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JimCaedus · (11-26-2017)

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"Brass Tacks & Broken Backs"

::FADE IN on Jim standing before the camera in green-screened darkness sans any bells, whistles, banners or identifiable settings. Simply...Jim Caedus::

"Yeah...this is the part where I directly focus on and address those o' you who had the good sense to show a little backbone and a smidge o' pre-match self-preservation and prophesizin' in promo. Helluva catch-22 that it involves havin' to now endure a linguistic beat down courtesy o' Caedus, though.

Anyway...anyone wanna guess who I'll be startin' off with?

But of course, Chris Chaos; he's the more pressing irritation of the flies that've been buzzin' (no offense Scull', you're multiple times more annoying, I promise, it's just that Chaos poses more of a threat what with that half a brain he wields, whereas you lack anything more than that nub of grey matter you possess that allows you to bark out the nonsensical ravings of a

limpdick limey lunatic).

So Christine...we find ourselves once more thrown together in the third of our multi-opponent matches and the fourth of our personal series. O' course, that doesn't mean we'll personally be meetin' face to face but odds are we will; you remain one o' the more stubborn, no-respect-receiving has-been cuckroaches 'round here still flauntin' a stack o' cred for their accomplishments. Accomplishments like yours may not get much positive attention but they're yours nonetheless, Cuckles, and you should be proud of that. Accolades such as a solid 9 month streak o' redundancy, the handle of creepiest "guy" on the roster and the title holder for the largest clit in the Bombshell locker room...those can never be taken away from you. You OWN those trophies bud, no matter how long you persist in tryin' to resurrect that when-the-fuck-will-he-leave-for-good career o' yours through consistent disappointment like the time you wanted that briefcase sooooo bad, hanging on and hammering at me as we hung from the rafters but I roared and booted you off with a single kick anyway. Remember?

Good times, young lady, good times.

Oh, I uh...I notice you, as usual, stuck your foot in your mouth and this time quite possibly may have gnawed the damn thing off, painted toenails and all. When oh when will you stop with the "accusing others of what defines me" mindset?

Irrelevant you called me, bitch? Irrelevant? Chris...I'm one o' two men holdin' a 24/7 briefcase, that makes me as relevant as it gets seeing as, at any time, I can drop in unannounced on a winded champion and snatch away his title. Besides that, I haven't lost a bout since winning Leap of Faith ya jackass, fuck have YOU been doin' in that time? Oh, right right...workin' up to your comeback. How AWKWARD the man who sent you OFF on your month long vay-cay is the same man you'll be seein' in the rumble.

Don't get it twisted, sister, the world you left is very much the world you're returning to...without an invitation I might add, Gnarly Brown, but after nearly a year in your presence I understand why you'd see it that way: you're an idiot and a colossal one at that.

An idiot that whines about a single line trashing him (after our history, you'd think you'd be thankin' me you ungrateful prick) after levying a single line at me only a minute earlier. Calling me over-aggressive (yeah, and? That sure holds me back in a business of physical competition, doesn't it?) with content including homosexual undertones in my first promo entitled King of the Mountain (not World, ya blind, deaf and dumbass), a phrase obviously being applied to either the warrior monk, the worshipped deity or the mysterious monster and not myself if you're workin' with logic and not struggling with autism. What homosexual undertones by the way, Chris? The fight with the monk? Christ, no wonder you stick around while consistently losing, you get a gay rush every time you step into the ring, don't you? What else should we assume with you comparing battle with homosexuality? Has it occurred to you yet that every time you try accusing me of homosexual undertones you're overlooking all your homosexual OVERtones? Has it dawned on you yet that you see gay in everything, Chris? Would you like to know why?"

"Wow, did _you_ earn that one."

::AUDIO PLAYBACK::

Jim Caedus. The man I can't beat.

::PAUSE::

"By beat he means beat off as much as he means in the ring, folks, lest we forget how I revealed leading up to Leap of Faith that Chris admitted to tryin' to jerk me off in exchange for my LAST 24/7 briefcase.

I love by the way, Chrystal, that you try accusing me of needing a team around me, ignoring the fact that for 21 years I've only ever been a member of four stables including The Apex now, which, is really more of a duo than a group. You also forget the fact I've been flyin' solo HERE in the XWF more than half the time I've been on the roster, accruing accolades all on my own, including all but ONE of those on my tally even WHILE I was in Ax3. Glad to see you're up to your usual snuff with the wildly inaccurate bullshit. Please continue..."

::PLAY::

I have faced (Jim) enough to know that he is overy aggressive and tends to make mistakes because of it.

::END PLAYBACK::

"THAT line couldn't have worked out more ironically awesome in my favor than it did I'd say. "Overy" aggressive? How dare you mock the common Asian inability to vocalize the consonant L, you racist sack o' shit. Unless that's just the female in you once more affecting your speech, in which case: haaaa haaaaaaa. Leave it to Chris Chaos to accuse others of makin' mistakes while he stumbles and fumbles with the accusation. Dipshit. See you on the outside o' the ring, fuck-up, while I remain triumphantly in it.

Danny Imperial...nice ball drop dummy. Or are you intending on releasing one final trash talk bomb at deadline in an attempt to exact some sort o' revenge for my rapin' you in MY final for Leap of Faith? Lemme tell you somethin'...regardless of what you're planning, your reliance on hyping yourself with your static psychosis story would've been better suited as a surprise play, Brucette-like, rather than the same stupid crap you've BEEN pushin' for weeks on end. Chaos is right...you're far too focused on YOU. You can't truly hope to handle twenty opponents, if you're gonna ignore them in favor of fluffin' your own fob's flaccid skinflute. You didn't notice you defeated me that first time with your aggression? Strike that, forget I said it, continue to be dull and arrogant, Danny, it "worked" for you in Leap of Faith, it'll surely "work" for you now.

Speaking of Leap of Faith...you lost, I won, remember? You can stop lumping my name in with the people you brag on defeating 'cause at one and one you sound like a fool. You sound like Chaos used to sound when all he had to offer were the lists of his "victims" while he ignored how those "victims" have whipped HIS ass. You should enlist with the Motherfuckers, Danny, you'd fit in with the über-arrogant scumbag liars and I'd appreciate it if all my targets were in the same damn fold. More convenient.

Scullyyyyyyy...that was a cute little attack there, Anthony, or...are you still thinking your first name is Michael? Meh, whatever.

Hey Scull'...I'm pretty sure when you were blathering on (in the most INCOHERENT WAY POSSIBLE), pseudo-braggin' about "waffling on about shit and (we) idiots listened" is more fallacy than fact. Your irrelevant rundown of WWF Royal Rumbles was the most entertaining portion of either of your two promos thus far and the rest, well, I'm willing to wager you're so difficult to understand through your own incompetence and inability to communicate that we of your opponents who care on a scale from 1-10 about this match only paid close attention to what you tried inflicting on us in the form of trash talk...spectacularly ineffectually I might add.

As ineffectual as your invention strategies, acting as if anyone is upset over what you said then asking us if you give a fuck, a damn or a shit. Colorful, Scully, two-tone colorful mind you, not a mosaic like I'm known for, but colorful nonetheless. I think you DO give a fuck Anthony. I think when it hit you who you were up against your reaction was less nonchalant and more like:"

"And who'd blame you? You ARE THE Scully after all and we...we ARE everyone else better than you in this match alone. You hyperly set off on your twin diatribes, like a 12 year old takin' Ritalin bumps, forgetting that little detail, didn't you? Like you seem to forget every single time you face me you sling LITERALLY the exact same insults of incest. This is America asshole, incest jokes have been played out since the fuckin' seventies and they don't fly in England either so who the hell are you tryin' to impress or offend? A wigger who grew up in Long Beach is as far from a hillbilly fam fucker as it can get you pathetic dunce. Get some new material.

By the way...Danny "stitched me up" did he? That why I won the rafter match after kickin' you off the set up, Scully? I'd say the man who can't help but lose every damn match WITHOUT Guppy that he has is somewhere in the negative percentage o' cred allowing talk of people stitching people up, especially if they're as flawed in their opinion of a one and one record as Danny is. Ask Doc how well Chris Chaos's single win over him played out along their personal match history. Kinda like how I've beaten you twice now to your single tag win over me. Dumbfuck.

BWP...what a let down. That's it? That's all we get? That's all _I_ get? Just gonna keep inexplicably calling me a rat (inexplicably due to the fact the term rat alludes to a tattle-tail and, uh, all I did was drop three fuckheads from my shoulders), like Scully keeps saying I fuck family members, every time you face me now? Not ANYTHING new to add? Funny...seems like my deserting you dickheads started the implosion of The Motherfuckers, 'cause ain't a one o' you had that same gleam in your eye, that same energy level, since I did it. You suck Pig. You'll lose in the rumble.

The rest of you...you don't deserve my time but you've definitely earned an elimination in the match.

Fuck all this...the time for words is at an end...bring on Shove-It."

::BLACK::

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