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TheBigKahuna · (09-14-2017)

Fade in to The Big Kahuna yelling a variety of instructions to an arena technician at the Universal Studios Savage Arena. He is flailing his arms around, pointing in different directions. The technician is nodding and scurrying around, loading up a variety of pyrotechnics near the entrance ramp to the ring. He heads into the tunnel, about 15 feet away from the opening. Kahuna finally calms down and starts to head back into the tunnel of the entrance, yelling at the technician.

The Big Kahuna: Ok! Okay, let's try it. When I get back there, you start it, okay?

The technician nods towards Kahuna.

Kahuna: Okay, good.

Kahuna runs back into the tunnel. As he goes in, the arena lights go out and Dick Dale's - Misirlou breaks the silence of an empty arena. "Ha, ha, haaaaa!" The song continues and Kahuna jogs out onto the ramp. As he enters, huge orange sparks fly up on either side of the entrance. They continue to burn a bright orange as green sparks quickly shoot up behind the orange. And then another shot of green goes up.

Kahuna (to himself): 1...2...

The orange sparks fade out and the arena lights turn back on. The music quickly shuts off. Kahuna quickly turns around and begins shouting into the tunnel.

Kahuna: WHAAAT? One...Two...Where's my three?? Where's my third green sparks! Get out here! Let's make this perfect, I cannot leave until I know you can handle this.

The technician slowly walks out and inspects the pyrotechnic casing. He begins picking up and closely looking at wires from the ground. The tech reaches for his walkie-talkie and begins somewhat whispering into it.

Technician: Who let in this wrestler? We're not supposed to be getting this set up for another two days...

Kahuna: Hey, who you talkin to over there? McBride is payin you to screw this up, is he? Is it going to work this time? I really hope so, I can't waste time with this.

Kahuna sighs and again starts back up into the entrance tunnel.

Kahuna: Jesus, they payin you guys in paint chips?

The technician holsters his walkie-talkie and clears his throat rather loudly. Kahuna turns back and throws down his arms.

Kahuna: Oh now what is it?

Technician: Well...they really only pay us for one go of fireworks per wrestler booked, sooo...that's kinda it.

Kahuna puts his hands on his hips and begins to smile.

Kahuna: So that's kinda it.

Technician: That's it for what's paid for...But if you wanted to pay for more, we have them...

Kahuna begins to chuckle before tapping his palms against his spandex shorts with no pockets.

Kahuna: My wallet...it's backsta...Fine, okay, that's fine thank you -- okay, good run through. I'll get XWF Management to get that taken care of, Saturday we will be good to go.

The technician shrugs his shoulders and lays down the wires before walking off to a side exit of the main arena. Kahuna slowly walks in a tight circle, admiring the view from the entrance ramp. He walks down the ramp and puts his hands on the ringside curtain. He jumps in through the bottom rope and gets up in the ring. Again, he slowly spins, looking out through the emptiness from center ring.

Kahuna: We can count the hours now McBride. A measly 48 hours until The Big Kahuna begins his reign over the weak-bodied and weak-minded of the XWF. You're not the only one McBride, you're just the first. Because I don't want you to feel left out. You'll have plenty of company in the trash heap. I've already been booked for my first PPV - without fighting a single match. That is of course in addition to the seemingly endless clown car of female "talent" wanting...well, more than just a piece of me.

You see Michael MacBride, this is why I'm here. The XWF brass see that rare combination in me. That unique collaboration of elite experience with unproven potential. While you...You've hit the brick wall of mediocrity.

Your name doesn't echo in this arena. It's long been forgotten. The cheers for me will live on long after I'm gone. All of my accomplishments up to this point -- No. I will be known as an XWF legend. A true champion.

Kahuna moves forward in the ring, grabbing onto the top ropes and giving them a few shakes. He looks up into the rafters of the arena.

Kahuna: But I still can never lose focus - my true focus here - to restore a sense of order to wrestling...to the XWF. And Mick Bride, you are just the first shit-stain of a wrestler Ill be wiping out. I honestly can't tell what you've dishonored more with your career, your manhood or the sport of wrestling...

Kahuna looks around the arena once more, circling near a turnbuckle in the ring. The lights fade out.

Kahuna: Okay, how am I supposed to see to get out of here? Seriously?

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