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Chris Clemens · (12-22-2017)

-$- The scene opens up with a rather large Mexican mans face staring into the camera trying to figure out how to work it. It appears he doesn't know if it's recording or not. The camera shakes and rattles around frantically. -$-

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-$- He finally gets the camera on a tripod and the monstrous man steps back revealing "The Impossible" Chris Clemens standing with a very lovely young lady. Chris is dressed in what looks to be a very expensive suit and tie. The young blonde next to him is wearing what you could call a dress but looks more like a napkin. She doesn't mind showing off the goods needless to say. The giant Mexican man is still looking at the camera moving his head side to side, squinting his eyes as if he's calibrating it in his mind. You notice Chris Clemens head peeking out trying to see around the big man. -$-

Chris Clemens - Hey, hey, hey!! Move! get out of the way would ya!!

-$- Chris tries to push the giant man but he doesn't move. He looks down at Chris and shrugs before turning around and walking behind the camera out of view. The camera goes blurry for a second as it tries to autofocus on Chris Clemens and the young blonde lady.-$-

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Chris Clemens - Are we rolling? Ok, good. Good afternoon fellow wrestling fans. I'm sure by now you're asking yourself, "who is this asshole".. Well, if you're watching this I'm wondering where the fuck it's playing because I can't seem to figure out how to get my damn foot in the door around this place. I've called multiple lines and I keep getting put on hold. I even showed up at the XWF office and apparently, you have to have a "cool" (Air finger quotes) card to get past the security doors. Not only was I turned away but they called the police on me! ME! Christopher fucking Clemens The most IMPOSSIBLE thing since Poptarts!

Blond girl - Poptarts? (twirling her hair with a stupid look on her face)

-$- Chris rolls his eyes -$-

Chris Clemens - Yeah... Fucking Poptarts.. Who doesn't love Poptarts!? (throws his hands out)

Blond girl - I like the Chocolate kind!!

Large Mexican Mans Voice - Cherry...

Chris Clemens - Wait... You can speak English?

Large Mexican Man - Uhhh, No.. No speak English..

Chris Clemens - Riiiiiiight.....Wait, what, Where the fuck were we? Oh yeah..... How dare they turn away The Impossible Chris Clemens! Although my insurance here is partly to blame. For some reason when people see an angry 7 foot Mexican the police tend to be called.. Ain't that right Geico?

Geico: Si senor!

Chris Clemens - You see, when you have as much money as I do you gotta have some insurance with you at all times and my friend Geico here is just the thing I need to ensure people don't try to get their grubby fucking hands on my money. Geico here will choke slam their ass straight to hell ain't that right buddy!!?

Geico: Si..

Chris Clemens - That's right! So basica......

-$- Chris Clemens is interupted by the blonde girl clearing her throat. -$-

Chris Clemens -I know, I know!.. I was getting there. The lovely lady to my left is Gloria Gold. She handles my marketing and promotion department. No one can say no once Gloria enters the room. (cracks a smile) Now, that we are all friends lets get serious...

-$- Chris Clemens walks closer to the camera then smacks it on the side. -$-

Chris Clemens - Attention.... uhhh... People in the XWF.. What's the owners name again? (looks back and forth at Geico and Gloria ) No? Nobody did any fucking research? Guys.. Seriously? Billions of dollars and this is the best we can do? Damn it.. Well, Listen up people.... over... there. You better be getting me on the phone asap or I'm coming down to one of your little shows and my insurance here is coming with me!

Gloria Gold - (clears Throat)

Chris Clemens - Yeah, I got it!! You to.. She's coming to! Jeez can't you just....

-$- Starts to argue with Gloria under his breath then snaps his head back at the camera with a smile -$-

Chris Clemens - The point is, you can't stop what's about to happen. It's time XWF gets a makeover and I have the money to do it! There is a lot of shit clogging the pipes around here and I'm the white chocolate Ex-lax hidden in the XWF sandwich. I'm just waiting for someone to take a bite! Then you know what I'm gonna do?

-$- Gloria Rolls eyes -$-

Chris Clemens - Oh that's right.. I'm gonna watch XWF's ass explode all over the god damn arena and that my friend..... Is..... I'm not sure what that is but I'm coming to fuck shit up is what I'm trying to say.

-$- Camera beeps as "battery low" blinks on the screen. -$-

Chris Clemens - Damn it Geico! I told you to charge the batteries!

Gloria Gold - I told you he was worthless.

Chris Clemens - HEY, no one asked you what you think. Just figure out how to get this on the air!

-$- The camera fades in and out as Chris and Gloria argue. The camera finally loses all battery and fades to the logo. -$-

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Impo$$ible Chri$ Clemen$
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