck. You suck. See a pattern?

Gravy...AX3 was kinda cool from what Jim tells me. But then you went all kiddy diddler and fucked everything up. Not cool man. Also, have you been banned from your local mall too? I hear that's a thing they do to people with your specific predilection.

Chris Chaos...you are without a shadow of a doubt the saddest excuse for a man ever. And I look forward to Jim reminding you of that fact when you man up and face him one on one for the tag titles.

And last but not least Thunder Thighs Barbie...you had some unkind things to say about me. I should be offended but then I remembered what the lady who ran the group home that I lived in as a kid said. Girls who make fun of you on the playground secretly like you. I'm going to assume that is the case here because you are basically a little girl still. Amazing what a box of tissues and a push up bra will do for a person's look.

Did I forget anyone?


I don't think so.

Good because I downed like 4 Diet Dr. Peppers on the way here and I gotta take a piss.


Drew walks off the stage and disappears to the back.



"Well Stevesy...I'd say that about wraps that up and leaves us with one last thing left undone."

"Please don't hit me. Look, I realize it's literally in my contract that the talent can kick me around for the benefit of entertainment and Mary mother of God...WHY did I sign that...but please...don't hit me, don't Irish whip me into the cameras, don't-"

"Steve."

"-slap me, DEFINITELY don't-"

"STEVE!"


Steve flinches...then utters meekly-


"Yes?"

"Apex, bro. Apex. We're the good guys here. All I wanted was a handshake."


Jim extends his hand cordially.


"Honest?"

"Honest."


Steve accepts the handshake...and another from Robert Main for good measure...just as Drew circles back around and tugs Steve's slacks down around his ankles.


Haaaaa haaaaaa.

"JIIIIIIIIIIIM!"

"_DREEEEEEEEEEEW_!!"

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~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


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