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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (11-11-2017)

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"How the fuck goes it, Motherfuckers?! Fucking fantastic I hope! You know damn well I don't have any fucking complaints. Not when this here Television Championship is going to guarantee me some ass to whoop week in and week out. Speaking of whooping some ass, it seems you all will get to see me fuck up three motherfuckers in little as seven days. Fucking epic, I know. First I returned to the XWF to be crowned the new TV Champ beating Neville Sinclair. Then I get to beat the dog piss out of Finn Kuhn. Thirdly on the seventh day, I get to defend and retain my title against some new fella Chris Valerius. I would ask management to try and raise the bar a little but it seems I came in here grabbed the bar and fucking Hercules threw it out of the atmosphere! Who would have known Bearded Fuckin War Pig is that fucking badass? Oh yeah the whole fuckin XWF Universe!

It seems to be every time I find my way back here I quickly make rank and well dominate the ring. Never is my stay long enough to quite make the impact and legacy you all deserve. Well like I have been harping this whole time since I walked back through those doors, boots laced, flak strapped tight, limber, and ready to fucking wrestle, this time around, I will do it right. You will get the Bearded War Pig you all have earned and longed to see rip new assholes for his opponents. Taking Neville Sinclair past his limits and ripping the Television Title from his worn and beat hands was just the beginning. Death, Pain, and Destruction baby, it is what you all want, the chaos, carnage, havoc, mayhem, and most importantly the best damn showmanship period. Which every last single one of you is worthy of and if I single-handedly had to make sure you all get what you deserve. I will!

If you are watching or listening, Chris Valerius, this all includes you. Why? Because you are my third victim! This can be your first professional match or your thousandth; I'm making sure it is a show for the people. You want to make a name for yourself then leave it all on the line. Give the people what they deserve, one hundred percent effort from all parties involved. Be the ruthless modern gladiator that we are. You can hate me, respect me, love me, or even want to fuck me. It doesn't change the fact that come Savage that is exactly what I am going to be and I expect the same. If I was to be facing one of my brothers in arms I'd still be the same fucking animal that will be all up in your ass from when the bell sounds until the sound of the third thud of whichever referee's hand slams down on the canvas after I pin your shoulders down!

This is a championship match son, this belt is what holds my damn pants up, and you want to try and take it away? Fuck no snake! I've kind of grown fond of the precious and well I don't want to give it up quite yet. I have a billion and four different ideas to bring the Championship back to the people! Plus I already offered a First Blood Elimination style match to any and all for the week after our match. Now I've always been a man of my word and well I don't like change, especially when it works already. Changing something that works is just stupid, like how I am working out in favor to the people as their Television Champion. Let's not change that. Give me your best, but know your best just won't be good enough, not now, and most likely not ever!

Don't take it as an insult, I've just become woken and realized the XWF deserves the best! Actually, I guess it is kind of an insult, but don't let it get you down because then you just look like a pussy. No one wants to look like a pussy, except Finn Kuhn's bitch ass! He thrives on looking like a little baby puss. Chris Valerius, you aren't a baby puss, are you? Please if you are a puss, at least just be a regular puss, because then I won't feel so bad when I fucking destroy you... Like a footlong and beer can round, cock destroys an anus when it goes balls deep. Bet your ass I am going balls deep with every fucking thrust dammit! No pussyfooting around from this guy, bub. When we stare down in front of the fans as the main event comes Saturday, be prepared for the end.

I don't know if you have ever stepped foot on a pig farm or are familiar at all but in that ring, I'm the boss hog of the pen. Savage is my mud hole now and not a single fuck is going to change that. See most farmers won't even step foot into a pigpen without a weapon and even then they fear for their lives because pigs are fucking ruthless. In this specific pig pen, there roosts a Bearded War Pig and all the other piggies in his pen stay clear or get fucked. Unlucky you, have no choice but to try and bath in my motherfucking mud! Problem with that is I don't like anyone else bathing in my fucking mud without permission and I don't believe you asked for permission. Did you? No, you fucking didn't. Hell, you didn't even have the courtesy to sniff my ass before you started playing in my mud huh? Maybe once you're trapped in the pen with this Pig you'll learn your fucking place and bury your fucking head when you see me coming. That goes for anyone of you spotlight strokers who thinks they can waltz into my domain and stir the shit without properly receiving an invitation.

My dedication is to the XWF, Motherfuckers, and specifically the Television division right now. So Chris if in your mind and heart you want to take what is mine you better get the people behind you because they are a power that is untouchable. Only they can choose who is worth wielding that kind of power and honestly, I don't see the people backing you like they do me! You know why? They relate to me more. They respect me because I don't whine, I don't take shortcuts, I make my dreams reality, I give no fucks, and I have big swinging hairy balls! All attributes that make for entertaining the masses. Whining is never a good thing even when you deserve to whine, it makes you look pathetic and unworthy. Not taking shortcuts, people want the full story, not some chump who sucks and fucks their way to the top. Everyone needs hope that dreams can come true. Not giving a fuck about all the politics and bullshit shows you only care about what really matters. Finally, my big swinging hairy balls give me the motivation, strength, and will to do whatever in the fuck it takes to leave it all on the line. All of that plus some is what the XWF universe needs right now and well it is exactly what I'm selling, you fucking Girl Scout!

I don’t know you, nor do I care to get to know you, Chris. Only thing I plan to get to know about you is how far you are willing to go before you collapse. How much energy, blood, tears, sweat, and life you are willing to sacrifice inside my pen! I only want to know the faces you make in agonizing pain, what you look like crying, and how you handle being beaten like a red-headed stepchild! Maybe one day we can sit down smoke some ganja and talk shit, Saturday just isn’t the day. XWF is my new religion, the ring is my temple, and Chris you are a sacrifice to the God of Wrestling come, Savage. Oh, and what a fun sacrifice you shall be. Number three in one fucking week, damn it feels good to be at war again. Have you ever been to war Chris? It doesn’t matter because if you have or haven’t, you’ve definitely haven’t been to war with me and well I am one very familiar soul with war. Mental and Physical. Conventional and Guirella, it doesn’t matter because when you get as acquainted as I did, war is always war. No matter the allies or the enemy, it is always the same goal. Beat the enemy down until they have no strength to go on and they conform to your will. Oh and conform you fucking will maggot! Savage is mine now and I plan to keep it that way for a long time coming...

Oink, Oink Motherfucker!”

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