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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Celebrating, and you can't tell me otherwise
Author Message
Grande Ricardo Offline
Tag team champ/ Mike the dragon



XWF FanBase:
Teens, some men, few kids

(cheered BECAUSE they break rules and bones)


#1
10-20-2017, 05:37 PM

"MIKE! We made it. We're champions. We're the tag team Champs of the world. We did it, big fella. No one can touch us. Except me, I can touch us. With a stick."
I pick Mike up and put him on my head, and start spinning in a circle to celebrate. A poops falls out onto the floor, because I'm naked.

"I guess I should have put on pants, but whatever. Not my house."

You see, we weren't at my house, but a Waffle House, and Mike was sitting on a pile of scrambled eggs, because that's how we celebrate. The only thing I'm wearing is my helmet, and my boots. Gotta cover my face, and you cannot walk barefoot in a Waffle House, that's just a surefire way to get Syphilis and diphtheria. You don't want diphtheria, that's for sure. One time when I was in a Waffle House, I got Whooping Cough.

The waitress walked over to me, and was angry, and yelling at me, but I can't understand her, because I'm listening to music in my helmet.

"No, I don't need a refill. Mike is good on eggs, I wanted Pancakes, but you guys don't have any, so I'm just gonna go to iHop later. I hope you don't mind."

She's not listening and keeps yelling at me. I'm confused, maybe she doesn't speak english.

"No need refill. Please bring Checkuh"

I put emphasis on the last word, hoping she understands. She stands there gesturing at the turd on the floor, and I drop a second one. Her jaw drops to the floor, and I pick Mike up, he makes a poop as well, and we bolt from the restaurant. I'd imagine that the waitress is chasing us, so I drop some more poops, these ones are liquid. If she's after me, she'll slip and fall in the poops. That will arouse her so much she won't be able to continue the chase. Success is mine! Mike and I are stopped as we turn the corner to get away from the waitress. Steve Sayors the XWF interviewer, and resident nerd is standing there, nervously shaking, a cameraman is behind him. I turn off my music

"Huh-huh-hey, Grande Ricardo. Can we talk?"

I put Mike on my helmet. I added a tiny little harness to it, so I didn't have to keep taping him to it.

"Sure"

"So, uh, um, hmmm. It looks like you've won your first match, you're the..."

I point down to my now enlarged groin area, there's no belt or anything there.

"Tag team champion. Mike and I won the tag team match fair and square. Drezdin tried hard, but he tripped in Calypso's peepee, and then tried to set me on fire. I still managed to win the match, Mike was eating popcorn hittin' on Lizard chicks the entire time, but I won it for us. I surely did."

"uh, um. Hmmm."

He draws his breath in, and holds it there.

"Yeah, I don't think that's true. The cards I got say Federweight champ. That's the second lowest belt."

"You are fake news. Your cards are incorrect, I was there. It was a hard battle, but we prevailed. It was glorious, and many people died. Did you know Drezdin set a child on fire in the ring? Yeah, a kid came to get an autograph, and Drezdin was so enraged that he set the child on fire. Right as the kid was climbing out of his wheelchair, it was lit."

Steve looks down at his cards, and shuffles them around a little.

"Well, ok. So, your upcoming match is against..."

"I know, I don't know how you did it, but I am taking on the entirety of the 1996 Seattle Seahawks, all at once.This is going to be the biggest challenge of my career, but I don't think I have any choice, but to win. I will go on and I will push Marshawn Lynch down, and I will punt George Zimmerman's face, and I will clothesline Dan Marino so hard he thinks he's back in 1996. I will spear John McCain until he shits himself. DO NOT TEST ME! MIKE IS FIRED UP! LOOK AT HIM!! JUST LOOK AT MIKE!"

I lean down so the camera can zoom in on Mike's face.

[Image: 142353-425x282-Bearded-dragon-flaring.jpg]

"Ok. well he certainly looks pumped. But, you're facing Jamie Shapiro. In a singles match."

"Why the hell are you constantly lying to me? Can anything you say ever be trusted? This is becoming an insult."

I poop again, this time it smells, and Sayors notices. He crinkles his nose, and looks slightly disgusted.

"Did you just shit on the street?"

"No, he did."

I point to the camera man.

"Bullshit. Don't blame your weak anus on me."

Mike gurgles.


"My anus is not weak. I can use it to open a jar of pickles if I wanted. It's the strongest anus you've ever seen. LOOK AT IT!"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing, I tested myself for tuberculous. Are you telling me that the Tuberculous tests are wrong?"

"Get the fuck out of here with your shit. Seriously, go away."

This hurts my feelings. :(

"Wait, you have to film me. So, we're gonna do this right. You say I'm fighting Jamie Shapiro?"

"Yes."

"Then you're gonna film me as I spit some fire."

I begin to masturbate at a steady pace.

"Jamie Shaprio is a piece of shit, and looks like the result of crossbreeding a Labrodoodle with a firetruck. And I bet you have tiny poops, like a child. As you can see, I have large adult sized poops. Mike here is one the tag champs, and he thinks you suck. He thinks you couldn't wrestle your way out a toilet store, which is an odd thing to be unable to wrestle your way out of, they have automatic doors. Mike, are you sure you meant a toilet store? Ok, fine. I'll go with that, but don't blame me if you get less fan mail this week. No, I know you were on Tigerbeat or whatever, and you're the Time person of the year, but damn.

Ok, so back to you Shaprio, your name sounds like Sharpie, and I keep a sharpie in my socks at all times. There's not a reason for it, but any man who doesn't know where his sharpie is, is a man who probably smells like gasoline. Do you know where your sharpie is? Can I use it to sign my name on your sandwich? I'm taking your lunch money, nerd. And another thing, your face is ugly. It's ugly like a Sharpei's butthole. You could enter a butt smelling contest, and they'd confuse you for a fucking turpentine. Don't test me! MIKE IS LIVID. I WILL SCREAM!"


I finish on Steve's feet, and the camera guy and Steve turn around and walk away.

[Image: dKqz7Pz.jpg]
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