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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (11-27-2017)

The scene opens inside what looks to be a locker room with eighty percent of the surface area engulfed with flames and souls slithering through the walls. A ghoulish being spawned from Hell holds what has the be the worlds most indestructible camcorder on it’s shoulder. The ghoul aims the camcorder toward Bearded War Pig who is staying focused by executing small body weight workouts such as burpees, air squats, hand stand push ups, and thrust jumps. After finishing a set of twenty two burpees Pig lands on his feet pulling a towel from a flaming hamper and wipes the beads of sweat from his forehead. Tossing the towel back into the burning hamper Pig stares into the camera lens with a smile. He proceeds to throw a swift right jab toward the camera, only to pull his arm back just a cunt hair from crushing the camcorder. His fist pulls back toward his chest swirling the ‘Shaka’ hand symbol. Giving all his people tuning in Boomknucks his special handshake.

"Hello, again X-W-Motherfuckin-F! It's yah boy B-W-P here in Hell and I am feeling fuckin fantastic. Hopefully all you fuckers are feeling just as good. We are getting closer and closer to Motherfuckin War Games and even closer to me whoopin ass in hell! Fuck just the thought of all members of the Motherfuckers competing in the same ring at War Games against the same enemy gives me chills. Let alone what is about to go down tonight. Limits will be passed, bones will be broken, and souls will be shattered. Enough about War Games though because I'm not quite focused on that completely yet. No, I have two television championship defenses in less than a fucking week! Am I stressing? Fuck no I'm not. Do I look like the type of warrior that tucks his dick between his legs and cowers like a little pussy fart when he knows two different armies march for his castle? Y'all know my dick doesn't tuck unless I am trying to crack wise at a fucking turd sucker. Especially not when a noob to XWF comes trying to make claims to something, he hasn't earned yet!

I'm talking about Erik fuckin Black. XWF debut on Savage in my coliseum wasn't too shabby, took my advice to heart to leave it all out on the canvas for the people to remember forever. Personally, I believe the man did just that. Obviously showing us all that he is no stranger to the slaying field. However Black is a stranger to me. Eric has never squared off with Bearded Motherfuckin War Pig, Eric has never felt these hands, Eric has never experienced defeat the way he is after the most intense, brutal, and time-consuming ass whooping he will ever experience. All the MMA, Wrestling, and or whatever else technique the twat has studied, jerked off to, or mastered isn't going to help. I've said it time and time again; this Championship is going nowhere until I decide I am through with it! Right now I'm addicted to the Television Championship like a stripper is for cock and cocaine. In respect to every one of you in the XWF Universe that is addicted to B-W-Motherfuckin-P as their Television Champion!

Are you listening Mr. Black? The XWF Universe doesn't want a new champion yet and I have to agree with them one hundred percent. You may have been dominating whatever shit pools you wrestled in before but the XWF is a totally new monster. Here in the XWF, anything can happen. Well, except you prospering from victory on Savage! Bwarahahaha! Your ambition is admirable though. Did you know once upon a time ambition was thought as a negative attribute? Only man brave enough to want to step foot in my coliseum or is it foolishness? Actually, it doesn't matter because either way you’ll get your teeth kicked down your throat and afterward you'll start holding my inside out pocket like the good little bitch you are. Savage is where I will remind you of your status here in the XWF and before you come beating on my door like police conducting a hard knock, you'll learn Pig don't play no games!

I'm strapped to the fucking teeth and with the mindset of a combat-tested Marine. Even if you make it through my front door, you won't be left in good condition, because it is fucking booby-trapped. One false move and there goes everything you thought was achievable and believe me you will make at least one false move if not hundreds! You may not have wanted to be apart of the raid in the first place, but guess what Captain Vinnie or whoever decided you are the only man in the stack. That means you are the only man I have to worry about. Meaning you are in deep, deep, deep shit and well hog's love to tussle in shit. Bingo motherfucker! That’s correct, you are walking into my house with the intentions of stealing from me. Thieves get their fucking hands broken according to my law and well in my Coliseum; I am judge, jury, and Motherfuckin executioner.

Oh and guess what, there will be no escape. Yeah wherever you run or flee too I will stalk and well since it is a no time limit, no disqualification, falls count anywhere, no holds barred match. I will be able to end you wherever the hell I see fit. Will it be in the center of the ring like a standard match? No, I don’t believe so. Maybe I will force you to tap out as your breath is stolen from brown murky shit and piss toilet water as I hold your face down in a freshly used toilet bowl. My people would certainly love to watch a turd returned to where it belongs, instead of in the ring with talent such as myself!

Hopefully I’m not too harsh for you, but I have a Championship to protect. If my words are stinging just you wait until the bell rings. Ding. Ding. Ding. Words won’t be of any worry, no, but the flurry of surgically accurate blows and maneuvers meant to fuck your day up, will. After this match I bet your bitch ass sits up in your hospital bed and rethinks career choices. No one would blame you. Shit, I’d probably do the same after the shit kickin you’re going to receive on behalf of the bearded one! You might have impressed management or maybe we are just so low on talent that can compete on every show... Let it be clear you didn’t impress me all that much. Yeah you are good, but you are far from XWF’s measurement of great.

Don’t worry though. Our battle will surely give you a realization that it doesn’t matter whom the fuck you are in the outside world. You can be CEO of your own company, curer of cancer, or president of the free world. When you step inside the realm of XWF, you, Eric Black are yet to be anything but slop for a hungry and vicious warthog. Who has been given unlimited feeding time to properly fill his belly. To be honest I don’t think you will be enough. Don’t worry I’ve got a second meal ready not many days after I thrash your mind, body, and spirit all over my Coliseum. I will have plenty of fucking time to have an ambitious bowel movement before Warfare.

Get it, because you are a turd. Bwarahahaha! No you maybe a good man, I don’t really know anything about you. But you are a threat to the XWF Universe, the Motherfuckers, and myself. You are attempting to take my baby. I feel like a mother who just spotted a pathetic fuck creepily eye fucking her baby boy at the damn park. Just imagine what fucking limits mama bear will go to keep her baby boy safe and that is what I will do plus a hell of a lot more for the people’s Television Championship. Yeah I will rip your soul from your beaten and broken body. Fuck it in a torturous way, and then unload one hundred rounds of seven point six, two caliber lead into its face. Grab my baby boy and walk away as if nothing even occurred. If you’re too fuckin stupid to catch on to what I am laying down, coming for my baby is about the dumbest decision you could have made. That goes for any and everyone who dare steps to me for the XWF Television Championship!

Now if you aren’t too butt hurt nor have an abundance of sand in your vagina and are willing to listen to some sound advice. Don’t go getting all huffy and puffy when I beat that ass all over the empty arena for all the viewers in the comfort of their homes, local sports bars, or evenly possibly while they are balls deep in their wife’s asshole, fuck maybe even in the neighbors. You are probably the type of man who would let his neighbor get away with breeding your wife aren’t you Erik?! Back on track, don’t go getting all pissed and enraged after loosing a golden opportunity so easily. Basically what I am saying is don’t take the loss too seriously and end up hunting for Championships that don’t belong to you, only to get your salad tossed at your every showing like Peter Gilmour and Robert Main. Yeah having Championship opportunities are nice and all but it doesn’t look good when you let them all slip away.

Take the inevitable defeat as a teachable moment. Learn from the mistakes you will make. Like never attempt to take my BITCH, again! Don’t come swinging dick when you have the smallest in the room, Baby Nuts! Never believe you are capable of taking on a Motherfucker in our own house. Motherfuckers make better friends than enemies. The XWF’s roster is filled with pure talent leaving no other promotion comparable. Lastly I hope our bout opens your eyes and makes you understand if you want to be the Television Champion as long as I wear this belt. My god’s and goddesses the PEOPLE better be of your main concern! All of many things capable of learning from an ass whoopin by the Savage King of the Slaying Field!

Do you even know what the fuck I am capable of? Obviously not or else you would have already sucked that button dick in, got on your knees and begged someone to get you out of the match. No that isn’t the type of man you are? Not at all, you wouldn’t turn down any fight. Especially one of this caliber, you aren’t just getting a chance to claim gold but a chance to end my singles undefeated streak. Fucking chance of a lifetime for a noob dick to the XWF, if you ask me. If by some miracle you were to put my shoulders down for the three count come Saturday, you’d be the one to defeat the People’s Hero...

You won’t though; the XWF God’s know you are not worthy of such titles yet. No you have a long ways to go yet, just like my journey has very well just begun here. Some look up to me as a veteran here, I’m really not, fuck I don’t even have a whole years worth of matches under my belt. Yet I have claimed multiple Championships and have all-important eyes on me. Their honestly isn’t many people who don’t want to try and plant a nice one hitter quitter right on my kisser. Will they? Fucking doubt it. Can they have the chance, any fucking time and anywhere they just need to chest bump. The XWF Universe knows my open door policy, if you want to bang lets fuckin bang! Zero fucks to give.

Erik Black Saturday you will get to experience why they call me Bearded War Pig. Wrestling against me is a whole different experience. You will be kept on your toes the entire match, never will I let you catch your breath. Marines keep the charge coming. Onslaught after onslaught, attack after attack is precisely what awaits you and what vicious cycle without an escape it will be. What I see I own and guess what all I am going to be able to see is you. For as long as I decide, you will be trapped in an abandoned building with my rage and suffering! You will experience defeat for as long as I believe you deserve. It will just be you, the referee, and myself in the whole arena. Of course cameras all over recording us ripping into one another with whatever is available. What a phenomenal show for my people this one will be.

I suppose before I end my words to you Erik Black, I should thank you. Thank you for volunteering to sacrifice yourself for the pleasures of my people. I promise your sacrifice will not be wasted, no, it will give back to the people who have blessed us with the opportunity to go to WAR in their names. War it will be, you can bet that little tight virgin asshole of yours on that.

Oink, Oink Motherfucker!"

Bearded War Pig then throws an uppercut using his free arm to slap his bicep toward the camera, a nice solid fuck you toward Erik Black. He then proceeds to slam both his arms crossed like the letter x, while spinning shaka signs with both hands over his genitals. Blatantly telling Erik Black to suck his boom stick. BWP then swiftly steps back almost into a burning bench and super kicks the ghoul recording into a pile of burning sulfur, a loud crying screech for help is all that is heard before the scene burns away.

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