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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Leap of Faith 2017 RP Board
Drezdin can eat my ass whole
Author Message
Grande Ricardo Offline
Tag team champ/ Mike the dragon



XWF FanBase:
Teens, some men, few kids

(cheered BECAUSE they break rules and bones)


#1
10-13-2017, 07:59 PM

"Hi, Drezzy bezzy the chocolate mezzy. I'm a rapper, and I'm sitting on the crapper." The camera zooms out to show Grande Ricardo is, in fact, taking a massive dump right here and now. He calls them Gillies. Ok, zoom back in.

"You're such a lame ass dork nugget, like boo hiss. Do I really need to address you to win this match? Cause I'm pretty sure it's won by in ring work, and not what promos we cut. Weird, I was certain I signed up for a wrestling promotion. And not a debate club. Good thing, too, because if it was a debate club, you'd probably be out of your depth even more, you illiterate fuck. Have you ever actually won a match here? Genuine question, what's your record? Zero wins, half a million losses? Do you exist for any reason other than to get the shit kicked out of you? When the doctor slapped you the minute you were born, did he just follow it up by slamming you on the ground and pinning you for the one two three? Cause I gotta tell ya, if he didn't, and if your dad didn't every day of your life, they did jack shit to prepare you for your future. In case you misunderstood, your future is looking up at the sky as the better person pins you for the three count, and fans boo you like your name was Roman Reigns, and you had a stroke and lost all motor function.

Calling you a cuck would be an insult to cucks. Your significant others never left you for the better person, they just realized they could have a better time dating a literal corpse than dating you, you rancid pile of jizz socks. I don't know if I can keep this up, but I'm gonna try. Which is more than you could ever say about anything in your life. I could seriously just not show up to the match, send my goddamn dragon down to fight you, and still walk away the champion. Hell, I could send a fucking Pool noodle down to beat you, and you'd be outmatched. You're less talented in ring than a chalupa is at pretending to be a bowl of pasta. If you were a My Little Pony, you'd be Disappointment Sparkles, and your cutie mark would be the image of your mom hanging herself in shame. Let me set that up again. If you were a character on Dragon Ball Z, Krillin would be calling you useless. If you were a McDonald's promotional item, you'd be the random ass Hot wheels they tried to get people interested in.

If you were a mythical figure from history, you'd be the rock next to the one Arthur pulls the sword from. If you were a Disney movie, you'd be Mighty Joe Young, which was the worst received giant monkey movie ever. Let that sink in. If you were in the WCW, you'd be the dude who had to clean the bathrooms after Dusty Rhodes had a big bowl of chili. If you were a state in the US, you'd be Nebraska, during the dust bowl. You're literally the William Hung of the XWF, except he actually had fans. So, I guess you're less than William Hung. You're Clay Aiken's chance at being a US Senator. You're the Jan Brady of wrestling. Jesus, these keep coming. You're the weird animated version of Lord of the Rings, after someone cut out all the cool parts. You're the Chicken Soup for the Soul trend in 2017. You're the failed Chicken Run sequel. You're the AirPlane reboot, without Leslie Nielsen. You're what happens when you drop one of those dollar tree calculators in a toilet after a heavy meal consisting of nothing but Taco Bell fire sauce packets. You're the look of disappointment on someone's face every time they read the newspaper and see that Canada is still a country. You're the result of a bottle of mayonnaise fucking a tube of toothpaste, and aborting the bitch, and then microwaving the fetus.

Do you catch what I'm putting down, Drezzy? Because in plain terms, you'd dead useless, mother fucker. You've got as much chance at winning this, as Tonya Harding does of winning a sportsmanship trophy. You participation trophy, mother fucker."
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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler (10-30-2017)




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