We open on a hard close up of Engy. His eyes are barely open bloodshot slits, and a tube runs up his nose. Pulling back, we see that he's in a hospital bed. Monitors and machines tell the tale of his ongoing survival despite downing a metric shit load of the mystery drug he got from his psychiatrist.

The image continues panning back, revealing a woman seated on either side of his bed. Tomi Lahren holds his hand in hers, casting a very worried countenance on Engy. Madison is leaning back in her chair, arms crossed in a posture that's every bit as defensive as what's going on in her head. The doctor comes in with a clipboard, and he takes note of Tomi's presence.

Are you Ms. Lahren?

Yes, I am.

I'm told you can help us out by explaining what exactly it was that he ingested?

Tomi looks confused at first, and then shoots a scornful look at Madison. Madison drops her guard and sneers.

Don't even try that doe eyed innocent shit with me. I know you're working with his creepy psychiatrist and that you're probably into that Aiwass shit he's always going on about. Tell us what was in those meds!

You never stop, do you? I LOVE Engy! I would never do anything....

Madison breaks into a cackle.

Stop, just stop. Tell us what was in that crap he took so we know how fucked he is.

Oh, you're just itching to pull the plug aren't you?!

Ladies, ladies, please! All of this arguing is not conducive to....erm, “Engy's” recovery. Do we seriously not have a real name for him?

**Shrugging** It's just what we've always called him.

Wait, shhhhhh!

Tomi holds up a finger and turns her attention back to Engy. He's muttering in his sleep.

He's awake?!

The doctor pulls out a penlight and opens each of Engy's eyelids. His pupils don't react.

I'm afraid not, he's still unconscious. What's he's saying likely won't have any meaning, just random synaptic misfirings as his brain tries to heal.

Where....where the fuck....?

Madison gestures for the camera man to move closer.

Make sure you get everything he says. We can use this.

Tomi looks disgusted.

You're seriously going to use his semi-conscious mutterings as promo material?

What the fuck else have I got? B-roll from that time we faced the Ultimate Outlaws? Everybody out!

I'm not leaving!

Guess again bitch, I'm Engy's legal guardian and I call the shots. Now walk your bony ass up on outta here.

Tomi looks to the doctor for support, but he shrugs. With a scowl, she drops Engy's hand and storms out of the room, followed shortly thereafter by the doctor. Madison pulls her seat up closer to Engy.

Yeah, that twiggy cunt wants something outta you, I can feel it. But if there's anything of value to be had in that abused gray matter of yours, which I HIGHLY doubt, it's mine.

**In tune with the jingle**I like fishes cuz they're soooo delicious, gotta go fishin'!

Madison rolls her eyes and addresses the camera guy.

Keep filming regardless. But we're probably panning for some mighty tiny gold here....

ELSEWHERE.....

But enough of that. Because with the power of wrestling promo's we are able to see exactly what is going on inside of Engy's mind right now. And, well, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.










Engy's spirit form is seen flying freely through these scenes of neon madness. His expression betrays his pure wonderment as these unconsciousness manifestations of the true nature of the universe wash over his body.

I haven't tripped balls this hard since that time I did all that MDMA mixed with Purple Drank shooters!

Or, something like that anyway. Engy finally concludes his flight by dropping down on a psychadelic looking beach perpetually locked at the very moment of sunset, the radiance of the sun refracting into intense rainbow colors that reflect off the placid waters.

Engy finds himself in blue sand, an intricate cerulean sand castle is nearby. He looks around for a while marveling at the sights. And then, he starts.

Oh shit, I died!

Nahhhh, you're still alive. Just mightyyyyy fucked up.

Engy wheels around, only to see.....Jim Caedus?!

Sweet sassafrassin' shitballs, look at that sunset! Ain't nothin' more beautiful save the freshly shaved hoohaa of an inner city biracial sex goddess using my shower head as her own personal hobby horse!

It is in fact, Jim Caedus. He's wearing swim trunks and he's bare chested, revealing his enormous pecs and chiseled like rock abs. There is a massive mysterious bulge in his groin area. Probably his dick.

Oh shit, I can't have you in my promo's without permission, that's the rules!

It's ok little buddy. I'm not the real Jim Caedus, just your subconscious manifestation of him. We can tell because you're a lot worse at doing Jim Caedus dialogue than the real Jim Caedus.

Oh ok. So what are you doing here? Aren't we supposed to fight soon?

That we are, Engy, that we are. But I came to lay some wisdom down on ya first, a pectacular portent of challenges to come.

A giant goldfish leaps out of the water, stops in mid air, turns into a dragon and flies off.

So what's gonna happen to me? Am I brain dead?

Or more brain dead?

Who said that?!

Ah geez, you can hear the narration in here, can't you?

What's a “narration”?

It describes what we're doing to give people a better idea of what's going on.

That's STUPID, people can just see what's going on, can't they?

Can we get on with this, I'd like to keep this under like 8 pages.

I swear to God, don't make me come up there!

Pffft, like you can.

That's it!

Wait....what, what are you doing?

I'm up in narration now bitch!

How are you even up here, that's not possi-OWWWW!

Narrate that asshole! Tell everybody what I just did.

No! Wait, wait....okay! I'll do it! Engy just gave me a titty twister. OWWWW! I did what you told me to!

I like titty twisters.

**Calling up to narration**Come on back down here, we don't have a lotta time!

Talk shit again and I will twist your tits right off your chest!

Okay, okay! I got it.

Alright, I'm back. So what did ya wanna talk to me about, Jim?

Jim takes a seat down next to Engy in the sand. In unrelated news, my nipples are sore. Thanks for asking.

This is going to be one of the most important moments of your life Engy. One of those choices that will define the course of your very existence until they day you die.

Ugggghhhhh! I HATE choices!

I know, but it's unavoidable. I'm part of your brain, so I know you were going on and on about how you didn't think you could beat me if you didn't get smarter. And, well, I'm here to tell you you're right. It's one thing to knock off the thin skinned bitch bellies that you've been puttin' away since you first set foot through these doors, but Jim Caedus is a whole different ball game. Half the battle is won before that bell even rings. Some might even say the whole battle.

Jim shoots the fourth wall a knowing look.

But if you've got this albatross of blisterin' incompetence weighing you down, you'll never progress here. You think you've done a lot, and maybe you have. But you been talking a whole lot of shit about bringing the fight to the Kings and I'm telling you, as your mental personification of the man who's tussled with them many a time, you ain't there yet. You're not at that level. Now I know that's a lot to swallow, but it's the God's honest truth and real Jim Caedus will probably say something to that effect when he finally finds his way to a camera.

Engy looks forlornly down at the blue sand. He picks some of it up and lets it drop through his fingers. As it falls, some of the individual grains trail mini rainbow streaks as they return to the ground.

But change is scary.

Look, the choice is yours. Nobody can make it for ya. I'm just telling you what part of your brain, the part that's getting smarter, thinks you need to hear.

Engy looks up at the water, he cocks his head as a change starts to come over the waves. It starts at the horizon, but it's creeping its way closer and closer to the beach. At first, it looks like an oil spill, an inky blackness capturing and subsuming the bright rainbow colors of the water. But it's not just a spill, it's all out corruption, spreading as far as the eye can see. Engy scuttles back away from the edge of the water, afraid of what he sees.

Jim, what's happening?!

Inevitability.

By now, all of the water is as black as tar. The sunset that had been paused moments before reaches it's conclusion, and a starless dark sky drowns out the light. Engy gets to his feet, starting to panic.

I wanna get out! You said it was my choice right? Well I don't wanna make a choice! I WANT OUT!

Yeah, well, ya see....about that....

Jim takes hold of Engy by his collar, wrenching him violently towards the sick ocean. He throws him into the water, but it's not even the consistency of water, more like a sludge that sticks to the body. Engy stumbles in it, falling face first. He picks himself up just in time to see Jim grab hold of the thin air. A massive steel door appears in his hands and he throws it shut. Engy looks left, and then right, only to find that the entire beach is now closed off to him by an impossibly tall metal fence.

Jim, you fuckin' liar!

Case in point Engy. You're still so desperate to have friends. It's a little sad really.

Jim's fingers interlace with the wire mesh of the fencing.

You're gullible and naïve. There ain't no friends in the XWF, and that's just one more thing you're still too dumb to see. You think Madison's your friend? You think Tomi actually wants to sit and spin on your dick? Hell, consider Robbie Bourbon. He wanted me first! And when he didn't get that he settled for you.

Robbie's my friend!

Sure. Ask James Raven.

Jim points to something behind Engy.

Don't look now, but destiny's callin'.

Engy spins around, but doesn't see anything, just a thick black pool of gunk. He whips his head around to look back at Jim, but he's already gone. Faced with the innevitable, he starts wading into the sludge. Quickly, he discovers that he can walk on it, so he does. And before too long, something starts to take shape in front of him. A skeletal arm shoots out of the murk, grabbing hold of the surface to steady itself as another arm pulls itself out. Engy stumbles back in shock.

With both arms breaking from the deep, a face pulls itself through, and then an upper torso, then legs. A whole body, covered in black sludge starts to form over the skeleton, the goop transforming itself into flesh, and then clothing, until this man stands before Engy.



You look like me, but you ain't. Who are you?

Indeed, the man does look like Engy. Minus the years of battle scars and sunspots from too many days spent in blistering summer heat without shelter. He's dressed rather smartly as well, and stands with a confident bearing.

YoUr PASseNgEr....

The voice is an inhuman hiss, a nightmare cacophony from the dawn of time. Engy stands stock still, unsure what to make of this thing.

That don't answer my question though....

YOu KnOw mE.....I Am AIWASS.

Holy shit, you're real!

YoUr sO CloSe tO unLOcKIng youR tRue POTEntiAl. AcCePt mE FULLy, AnD bE reBORn.

A black tree grows up out of the sludge next to Aiwass, instantly sprouting branches and leaves, and on one of those branches springs the only color to be seen on the whole tree, a single blood red apple. Aiwass plucks the apple from the tree and holds it out to Engy.

SuP oF ThiS, AnD kNOw WiSdOM.

Engy considers the apple and quirks an eye brow.

This seems real familiar somehow. So you're sayin' if I eat that I'll be smart? Like, really, really smart?

YEsssss....yOu sHaLL haVe tHe WiSdoM tO conqUER yOuR EnEmiEs foRevEr And BeGin a THOsAnD yeAR ReiGn oF blOOd aNd TERRoR....

Engy's eyes widen.

That sounds fuckin' sweet! So I'll be really really different after I eat that?

YEs, I HaVe bEen A SILeNt paRt of You ALL thESE yeARS, WaItING fOr You tO haVe tHe inSIGHT tO awAkEn mE.

But like, how different is different?

A gOd AmOngSt meN.

Sooooo, like Phantom Panzer? 'Cuz he's kind of a douche.

nO, pAnZeR iS A fRaUd....a cHaRlAtAN. You sHaLL bE tHe HorSEmAN deAth uPoN wHoSe ScyTHE hUmAniTy sHall fAll....

That sounds so fuckin' METAL!!

It IS.

Suddenly, Engy looks pensive again.

But, do you think Tomi will still like me?

wHaT?

Tomi. My girlfriend.

sUcH rElATionShIps ArE iNconSEquEntiAl iN thE fAcE oF trUe PowER....

Wait, wait! So you're saying I'll have to break up with Tomi?! And what about Robbie, and Madison?!

I doNt ThInK yOuRe ComPreHenDing....

Look Aiwass, it's just, this is a big deal, okay? Could I have some more time to think about it? Like maybe sketch out a pros and cons list while I'm on the crapper or something?

Aiwass looks incredulous. He approaches Engy, holding the apple out inches from his chest.

Your arm must be getting tired.

TAKE THIS AND BE REBORN!

Yeah dude, you said that already. Look man, it's not a “hard no” I just need some time....

THERE IS NO TIME!

I don't like to be pressured!

DID YOU HEAR NOTHING OF WHAT JIM CAEDUS JUST SAID?!

Yeah, but then he just kinda disappeared so I'm startin' to have some doubts about how credible that shit was....

YOU WILL FAIL WITHOUT THIS! ALL OF YOUR SUCCESS WILL BE FLEETING AND YOU SHALL KNOW MISERY ONCE AGAIN!

Engy's hands run down his face, pulling his skin as he lets out an exasperated moan.

UGGGHHHHH I don't know what to do! Can I phone a friend or something?!

NO!

Engy looks at the apple, then wrenches his gaze away, then looks at it again. He puts his hand out to take it, then pulls his hand away.

ARGGHHHH!

YOUR CORPOREAL FORM ROTS IN A HOSPITAL BED WHILE YOU DITHER! CHOOSE!

I.....I....I....

Engy breaks out into a sweat, and he starts chewing on his bottom lip. And then.....

BACK IN THE HOSPITAL....

Engy sits up in the hospital bed with a gasp! He snorts and pulls out the tube in his nose, whipping it to the floor in frustration. Madison, drawn out of her nap, goes to his bedside.

Holy shit, you're AWAKE! How are you? Are you ok?!

Engy just looks at her, an inscrutible expression on his face.

Well say something! Are you YOU?!

I don't know, is he? I guess we'll have to wait until Caedus promos to find out! Anti-flooding rules FTW!!

TO BE CONTINUED....