First and foremost let me just say..








HAHAHAHAHAHA.



AND YOU SAID MY CLAIMS OF YOUR AWFULNESS WOULD GO UNFOUNDED?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA.


Damn, dude. That was good. I mean, I know you looked in the mirror and put on your most serious face, so it wasn't purposely comical. But regardless, I ain't laughed like that in a minute. I've been waiting for you to step out from under your momma's skirt and step to the Essence of Excellence. Except, I honestly expected more from you, Finn. You left me with a hole where my heart should be in the sense of competition.

It's like Deja Vu anytime I step in the ring anymore. All of you generic “badasses” are exactly alike. You come in, you try and make some ignorant, moot, point about anything and everything, and you fall short every time. It’s getting boring, if I can be honest. Main, Reno, Gilmour, you're all the same fuckin’ person. Talentless hacks that would be more well received running the camera for my promos.

At least then you'd be apart of something great.

Do I think this is a game you ask? Of course it's a game. I play for fun, just to give the rest of the roster hope. Do you really think I'd settle for the Hart title because that's all I'm capable of? Fuck no, dude. I'm a goddamn legend. Cavemen were painting my ass on cave walls, like some kind of goddamn prophecy. If I wanted the Universal Title, if I wanted it all, I'd take it. It's that simple. But what fun is a company full of guys with no motivation, and no drive? So I sit back and I let the peasants have the main course, while I fight for scraps. Eventually, though, the game will run its course, and y'all are fittin’ to have a bad fuckin day.

Why is it so comical that I'm here? If I weren't here, you'd never be where you are. Guys like me paved the road for guys like you. The little guy, the less talented, I did that. I manipulate the game in ways you motherfuckers could only dream of. I give hope where all is lost, and I give scrubs like you 5 minutes in the ring with a legend.

You make a big deal out of the title “Jester”. You attempt to slander it by speaking derogatorily against it. Do you have any idea how important a jester is to a king? I'm the middle man, the guy that keeps my king from taking his aggression out on the ones who don't deserve it. I take a bullet for the masses, without asking for a lick of salt in return. You little ungrateful fucks have no idea the shitstorm I weather just to keep you safe. Not to mention, as I've made known, I'm a man of many names and many faces. So to assume my role as jester as gospel is close minded and obtuse.

When I step in the ring with you, I've already accepted the challenge to find a more superior athlete.

Me.

I'm the goddamn man, and everybody knows it.

Also, news flash, kiddo, your mic skills suck more dick than I do. You're no general, you're nothing out of the ordinary, you're a generic child with a God complex. I've seen it tons of times before. Nothing you can say will rattle me, and nothing you can do will phase me. I am the last Man standing in terms of greatness. The only thing these fans know is that once the bell rings, I will make waste of you just like the others. Well, aside from the twelve guys that beat me, but that's irrelevant.

Oh look, more jokes about me not being a part of The Kings™. The only thing missing are the gay jokes. Or did you not do your research? Tsk tsk.

Okay, for the millionth time I'll explain this again. So, I really need you to listen Mr. Gaberobertpeterkuhn. It's really annoying to have to repeat myself.

Being a laughingstock is part of the job. Which is exactly what it is, a job. Have I made friendships, and become close to them on a personal level? Sure. But at the end of the day I'm paid to do a job, that I do very well, might I add. It's just business. Yeah, they could kick me to the curb. But why would they? I'm not dead weight. I'm not costing them victories or contributing to losses. I do my job and they do theirs, it's business. As for being the special kid, again, I'm an actor, it's part of the job.

Also, nobody asked why you care, because no one else cares. The rest of the world sees the business aspect of it, unless you're my opponent, apparently.

It's funny you chose my fortitude and my heart to try and pick apart. Yet another rookie mistake from a talentless rookie.

If you can recall, I laid down for you and McCoy a while back. I wanted to give you the same opportunities I do everyone, I wanted you to excel, and a victory over a legend would do just that.

You botched it.

How many other men on the roster can go something like 10-12 and still manage to win prestigious titles when they damn well please?

None of them.

I'm the real deal, son.

My heart, my determination, it shall never be accurately tested by the likes of trash, like yourself. You can call to question my everything, and I assure you, I will quickly and rightfully put you in your place, as I just have.

Also, I ain't gotta poof in anywhere and do any of that shit you tried to call me on. At the end of the day, it's apparent you don't know who you're fucking with. The King's™ have no bearing on what I'm going to do. There is no reason to waste time talking about irrelevant circumstances. As for a garbage mess of a promo? I'm fairly certain this right here would be classified as anything but garbage and garbled.

Though, speaking of garbled garbage, how the fuck could could my mom have killed me all those years ago, for you to turn around and do the same? That shit ain't make a lick of sense, boy. Fuck, you done caught the autism from Gilmour, didn't you?

Regardless, Young Lion, as you call yourself, you're in over your head. Because you're stepping into the Lion's Den come Warfare, and daddy lion ain't got no need for a waste of space young lion like yourself.

Today we dive a little further into the past of our lovably gay hero, Cadryn Cruze. If you haven't been following, you can connect the dots beginning with “Expekt 2 GET REKT” from Leap Of Faith.

As the months pass, Cadryn begins to normalize after the death of his husband Derek. As mentioned previously, Cadryn had been staying with his father Darren Zirado. The trauma surgeon who broke the news to Cadryn was none other than Natalie Tiberius. Now, it had been joked about in the last promo that Natalie wasn't aware that Cadryn was gay. She was certainly aware as she was the first person to comfort him in his time of need. So as he begins to normalize, Natalie and Cadryn begin spending more and more time together. Today, we travel back to before their marriage to get a little more light shed on the situation.

As the scene comes to focus we see a younger Cadryn sitting close to a beautiful Natalie. On the opposite side of the room, Darren Zirado. The three of them casually conversing while the old Zenith tv plays softly in the background.

Boy, I tell you what. That was some mighty fine chicken Natalie made. Ain't had that kinda food since your momma passed.

Darren says to the others as he slowly rubs his stomach in typical country fashion.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Mr. Zirado! It's the least I could do you letting me stay here.

Ah shoot, honey. You know you're welcome in our house anytime. Especially after what you've managed to do for muh’ boy.

Darren smiles at Cadryn, but it goes unnoticed. Cadryn stares blankly at the TV, ignoring the world around him. Natalie reaches over after a moment and puts a hand to his shoulder. Cadryn turns his head slightly and puts on a smile before draping his hand over hers.

I'm sorry, y'all. I don't mean to be rude. I've just got alot on my mind, that's all. I'm sure y'all can understand that.

Natalie smiles and nods in agreeance. Darren, on the other hand, looks on in disapproval.

Now boy, you know I loved Derek as much as anybody. Ain't a day goes by that I don't miss him. But you gotta get over it. You gotta quit moping around here like somebody died.

….

WHAT THE HELL, DAD?! SOMEBODY DID DIE…

Darren looks stunned as not even he can believe the words he has just uttered.

Poor choice of words maybe, but you know what I mean.

Darren has never had much in the emotions department. He's more inclined to yell at you about how stupid you're being than to coddle you. He's done his best to coddle his boy for a while now, and it seems he just can't take it anymore.

I know what you're going through, son. I've been there. When your momma passed I relied on you and Derek to help me get through. And y'all did, and I can never say thank you enough. But dang it, I've done the same for you. And it's killing me to see you like this. I'm sure even Natalie can agree!

But the elephant in the room wasn't how Darren approached the situation. It was Natalie's opinion of the situation. With all eyes on her, she was expected to validate Darren's opinion, though, that isn't exactly what happened.

I actually can't agree with that, sir. You said it yourself, you relied on someone just as Cadryn is. Some people take longer to heal than others. Other than being at the hospital, I've spent every waking moment with your son. And though he's getting through it, he still has a while to go.

Darren hangs his head for a moment. The tension can be cut with a knife. All the while, Cadryn hasn't uttered a word. Aside from the emotional outburst at his father earlier, he's sat silent.

You're probably right. I ain't never been good at this sorta thing, that's what his momma was for. I taught him what he needed to know, but I'm not a touchy feely type of guy. This kind of thing is hard for me..

Without a word, Cadryn stands to his feet and begins to walk toward the doorway. Through the kitchen and out the front door, off the porch and through the yard. Eventually stopping in front of an old plastic lawn chair. Cadryn sits down in the old chair and begins searching his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter. Once he finds the deadly duo he pulls two cigarettes from the pack and begins lighting them back to back. Cadryn pulls one of the two from his lips and extends it outward. Out of the darkness we see a hand grasp the cigarette firmly.

You knew I'd follow you, huh?

Natalie says with a shit eating grin before taking a long drag off the cigarette.

Eh, I had my suspicions.

He says with a smile and a wink.

I'm sorry things went the way they did in there. You know I'll be here for the long haul. As long as you need me, I'm here.

Cadryn takes a drag from his cigarette and adjusts his WVU ball cap before looking back up at Natalie.

I know, Nat. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you being there for me. Funny to think that months ago we didn't even know the other existed. Now we're like inseparable. They say tragedy brings folks together, this is a shining example I suppose.

Cadryn laughs a little before taking a final drag from his cigarette and snuffing it out on the soul of his boot.

You experienced the one thing no one ever needs or wants to. I can't even begin to imagine what I'd do in that situation.

Cadryn stands from the chair as he laughs at what Natalie had to say.

You'd actually have to have a man first..

Cadryn exclaims with a playful grin. Natalie quickly jabs him in the arm for his trouble.

You jerk! One of these days I'll get my happily ever after.

Natalie says with a roar in light of Cadryns playful ribbing.

Yeah, yeah. Anyways, let's go back in and see what Dad is doing.

Cadryn playfully grabs Natalie by the arm and the two stroll inside the house, arm in arm. As the two make it inside the house, they are surprised to find Darren sitting at the kitchen table alone.

Hey dad, whatcha doin?

Cadryn says jokingly, though with a sense of concern.

Son, I've been sittin here praying. I been prayin that I can be the man you need me to be. I ain't think I've done a good enough job lately, and for that I'm sorry.

Cadryn walks over and plants a hug on his old man.

You're doing fine, pops. You got me through the thick of it, and that's what really mattered. I wouldn't change you for anything.

Darren puts his arms around his son.

Thanks boy, that means something right there.

The scene begins to pan out and fade before coming to a close.

A loving embrace can sometimes make everything alright…