"Finn Kuhn, I bet you're wondering why I bought this match, aren't you? I bet you want to know the reason we're facing off in a Socker Bopper Death match, of death? Well, the answer is simple. Your name. You know who has fins? Sharks. And you're not a shark, you're a bubble guppy. And not even one that's good enough to be on TV. You're a failed Bubble Guppy, and it's high time I made you realize this fact. So, you and me, just us, and maybe Scully. But more importantly is just the you and me. Let's do this, we'll sock em bop into the morning, and you'll lose again. Because that's what you do best. You lose, and you smell funny. Like rancid dog ears. You're a dog eared muppet, you know that? And I bet you hate colons! Not the punctuation mark, either. You hate the large intestine, because it reminds you of the time you were in Germany and ate Wiener Schnitzel, doesn't it? Doesn't it make your butthole pucker up just thinking about the glory of my large intestine? THINK OF THE JUICES FLOWING THROUGH MY INTESTINE!

Now that we've settled that, let's address the facts. You're a scrub, a loser, and hermit crab that got kicked out of his shell. You'll never amount to shit here in the XWF, and why is that? Because you're a pathetic lying piece of dog shit. You think you had to hide in the US from the nasty Zima group? Ok, fine. But why would you then go blasting all about it world wide? And don't correct me on what their name is, it doesn't fucking matter. What matters is that you're lying about that, or you're just really stupid. Which is it, bucko? Are you a liar, or are you stupid? Why would you be in hiding, and then go blabbing your story everywhere? You really think an organization like the dreaded Zenmu group is going to forgive your dad's debt, and insulting them by hiding for 17 years? Yeah, because that's how criminal organizations work, they just forget and forgive. Oh, wait. That's the opposite of how they work. Of course, only a fucking mentally handicapped Bubble Guppy would believe this was a good idea.

And then we get to the nickname, the young lion. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You're Simba? Or, does it mean that you're a young punk ass that thinks it can roar and hang with the big dogs? Am I supposed to be afraid from that nickname? Should I respect it? Because I don't, and I don't respect you. You're a stupid piece of dog shit claiming to be a lion. You owe me money for having to sit here and address this fact. I want my Ten thousand Xbux back, now. Matter of fact, I'll probably buy the stipulation that whoever wins this match gets everyone else's money. That sounds fair, since I have to deal with your stupid ass for the next week, I may as well get paid for it. Also, maybe if you pay me I'll pass the money onto the Xerox gang, to cover your dad's debt, just so you guys don't die because of your incompetence anymore. And maybe just maybe, as a consolation prize, I'll get you a pet kitten, so it can one day grow up to kick your ass. Because you wanna be a lion, and that's how shit works in the cat world. You fucking yogurt snack.

And you Scully, I don't really care much about you. Why should I? What have you done that's worth addressing, ever? Good on you for winning the Universal title, and then losing it immediately to Peter Gilmour of all people. You were the top guy, and you lost to the XWF's training tutorial. Honestly not sure how that's happened, but it did, and we can't move on from it. This is a trend for you, isn't it? Winning a belt, holding it for a short ass time, and then immediately losing it because you suck. There's not really a punchline, or something witty there, because you don't deserve that. You just suck bad, man. I sincerely feel bad for your parents for having to have to admit to raising you. But, actually I have to know something seriously important. Like the most important thing I could ever ask someone. Why did you swap between being and not on a whim? Is it because it's funnier for you to pretend to be , or is it because you think you can win better when you act like a special ed student? Maybe the truth is that you've always been , and any chance to act otherwise is just a distraction? Or, and this is more likely, you're just a goddamn piece of shit that desperately clings to anything in an effort to get some goddamn attention and relevancy, and as a means to defend yourself from criticism when you shit the bed. You fuck up and lose to Peter, and it's ok because you're a goddamn . You get called on directly contradicting yourself? It's ok, because you have an extra set of chromosomes, or whatever. When in reality, you're just incredibly useless, and need a good shield.

So, both of you, go on and make your fucking excuses no, because nothing else you could do to prepare for this will matter. I will tape Mike to my fucking head, strap on my Socker Boppers, and beat the fucking shit out of you both. After I kick your asses, I will rip your pants down, and shit into your pants, and then pull em back up. That's right, I WILL SHIT YOUR PANTS FOR YOU. And neither of you will be doing much to stop me, because you're both a bunch of useless cunts. Go fart in a bath tub and laugh at the bubbles, you worthless piles of dried cum."

That was boring, I had to be all big and mean, which makes Mike, angry. We decide to go for ice cream to counter that horrible mess. We get on my bicycle, well I do and Mike is on my head, and we start making our way down to the ice cream store. It's not a lot bike ride, but it's cold outside, and Mike refuses to wear a jacket, even though I keep telling him he needs one. He just doesn't listen to me, and I'm not sure what to do. It breaks my heart, but it also worries me that he'll freeze and get pneumonia. I don't know what I'd do if my little Mikey got pneumonia.

We get to the ice cream parlor, and Mike rushes in to get a table for us. I park the bike in the bike spot before going in. We order our delicious ice creams, and when they ask for a name, I give em Finn Kuhn's, because if he's dumb enough to blab it all over the tv and web for the Shin megami tensei club to see, then I can use it to draw them out. Anyway, we eat our delicious ice cream, and and then wait for the storm to pass, since a freak blizzard just hit.