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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Leap of Faith 2017 RP Board
Grand Finale
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JimCaedus Offline
Trash Talker Skywalker



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
10-13-2017, 08:59 PM

======€@£|)Ų$======









"Grand Finale"







Scheduled for release October 2019...the second and final chilling chapter in the saga of six posers and one. Evil. Clown. Stay tuned for a sneak preview with scenes chosen by the director himself interspersed throughout the vignette!


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::Michael Imperial taps away furiously, swiftly (this seems familiar), at his laptop keyboard throwing proof reading out the window of his richly juxtaposed contemporarily furnished 3rd World islander mud hut...because anyone can do a better, more colorful job of utilizing a wealthy American-Hindu Fijian than he can::

"Aaaaaaand done. Ain't this the straw that'll break that cocksucker Caedus's back!"

::Mike has just written up a response on the same fantasy wrestling site his Posers Club buddy Bill Chaos patronizes and while it was meant to encompass all five of his opponents, Mike has an inexplicably unhealthy obsession, again very much like Bill Chaos, with a certain handler on the site who controls real life XWF wrestler Jim Caedus and couldn't help but put the majority of what little effort and time he's willing to sacrifice into "Jim" with what he believes to be a winning blow using "Jim's" own stylings against him. Mike had recently returned from a hiatus and decided to revamp his character by eliminating anything at all unique and adopting what works for other handlers...the goal being to destroy "Jim" and send him packing on a rage quit. Mike. Hates. "Jim. Caedus".

Still, in a weird and thoroughly inarguable way...while Mike hates that handler, it all stems from self-loathing over how much he likes him and how well he portrays his own voice as "Jim Caedus"...which stems from how much he loves the real Jim Caedus. He turns to, AGAIN like Bill Chaos ('cause fuck changing shit up, eh Dan?), his poster of real XWF superstar Jim Caedus in which he's cut a hole around the crotch region and attached, via suction cup, a Caucasian-colored dildo as if Jim unzipped and has his cock hanging out. (Creative, no? Imperial has his moments of creativity..unfortunately for him those moments all take place in other people's promos.) And _what_ a cock. 12 full inches::

"Should I? I know if I'm going to call myself the best I should really invest the time to legitimize it instead of farting around...... Oh fuck legitimacy!"

::By Shiva, Michael Imperial takes every last inch of Jim Caedus's rumored-to-be-personally-molded 12 inch rubber cock into his throat, slamming his own hand into the back of his own head (and I mean HARD, people, like...like "HELP HIM, HE'S CHOKING!" hard), forcing himself to gag many, many times, his eyes streaming tears of joy and dry heave. He pulls back, saliva dangling in strands from dildo and lips alike, catching the light from the sun glistening romantically through the window he threw professionalism out of earlier. He slurps up what he can::

"I."

Slurp.

"Fucking."

Slurp.

"Love."

Slurp.

"You."

Slurp.

::He once again inserts the cock into his mouth and this time gives it a more gentle sucking. Well, gentle compared to choking himself out with it. He's still executing seemingly in futile-though-forceful squeeze blood from a stone suck nut from a dildo style, uttering his heart's innermost musings around it with each forward thrust::

"MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM!"

::He finishes by drawing back, still with black hole singularity suction, and POPPING it from between his fat brown lips like a sexy ho with a Blow Pop::

"I fucking LOVE you Jim! I AM to supposed to worship Shiva, I AM and yeah, I'm s'posed to toss a few peanuts Ganesha's way in the process too...and a few others I think...probably Jesus since I'm supposed to be American made. I forgot. I'm terrible with details and committing. But the point is, Jim, I worship YOU! Like a GOOD little tropical brown person, I worship the glorious golden haired white God first arriving on my beach, first to command my attention and now whom commands my tongue, my heart, my very existence. I would kneel before you ANY time, ANY where..." He puts a hand beside his mouth in secretive schoolyard fashion. "...and Lord Caedus, I swear unto you I will DRAIN those enviably large masculine balls through that thick, lengthy, pulsating, deity dick O' yours, that fat juicy God straw. MM! This I pray unto you-"

::He slams himself forward again, 12 inches choking the shit out of him once more::

"GAAK!!"

::He pulls back and projectile vomits on his laptop. Meh, better than anything I ever wrote, he thinks to himself. Then-::

"Amen."

"Ugh, creepy."

::Imperial spins, wiping the spittle from his gay beard::

"The fuck!?"

::What he sees...::


















































[Image: PoFi3Rg.jpg]
-is standing in his room and is awesome::

"The fuck??"

"What, there somethin' on my face?"

"This...can't be happening."

::He backpedals in fear, taking a seat in his wildebeest-hide chair in the process::

"Whatcha so afraid of? Yuh don't find me irresistible?"

"Well- first of all, no. I'm, as you may have noticed, fully queer. But second and more importantly...you're Pantywise the Flashing Clown. Admit it."

"Do I give off that vibe?"

"Harley Quinn, comic book character, appears in my home in Skerry, Maine and I'm NOT supposed to think Pantywise?"

"Meh, fuck the cat and mouse shit."

::Harley swings her massive maniac mallet, the force lifting Imperial up off the chair, across his desk and smashing his head against the surprisingly sturdy mud walls. His head explodes, sending inferior 3rd World genetic cranial fragments and gore every which way.

As his arterial spray paints the immediate vicinity and his limbs momentarily spasm-::

"That's fa callin' me a stupid whore, ya bastid."

::Pantywise leaps free from the Jim Caedus poster, dildo flying across the room::

"GOTCHA!! Heeeeeey..._Talaquinn_ you stole my kill!"

"Does it mattuh? I'm yuh G-F, technically yuh can brag about it by proxy."

::Pantywise sadly grinds his clownshoe toe into the carpet::

"Yeah...I guess so... Wanna fuck on his dead body?"

"'Kay!"


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::FADE IN::

::The zero hour upon him (and soul-draining lack of creativity from his opponents) Jim appears before a simple black backdrop with an image of the XWF 24/7 briefcase emblazoned upon it::

"Go ahead Jim."

"Scully, hello, how's your husband? Brother? Husband-brother? How's the limey inbred family comin' along? Still tryin', both of you, blastin' British creampies up eachother's assholes, for a wee wanker? You don't seem to know much about human anatomy (other than you love and salivate over penis) and procreation. You need some educatin'. All that brother boning, grandpappy penetrating will- What? This as stupid to you as it sounds? That's probably because when you ain't the dim dumbfuck tossin' out the type o' cliché grade school insults that'd make _Danny Imperial_ blush, pulled from the "Here's an American white guy, go with inbred and other such witty hillbilly type snaps" chapter in your prized and dogeared My First Diss book...it illustrates how fuckin' lame you truly are. I don't even have a sister...OR a niece for that matter ya tea-swillin' sack o' shit. And that's a legit denial...unlike yours over your name.

"Michael Scully" is it? Michael? _Michael_ Scully?"
S I G H "Floyd, you wanna throw it on up behind me?"

I turn to regard the backdrop as the 24/7 briefcase disappears and THIS comes into focus:

[Image: o4YoLwU.png]

"Care to retract your bullshit lie, Anthony? Or is it you, like Dolly Waters, have a problem remembering what it was you wrote up on your OWN PROFILE? We confused? Perplexed pissAnt? I don't blame you...with the level of attention you pay towards your "career" here as of late, why NOT forget who, like Danny Imperial, you're supposed to be? You absolute fuckin' moron. Your name ain't Michael, dummy, and because you've proven so inept at knowing who you are _I'LL_ say how it was you got the name Scully and it was pathetic fanboy love for the fictional Special Agent of the same name. Because...if a man can't remember his own forename, how can he be trusted to know the surname?

Oh...and the name Caedus... Well, you don't pay heed to your own name, why would you have been payin' attention when I informed the XWF Universe waaaaaay back in round one o' the Lottery that I'm a nerd indeed (the ironic kind that actually pulls chicks) but not for Star Wars...for Latin. Caeduus: Latin for "to cut or fell", hence my usage of my particular avatar on the site of me chopping wood. I dropped the second u, making the shit masculine, and voila...John Caedus was born. Then my big bro retired and I adopted the mantle. Sorry Skull...you'da been better off just keepin' your twat's trap shut than try to correct me. Now you look like the complete ass you are. Bravo, you've proven how little you know."


"I know that you Jim are a knock off, Muddy Waters."

"Uhhhh...what? Skull, are you so goddamn delusional you brainwash yourself into believin' those "hefty" hillbilly insults, was that an effort to inaccurately pull what I APTLY do as well or are you simply grasping at straws that AIN'T your needle dick for once?"

"Didn't you say if it was you who for screwed out of a match, you'd simply say "if I'd been good enough, I'd have avoided the interference anyway"? That's what you said right? Then you bitch about Blingsteen distracting you-"

"I'm sorry, I lost you at "-if it was you who for screwed out of a match", I don't speak drunk, faded and genetically honest to God . It sounded like you were tryin' to call me a hypocrite. Here's the thing...you possess no skills of comprehension. Paraphrasing, I said if I were like you I'd consistently shit out excuses for losing matches and kicked it off with what I. Actually. Say. You. Fucking. Infant. Christ, there wasn't even any sarcasm in my statement you just simply CANNOT keep up in a convo with anyone over 7. For fucksake, I'm KNOWN for admitting to even a "dirty loss". Thanks for showin' up, shithead, it's legit the least you were able to do."


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::Pantywise, Talaquinn and...lo and behold, the reboot Pennywise stand off with the remaining Posers Club members in a chamber beneath the sewers of Skerry::

"Yo, can I join in?"

::All heads turn...::





















































[Image: aMckapj.jpg]
...as a Killer Klown From Outer Space waddles over to the clowns::

"Oh fuckin' A my nigga."


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"Chaos, your pathetic attempt to retort doesn't deserve any response. From what I've seen, the rest of us have fucked you up as definitively as verbal fisticuffs allow."


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"-and here's why I'm the Flashing Clown!"

::Pantywise rips open his clown suit, allowing a monstrous, glowing, toothed cock roughly 5 feet long and as thick as a tree trunk to flop out.

Bev Myst steps up::

"You call that a dick?" She whips out her own piece. "THIS is a dick!"

"Easy, Cuntadile Dundee. First, that's a clit. A mighty clit the size of an average sized dick but a clit just the same. Second-"

::Pantywise's wicked whopper gobbles up both Bill Chaos and Bev Myst::


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"Robert...you really didn't say much but make three or four lyin' points stretch out to encompass ten minutes o' my life I'll never get back. Since I talk so MUCH...for once I'll keep this short and sweet as with Chaos.

A. I was bigger than you before Ax3.

B. You ran off because you lost to Cadryn and felt you were shafted. Deal with it. Own it. Stop fibbin' .

C. You ain't gonna kill shit but continue to kill the English language.

D. Fuck brothers then. You think that hurts? Fuck off.

E. You and I gonna tangle one on one sometime soon. Prepare now.

F. You're fucked tomorrow night.

G.
"I WILL KILL YOU OFF! I’ll be that lethal dose you should have never taken! I’ll leave you like you left me lying in a gutter with a needle sticking out of your fucking vein!" "Someone sounds as confused as Chaos, Imperial and Scully. Do NONE of you take your time for quality? Shut up "brother", you're incompetent. See you at Leap of Faith."

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::The clowns kill off Scully, Reno and Main, Pantywise claims a briefcase hanging high above and attains the Ever-Hourglass! Yippee!::

"ITs"

Coming next October!

Don't miss it!

::STATIC::

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~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
~Efed Podcast Top 100 - #74 w/no Twitter (all credit to you, fam, 🙏 <3)
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF XTREME CHAMPION - 2x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX x2 - 3x 
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 3x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 5x (TV/Fedr, Uni/Trio, Tag/24/7, X/24/7 & Uni/Tag)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
~XWF July 2021 QOTM!! - line from "Took It All"
~XWF October 2021 RP of the Month!! - "This Just In" audio
~XWF November 2021 Star of the Month!! (3rd time!!!!!!)
~XWF Match of the Year 2021 w/Bourbsy!! - X-Treme, Flynn's Audio Shove-It


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