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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Leap of Faith 2017 RP Board
Trash Talkin' with Steve Sayors
Author Message
Chris Chaos Offline
Corporate Chaos



XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)


#1
10-12-2017, 08:32 PM

OOC: I am not going to be able to do the story portion I had planned here and don't want to be behind the 8 ball tomorrow. So I made an adjustment here to get it up.

Chris Chaos was meeting with Steve Sayors back stage of the Vancouver arena. He was sitting in a big chair. Steve was across the way.

"Chris......this is not usually how this thing works. YOU requested an interview with me?!"

"Shut up Steve. I have something to say and I am limited to two promos tomorrow due to XWF rules. So I want to get this out now so I am not stuck at 2. I have to respond to Jim Caedus quick."

"Quick? Nothing you do is quick."

"Shut up Steve."

"Shutting up."

*Chris clears his throat.*


"So I see Jim Caedus took um-bridge with my little promo about him. Good, I love to see him riled up. I can't understand a word of it, but it is nice to see a little fire in that belly of his. I had to go to a Trump rally in Alabama to help with the translation, but I think I got the gist of it. Ramble, ramble, ramble, ambiguously gay attack, ramble ramble, quote me, ramble ramble, "I'm Jim Caedus". I have risen not just in the ranks, but in my game. I bring a new element every time. A twist and a turn, a surprise here and there. Every promo from me is different. Jim Caedus, he is just the same old Caedus. I feel like a whole new Chaos. Whenever I listen to Jim Caedus, I feel like nothing has changed. You see, when I said Jim was beginning to crack, I meant it. He knows he has begun to wane in the skill department, so he continues to mask his frustration with himself by hammering home the same redneck nonsense he has force-fed us for months. Jim Caedus is so flustered by me that he has to disect every word of my promo like a teachers pet biology student, and try to make me look like a total fool. Nearly half of his promo was in depth film study, quoting my lines and trying to rip them to shreds. Good strategy, right? No. More like free exposure. Anyone who has missed my promo before basically 80 percent of it for free, courtesy of that bearded cockbag. Do I really need to rebuttle his promo to show the world why his rebuttles are total...what is the word he used....hogwash?

Sure, why not.

Jim, this is a big match, but no I am not nervous. Admittedly, I would have been just a short time ago. I have no reason to be at this time. I love how you try to catch me slipping up in my speaking......Jim, I don't think you are in a position to demand that ANYONE speak clearly."


"Clearly not big enough a match that you'd nut the fuck up, shitcan the shiverin' and speak clearly, cocksucker."

Have you ever listened to one of your own promos? Jim, Boomhauer on King of the Hill speaks clearer than you. You want to hang on every word I say, little mistakes in my speak.......Jim, aren't you just the pot calling the kettle black. You don't speak with parentheses, asshat........half of what you said was a side note to your real point, neither of which made sense to begin with, but if someone were to READ your promo instead of LISTEN to it, they may loosely be able to follow along. Instead, you speak in circles like the winds of Irma and stumble through promos with worse English than Eastern European immigrants. I could let it slide if it were a creative and new idea. I could look past it if it were cutting edge and witty. But it is far from that.....same old boring, overly aggressive and flat out corny Jim Caedus. Jim Caedus needed eight thousand words to say the same thing he always says. He needed eight thousand words to tell me how much I suck, how much of an idiot I am, how I am a "contradictory douche?" Basically quoting my entire promo doesn't show anything but a lack of ideas and a desperate need to beat me. I throw a few insults in your direction, point out a few obvious flaws in your game, and you explode on the XWF airwaves with the same old trash you spew night in and night out, just super-sized dose of it. I am disappointed, truly. I thought you'd be better than this. Quality over quantity, Jim. This promo was tiring.....it dragged on like a slow shift at a night job. Here I go being long winded, maybe your rubbing off on me like glitter at a strip club. My point is, I "ain't scared", as you would say......I have no reason to be. Just because I have admitted I've grown mentally and that this match is bigger than the one at Lethal Lottery doesn't mean I am nervous about it.......it means I can shine. It means that I am not one to shy away from the spotlight. It means I can make my mark on this business by surviving this death sentence of a match......where did you get that I am scared out of that?

You can't even quote right.

Your mind may be just be as dull as your vocabulary. Pathetic, really.


But since you felt the need to call me out and explain my words, lets take a look at your next set of loosely thrown together accusations.

"Jesus wept wiped.....His ass on a bejeweled be-'gina'd (as in packin' vagina. keep up, fam, you know me) lump o' clay, called it Chris then called it quits. He can't even get through a D minus beard insult (I predicted they'd be comin'...again, EASY Cuck, as your stomach growls. That's "comin" with one M and an O) without stuttering in fear. "Rob Zombie doppleganger" by the way? Doesn't 'e have dreadlocks, dipshit? For cryin' out loud, if you're gonna try subtly suckin' off Soldier and Doc with a relatable-to-a-team-named-DOCTORSATAN! reference you could at least Google the guy and take a gander at 'is pics. And don't try and deny the dubious attempt, doofus; beyond the fact Rob and I are both white with beards there ain't a single comparable aesthetic detail. Thor. Thor is exquisitely apt. Call me Thor. Once I'm done hammerin' that hymen o' yours you'll definitely be cowin' to this God o' Thunder as the XWF's own God o' Blunders. Speakin' o' which...let's move on to those shall we?"

Okay......what? My head hurts just trying to process what the fuck you just said. I am sorry, my fault for being educated and not understanding trucker lingo.

Since you want to speak how you write, and vice versa, you may want to spell check before you quote me. Hell, I threw the transcript of this KKK meeting minutes horror show into a text document so I could at least attempt to understand what the fuck you're rambling about.....and that shit lit up with more red lines than a Twizzlers factory.

Once I'm done hammerin' that hymen o' yours you'll definitely be cowin' to this God o' Thunder as the XWF's own God o' Blunders.

What?

Jim, lay off the drugs. I know there isn't much to do in your cab on those early mornings but crystal meth is not the answer. Get help, Jim......we're all rooting for you.

Oh, and by the way, you "spelled" debatable wrong."


Now Jim Caedus wants to continue to cling to my words because he is too dumb to come up with his own. He has to have something intelligent to bounce off the wall and throw back, hoping this time it sticks. Just because you are beginning to wear down doesn't mean you aren't one of the best of the best, Jim. Look what you've done here. You're a bonfied legend, on paper. But even legends begin to feel the wear and tear of doing this every night. Look at this roster and how it is constructed. Right now, you're top 6. You are in the category of the best of the best......why wouldn't you be? That doesn't mean your star isn't fading quicker than LeBron's hairline. I was referring to your history, while pointing out your present. Before you throw around words like "contradictory", which are obviously above your reading level, you may want to take a deep breath and realize what the fuck I actually said. You may be 'amped up' Jim, but that is no excuse for ignorance. Who looks stupid now? You are grasping at straws so bad to find SOMETHING to catch me on, you are making yourself look worse in the process.

Even Danny Imperial pointed it out. All of the _o_'s in your trailer speak. Even with his fake, forced elegnce that has appeared out of the blue, and his sever mental issues and personality disorder, he sees just how idiotic you sound. "Jim Caedus is a god of trash talk". Someone told me that today. Well, just because he bears resemblence to Jesus, it doesn't make him god. You see, Jim, you can claim until you are blue in your bearded face that my "diss game sucks". What you don't realize is that my diss game is just.....different. Are you that intolerant? You probably think anyone who doesn't slur their words and struggle to form cogent sentences with proper structure is "weak in their diss game". No, Jim, we are just smarter than you. You are in your face, you bring the trash talk game to a whole new level of intensity....but when you have to have a redneck handy to translate every single line.....it gets annoying. People like you because you are different. People hate me because I am smarter. I am a step ahead. I am probably two steps ahead. I am lightyears ahead of you, Jim. Have you ever gotten into an argument with a dumb person? Well, no, because finding one dumber than you would be a tall task.....but for example purposes: arguing with a dumb person can be difficult because they find a single point, one they can actually comprehend, and they pound it home. They come at you. They are meaner, they are more fierce......but it is only because they can't help it. You couldn't get into a linguistic battle with me Jim, because I can't bring myself down to your level. Your trash talk is so good because it is so literal.....your trash talk is so good because it is actually that.....trash. Oh, the irony. The fact you can't understand English is concerning to me. I never said you weren't one of the best, I said you are beginning to show signs of slowing down. When did I ever say you weren't one of the top guys here? This match is loaded to brim, overflowing with talent. Until you completely implode, you are still a top talent here. Just because you are showing cracks in the armor, that doesn't mean you "suck". Try to pay attention to the language we have all agreed on here in 'Merica.

When I said this match is loaded with the top talent this roster has to offer, maybe I should have pointed out how Reno is useless now, Imperial is on an upswing but still not on my level, Main has lost his marbles, Scully is nothing but a social experiment......would that have made you feel better?

God you're dumb. You're lucky you're tough. If your fighting skills were even remotely close to your English skills, you'd be hovering somewhere near Kropotkin and Barney Green. Eight thousand words, Jim, eight thousands words you used to say essentially nothing.

Shame.


Have all of those shots to the head you've taken the past few weeks taken their toll? Are you going to sue Vinnie Lane for CTE? You quoted line after line of my epic promo, but one thing you said after really stood out to me.......

Like how you specified I've "fucked (you) up 3 times". Three Chris? Three? We've had two matches as opponents, _two_. Is the step from two to three really so immense you can't keep track? Christ almighty, I'd assume someone with as many losses as you would be intimately familiar with the difference between a two count and a three count.

Now I know that we have only had two matches. What I meant by that was this match......this promo. You fucked me up, Jim.....you got me good.........

*he slow claps to himself*

I understand I misspoke. It happens. I'm only human, Jim. But Jim Caedus, the literary police, caught me red handed! I'm putting my hands up! Don't shoot! Get the cuffs! You caught me Jim!

But if I had a nickel for everytime you said something stupid..........

Oh wait.


*pulling a nickel out of his pocket.*

You're as predictable as your monthly cunt-thly crimson cycle except that one time Jenny knocked you up

Not biologically possible, but good try. You get an A for effort.

5b: Craziness? While I admit your Glen or Glenda "hey big boy, this is Jenny Myst calling" crap is pretty fuckin' sick in the head, you ain't the one 'round here gettin' called crazy more often than not

Umm.....what? I don't even think you knew what that meant. Furthering my point that you are saying things just to say them.......growling out insults in order to look tougher when really you are shaking in your lumberjack boots.

Like in our I Quit match where your great lengths amounted to you gettin' choked out?

I never said I Quit, so did you technically beat me? Kinda defeats the purpose of the match....doesn't it?

Wouldn't my recent losses make _me_ the underdog?

No, Jim. Because everyone still thinks you're gonna win. Get your face out of Tala's brown box long enough to look around and soak in the environment. You were picked to win this thing before the ink even dried.

But perhaps the DUMBEST thing you said in that little stretch of trying to pick my words apart had to be this........

"Cuckles...a 24/7 Briefcase IS the Universal Title......"

Not true. Once you have the briefcase, it is about how you manage it. Ask Reno. How long did you hold onto that thing before you decided to use it? Hell half the roster, Reno included, even forgot you had the damn thing. Then, when Blingsteen cracked you in the back of the head and took the title from you......

I'm sure that's somewhere in the memory bank still, is it not?

It is all about how you manage the briefcase. The only thing that is the Universal Title is the Universal Title. You could cash in the briefcase and lose, Jim......likely? No. But possible? Bet your ass. Not only did Blingtseen cash in on you........but he/she/it beat you a second time in a rematch. In a fair fight.


So did Trax.

So did Engy.

So did Imperial.

The fact is this, Jim....tough talk all you want, but you just aren't the Jim you used to be. On a microphone, albeit confusing and not properly laid out, you're a beast. In the ring........eh.......fifty fifty as of late.


*he flips the nickel off the screen.*

"Oh, and by the way.....perhaps it is YOU who needs to do a little googling. What do I mean?"

He pulls out a tablet, turns it on, and opens a folder containing photos.

[Image: 1jJyR39.jpg]

"Are you telling me that's not Jim Caedus after a drinking binge? Looking a little rough there Jimbo. Looking like you are about to do a walk of shame--though if I had woken up next to a Sugay after a night of wild partying I probably would too. "

[Image: 8iCwAlL.jpg]

"Is this Jim Caedus? He said numerous times now that he is Thor. Hell, if this is Jim Caedus no wonder his recent in ring performances sucked as much as the movie did! Jim Caedus isn't Thor......he's bore."

[Image: IriyApX.jpg]

"How Jim Caedus also sees himself.......but we all know that's Jesus......."

[Image: Gag8jQb.jpg]

"Constipation? No wonder Jim is so angry all the time. He's constantly chip-munking!!"

"My point here is that Rob Zombie doesn't ALWAYS have dreads, and you kinda look like him.......even if you think you don't. The resemblance is there. You know what other resemblance you have Jim? You resemble a redneck who missed last call because he had the beer shits and then comes back to yell at the bartender and tell them "I'm Jim Caedus!". You resemble a lumberjack who is trying to pull-start a cold chainsaw and yelling "I'm Jim Caedus!" at it while you struggle to start the motor. You resemble a farmer whose crops don't grow that year and he yells up at the grey sky "I'M JIM CAEDUS!" Catch my drift yet? Not only do you not seem to understand that people can't follow you when you SPEAK with PARENTHESIS, but you spend so much time telling us all how good you are and how bad everyone else is...........

........you fail to even realize who you really are. Ambiguously gay. Reference after reference. Ass fucking. Cum this, cum that. Dick. Balls. You have used every on-the-fence-gay analogy ever created......and a little salad toss metaphor gets your attention?

Why am I not surprised.........


[Image: TdWkfep.jpg]

^^^^ ROBERT MAIN AND JIM CAEDUS IN 30 YEARS, HAVING RECONCILED THEIR DIFFERENCES AND DECIDING TO HEAD TO AN AX3 REUNION TOGETHER.


"That brings me to Robert Main.....the former back-burner brawler of the storied AX3. The man who went from looking like Seth Fedder to resembling Jim Caedus. You have no identity, Robert....what's next? Are you going to gain about 175 pounds, come to the ring looking like you have a basketball under your shirt, and pretend your Peter Gilmour? Hey, at least he is a champion. You see, Robert, that is all you are doing....playing pretend. This entire comeback is box forts and couch cushion castles. You wanted to team with Reno to go after the Tag Titles, and it wasn't until Doc shot you down and reminded you the match was made already, making you look like a fool even more than you do yourself, that you suddenly began to care about this match.

Your entire claim to fame is pinning me WAYYYY back in FEBRUARY. Almost a year ago, Main. And how did you pin me? Well that loudmouthed sack of shit Gabe Reno hit me with a steal chair. You didn't pin me cleanly, and you didn't earn the pinfall. Since I have the tablet with me still, lets take a looksie at the match that you supposedly "waxed" me in."

He pulls up the video.

Chaos turns around and faces Robert Main! The two circle one another and face their own corners now... Chaos attacks with a side kick to the gut as Main steps forward with a forearm! The two of them bounce back from the blows towards the their opposite corners. Reno reveals he had a chair stashed over their by him and winds up to smack Main! He's about to get some sweet revenge! Chaos steps forward out of the corner and finds the power to rush across the ring towards his opponent! As he reaches their, Reno swings, and Main manages to dodge both attack! Reno wrapped that chair completlely around Chaos's head! Main picks him up and plants him down with the DEAD MAN'S HAND! A cover!!


ONE!!!




















RENO'S IN THE RING FOR THE RESCUE!!!




























TWO!!!!




















CROWE MET HIM HALF WAY!! HE KNOCKS RENO BACK!!

































THREE!!!!!



Pulling down the video, he grins into the camera.

"I don't have time to play the entire match. You can watch it in the archives. But would you mind telling me how you "waxed" me? Reno hit me with a chair and you hit your finisher. You did no work. Win or loss, the Lethal Lottery tournament didn't matter because I was STILL the UNIVERSAL CHAMPION. I couldn't have participated anyway AND I was going to headline the Pay Per View regardless of the results of that match. Go back and watch the match. I was throwing you and Crowe around the ring like Jim Caedus tosses his empty PBR cans, and you just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That is the story of your career, Robert. Right place, right time. You were in AX3 because you were in the right place at the right time. You "hated me" back in February, then all but gave me a hand job when we were AX3 brothers. Now all of the sudden I am the enemy again. You were on top of the world when you were able to hide behind the shield of AX3. But what happened when I blew it up and the losses began to mount? That's right.....you pulled a Reno. You huffed and puffed and stomped your feet, and walked out that door. Now, you have gotten over your little temper tantrum and have come back looking like Sons of Anarchy, expecting people to take you seriously, or to respect you. You must be delusional. You just don't walk into this place and demand respect, Robert, you EARN it. Name me one reason why we should respect you? Go ahead.....I'll wait........thought so."

TheWannaBeBiker Said:You was Universal Champion! I remember something you said to me that I will never ever forget. You said Chris Chaos doesn’t lose to people like Robert Main! How did it feel eating crow? Humble pie anyone? Now I know you got hit with a chair so on and so forth! But the fact still remains! Chris Chaos I have beaten you! You were at the panicle of your career and you crash and burned right before my feet. The best in the business got beat by the sewer rat! Funny how quickly we forget what happened!

First off.....you was Universal Champion? On what planet is that acceptable sentence structure? You used to speak so well, Omega, did your new look come with a lobotomy as well? You are beyond right. A loss is a loss is a loss. You don't see me denying it, but you didn't see me bring it up either. It was a loss so insignificant that quite frankly I forgot it had happened until you brought it up. If that is your crowning achievement, so be it, but it really didn't matter to me. Nothing you do really matters to me. My statement holds true. People like me don't lose to people like you. Until I am proven wrong, I am right. Just ask the legal system. I also love how you and Jim pile on the Jenny jokes as if those score you any points in the shit talking department. Jenny and I haven't been an item for weeks now, months even....its old. Its tired. Hell, I'll make fun of her too! Jenny Myst is nothing but a gold digging whore with a blue waffle vagina who sucked and fucked her way to the top of this business despite managing me. There? We happy? Get it all out of our systems now? Come up with a better fucking insult, because those punches hit softer than 3rd grade boxers. Cut rate. Neither of you are worth my time, frankly.

*putting the tablet back into its case, he yawns. Talk of Main and Caedus bore him*

Chris stands up and stretches. "Thanks Steve. See ya Saturday!"

Steve Sayors sits there, dumbfounded.

"Please tell me we recorded that!" he yells at his production team as they scramble to put the audio up.
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