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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (12-21-2017)

“Would yah look at that. Just look at it. James Raven is back baby. Bwarhahaha! Silly fucking cunt should have just stayed gone. No revenge just runs deep in his DNA, he feels betrayed. Now he believes the best way to get back at the motherfucking team that sent him packing. Guess the ass whoopin my brother Robbie gave the fuck boy wasn’t quite satisfying enough for the shit bird! So, he decides to not just drag his ass back through the XWF’s forever rotating doors and get himself involved in War Games. Not just as a competitor but he wants to land and peck for food on Motherfuckers’ stompin’ grounds.

Can’t blame the guy our stompin grounds are the best. He had a taste of what it is like being a Motherfucker and if you couldn’t tell from his first Promo he can’t get the experience off his mind. Don’t let him lie to ya’ll. Just look at all the emotions swirling around inside that tight ripped fuck boy body. Emotions that the Motherfuckers brought to life. He isn’t a happy camper and he really wants to put an end to the people’s Team. Not fucking cool. We all know his plan isn’t going to work…

That’s fuckin’ right you Hollywood lookin’ cock slurping punk. No matter what role you play in the Apex vs Motherfuckers match at War Games. We will still come out victorious. You are right about the people wanting you back. Only to witness the Motherfuckers sending you packing again!

Not gonna lie, you are a talented fucking fighting machine. Everyone knows this. But you aren’t one of the three most bad ass Motherfuckers to grace the coliseum. Nor are you a man of the people and that is preciously what the XWF needs right now. You’re the opposite of what the XWF needs. Siding with the likes of Apex is not the right move, not even for a man of your stature. No one or nothing will change our destiny to take out the trash. Not some fucking black bird for sure.
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Let me give you, your one and only warning shot. What a warning shot? Marines don’t give warning shots. No, we don’t. When our finger squeezes the trigger, a body will drop, in this case at least three. Could be four, that is all on you Raven. Why the warning you ask? Well once upon a time you James Raven were a Motherfucker. A brother in arms and even though we never went to battle together, I still owe you for your service. So, when you place that black and white shirt over your torso. Remember your fucking job, because if I see one form of shenanigans from you my little shit bird, I will smear that purty little face of yours all over the steel wiring of the cage!

If you believe you got Fuck’D by us before. Go ahead and continue down the path of your demise. Play favorites, we don’t care, just means it will make out first match at War Games a little more interesting. You like interesting don’t you Jamesy Lamesy?! Yeah you fucking do, I can see it in your eyes. Why else would you be intrigued by the most interesting men in the XWF Universe? We all know it isn’t just because Robbie beat you for the XWF Universal Championship. No, you wouldn’t have just up and left afterwards.

Did we hurt your feelings? From that promo you cut I sense a little jealousy, like you miss being a Motherfucker. Maybe it is just me or maybe deep down inside we all have a little Motherfucker in us. Just shaking, biting, growlin’, and clawing to break free. Yours got a taste of the fuckery we bring to the table and you liked it. It is okay to admit Jamesy boy. Hell, you do your job right and call the match like a professional. Call the match fair like a good little choir boy. I don’t see why you and I couldn’t be alright. Maybe even eventually one day I could talk to the guys and get you back in the XWF’s GREATEST Gun Club…

Not!

Fuck, I would never let those ridiculous words about my beard go. We all know this thing is a motherfucking master piece. Fuck son. I would put these delicious mouth pubes up against your abs any day of the week for pulling poon. Even though being disrespectful about a man’s beard can get your teeth knocked down your throat. It’d be a real shame if you had to shit those big pearly whites out that tight little ass of yours. Hopefully come War Games you change the tune to your whistle. If not, I’ll gladly shove my size thirteen boot up a bird’s ass, I already have mudholes to stomp in a rat, donkey, and possum. Let’s just stomp in the skulls of all Old McDonald’s farm animals, shall we?!

Oh, one more thing don’t you dare ever try and claim I am a Dan Bilzerian wannabee. That pussy ass POG motherfucker never operated a day before in his life. He would be lost trying to fill my boots and would fall out trying to hump my pack. That piece of shit is a Hollywood soldier. Basically, a stolen valor turd and one of the biggest frauds I’ve ever laid eyes upon. Not a single day of my life have I ever stride to be like that fuck stain. His bitch ass needs just as much an ass whoopin, the Motherfuckers are fittin’ to put on Apex and the rest of the advancing teams!

James Raven I advise you to think long and hard about how you are going to officiate our match. It’d be a shame if you couldn’t even make it to the finals. Accidents happen to referee’s all the fucking time and no one bats an eye. If the poor bird breaks it’s wing, we’d probably just have to break the poor birdies neck...

So, I guess that brings me back to the turds known as Apex. If even one of you believes having Raven in your back pocket as a guest referee you’re fucking dumb. Knowing he could try and fuck us is just going to keep our heads on a swivel. More focused and now vicious as a wolverine. If anything, having Raven as your handicap, that you were in much need of, only hinders our ability to have some fun with you chumpettes. Meaning we’re going to have to end the match quicker than originally anticipated. See I wanted to have some good ole fun with you BOOT ass motherfuckers!

Just goes to show you three knew you were in over your heads. Ya’ll honestly couldn’t have faith in yourselves. Typical weak and cowardly behavior. Guess that is what the people get from the goat fuckers who delusionary believe themselves to be XWF’s Apex. All three of you have claimed to be able to beat the Motherfuckers with ease. Yet here we are with last minute changes. Changes that blatantly show the world you three aren’t XWF’s Apex, but you are just scared, pissy pants little boys. Boys who bit off more than they can chew and have now coward behind a former Motherfucker. Even you fucks know we are the best. You knew you couldn’t have the best so why not the second best? Bwarhahaha! Pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic. Jim Caedus the man who claims he is going to hang up and skin the meanest, horniest, and baddest hog to ever graze the XWF. Funny thing about skinning your game, you must hunt, and kill it before you even begin that process. Don’t go jumping the gun on me Jimmy, you’re better than that. Plus, I have some real fun planned for the whole hunt. It’s going to be a real violent Bugs Bunny makes a fool out of Almer Fudd kind of hunt. You will be the almighty hunter and me the poor wabbit. Didn’t mean to make you look stupid but it is too easy.

Something you claimed to be about making fun of me. Yet you still are talking about my sexual endeavors with an of age woman. Although your rat brain makes accusations of me being a pedophile. After multiple jabs at it. You still sound like the jealous little bitch you are. Jealous your plan to try and take over the Motherfuckers didn’t work. Jealous Robbie Bourbon holds the Universal Championship. Jealous we the Motherfuckers all have a brotherly bond that can’t be broken even by the rat pack. Jealous that you never discovered any other position besides amazon because we all know when you do indulge in the fairer sex, they fuck you!

Jimmy, you sit there and pretend to be this holy spirit. Acting as if you have never done anything remotely bad in your life. But the closer and closer we come. The more and more you realize that War Games is going to leave you bare. I’m talking buck ass naked in front of the world. Nothing but a jealous, insecure, and pathetic soul. A crack head. Once we leave Apex in the middle of the ring in defeat in a puddle of your own and Raven’s blood. Those pipes, needles, and syringes, will be all you have left Jimbo. Your so-called brothers will abandon you as soon as they realize you weren’t their savior. Without the XWF you are nothing but another blonde headed crack whore!

I’ve done nothing. I am the weakest link. No, I am the sausage link motherfucker! So, you believe I am unreliable, because I left to attempt at getting my mind fixed from my nightmares. Hypocrite much Jimmy our golden hero? You claim all these wins we have are because people backing out like they are better. Then when I leave. You make it seem like this terrible thing. You are a fraud Jimbo. Someone who picks through things and uses them when he likes it, then turns around, and says the same thing but negatively. Pig walks out it is bad, Drew, and Raven walk out they are cool. Way to stay simple and fair.

Not that I really care but someone must call you out on your bullshit. Like how’d we betray Raven, he had a match against Robbie and lost. We don’t control the outcomes nor the booking process. Your logic just sucks. Have you never been in a real friendship before, sometimes friends fight, get the fuck over it. This isn’t XWF the safe fuckin space you overly amped up sack of shit! People here are going to be offended, people here are going to be hurt, and most important to remember Apex is Fuck’D! No turning back now.

Oh, and since the match is in your favor it might be a little difficult to come up with more excuses as to why you lose. You do lose against the Motherfuckers every time. Oh, and I don’t have to be a Christmas spirit with a reef rammed up my ass to know this! The entire XWF Universe knows this. Hell every last one of you shit heads know it, why the fuck else would you turds run to Raven for advice and help. So much for your team being completely united, you don’t even have faith in one another. So how bout you take your punk ass back to the library light up your bowl of smack. Spend the rest of the time before your ass whoopin to keep that thesaurus like mind sharp for when your ran out of the XWF like the rodent you are!

Oink, Oink Motherfuckers!”

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