Continued From Jim Caedus: "Secrets"

Drew, tell me you didn't have anything to do with R(bleep)e?










Kayla: Maybe I should go and check on R(bleep)e! Really guys are we going to do that every time his name is said?



Kayla, if you say his name too many times in a row he shows up and eats all your food, and maybe call you a racist!



That's solid gold right there! Show up and eat all your food! Priceless!...... But its true! Did you hear that wet fart? He didn't crop dust, he fertilized!




Drew hops over the couch sitting next to Robert's sister Kayla! Robert looks to Jim, his sister and Drew







Okay.... Okay..... I think all R(bleep)e's are pussies! Like Jim was saying I'd like to purpose a toast! First I'd like to congratulate you Jimmy on winning one half of The Tag Team Championships. It's a shame you have the partner you do, but your bearing gold none the less! The belt looks stunning next to The Hart Championship behind me on the mantel! Secondly, to family, Mom, Dad, Sis, Drew and Jim! I'm glad we could all be together to put up this tree. Here's to family!






Everyone raises their glasses taking a sip of eggnog.




Drew you add bourbon to mine?




Bobby, how many years have I know you now! I add bourbon to everything I hand you! So.... Uh.... Kayla? You wanna..... Make some Christmas cookies? I have some fresh homemade deer jerky!




I call bull shit! I think you found a dead deer and made jerky out of it!




Jimmy, either way, I got a thousand from you! I won! Momma Main would you like to help Kayla and I make Christmas cookies too?




Momma Main: Absolutely Drew, do you remember when you'd come over and help us make cookies and we would watch girl movies together with Kayla?



Robert and Jim crack a smile from ear to ear eyeballing Drew.








Momma Main, I can't remember what we did that long ago!



Kayla: Drew, you did it's okay to say you did!



Yeah Drew! It's okay! Jim and I will not judge you! Right, Jimmy?



No Judgement here!



Ladies our cookies will not make themselves.



Momma Main: Now Drew, can you keep your hand to your self this time?



We all know I cannot keep that promise!




Do you think he gota real shot with your sister?




Jim, I'm not sure, to be honest! They've liked each other for years! I know Drew would treat her great. He would do everything a real man should!




Hey guys I'm sorry to interject but the fire is getting low and there is a major snowstorm coming in. Jimmy? Can I call you Jimmy?



You sure can Mr. Main!




Good, good! You look like a strong buck would you mind helping me get some firewood? Maybe we can get to know one another better! I've got a flask full of the finest bourbon on Earth!



Bourbon! As long as it isn't R(bleep)e Bourbon! Count me in! Let me get my coat and I'll be right out Mr. Main!



Robert and Jim watch Robert's Dad go outside waiting for Jim



Jim watch over me Dad huh! He thinks he's still a young buck like you and me!





Robert places his hand on the mantle above the fireplace, feeling the richly carved mantel with his palm. Robert watches as Jim looks into the kitchen getting his winter coat on. Robert catches a glimpse of mistletoe sitting next to The Hart Championship and one half of The Tag Team Championships His eyes provoked from one Championship to the other as the gold radiates from the light back at him! Robert grins for a second looking at the remaining mantel space filled with tiny Christmas figures Robert's Mom had collected over the years. Everything in the world was right! Robert preaches gingerly not turning has back!




R(bleep)e Bourbon you've been a busy boy haven't you?You've had a pretty full plate churning out promo after promo, it's the same bunch of knuckle-dragging Neanderthals, along with repackaged concepts that didn't work the first time around! So why not they them again? You have become staler than a pair of your underwear after gorging at the Buffett! But hey man you're getting the word out, right? R(bleep)e, you seem to be laboring pretty hard and all! I don't want you getting to over excited and stroke out on us! I want to see the look on your face as your getting clobbered and knocked around that steel cage, getting pinned one, two, three! There will be nothing better than bashing your skull in again! I'm a man of simple tastes, I like my cigars, I love my bourbon and whisky, and adore my women! I like to live my life like Sam's Club, I want every experience I come across in bulk! Rebelliously clashing against the Mother Fuckers is no different! Now I have heard some of the things that you have articulated over the past few promos! Nothing groundbreaking! You're running around telling people to stab me? You'd like that! Even if someone did happen to stab the Omega, R(bleep)e I'd still show up, I'd still challenge the three of you inside that steel cage and I'd still pummel, outperform and outclass the three of you! That's just how much of a superior wrestler I am than the each of you! I'm exceptional in every single way! Time and time again I have exceeded you, showing I am sophisticated and sharpened than you'll ever fantasize! I am the higher quality man when you and I are in the same ring! But that's something you already have seen first hand, right? No need to go there again beating a dead horse!





I mean look at you, fat, lazy, slob! Every time we see an R(bleep)e Bourbon match what do we get? Half-assed endeavor falling well short of all the propaganda guaranteed! Around the five-minute mark in the match, your sucking air so badly, the entire first row pass out from oxygen deprivation! I look at the state of wrestling and I see guys like you! You make the wrestling world stink to high heaven figuratively and physically! Then you have the audacity to trounce around like you are the greatest Champion in the history of the XWF! How did you win that Championship? You faced a James Raven that didn't cut one promo! Not one! Hell, he didn't even show up for the autograph signings! His heart wasn't in it! You beat a man who let you win! You didn't beat him! You might wear the kings crown for now! But sooner or later when you face real talent and I mean real talent! You'll drop that belts so fast your head will spin! No offence to Peter Gilmour here in any way! Peter if you are hearing this don't take this the wrong way! But back to the biggest cock knocker on planet Earth! R(bleep)e you defended that Championship you are so proud of against Peter who at the time could not wrestle his way out of a paper bag! You've done nothing! Anyone in this company could have beaten James Raven that night anyone! It's almost like the man didn't even show! Just know anytime James Raven wanted, he'd take that belt back! You didn't beat a legend he beat himself on that night!



You seem to presume I lured Jim away from the Mother Fuckers! That right here is nothing more than utter speculate! An empty thought that will never gain any traction! R(bleep)e are you trying to tell me Jim left because he didn't have a backbone? Or are you trying to tell yourself that! Jim and I have been each other's support system from the beginning day one! We are family! You shoot your cock gobbler off a lot for a communist rectum hammer or a dick-nosed crotch hound! Jimmy kicked rocks because he didn't want to run around with a band of flunkies. Can you blame him? R(bleep)e the writing is on the wall pal! You are like I said a paper fucking Champion! BWB was no better squandering that Television Championship as soon as he faced someone with intestinal fortitude! The only man in the Mother Fuckers that is worth two cents is Engy! The way I see it he should be the leader or the Mother Fuckers, that man is a front-runner! He is prizewinner stuck with two deadbeats failures weighing him down! Everything he accomplished he did on his own! You and BWB are riding on his coat tails! Jim left to be on a triumphant team! This isn't an AX3 reunion either dick! This is something different altogether! What part of this appears to be like AX3? This isn't smoke and mirrors here. We won't blow smoke up peoples asses like The Mother Fuckers! One doesn't even look like the other! This team this unit is something far more than AX3! We gel together, we are a team! There are no egos here! No one is after another's title! We each have common goals here! Wipe the world of scum like you Mother Fuckers! Come War Games we will do just that as a team, a unit, as one!


R(bleep)e after an APEX beat-down!






CLING CLANG BING BANG!!!



Robert and Jim both turn around from the fireplace, hearing all the commotion coming from the kitchen and as they approach the room they see Drew dancing around in an apron and felt reindeer antlers on his head. In Drew's left hand is a whisk and the right, a bowl. Following close behind Jim and Rob are Rob's mother and sister. Upon seeing Drew, Kayla quietly laughs while covering her mouth to mask her enjoyment, her mother, however, looks equal parts concerned and frightened.



Drew! What in the hell are you doing?



Making cookies silly. You guys want snicker-doodle? Chocolate Chip? I got some Oatmeal Raisin in the oven right now.



Momma Main: Drew you're naked!!!



No I'm not Momma Main! I'm wearing this sweet apron. Don't you see it?



Drew turns around, opens up the oven and then bends over to check on his Oatmeal Raisin cookies. Exposing his brown eye for the world to see.



Jesus Christ Man! I just saw your asshole!



Cover your eyes ma!



That is no way to talk with ladies present Jim. Shame on you. Now come over here and let me wash your mouth out with some soap.



Drew puts on a set of oven mitts, reaches into the oven and pulls out a tray of cookies. He spins around, places the tray on the counter and with the back of his right foot pushes the oven door back up.






I thought I've seen it all in life!..... NOPE!



Jim and Robert approach the counter when something catches Jim's eye. He walks over to the table and picks up a massive what appears to be an enormous gingerbread man.




What is this?



Oh that? That's a Robbiebreadman. Now please put him back where you found him. I don't want him anywhere near the rest of the cookies lest they all get eaten. Now go. Leave me to bake in peace.



Drew picks up one of the cookies off of the plate and casually walks it over to Kayla.




Cookie? It's a Christmas Peanut Butter Blossom. You're favorite.



Ahhhh it's sweet that you remembered that Drew. I'd love one thank you.



Drew gently places the cookie between Kayla's lips. She takes a bite and then immediately uses her two hands to try and catch some of the crumbs as they fall from her mouth.



Something to wash it down with?



Robert I hate to say this but I don't wanna go help your Dad this shit's hilarious! But... I will I'm going to have to re-watch this when I get back!



Jim grabs up a few cookies and heads out the door greeting Robert's dad. Robert rubs both of his temples at the same time shaking his head.



Momma Main: Son could you help me with the Christmas tree?



Sure Mom!



The fresh scent of freshly baked Christmas cookies fill the ample log cabin Robert gives his mom a hug in front of the Christmas tree! Robert casts his eyes upon the tree thinking to himself how ridiculously enormous it was. It scraped the ceiling and walls all around it! Drew enters the room with Kayla right behind him, Drew still wearing nothing but a Christmas apron and felt reindeer antlers! Robert rubs his eyes setting up the wobbly ladder next to the Christmas tree! when Drew speaks up!



Cookie, Bobby?



Drew, your naked it's bizarre and creepy taking a cookie from a naked guy!



Come on Robert Drew's cookies are amazing! Try one!



Fine!




Hey big-shot Bob! Let me get that!





Drew rapidly climbs the wobbly ladder to hang the star on top Robert quickly turns his head avoiding another shot of Drew's bare ass cheeks. Kayla covers her mouth quietly laughing as her cheeks turn three shades of pink. The tree truly belongs in a forest, where it came from, dominating The Main's living room of their log cabin. Robert watches Kayla pick up the packets of tinsel off the floor, Robert's Mom plugs in the lights and while Drew and Kayla almost explode, their fingers itching to get going. The memory of actually decorating the Main family tree is far shorter than the time it took for them make it beautiful for all these years! But when the tree is finished it's perfect. These events stay in our the minds when so much else does not.





It looks good guys!




Robert ponders to himself for a moment looking out the window watching the dazzling snowfall so delicately. Robert appreciates memories like these exist! Otherwise, we'd just be left with the lousy remembrances, Robert remembers all the times his parents failed to maintain their cool, or at times even worse. But this image in front of him right here right now reminds him of just how they tried, how they loved one another! Robert smiles.






BWB!!! That's bearded weak bitch! I have yet to even begin to scratch the surface with you! But don't you worry little piggy I'm about too! Now I know I didn't hear you say The Mother Fuckers were going to break APEX in half! That's pretty fierce and hard-hitting talk coming from the weak link in The Mother Fuckers, banter like that is dangerous for one's health! Break us in half? Please tell me another knee-slapper while you're at it! I love how each of you, are so headstrong! Threatening us in the ways that you have been! The only thing that is going to get broken-up and fractured forever is The Mother Fuckers!



Robert hangs a few ordinates on the tree looking around the room.




So losing that Championship was a fluke as you called is? Just a one-off for the BWB, RIGHT? There was no fluke to it! You lost fair and square! The better man pounded you into the canvas! You lost because you faced real competition! That's what you get with BWB! When it is, do or die, dog eat dog or going for the gold what happens every time when the pressure mounts? There is no diamond made! Like always you BWB you hit rock bottom and go up in a puff of smoke! You again blundered it all away! You've become accustomed to falling short though, haven't you? That's what weak links do, they break under the pressure, they flounder missing the mark! And don't get it twisted BWB! I know R(bleep)e has you guys thinking you are gods among men and all but your not! We don't believe you are the powerless weak link! We know it for a fact! We have seen it with our own eyes! You have proven it to the world, not just us! You are the equivalent of fighting a girl scout selling mint thin cookies! You pompous sphincter captain! You are an empty threat, you'll be nonexistence in this match like all of your other matches! The man that beat you for The Television Championship wasn't unworthy! Not by a long shot, he was just the better man! You're used to that as well though! War Games pig there will be no escape. There will be no fluke! Apex will take the three of you inbred freaks and punish, batter and break the three of you down! Once the blood begins to flow, the three of you dawning a crimson mask! Like blood in the water, we band of brothers will smother whats left of the Mother Fuckers once and for all! We will abolish The Mother Fuckers and spoil your party! There will be no second round for you! Apex will beat you three and move on to win the whole damn thing!



Robert's Mom pulls the last ornament from the plastic container handing it to Robert! This Christmas ornament wasn't nearly as decorative or even lavish as the ones found in the stores. It wasn't at all forward-looking or even innovative, truth be told, the face had splotches of grime covering it. It was an angel made of cloth, the wings on the back were once shiny covered in gold paint but had converted into an exhausted yellow with age. Robert's Mom couldn't throw it out, sure she could go to the store and get something that glimmered and shimmered. Over time dirt was not the only thing this angel had acquired, it was saturated in memories, impregnated with happy times, a bridge back to the years gone by. It was the last gift Robert's dear friend Mike had given the family before he lost his battle with cancer! Robert freezes for a moment then smirks climbing the ladder placing the angle high on the tree!

Meanwhile

...outside the Main homestead::



Robert's father smiles as the door opens and I step out into the late afternoon atmosphere, sparking cheerfully-



I was starting to wonder if you were actually going to come out or not. Thank you for the help Jimmy.


It's my pleasure, sir! Any father of Robert's is a father...of...heh, sorry, that sounds a little weird.



Mr. Main laughs as we start walking.



Don't worry about it. I know what you mean, young buck.



He claps me on the back on "buck" then moves to unscrew the lid on his flask, taking a swig. He holds it out to me.



Warm yourself.


Thank you, Mr. Main.



I accept the flask, take a nice drink then hand it back, wiping my beard. Papa Main takes another belt.



So how long you been doing this, Jimmy?


21 years, sir. 21 loooong years.



Mr. Main responds with a sincere lilt of surprise.



Really? I'm not exactly what you'd call a die-hard fan of the business per se, I mean the wife and I keep tabs on Robert...but before we started following him in the XWF I don't recall seeing you in the other large promotions.


I was there but I'm sure I've been erased from their history books. I've always had the talent but life, bad luck and a bad attitude all played their part in slowing and keeping me down. Had a rough go of it, sir.


Well, you've definitely made it now and that's what counts, youngster.



I smile. Nice guy, Mr. Main. We continue on for a short while in silence, the snow crunching beneath our boots the sole soundtrack. Finally-



AH, here we are...



We carefully traverse the ice topping a midsized river, roughly twenty feet across, towards an old stump at the start of the treeline. An old axe lies against it.



There you go, pick any tree you'd prefer.



I scan the treeline, spy a pine that shouldn't give me much trouble and provide adequate firewood for a day or two, pluck up the axe and saunter over. Taking a firm grip on the handle I feel my gold nugget on the chain start heating up against my chest beneath my layers of clothing, endowing me with even greater strength as it had many times since collecting it in the Yukon. Feel like I can take on a goddamn grizzly bear...


I cock back for a swing-



You know-



I jump, Mr. Main's sudden words startling me just short of chopping.



-one of the reasons the missus and I aren't huge fans of the XWF is because of the garbage they put on camera so often. That...oh what's that guy's name...I can't recall. The Bearded Lady or some such nonsense.


Oh, Bearded War Pig?


That's it, thank you. Yes, Bearded War Pig. Missus and I caught the opening minutes of one of his videos. Disgusting. Almost gave her a heart attack.


Ah, yes. Yeah, I know what you're referring to. Which reminds me, since he's on the brain now...



I walk over to Mr. Main, produce my phone from my pocket, ready it and present it to him.




If you wouldn't mind sir, I'd very much appreciate it if you could film me saying a few words about that hooved heathen. Just point like this and press this button when I'm ready.



He accepts the phone.



Well no, of course I don't mind...but you are going to chop that tree down aren't you? We don't want to run out of daylight and a storm's coming.


No worries whatsoever, Mr. Main.



I retake my position at the tree, look to him and nod.



Ready. Oh and...pardon the language in advance, sir.



Mr. Main gives me a thumbs up a second later.



Howdy Bitch Hog. How's it hangin'? If this were post-War Games you'd answer back with a hearty "upside down from hooks Jim, pork belly sliced open, staring at my steaming intestines on the slaughterhouse floor beneath me. Thank you for making it quick though." Then I'd reply, "shut the fuck up and finish drainin', hack chops, I'll be force feedin' your rump roast to Robbie and Engy in the critical care unit until they flatline."


Let's have a little chat, shall we? And I'll pay you the respect fuck you of being blunt.


I spent some of my valuable time reviewing enduring your first promo and I gotta say......I'm having serious doubts that filthy seedwart-speckled child's pinkie you call a cock has ever penetrated more than 2 or 3 chicks at the most and on rare birthday/holiday occasions at that. ...Now Pig, that's an INCREDIBLY generous and solid theory, given the nature of that 25 cent-a-view-booth Z-grade technically-adult-though-executed-like-a-12-year-old-wet-dreamer skit, you dimestore whack-rack Larry Fairy Flynt.



I swing the blade of the axe into the tree violently, sending fragments of pine wood scattering in a burst.



For starters, the ludicrous notion that a man can walk, much less RUN AND JUMP like the most desperate of virgins or rapists or virgin rapists...or years-to-decades-long sex deprived losers...up to a woman with his pants around his ankles, stinkin' of sour ass and rancid nuts that've been marinating in an inch-thick sac-veneer combo of bung sweat, body soil and urine drops you failed to shake out after pissin' all over the concepts of quality and clever thinking, then pressing your spoiled ham against the active air vents so as to effectively crop-dust the interior, clothing, hair, skin surface and every applicable nostril in the van with your stench, WITHOUT the chick responding with-


A. A faceful of mace


B. Blowin' a rape whistle


C. Calling 911

And the most likely...D. Dying from laughter at the sight of stiff shrimp dick would never fuckin' happen. Ever. I mean...you could make the argument that certain celebrities/athletes would probably be able to pull instapussy (by which I mean some junkie thot addicted to, fiending for and promised crack rock), without wiping or washing for a week like you, ya scurvy scumbag, but in all reality they're not ratchid sacks o' snot, phlegm and anal discharge like you; celebrities and celebrity athletes...no, scratch that, EVERYONE who can afford to, with the exception of lazy half ton boiled eggs like Robbie Bourbon, tend to keep up with their hygiene and try NOT smelling of a shallow grave containing nothing but scooped out rotting assholes and slices of American cheese.


Second, that was the worst acting from a bitch and contrived scripting from a dullard I've ever seen. Dawg...the sexual advances from that fuckin' black widow succubus in naked Alexandra Daddario form who then turned into a literal colossal arachnid that I slayed in my promo "Questions & Answers" was less eyerollingly forced yet impossibly MORE realistic. What were you trying to do, beat me to the porno punch? Sorry to disappoint, dipshit, but my sex scenes occur organically because, well, they actually happen...and I ain't lookin' to sleigh Mrs. Claus's Christmas cookie, I'll leave that to a douche like Robbie or you or Engy to steal and use now. Hashtag I own you all.



I break halfway through the trunk with my second swing of the axe.



[color=#00BFFF]Next, we have the whole "almost made her squirt" moment conveyed through your lame Caedus-copying 1st person narration, hack, to which I say...how the fuck would you know? Huh? If this all happened "for real" and the bitch didn't say "Hey I drank two bottles of water, a 24 oz coffee and a 40 earlier" and she also didn't say "Oh God. You are so ba- wait, so _good_ at this that if you continue I guarantee I'll squirt", or even "Hi. I squirt." then you'd have no idea, Stupid Motherfucker. You're pathetic piglet, and here's why: all that promo portrayed is that you've been dedicating hours a day jackin' off to squirt porn because you haven't gotten laid in a looooooong time.


Hey Engy, I just pretty much proved your apparent pupil-of-lies a fraud. You should remain true to your inner buttpirate and do another song and dance dedicated to your God, me, and this time obviously make it about how I'm a snatch-addict who gets much more pussy than him and somehow that's an insult. You strike me as someone who hasn't gotten pussy in awhile either also...and theoretically probable tranny backpussy doesn't count.


My third swing nearly chops through, the tree gently leans forward towards me.



Where you goin', Pig? Almost finished...



And finally, fourth......the only males who drop their pants and underwear to their ankles in public are at the urinal. Period. Fuckin' . Kill yourself. Ok I'm done, you may return to violently masturbating in your lonely waller.



My fourth swing cleaves cleanly through, Mr. Main standing to attention in shock and ending recording as the tree drops onto it's now stump and begins to fall forward.


I press my weight to the trunk above the bisection and shove. The tree teeters in the opposite direction......






I press my weight to the trunk above the bisection and shove. The tree teeters in the opposite direction......

::FFFFFFFFFFFFFBWOOM::

I turn proudly to Mr. Main.


Heh... If we weren't here to hear it, would it have made a sou-













_FUCK_!!!!


I drop the axe in terror as I backpedal. Mr. Main starts in fright, stumbling and falling to his back as a massive grizzly emerges, enraged, from behind a tall mass of snow-covered bushes beside the fallen tree.


WHY AREN'T YOU HIBERNATING!!??


The grizzly replies with another guttural bellow.


Jimmy, make yourself larger! Scream at it!


As if the grizzly understood, though simply responding to the more easily attainable prey, it charges Mr. Main, closing the distance between them with unexpected speed...and begins to rear back on three legs to cock back with its right front paw and five knife-like long black claws-


HEEEY!!!!


-my vocal attempt to distract the bear does little in comparison to the axe I've plucked back up and flung with every ounce of strength my body and the gold nugget provide. It hits the beast in the side of the head with a hard CRACK, though virtually harmlessly RIGHT with the top of the axe head, neither bladed side making contact.

Still, it worked, and the grizzly halts its attack, dropping back to all fours with a confused growl and a shake of its mighty head.

Then it turns to me and ROOOOOARS.

Without thinking how STUPID a move it is, I roar right back, raising my arms to "increase" my height and charge, looking I'm sure, ever so much like a dumbass.

I receive, mmmmm I'd say two swiftly expended seconds tops before the grizzly, deciding to charge as well, is upon me for a head-on collision and a head-off conclusion.

It swipes at me quickly with its left paw as I screech to a halt, still nearly falling forward into the blow, and throw myself to the right side. The near-miss of the claws and power behind them shred my thick sweater, T shirt and thermal underwear beneath like tissue.


Something's VERY fucking wrong with this thing!


-I muse before the damn thing shuffles slightly forward to half-power bat at me with its right paw, nevertheless with 800 pounds behind it, and through the blinding pain of impact I find my vision blurring to white as I flatly twirl through the snow, my limbs possibly making me look like a human fidget spinner.

When I come to a stop half buried in freezing white powder, the scant seconds it takes to realize that fucker just essentially flung me like I'd flung the axe back over to the stump where I'm SUPPOSED to be chopping firewood, the furry fucker itself is already galloping over to finish me off.

I panic trying to rise, my left hand finding a solid object I immediately throw as best I can left-handed and from my three point position.

A wet chunk of pine the Mains had either forgotten or rejected the last time they'd collected firewood hits the grizzly dead in the face, bouncing off its shiny black nose.

I don't notice this however; I'm assuming, and correctly, that the object will have done little to no damage. Instead, I hear the DONK of the wood hitting the bear behind me and catch another startled grunt as I do the only thing I can think of...wrap my arms around the trunk of the relatively young 25 foot pine tree I'd chopped down and LIFT IT, SPINNING WITH IT IN MY GRASP TO NAIL THE GRIZZLY IN THE SIDE OF HIS HUGE SKULL-


ROOOOOOAR!

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!


-and as the grizzly slightly sidesteps with a stumble, I raise the tree at an angle and BASH THE BEAR OVER THE TOP OF THE HEAD WITH ALL MY MIGHT, SPLINTERING THE PINE IN HALF IN THE PROCESS!!

The grizzly drops to the snow, motionless and unconscious.

::FADE TO BLACK::






::MAIN HOMESTEAD SOMETIME LATER::


KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK


Dad? Jim?


Robert queries as he hustles to the door. He flings it open to see his father and I standing there looking beat to shit......but by motherfucking God, we're both holding an armfull of chopped firewood.





Holy shit Jim are you okay?



Yeah man! I had to fight the thing off! Your dad is my family! No way I was going to let anything happen to him! I knocked that bear out cold!



No way!



Mr Main: No Drew it is true. Jim saved my life! He knocked that bear out cold! Jim is on tough son of a bitch!



Nice to see your still ass naked Drew!



I live free Jimbo!




Hey Jimmy you up for one last thing?



Sure! What!



Hey Drew, Jim grab that mistletoe!





The camera zooms in on the mistletoe panning out slowly revealing each member of APEX bent over with it hanging over their asses. Drew's brown eye in full blown HD!


Pucker up Mother Fuckers and kiss our asses!!!





FADE

Former:

x2
x2



Longest Reigning Tag Team Champions in modern history. W- Drew Archyle & James Raven
Longest Reigning Hart Champion in modern history:280 days
2nd longest reigning Universal Champion :269 days
Tag Team Champions W- "Chronic" Chris Page as Cataclysm
Trio's Champion W- AX3
2020 May Superstar Of The Month
Winning Team Wargames 2020
Winning Team War Games 2019 W- APEX PROPHECY
2019 Feud of the year W- "Chronic" Chris Page
2019 Tag Team of the Year W- Drew Archyle & James Raven as APEX
Roleplay of the Month February 2019 "Junkyard Dog"
Leap Of Faith Winner 2018
July 2018 Superstar Of The Month
December 2018 Superstar Of The Month
December 2017 Superstar Of The Month
Winning Team War Games 2017 W- APEX
Mr. 24/7