*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

"Y'ello?"

The room was dark. The only light to be seen was the beam of sunlight that happened to sneak in between the curtains on the large window looking out from the 23rd floor of Saint Michael's Hospital.

"Hello? Calypso?"

"Who.... Who goes there?"

A raspy voice whispers from across the room.

"It's Steve Sayors."

He whispers loudly.

"You... called me and told me to come here?"

"Come in Steve. Please."

He takes a deep breath.

"Come in."

Sayors looks around the hallway and back into the dark room before slowly entering. He reaches and stretches across the wall for a light switch.

"No!"

Calypso screams!

"Leave them off. The light hurts my head... And not even you should see me like this, Steve Sayors."

"I... Don't think I understand, Calypso. Did you call me for an interview or....?"

"I can still feel him pressing against me...."

"Umm, pardon?"

"Mel Gibson. I can still feel his punches landing on my face. Thrusting and thrusting and thrusting.... For a man on the backside of our lifespan, he can certainly still throwdown. Fo sho."

"My God, man... Heh. Is that why you're in the hospital? Mel Gibson beat you up?"

"The man unleashed a fury that I've only seen at KKK rallies. His thoughtless actions... I've only seen in from the drunkest drunks.... Like a mad man...."

"What happened?"

Calypso takes a few deep breaths. The only other sound in the room is the heart monitor, which beeps here and there keeping up to the pace of Calypso's pulse.

"Well, it all started with Kelly Ripa."

---

---

---

The scene blurs back to when Calypso was co-hosting LIVE with Kelly.

"Hi! Welcome back! I think we we're ready for our special guest for today. He's starred, produced, and directed many, many films over the years.

"Everyone please welcome, Mel Gibson!"

The crowd and the two hosts give Mel a standing ovation as he makes his way across the stage. Something seems off with him though.... He stumbles into Kelly's hug and almost falls backwards in the chair. Calypso catches him and tries to hug him, but Mel pushes him away and stares at him.

Welcome to the show, Mel! Glad you could be here."

"Yeah, me too. I almost didn't come if you still had that big assed nCENSORED on here."

"Wow. Okay."

"AWE, nCENSORED please!".

"Okay, okay. Um, we ARE live boys. Did you guys get that...?"

She looks at the camera obviously speaking to the production crew in the back.

"Oh, so you're going to censor me like everyone else? I knew this fCENSOREDing show was a bad idea."

"It's daytime television, Mel."

"Yeah, bruh. Take a chill pill."

"YOU shut the fCENSORED up."



Mel shifts back and forth in his seat, obviously uncomfortable... Obviously under the influence of... something.

"And I'm not your fCENSOREDing BRO, jew."

"Okay, cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!"

Kelly jumps up out of her seat and waves her arms in the air. The cameras quickly cut and the show brings up another commercial.

"What the fuck is going on here?! What are you doing?

"Well, to be honest, I told my agent to fuck off even after that nCENSORED left the show. What's he doing? Calling basketball now? That's where he belongs. Actually, he belongs in a cage."

A few men in black shirts step out from the back and begin to approach the three sitting center stage. Calypso notices his back up and does what any gluten-free super hero would do....

"Listen dude! Who do you think you are? Huh?!"



Calypso growls at Mel who doesn't hesitate to stand-up and clock Calypso across the face who then crumbles like a cookie on top of the desk. Kelly scurries away as he goes Lethal Weapon on the security guys and manages a few good shots on Calypso's head. More security rush to the stage, but not before Calypso manages to look up to see a potted plant flying down at his head.

---

---

---

".... And that's the last thing I remember."

"Bummer."

"I'm never watching Brave Heart again."

Steve Sayors still stands at the foot of the bed. The room is so dark that he can barely make out a silhouette of the former 5-time champion.

"Honestly Calypso... If you wanted to do something here we're going to need some lighting."

Calypso sighs very loudly and lets out a whine.

"I know you're probably concussed and all.... Maybe we should wait another day to do this."

"NO! No... Very well. Open the curtain. But don't look at me!"

Calypso buries his face in a pillow as Sayors opens the curtain.

"You just got beat up man, it shouldn't be that big a deal."

"I'll be the judge of that.... Hand me that mirror over there..."



"What? I can't hear you under the pillow."

"MIRROR! GIVE IT TO ME!"

He remains hiding behind the pillow and snatches the mirror from Sayors. He holds it up and sobs to himself.

"Oh my God....."

He throws the pillow down.



"I'm horrendous!!"

Calypso looks no different other than the puffiness on the side of his face and one eye. Sayors picks the pillow up off the floor and throws it back on the bed.

"Are you wearing guy-liner?"

"It brings out the color in my eyes!"

Sayors laughs under his breath and pulls up a chair beside the bed.

"So.... You going to be okay for your match on Saturday?"

"My title match? Damn skippy, Steve."

"You know you're not competing for the Bombshell Title, right?"

Calypso looks in bewilderment.

"Say what?"

"The Bombshell Title. It's not up for grabs this weekend."

"I still don't understand."

You're a dude! You can't compete for the title.

"Then why was the match booked?"

"I don't know, talk to JT or Milton. They run things on Savage. Besides, Jenny Myst fights guys all the time."

"And she's the champ?"

"Right."

"Sweet. That title is mine, dude."

Sayors smacks his head.

"Okay, whatever."

"Jenny obviously doesn't know who she's dealing with. When this all started she was presuming everything that was going to happen this week. Me and that other dude were going to come out and call her a whore and throw the same BS at her that everyone else does. Well, news flash toots, Calypso ain't like the others."

"It's funny she would say that though because that's EXACTLY what I'm dealing with, bruh. No matter the situation, no matter the match, no matter the day, month, year.... Even if it is, like she says, rare... Every time I come out here to get a piece of the pie, I'm told the same old 'mumbo jumbo'. Everyone poops on my accomplishments in my extensive career here in the XWF. Everyone disregards the incredible feats I've done, like beating Ghost Tank. Does she know I've been here literally like.... Years? I may have only been to a few rodeos in that time, but at least it ain't my first one. Now, before she starts jumping down my throat about HER first time and yada yada.... Let me just point out that I've seen what she's done. She decided to break away from the chain hooked onto her boy-toy Chris Chaos's finger and try to go and be something herself. True Cinderella story. It's beautiful and, I'll admit, she's doing okay. She's won the majority of her matches, she's won a title, she's on TV more than Tigs, and Jenny Myst has pretty much become a well renowned star here. Now, lemme ask ya this. Is it because of the impact that she's made around here? Or because she's literally on like, every single flippin' show? Savage, Warfare, PPVs.... It don't matter. If there's a camera and some peeps watching? Jenny Myst is there. If every time I turned on XWF TV and seen her strutting around like a dog in heat, I'd remember her, too. So I think she's tooting her own horn a little bit too hard for the car she's driving, nad I'm sayin', Steve-O?"

Steve just kind of blinks and looks back to Calypso.

"Spatting and drying humping my credentials into dust doesn't even make sense coming from this girl. She acts all high and mighty when she's JUST won a title that's only existed a couple of months. Yo, babe, remember when you lost the first ever Bombshell Title match? Abs and Michelle may not be hanging around much anymore, but big deal. It was still a tally in the second column for you and proof that you ain't got half the bite as you do bark. Nipping at the heels of true competition from a division that's hardly even a division anymore. If she would go down in the XWF history books as the LAST Bombshell Champion, it wouldn't surprise me. And not because she's some unstoppable force like our Television Champ, Neville Sinclair or the Tag Champ Kings. It would be because there's no one else to step forward to remind her that she just got lucky. That's where Calypso comes in. She's gonna feel like she was in the 19th century because she won't be able to do shit when Calypso starts dancing circles around her, till her fine dizzy ass gets planted like a walnut tree."

Steve Sayors stands up from the chair and begins pushing the chair back to its original place.

"Where ya going, Steve-O?"

"I, uh, I'm getting ready to head out. Keep talking, I've got it all up here. Steve points to his temple Since, you know, you refused to let me bring a camera crew.

"Whatev man! Peace!"

Steve Sayors rolls his eyes and waves as he passes by the bed and heads out the door. Calypso fishes around blindly on the table beside him and picks up his cellphone. He looks at it, holding it with both hands.

"Okay, Calypso. Its time to show the brass."

He takes a deep breath and turns on his camera.

"Sup XWF and Calypso-holics? Your gluten-free super hero here to give one last shout out before my big title match this Saturday. I know it seems odd for a man of my masculinity to chase after a title designated for the women of the XWF because they just cannot keep up and compete for the real shit, but I feel it is my duty as a human being to put a stop from the travesty that's going on right here. Abigail had it right when she said her sole mission was to keep Jenny Myst from the title. Well, guess what? That bitch failed, cuz look what happened."

"It seems like there's no one left to even step up to challenge for the title, so it looks like management has placed that duty into magic hands."

Calypso waves his hands..... mysteriously.....

"Can I get the job done? Heh. Do flawdles climb trees?"

Calypso pauses as if waiting for a response.

"I've never been so sure of something in my entire life, people. If there's one thing Calypso knows how to do it's putting ladies on their backs. I may look frail and a little bony, but a consistent and healthy gluten-free diet would do that. Damn, girl, you just attack everything about everybody, don't ya? Nice shoes twat. How's it feel? Just because your boo boo preps you a protein shake before you two go work out in separate gyms cuz you cramp his style doesn't mean you're getting the protein you need. In fact, I'd be leery enough to watch that freak prep the thing for ya. You know how he likes to cause...... chaos, right? You think a little mandrenaline stirred into that gives you the edge you need?"

"Bottom line is, Jen Jen, this is going to be a step back for you. You wanna step on Calypso and pretend he's nothing? Good, great, fantastic. But, when he's the one skipping from the ring with victory tears in his eyes, just remember all of this BS your saying. 'The guy that likes playing in the division, I call it that because I don't want affiliated with it because I know I ain'ts gots the skillz, just fucking beat me.' That's you. That's what you're going to say. See, I can make predictions and just presume shit too. Because YOU are predictable. You're going to come out with that resting bitch face you always have on, strut around, and wait for a weak moment to take advantage of. I've seen it countless times, babe. You're just like your boy-toy Chris Chaos. The dude is everywhere, but absolutely nowhere at the same time and pretends he's still relevant. YOU may have some relevancy right now, but I'll be fixing that. You won't be criticizing the Calypso-nator when your flat on your back, winded, exhausted, and defeated after getting dropped with one."

"Its a shame that things had to go down this way, Jenny Jen. It looked as if things were just starting to blossom for you around here, but losing to the likes of old, worthless Calypso isn't going to help your case one bit. Shame, shame, shame. Lemme ask, you think Chris will ever let you in on the hunt for that Uni Title? Or would that cause a conflict of interest and jeopardize what you guys have built? I mean, you talk about the Federweight Title like it's nothing, at least the entire roster belongs to that 'Division of ' as you put it. I can't wait to find out what it's like to be the champion of a division that's dying because no one is here to support it except one, half-talented, tainted piece of boneless porkchop like yourself. It's going to go down like the Title that Scully carried around with him for a while because losing the Universal Title apparently nuked his brain. You'll be carrying around a piece of tin that the XWF won't even recognize anymore and still hold it to the same prestige as winning the damn Noble Prize or something. Get with it, girly. Get with the program. Change the damn channel. Download that update. Quit believing everything you read on Facebook and go make Calypso a pot pie. He hungry."

Calypso gets ready to shut off his phone when he looks back.

"And to keep ya'll entertained for a bit, here's something special for ya. Enjoy. And Jenny? Consider this a preview for Saturday! Boom!"

"Oh! And before you go... You may or may not know, but I ain't got to appear on every show for ya'll to remember the name................"


Calypso waves his hands very........ . . . .............. . . . . . . mystically......... . . .

"Calypsoooooooooo!"