"There we go, detective dipshit comes in to spread his dipshittery exactly as expected. And naturally he's relying on the concept of only being when it suits him. Selective is a thing? Do I need to break things down nice and small for you? Where did I praise Gilmore in any real way? By pointing out he beat you? That's hardly praise, especially since I followed it up by calling him a training tutorial. But I guess when you're the scrub who can't get passed the training level, every mention of it seems like praise. Losing the belt in your first defense is also textbook losing immediately, it doesn't matter if you ducked challenges for 3 months, like the coward you are. Talk all the shit you think you can about my belt, and me, but I've defended it successfully more times than you've defended literally any title you've ever held. Let that sink in.

Um, sweaty, how is this match not about me and Finn, if I l disrupted your match with Finn to slam down my contract arrangement? This match is 100% about my dislike of Finn, otherwise I wouldn't have been in it. Again, I realize the selective is kicking in. Like, how could this be about anything besides my beef with Finn? Why else would I have been inserted into the mix? You fuckstain? Go ahead and use your bullshit explanations, we all see the truth. Should I even begin to explain the contradictions in you allegedly being , and still managing to drop some sort of information? Nah, that's too easy, it's low hanging fruit. You'd just make up some bullshit about it while crying about Guppy or something. Shut the fuck up, you useless pile of dried cum socks.

I lied to Nate when I told him I served in the military and met Mike in Iraq. In 2010, I was working in a Dairy Queen in Des Moines, Iowa. I've never served in the military, I thought about enlisting, but realized I'm not ok with being shot at. Which is sad, because last Warfare, Lane shot me in the dick anyway. I don't know why I'm telling you this, except maybe because I realize that me rambling on and on about things is probably more entertaining than anything Finn or Scully could come up with to talk about. Because, let's be real here, a guy who wants to talk like he's a big lion and a guy who thinks it's funny to act like he has brain damage when it suits him are probably not likely to score entertainment value. Finn will keep going with bullshit stories about his life, and how hard he allegedly had it, and Scully will emit the same humor you'd find on South Park, and let's be perfectly honest, no adult really thinks South Park is anything special anymore. Unless they're stupid as shit. Scully's whole life is trying to live some edgy teen fantasy, probably to cope with the fact that he knows for a fact he's less impressive than sticking a bandaid on a watermelon and calling it Miley Cyrus.

And Finn? He's got a bad case of the needs to be noticeds. So, in an attempt to stand out from the crowd, with his blander than bland tough guy routine, which I won't even begin to touch, cause Cadryn did a good enough job there for all of us. Props, Cadryn. Anyway, in an attempt to stand out from that, Finn has resorted to the oldest trick in the book, pretend to have some interesting story that's completely made up, and like came from a Showtime series, since it's not edgy enough to be HBO. Fuck it, actually, I'm pretty goddamn certain that Finn saw this story in that Fievel movie where he comes to the US, but Finn swapped out Ukraine for Germany, to make it seem more interesting. Because who doesn't love the story of German immigrants making it big?



That's right, everyone. Everyone is bored of those stories, because we've seen em a thousand times. We want something new, something fresh, something to bring our attention back to whatever bullshit story we're being told. We want Mike. That's right, we want to see stories about Mike, the Dragon who believed he was a dragon, and in turn became a cultural icon, and killed Sean Hannity. Because that's going to happen, believe it. And when it happens it'll be way more fun and imaginative than whatever bullshit story Finn will tell you. I don't care if he's agreed to help me take on those two women, and help me defend my tag title. Of course this will help lead to me getting that Bombshell title from Myst, and then moving on to get the Universal title. Because of course I deserve that. Anyway, I'm bored,
so I'm gonna cut this out. Bye."

So, Mike wants to watch a movie tonight, and we're trying to figure out what to watch. He's deadset on Godzilla, the Mathew Broderick one, and I'm against that, because it's a bad movie. He stormed off to his room, and slammed the door. So, I'm sitting here on the floor, with my head in my hand crying. I hate when we fight, especially over Mathew Broderick of all people. But, he just doesn't understand my hatred for that film, he thinks I'm being lizard-phobic, and I don't have the words to explain to him that that's not the case. I hear his door open, and Mike comes shambling out, into the living room. I look up at him, and our eyes meet, and I see it. Right there in front of him, is his suitcase.



"Come on, baby. Don't be like that, we'll watch Godzilla. We'll go catch flies and crickets. We'll go hunt for wild lettuce. Anything you want, babe."

He just looks at me, and flicks his lizard tongue a few times. I honestly don't know what that means, and it hurts. He pauses before crawling off back to his room, leaving his suitcase there. I guess he's reminding me that he can leave at any time. My heart breaks.