Ya know, despite what I may have said before, I really do find the concept of “goodness” appealing. I do! Honestly! Maybe it's the holiday spirit filling me up with a sort of yuletide benevolence, or maybe it's the lefty side of my Gray Scale tipping the balance.....but yeah.

Goodness. Honesty. Benefaction.

As concepts, I get them. As an....I don't know, abstract. But as truth? I'm still not sold.

Engy leans forward in his seat somewhere.

But maybe I can be?

BEFORE

The rented Impala, with Madison at the wheel and The Engineer riding shotgun, crunches over gravel as it rounds a copse of trees. The camp comes into view, rows of ramshackle big box store tents pepper the field. A couple controlled fires can be spotted, bright yellow pinpricks growing in size as the car closes the distance.

Then, of course, there are the spinning characteristic gumball lights of police cruisers.

Shhhhiiiiiit.

Told you we were wastin' time with that fifth piss break you just HAD TO HAVE!

Oh shut up! We can still salvage this. I'm famous, that can salvage anything. Let me handle it.

The car pulls up alongside one of the cruisers. A small crowd of youth varying in ages from early teens to perhaps early 20's, have formed a wide intermittent perimeter around the disturbance. Some of the bolder ones are shouting and calling for a stop to the proceedings, but most of them just look alarmed and confused.

Three officers are approaching an older boy with dirty blond hair. The boy's body is a tensed coil of barely constrained anger. His facial features are taut, simmering, as the officers approach him with tazers drawn. One of the cops appears to be trying to reason with him, speaking in calm tones. But it's to no avail.

The boy screams and lunges, unarmed, at the police.



The leading officer responds by deploying his tazer, sending arcs of electricity cutting the air and attacking the young man's chest. He crumples, but never quite seems to lose that look of feral rage, despite the pain.

Madison throws the car in park just as this unfolds. She barks out a guffaw and smacks Engy on the shoulder playfully.

Ahahahaha! Looks like we found yours!

As the boy goes down, the other officers start barking orders at the youth on the perimeter, demanding they stay back. However, one older boy, with dark hair and dusky features, seems the most upset, gesturing at the violence transpiring and plaintively arguing. One of the officers levels his tazer at this young man when Madison steps out of the car.

Don't worry everyone, mediation has arrived-

HEY OFFICER BUTTFUCK, DROP THE WEAPON OR PREPARE FOR ME TO KICK YOUR NUTS UP PAST YOUR TEETH!

Madison wheels on her client in horror, and then she turns back around just in time to see the third officer start pawing at his firearm holster. She runs out ahead of Engy, arms held up peaceably.

HOLD! HOLD! HOLD! I AM FAMOUS AND I HAVE MONEY!

The officer juicing the kid finally relents, and he turns his attention to the new interlopers.

I DON”T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE BUT GET ON THE GROUND!

Madison looks slightly taken aback at the lack of recognition. She snorts derisively, but continues nonetheless.

I am Madison Dyson, host of Fox News' The Right Idea with Madison Dyson. We have an interest in that young man you're currently in the process of arresting and would like to speak with him.

Fuck off, he's coming with us!

Madison stops short. She looks at Engy who's mouthing “Maybe you should just let me kill them?”. Madison shakes her head “no” adamantly. She returns her attention to the officers.

I am going to reach into my purse now for a large sum of money.

She slowly reaches into her comically large handbag, and produces a wad of bills. With hands still peacefully raised, she drops the bills to the ground and gives the wad a nice swift kick, propelling it over to the officer who tazed the boy. The officer looks down at the money, and then all the officers exchange probing glances.

Ooops, how clumsy of me. I just kicked about $5,000 in cash over in your direction officer and seem to have lost sight of it.

A pregnant pause follows in which no one does anything. And then there is an immediate and quite convenient jump cut to many minutes later, with the interim containing no evidence of police procedural misconduct. No siree.

The boy who got tased is now being helped up by the dusky skinned dark haired boy from earlier. Engy pulls out his phone as Madison looks on with interest.

Hey Pig, we're all clear. Everything's cool. You can stand down.

Pig...?

The red dot of a rifle's scope centers on Madison. Engy turns his phone on to speaker and holds it up so Madison can hear it. The unmistakeable voice of Bearded War Pig can be heard on the other end.

Beep, beep, beep....

The dot starts making it's way down Madison's torso. As Engy starts to chuckle Madison looks down and realizes what's going on.

BeepBeepBeep...BEEEEEEEEEP!

The dot settles on Madison's vagina and Pig makes a “signal locked on” sound. Madison covers her groin with her hand and scowls.

Knock it off, asshole!

Bwahahahahaha! You love it!

Thanks again BWP. But hey, stick around for a bit. I may still need your help. And/or cover fire.

You got it, bro.

AFTER

Ya know, it's pretty telling when the majority of what the “heroes” in this epic can come up with are hours of fat jokes, Drew's asshole, incestuous fake movie trailers, and convenient examples of musky bear fighting daring-do (on loan from the circus would be my guess). But when I plainly and definitively made my case in my last promo, the best Jim could stammer out against me was “well...well, ENGY HASN'T BEEN LAID IN A WHILE!”

Well, you're right. I haven't. So, congrats on another pointless, irrelevant cheap shot. About as pointless as spending like 5 whole minutes on the physics of how a man can move with his pants around his ankles and other examples of the creepy specificity with which Jim Caedus analyzed BWP's sex life.

Jim, have you not yet learned that being a dull pedant amuses no one but you? Come on man. Do better.

But let's get to the only man on superteam Apex who has really made an effort to verbally take it to 'Ol Engy.

Drew, it's a pity you couldn't have held your breath longer. Like, until you died. Is that even physiologically possible? Probably not. There is a couple things you were right about though. You did NOT say some of the things I accused you of. But then again, you didn't have to. I wasn't JUST responding to what was being said, I was responding to every bit of what was UNSAID. And yes, that was meant for Robbie Bourbon every bit as much as it was meant for you. So kudos, I suppose.

I knew from the moment I got this 24/7 briefcase that it had the potential to be a lethal injection for The Motherfuckers, a deadly dose of suspicion, paranoia, and self destruction. After all, my own team captain possesses the default target for that very piece of luggage, right? What else could it possibly be used for?

Heh. More on that in a minute.

You think I haven't been listening to the rumors and innuendo backstage? Robbie should fear Engy? Robbie needs to watch his ass against his own team mate? And you're seriously gonna sit there and pretend like you're unaware of that? That maybe, given those rumors, he might...JUST MIGHT, try to take me out at War Games and sacrifice that match to protect the bigger prize, his title? It's not a great plan, but it makes sense when you think about it. And I have thought about it. Clearly more than you, Drew. And even if he waited until after War Games is still makes no goddamn sense. I gave the man my word that I wouldn't use this case on him, and if he fucked me over he would do nothing but create a self fulfilling prophecy and seal his fate. Because as I've shown, I've got more than a few problems with forgiveness. His choice is rolling the dice on me not being an enemy, or throwing the dice in the trash and removing all doubt. What part of this are you NOT getting?

You keep invoking the spectre of a Robbie Bourbon betrayal like some kind of senseless boogieman. And that's just what it is, senseless. You see, betraying a man is a huge, huge risk. The prize has to be worth the risk. And out of all this fear mongering you've tried to hit me with, you've forgotten the PRIZE, Drew.

What EXACTLY does Robbie Bourbon get for stabbing me in the back? What's his end game? What do I HAVE that he WANTS?

Bitch, this is not a rhetorical question...I want answers!

He betrayed James Raven because Raven had something he wanted. What do I even have that he wants? You say you know that Robbie is not an idiot, so I STILL can't wrap my head around why this hypothetical back stabbing would ever happen. Robbie Bourbon is already at the top of the food chain. About the only thing I can think of is that I at least have the begrudging respect of Apex, and do you think he gives a fuck about that?

Come on Drew, you want me to switch sides, you need to come at me with a compelling argument! SELL ME! SELL ME! SELL ME!

Because so far, all I'm seeing is about the most half assed attempt at mind games I ever did see.

And if you wanna talk about being , how about that claim that I would never reproduce when I am literally looking for my kid right fucking now. That ok though Drew, I sometimes skip the character development portion too.


But I digress....we're talking morality here, right? Or at least Bobby Main still is. Hmmmmm....

BEFORE

Ok, so which of you morose transients is my son?

Engy barks out to the assembled throng of nomadic kids. Madison clears her throat.

What he meant to say, is that we're looking for Joachim Bright. Can anyone tell us where he is?

The dusky kid and the banged up dirty blond look at each other for a moment. Something wordless passes between them, and the dirty blond steps forward.

I'm Joachim Bright. What do you want?

Ha! Called it! First off, you are welcome. Second off, meet your daddy. Though, seeing as how you're already using his name, I imagine you know who this is.

Engy advances a few more paces, eying Joachim. The boy gives up nothing, wearing the same barely restrained fiery expression he had when he was challenging the cops.

What kinda idiot charges a guy with a tazer?

Joachim shrugs.

Your kind, apparently.

A smiles parts Engy's lips.

Madison, I'm taking my son and the car into town for a sandwich and a beer. Sit here and play with the kiddies. I'll tell BWP to watch your ass.

Well, how long are you gonna be gone?!

I don't know, shit this was YOUR idea. Now you're gonna start bitching about it? You'll be fine.

Madison shoots a sidelong glance at Joachim's good looking friend. He notices her looking and pulls one side of his mouth back in a bemused half-grimace.

On second thought, it's all good.

A little bit later....

Bearded War Pig has come down from his post in the woods, sniper rifle laying beside him. He's cooking a skinned four legged creature on a big tree branch in the open flame roaring before him. Madison is cozying up to Joachim's friend on a log beside BWP's own seat. And by cozying, I mean practically sitting in his goddamn lap. She sidles up next to him, hip to hip. With a cloying smile she places a hand on his upper thigh. The boy looks at her with an expression that's equal parts trepidation and annoyance.

So, when are you legal?

BWP can't help but guffaw.

Damn woman, you have no shame!

And you do? I saw that skin flick you called a promo!

Hey, I never said no shame was a bad thing! Whaddya think sport, you ever driven an older model?

Madison flips BWP off, drawing more laughs from him. The boy slides away from Madison, and finally speaks.

I know who you are...

Oh, so you're a fan?

Not exactly.

It's ok, you're still young. You don't understand the way the world works yet. As they say, if you are not a liberal when you are young, then you have no heart. If you are not a conservative when you are old, then you.....

The boy meets her eye.

...then you have no brain. I'd rather be brainless than be soulless though, thank you.

Madison seems taken aback a moment by the temerity in the boy's words. BWP turns his fresh kill over in the fire and chimes in.

So what's all this about here anyway? I ain't seen anyone here that looks a day over 20.

It's a haven mostly. But some of these kids would rather not be found, so it's important to stay moving. Some of them have been used up by the system. Some of them just plain used up. Mostly we just want to be left alone.

The boy looks into the fire, and Madison scoots closer to him once more, almost pushing him to the end of the log.

I saw the way the other kids looked at you. Especially the younger ones. They respect you. You could do a lot with those kind of leadership qualities, kid. And it just so happens I'm looking for an intern. Maybe I could teach you a....”thing” or two...

You think what I do here is about leadership? I'm not their leader. I'm an ear. I'm a hand. I'm a voice. I'm whatever they need me to be. But not a leader. They've had enough of those. That's why they're here.

The boy looks at her with disdain.

By the way, I'm 20. And I'm gay. So, no, not ever.

BWP damn near falls off his log, he laughs so hard.

Elsewhere....

Engy sits with Joachim at a smoky corner booth in some divey looking bar. Johnny's Cash's “God's Gonna Cut You Down” is leaking from a speaker somewhere. Joachim's fingers trace over some crude graffiti carved into the table as an uneaten ham sandwich sits nearby. Engy takes a sip of his bottled beer as he canvasses the boy's face.

I fuckin' hate cops too.

The boy doesn't respond. Engy puts the beer down and brings his face lower to the table, trying to meet the kid's eye.

Look kid, I don't like this shit any more than you do. You think I look like the “daddy-o” type? Huh? Baseball games and PTA meetings and givin' you your first titty mag and sayin “shhhhh, don't tell your mama?” Son, I guarantee you, you did not want my crazy ass around for any of that shit. But the fact is that this crazy fucked up world has left us inextricably linked whether we like it or not. That's just fuckin' reality.

Do you have a point?

Joachim says it without even looking up.

You're goddamn right I do. You see Joe, can I call you Joe? Well you see Joe, sometimes you really CAN polish a turd! And this turd right here? It's gettin' the old spit shine. You see Joe, I'm about to be running for Senate. I'm also a very influential professional athlete. I'm high profile. So I can't have some wayward child o' mine runnin' around, getting' in fights with cops, and who the hell knows what else. I do enough shit on my own to have to worry about what shit you get up to too. Which reminds me, what did the cops want you for anyway?

Joachim meets Engy's gaze, and then looks down at the table again.

I tried to use a stolen credit card.

And you thought using your daddy's name would be a good idea? 'Cuz that kind of shit is why I'm here right now.

I don't know. I just panicked. Your name was the first one that popped into my head, alright?

And now Joachim looks at him and meets Engy's eyes firmly. A fire is staring to burn. Engy smiles.

There's the fire....

Are we done?!

No, not really. Because now I explain how me coming into your life benefits you. So you may wanna listen. Now, I know as well as anyone how awesome being broke and homeless is, scrounging in dumpsters behind food banks for expired cans of baked beans and fighting a constant unrelenting case of crotch rot for want of a shower, so I'm gonna do you a solid. That blond I came here with? The one with the complete unearned sense of superiority and tits flown in from Palm Beach? She's like, stupid rich. I live in her mansion. And in exchange for you staying out of trouble and under my thumb, you can come live with us. Get your own room. Prepared meals. High class escorts on call to suck your pecker straight off your pelvis. It's all yours if you come with me. The easy way.

Dude, fuck no! I'm not goin' nowhere with you!

The boy shoots up out of his seat, drawing a couple stares. Engy points back at his seat.

...the hard way?

The NO way.

The boy brushes past Engy, and Engy takes hold of his arm. The boy struggles, but finds Engy's grip surprisingly hard to break. Joachim's eyes widen a bit as he sees a black tear involuntarily drip from the older man's right eye.

You're breakin' my heart, son.

Look, we don't want any trouble....

”We”?

I meant I don't want any trouble! Look old man, you want me to bust your fuckin' skull open?! LET GO!

By now, the whole bar is watching. Engy looks around at the attention they're garnering, and he releases Joachim.

Fine. But do me the favor of answering me one last question. How did you find out I was your father?

I....I talked to mom. The woman who...you know...

Yeah, I know. I was there. When did you talk to her?

That's more than one question.

WHEN?!

Joachim's fists curl at his sides, but his bottom lip trembles. He's scared. Engy drinks it in.

Like, a year ago.

Uh huh.

The air between them changes, something radical and frightening. To a casual observer, it's a man and his boy at odds. But to the attuned eye, the balance of power has shifted. The Engineer's grin becomes his trademark leer. The boy calling himself Joahim trembles.

Bad guess.

It...it could have been 6 months ago, maybe I was....

Wrong direction. Wanna try again?

Don't...don't do this....

That bitch hung herself 4 years ago.

Don't hurt him. He's the best of us, don't hurt him.

The boy formerly known as Joachim starts to snake his hand behind him, reaching for Engy's bottle of beer, fingers gingerly grabbing for the neck as his brain calculates not so gingerly ways to break the bottle quickly enough to stab this son of a bitch and make it count.

Engy's reaches past him and plucks the bottle off the table. He casually takes the last swig out of it and then throws it at the wall, shattering it. Some of the patrons jump, startled. Engy glowers at the boy, but says nothing. The boy watches him go, and then as soon as The Engineer has cleared the front door, he races out the back.

But he'll never get back in time.

Elsewhere....

BWP returns his cell phone to his pocket. He gets up and walks over to Madison and the boy.

Come on kid. It'll be alright so just relax.

The dusky boy looks back at the fire, his eyes starting to rim with tears. He is illuminated by the headlights of Madison's rental car as it returns and simultaneously boxes him in. Madison looks at BWP, befuddled.

....the fuck is going on?

I'll go quietly. I don't want them to get scared.

Joachim Bright walks to the car, unescorted, and gets in the passenger seat. The Engineer turns to him.

Hello, son.

NOW

We ARE talkin' morality. Goodness is a fascinating thing, it is. As an abstract. As a concept.

Or maybe more?

I guess I won't know till I give it a shot. So that's what I'll do. I've spent a lotta time defendin' myself. Defendin' myself to Drew and to Robbie.

Robbie, I'm Team Motherfucker all the way. And I'm gonna do the right thing with this briefcase. I know what it's purpose is. And I'm gonna show you, show Apex, and show the whole fuckin' world that I can enrich not just one life with what is, ostensibly supposed to be the ultimate expression of selfishness and greed....

….but enrich two.

The Engineer is standing in one of the many bedrooms in Madison's massive estate. His son, Joachim Bright, is tucked into the bed. He bends low towards the boy.

Wake up son.

Joachim's eyes flutter open.



And welcome home.